I keep snacks and drinks (juice box, milk boxes, or bottle waters) in my car under the seats for emergencies or to help me with my toddler when she gets cranky in the car. I don't allow my daughter to have these after school because
a) we live very close from her school and she can wait to eat what I have cook at home
b) many times that she ask for them is because she didn't want to bring lunch to school then when I pick her up she wants to eat everything.
My daughter's friend which has become a GREAT friend of mine, drives her in the mornings to school (she sometimes calls from Mac Donald's asking my daughter if she wants something, which my daughter never needs because she always eats early) and I drove her two kids back home after school (they leave also close).
One time I left the snacks out and the kids ask me for them and I gave them (including my daughter) and I was fine with that.
The problem was last Friday, the boy ask me for a snack that I had out and I gave it to him, then the sister ask him for a little of his and he didn't want to share. I felt for her and I told her she could get another from under the seat (they didn't knew about that) then the boy ask me for a juice and I say no.
The boy just ignore me and told her sister to give him the juice, I point out that I had said no but the boy just kept ignore me and start yelling at her sister, so I say ok, but just today and he got his drink.
Then my daughter got all mad and say, that I never give her those things in our way home and that I would have never allow her to speak like that to me.
I explain to her that they here our gest but then I thought, this can start to happen every day, and I am going to have to give them snacks and juice not only to my friend's kids but to my kids too because that would be too unfair.
I normally only keep very few drinks because they get too cold in winter or too hot in spring so I rather keep 3 or so, but now I would have to keep bringing more and keep reminding to stack up often.
I don't think I should accept this situation but on the other side, my friend invites my daughter often to eat at her house on Saturdays, so how can I say not to her kids.
Also, they didn't call my daughter yesterday so I have the feeling she is mad for what happen.
Question?
Would you just start giving them snacks and drinks to all and should I talk to the mom and explain what happen? I feel embarras to say I denied her son a drink but I felt put in a corner in front on my daughter because like she said, I would have never allow her to do either of those things.
Thanks.
Thanks guy, my daughter eats a snack a home right when we get home, and so do the other kids (I know because her grandma is waiting with food for the and she has tell me this and they are in their house within 15 min. after school) my daughter and her friend are 13 and the brother is going to be 12.
I also have invite her kids to eat out some times, or take them to the bookstore and get them something and my friend also have giving my kids stuff, but in my idea it was different when you are inviting them out that every day thing specially when I don't do this for mine.
You shouldn't have to give them snacks upon demand like that. They can wait those few extra minutes until they get home to be seated properly and eat a good healthy snack.
Personally, I think it's good to teach children that it is possible to wait to get their needs met and that the proper way to eat is sitting down at the kitchen table, slowly eating their (nutritious) food.
I agree with Dawn B., but I would put snacks in the trunk (unless the kids will be going in there with their backpakcs) so I wouldn't forget them later on. When they ask, say you don't have them available because they (the snacks) caused so much conflict last time.
Good luck!
While I do make some allowances with the rules when we have guests over, the rules are basically the same for all. Example: My aunts kids are allowed to have their Wendy's frosty and the toy with their kids meal, my kids have to wait until they have finished eating to have either one, so when they are over we compromise and ALL the kids may have their frosty with their meal but they must all wait until they are finished to have the toy.
I would simply say to all of the kids that those snacks and drinks are just for emergencies and since you live so close to school, it is not an emergency situation, then stick with what you have said.
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Take the snacks and drinks out of the car. When they ask just say you no longer keep snacks in your car. Put a few snacks and a juice in your bag for your little one. You didn't ask, but why not give your daughter a snack when she gets home. My son is starving when he gets out of school. They eat lunch so early.
You will salve this whole entire dilemma if you take the snacks out from under your seat. Do it today. If the kids ask-tell them you do not have any car snacks-end of story with NO explanation. Seriously-I have never heard of snacks in the car being an issue. Not one time in all my years of carpooling has a child asked for a snack. As far as I know my kids don't snack in anyone elses car either. Keep a small something in your purse or in the glove box for your toddler if you must.
I would just drop the incident with the juice. I don't think the other mom even knows about it. However I would keep an eye on this boy and do not let him disrespect you like this again.
Nope -- Your house (or car) Your rules.
But set the ground rules kindly. "Sorry kids! But we are not going to be eating snacks in the car any more. Snacks are something we only have at home."
Don't tell the mom anything. You gave him the drink.
My policy when having other people's kids is I give them food and drinks, when necessary. It's just the polite thing to do, especially when the other mom is feeding your child. You don't say how old they are, and that makes a bit of a diffference.
I never denied someone's child food or drink. However, if you're only driving him home from school, you don't need to give him a drink. In that case, don't stock them in your car, and you can easily say no.
I think the bigger problem is that when you said no, this boy ignored you and continued to yell for a drink. That's a problem. But I guess it's your friend's problem, unless he starts demanding to get his way all the time when he's with you.
I'd talk to her and say, "I think this is what happened and why." Otherwise she's getting a kid-only view that may not be accurate.
Then I would say, "Okay, the rule NOW is..." and stick with it.
I'd simply move the snacks or hide them better. If the kids can't get to them, there is no problem. If they ask for a snack you can tell them "Sure, when we get home."
No one is permitted to eat or drink in my car although I always keep a bottle of water in the event of an emergency. Like you said it is a short drive. Take the snacks out of your car.
