Eating in the Car = Poll

Hi J.,

Well, this is from a woman who dug apple cores out of the floor of back of the car when her kids were little... I drive my cars til they die, and take really good care of them mechanically, but it's like I live in my car...

Not as bad now that I have teens and THEY have to clean out their messes. But with little kids, it was usually awful.

So yes, my kids ate in the car.

However, you have a different problem. You have an attitude/behavioral problem. The 9 year old has some issues, it seems. Does he meltdown regularly? Does he have trouble obeying you? The reason I ask is that I'm talking about whether or not this child was truly famished and couldn't control himself, or if this was a way to manipulate you.

If he is skinny, skinny, high-strung, hours away from the last time he ate, that's one thing. If not, this is behavioral, and I would NOT GIVE IN. There is a difference in helping a child with a physical gnawing hunger, and a child who is causing a trainwreck around him. If I wouldn't put up with this from my own child, I wouldn't put up with it in another. If you want to continue to take these kids around, I would announce after everyone is strapped into the car, what the car rules are TODAY. It's okay for you to change the rules day to day to suit YOUR needs. It's not okay to have to bow down to that 9 year old's whims. As long as you announce the day's rules, you have done a good job putting his mind in the place it needs to be. And don't change your mind unless you get stuck on a parking lot of an interstate.

I hope this helps.
D.

6 moms found this helpful

Yes we eat in my car. That is why it is so "not clean" LOL!
If I were in someone else's car (like my husbands) we are not allowed to eat in it and the kids just have to deal with it. They already know those are daddy's rules and that is why daddy's car is so much cleaner than mommys!
If I were in your siutation, I would not bend the rules for a 9 year old who couln't wait to get to the park.

5 moms found this helpful

No eating in my car. I don't care if the kid is throwing a fit. They can wait! Of course, there are exceptions. I let them eat when we took our vacation last summer, but it was a 6 hour drive. Even with stops, they still needed a snack.
If there are other children in my care, they follow my house rules. (Or car rules)

4 moms found this helpful

We eat in the car when it is needed but we keep it to Finger Foods: Chicken Nuggets, Fries/Apple Slices, Juice Box.
No Cheerios, Goldfish, Milk (any flavor), Chips, Fruits that stain/mush, sauces or foods with sauce (katsup/must/mayo too!)
If it is someone else's kids I typically know if they can/do eat in the car and if I do not and am taking them for the day I ask their parents about things like eating habits ... when/where/what. Some families are Table Only kinds of people and I can respect that. When it comes to the tantrum if it was possible I would have pulled over and allowed the child to finish the tantrum in a safe place for all involved and then still made them wait. My son throws tantrums in the car all the time and I still have to ignore the car tantrums just like all the others.

3 moms found this helpful

Well, each time they spill something I say THAT'S IT, NO MORE EATING IN THE CAR!, but then when my 2 yo is hungry, and we are not going to be home for a while, and its raining, and I don't feel like wrestling with my 2 kids in a cafe, we eat in the car again, they they spill again. It's like groundhog day.

Really though, there are times when there is no choice.
someone else s child will have to follow your rules and be done with it. especially a 9 yo

3 moms found this helpful

My opinion, your rules are yours!! I wouldn't care who is where- if the children (including yours) are in your car they should all abide by the same rules.

If the children are too young to understand (like a bunch of 2 yr olds lol) the dynamic of the situation (my humble opinion) the parent should try to back you up as much as possible and explain the rules to their children. Make sure you explain the rules when the plans are made- or in this case the children should be fed before you left for the park or maybe the children should not be put into that situation until they are old enough to understand and abide by the rules!

3 moms found this helpful

My kids eat in my car. I do limit it to things like crackers and cereal that can be vacuumed up.

If my child was in a car where that was not allowed or I didn't allow something (like ice cream), I would set up the expectation in advance. "We can't have ice cream til we get to the park. If everyone gets in, buckles up and behaves, we will get to the park faster and be able to have our ice cream. Let's see how fast we can get there!" You could also offer a quick snack before getting in the car to hold the kids over til you got there. (Granted, I think they should be able to wait 15 mins at 9 yrs old.)

If the child threw a fit, no ice cream for that child. I would also think about if the 9 yr old was generally bratty or what. I would be reluctant to carpool that child again if that was the usual behavior.

3 moms found this helpful

I let my kids eat in the car, it doesn't bother me. They can handle it and don't usually spill or make a mess.

2 moms found this helpful

Another vote for "your car, your rules".

The 9 year old was throwing the fit?? What a princess.

2 moms found this helpful

My kids eat in the car. However, when I have other people's kids in my house or car, I expect them to follow the same rules that my children must follow. So, if there's no eating in your car, that should be for guests too.

2 moms found this helpful

We do let out kids eat in the car BUT they are the ones who clean it out and vaccuum it every week. If we had a guest in the car I would not let him/her eat in the car. One time my daughters friend (10 yr old) ate half a sandwich then stashed the rest in the car. Of course we smelt it the next day is how we found out. My girls understand and respect my rules so they get to eat in the car.
If i had a situation that someone wanted to eat and I didnt't want to I would not cave in. Stick to your rules. It's your car, house, property and the child should respect that. Especially at 9 years old! Sounds like a spoiled brat to me.
I agree with the other gals who have written, the 9 year old can just go home. Sorry if this sounds mean but who is the adult and who is the child? Too many parents let their kids make the decisions and tell them what to do. Kids now a days think they are the center of the universe and they are in for a big shock when they do finally grow up...if they ever do.

2 moms found this helpful

Your rules are your rules, wherever you are. If your kids don't eat in the car, then no one else gets to.

And I especially wouldn't give in if it were someone else's older kid throwing the fit! 9yo is old enough to know better!!!

Personally, I let mine eat in the car. Neither of my kids like being in there, and we're still in the toddler years, so snacking often saves my ears from the screaming. (No joke SCREAMING, no matter how long the ride).

2 moms found this helpful

My daughter is almost 5. I let her eat in the truck sometimes. I try not to let it be anything extra messy. Dry snacks, maybe a cheeseburger & fries - but no ketchup. For a while she was only allowed to drink water in the truck, but she has a better seat now with a better cup holder, if it's not water, it must have a lid.

But, these are my rules. I haven't had any other kids wanting to eat in the truck (have only carried my 2 year old nephew anyways).

Your car = your rules. A 9 year old should certainly be behaved well enough not to pitch a fit about that in someone else's car! I'd be so embarrassed if I was that child's parent!

2 moms found this helpful

Wow, I'm just stunned it was a 9 yr. old throwing a fit over a simple rule like this...clearly a lack of effective parenting going on there. I could understand a toddler behaving like this b/c they don't get it that different folks have different ways.

And there are plenty of moms who feed their kids on the go - which is a whole 'nuther post to rant about.

However, yep, your car, your rules....after cleaning up too many sticky, gross situations I said no more....only water and dry snacks, like fish crackers or apple slices or cheese sticks, unless we're on a cross country haul.

Lately I had a mom I was carpooling with ask me what my snacking rules in the car were. I was very impressed as her 1st and 3rd grade daughters patiently waited for my reply.

I don't think anyone should make you feel uncomfortable about your choices of how to manage this potentially dirty situation.

2 moms found this helpful

We let them eat in the car. It does get messy, but some foods are not allowed in the car to avoid a real mess. Cheerios yes, yogurt, no... I think your rules are your rules. Let him throw his fit, calmly explain there isn't any eating in this car and you'll be at the park soon. Don't give him and maybe next time he won't pitch a fit.

2 moms found this helpful

We eat in our car. Although I was pretty upset when my son spilled his Orange Julius shake thing in my car....that was a mess. Otherwise - no big deal. Cookie and cracker crumbs...eh whatever. Oh and I don't have a brand new car either...so that would play a roll in it too. It's a nice car....but several years old.

2 moms found this helpful

Amanda sounds like ME.
My kids (12 and 9) do eat in the car. We, unfortunately, spend a LOT of time in the car (we live in a rural area with a long drive to/from school and then to after school activities as well). So, yes, they eat an after school snack in the car, usually have bottles of water in the car, and about once a week have take-out/drive thru in the car.
They also are not allowed to eat (except in VERY unusual circumstances) in Daddy's car. He is usually the ONLY person in his car, so it is immaculate. Mine is the "family" car and is far from it.

I do NOT give food to other kids riding in my car. Why? There is rarely a time when they are in my car that my kids are eating anything. Either it is a sleep over type thing and dinner is at home shortly, or we are on the way somewhere else where food will be served, or they just ate at home before we left, etc. They don't usually catch rides with us after school or at 7:00pm on a school night (they typical times my kids have food in the car).