I would start fresh with the kids and not say anything to mom unless she contacts you. Take the snacks out of your car so the next time they ask you can honestly say: "we don't have any snacks here in the car, but you'll have one when we get home soon."
if you're truly friends, then a simple explanation & discussion should ease/resolve this situation. Be open to coming to a mutual agreement, & let her know your actions were based on the fact that it is such a short drive & you prefer to tackle snacktime as a wind-down period at home- with freshly washed hands! .....using the time in the car for "hearing all about the school day".
I think the boy's temper tantrum is what is getting to you....& I would avoid all mention of his anger when talking to the mom! After you guys work it out, then sit down & explain the "new rules" to your daughter. Stand firm, Mom......you're right, it's a short drive - they don't need snacks until they get home!
If you are giving your child a snack/drink, it is reasonable to offer. If you are not, it is reasonable to not offer or say "wait until we get home". Could you maybe have a water bottle ready for each of them when you pick them up? This would give them something without obligating you to provide a juice box every day to all of them. Regardless, with his demanding attitude I think you would be best suited to stand your ground and tell him that demanding something does not help him get his way.
A simple "NO, we will be home in 5 minutes and your grandma is waiting for you with snacks." should suffice.
I think an after school healthy snack is fine. However I also think it's important to stick to your guns about not eating in the car. If you have a toddler who's coming with you feed her before you go and get out of the eating in the car habit entirely (as much as possible).
As far as how to deal with "guests" - I agree with your daughter
that the same rules should apply to guests as with your kids. I kind of think that disciplining other people's kids is over the line, however I think that you should have talked with this boy and explained that YOU make the rules and that ignoring you and shouting at his sister are not acceptable.
Just because he was causing a scene about not getting the juice, I don't think you should have caved and given it to him. No should mean no.
Finally, I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. You aren't denying her kids food - you are not allowing kids to eat and drink in your car. Offer them a snack when they get to your house or if you are simply driving them home, they should be fine until they get home for an after school snack.
Stinks that his rudeness will inconvenience you from keeping snacks for your little one, But i do think that is the best for now.
Does he normally act that way?
Your car, your rules.
I think Dawn B. said it best. I'm taking down my earlier post-- I think it was more snippy than I would've liked, and was more indicative of the migraine I got slammed with 15 minutes after posting. Hard to give clear-headed advice when one is ignoring their own headache!
One last thought--- it's likely that the brother and sister were quarreling with each other before their ever got into your car. This may be why he didn't want to share and threw a fit when he felt like she was "winning" with the juice. Too bad they brought it with them.Hard to know what to do the first time something like this happens-- hindsight is always informative.
If you are just driving kids home from school, then they don't need snacks or drinks. Snack is for when you go home. The boy was not listening to you, he was being disobedient and I would tell his mother and not drive him again. It was a mistake to allow him to disobey and be disrespectful and still get what he wants.
It's fine for your older kid to know the snacks/drinks are for the toddler only, and not for when she herself is in the car, but occasionally letting her have them or giving them to other kids, not okay. Honestly, I would not keep that in the car, how hard is it to grab a juicebox from the fridge on your way out if you'll be out and about with the toddler?
Stop keeping the stuff in the car. If the kids come to your house, give them a snack. They don't need a driving home drink and if they act disrespectfully, tell their mother. I thought you were talking about maybe 1st graders, but I see now these are teens, that behavior is ridiculous! They should be able to cope with the fact that teens/preteens don't need a snack on the short ride home and that the snacks/juices are for a toddler, not for the teens.
I only allow water in my car. Offer a water. You're right, giving snacks EVERYDAY can get expensive.
Maybe ask your friend if she wants to give you a bag of snacks for after school for her kids. I would explain to her the entire situation, but the best way to have handled this was to explain it before her kids did.
My daughter goes to lunch around 11am, so by the time I pick her up at 3:20, she is HUNGRY!! We usually eat dinner promptly around 5:30pm. She gets an after school snack everyday. I think from 11am to 5:30pm is a long time for a little one to go without eating. Im not sure of your schedule, I guess if you eat dinner around 4pm or something I can understand you not wanting her to spoil her dinner. If you dont want to be feeding the neighborhood kids everyday (which I understand) then maybe take the snacks out of your car and put them in your purse so they dont feel so welcome to take them. I would just give your daughter a snack when she gets home. Lucky for me I have a strict no eating rule in the car, for mess reasons and me not needing a choking kid while im driving.
For me there is a simple solution no eating allowed in the car it's an unnecessary choking risk that I don't take especially not with someone elses kids.
I would talk to the mother about how rude her son was. If my child behaved like for someone else I would want to know about it. All the kids including your own need to follow your rules there are no exceptions to it.
If you allowed the child to eat, you should have allowed him to drink - how would you feel if someone had food and drinks out and gave you something to eat, but wouldn't give you a drink? The boy is right to be upset.
And I'm sorry to say this, but so is your daughter. It is not right to have one rule for her and one rule for others. If it was an exception (which is certainly allowed), then you should have made an expcetion for your daughter too and allowed her a snack.
You need to decide what the rule will be and stick to it. As for your friend being mad, I would call and apologize and explain why you didn't give her son a drink. She would be willing to forgive you.
As others have said, you could take snacks out of the car totally. I would probably put them in a bag for emergencies in the trunk or other place in the car (not the same place you had them before). If you need to explain tell all the kids your normal rules and that you made an exception once but you are not going to do it all the time. A 12 year old can understand this, although teenage boys are notorious for always being hungry.
I do brink snacks and drinks in the car but my kids are much younger (2 and 5). I have a specific picnic bag for snacks and often let them have a snack when they are at the park or out someplace (not in the car unless it is a very long ride). Even my 5 year old knows juice boxes are for the lunchbox or picnics (but he will still ask sometimes if he thinks he has a chance to get one).