And my own kids understand not to throw a tantrum about something like that in someone else's car..... heck, even in mine if I happen to nix eating IN the car that particular occasion. I just usually feel sorry enough that they have another 30 minutes before we get home, so I bring them a snack for the car ride. It's already 3:45 before my son even gets picked up.
But if they only had 15 minutes in the car... forget it! No way.

2 moms found this helpful

Um, if we didn't eat in the car, we'd starve to death. You think I'm kidding. LOL!! We are on the go sooo much. That being said, I grab apples, carrots, crackers, etc. so that it's not food that you go to a drive-through to get all the time, but still. The rule is, if you bring it in, you take it out. If you bring any snack, toy, etc. you take it back out - this includes wrappers, cups, anything that you touch, basically. Yeah, sometimes we are in a hurry and my kids will go back out later to retrieve the garbage, but it has to be done, or I would be cleaning that thing out every day. I wish we could have that rule, but with kids 12, 10, 9 and 21 months, it's virtually impossible.
* I have told my kids they can wait, if it's just a short trip. (the trip from school to home, for example) I know they are hungry after school, but it can wait 9 minutes, for sure!! :)

2 moms found this helpful

No real food or open drinks. Just pretzels, raisins and usually I can have any kid in my car hold off till our destination. There is nothing more gross then going in to someones car having to wipe food off the seat before entering. As a side bar, the 9 year old having a fit? I'm sure you handeled well I wouldn't give in to a 9 yaer old as they should know better. Also it depends on what kids are in my car, my BFF's kids are really messy eaters, so I don't give the option.

2 moms found this helpful

Same rules in my car as JennaLynnLucky. As for the child (9 yr old?!?) having a fit - I would tell him/her that everyone follows the same rules in my car. They do not have to like it or be happy about it, but they cannot throw a fit. They can wait until we arrive at destination to eat, or continue having a fit and be dropped off at home. If you cannot drop them off at home, then they will not be able to come on the next outing.

2 moms found this helpful

If it was 15 minutes they can wait in my opinion. If it is your rule to not eat in the car they don't eat in the car!
I personally do allow a small "snack" in the car but that was mainly when my daughter was younger. She is 8 now and rarely will we eat in the car. If it's a long trip we'll snack (like to the beach or something ... 45 min car ride) but geesh - waiting 15 minutes to eat and it is your car and your rule to not eat in the car they can wait!

2 moms found this helpful

small snack thingsoccasionally we do, like pretzels or cherios.. but if it is greasy, inluding potato chips, then no. and only water is allowed in our car.. I only allowed milk one time and it was spilled everywhere. yuck...

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with the others that said "your car, your rules". Was the other mom there? A "huge tantrum" is unacceptable no matter the reason "why".

Yes, I do allow my kids to eat in the car - we travel and drive ALOT, so to not let them eat would be impossible. However we do try to keep it only to non messy type foods.

2 moms found this helpful

We eat in the car ONLY on road trips. We do not snack in the car on the way to the park. Rules are rules - they apply to all riders. My kids are 2, 4, and 5 and know better than to pitch a fit about a snack.

I've not yet transported many friends kids in the car, but I'm pretty I'd take the 9 year old home instead of to the park if they were really having a fit about a 15 minute wait.

J.

2 moms found this helpful

Yes - and I regret letting this practice get started. The upholstery in my car is destroyed and though I would like to change the rule I can't seem to get Dad on board with it sigh.....

As to the other kid throwing a fit, your car your rules.

2 moms found this helpful

Depends on the circumstances, but generally, if my kid is hungry, I let him eat or start to eat in the car.

2 moms found this helpful

We allowed eating in the car, but we did not have any type of fancy car.. Also remember we live in Texas and anywhere you go takes a long time..

If no eating was allowed in the car, that should include everyone.. even guests.. If the crying was distracting, I would have stopped and asked the child if they were ready to go home? If not they would have to stop crying, because Ms. L. is a nervous driver and cannot drive safely with crying in the car..

2 moms found this helpful

I normally let my kids eat in the car. Even if the neighbor kid is in the car. However, if my nephew is in the car, unless its french fries without ketchup, no one eats in the car. For me its all or no one.

My nephew, and his Dad will be the first to tell you!, has to 'spread out' his food to eat, and will make nothing but a big mess. Even when you give him a drink with a straw or a close top he will still spill it.

2 moms found this helpful

No eating in my car. No smoking either, and ironically I have more trouble with adults wanting to smoke than kids wanting to eat.

2 moms found this helpful

How old are the kids?

Sure, I allow my kids (13 and 10 yrs old.) to eat in the car. We certainly do not make a habit out of eating rushed family meals in the car or anything. We will stop for subs on the way home from trips and events. They know to throw away their garbage and keep it tidy. I guess we have had their friends eat in the car, and they are messy and I have cleaned up after them (happens at home too) - sometimes it's not worth making a fuss. If that kid was to eat and make a mess in my car daily, I would sure tell them my expectations though. I do tell my kids that I did not appreciate their friends behavior, just to teach them a lesson.
P.S. We do not have a expensive van (we have a Honda) - so if I had a BMW or something - this might change things!

2 moms found this helpful

I would have said "we don't eat in the car" if the behavior went on I would not have went to the park. I would have driven said kid home and dropped him/her off and then taken my kids to the park or home whichever was appropriate.

1 mom found this helpful

I let my kids eat in the car on road trips or if they are just little/dry snacks on the way to the gym after school.
When we do drive through on special days, they have to wait until we get home/park.
If another child was making a big fit about it, I'd pull over, look at them and tell them this is our rule. what does your mom/dad do when you argue or fight them about a rule?? OK. In our house the person loses their treat, so you just lost the toy/treat, etc. If you can behave until we get to the park you can earn it back, but that is up to you.
Pull away from said curb and carry on. THEN follow through and definately I would tell the other parent.Depending on the relationship with the other parents, I might also indicate that unless this behavior is curbed, we won't take 9yo out anymore and she'll need to provide his lunch however she needs when the kids are all together.

1 mom found this helpful

I do allow my kids to eat certain foods in the car. Non-messy items like Goldfish, cereal bars, french fries. If I had a carload of children, I would not allow them to eat in my car. They would have to wait until we arrived at our destination. If a 9 year old threw a fit in my car, I would ignore him. I would,also, inform his parents asap. What a little brat.

1 mom found this helpful

Your car. Your rules. If you don't let your kids eat in the car, then don't let someone else's. Explain your rules to them one time. That's it. A 9 year old is old enough to understand it the first time. Just like a toddler, throwing a fit is their way of trying to manipulate the situation to get their own way. If you give in, then you're inviting your kids to do the same thing to you and your kids aren't going to understand you giving in to another kid but not them. Plus you're setting a bad precedent for other kids to do the same thing to you. If the other child's parents get upset, just explain the rules to them. In your house, car, etc, your rules are the ones everyone goes by.

Having said that... My child can have a sippy cup and a fruit snack. We might make an exception if we're on a really long road trip. Even at 2 &1/2 she understands the difference so, believe me, a 9 year old definitely will get it.

1 mom found this helpful

Due to fear of choking my rule is no eating in the car UNLESS they've very hungry and we can't stop for at least an hour, and only if two parents are in the car so that one of us can concentrate on them in case they need our help.
No temper tantrums allowed in the car. I usually have them holding a book or we have the music on but for a 15 min car ride they have to wait.

1 mom found this helpful

I do not let the kids eat most foods in the car; I will allow some though. I let the kids eat oatmeal or granola bars on the way to school, they get free breakfast at school but sometimes it's just too far until time to eat. They always drink from cups with lids, the take and toss with both the straw and the suck top. I let them eat an occasional cookie from the grocery store if they have been exceptionally good while shopping.

I do not eat fast food in the car, it is greasy, easy to drop, messy, mustard and stuff is hard to clean from the upholstery, etc.... I hardly ever got food to go from McDonalds, it's just not as good when it is cooled down. If we are hungry we go in and eat. If we are going to an activity we plan ahead and stop to get snacks, like yogurt with fruit or happy meals, or any other fast food place.

My BFF in the world has the dirtiest and messiest van in the world. They eat in the vehicle all the time, every day and when you open the door you have to spend 5 minutes picking up the trash that fell out or blew out. It is very tiring and annoying that they think the van is a trash can.

Today in the truck, on the way home from the docs visit, J was eating a soft handle sucker from the docs office and bit a chunk off. He started choking and if I had not been paranoid about choking while eating in the vehicle I might not have noticed he was having problems. He got to be hung upside down for a minute or two. Kids need to be sitting at a table, being watched and told to eat small bites, to use good manners, to be watched for choking, it's all my child care background...I know I really focus on the choking but it happens every day to some person's child and they die. It is not something to be taken lightly.

1 mom found this helpful

I normally dont allow my son to eat in the car but recently we have started doing 6 hour trips twice a month and i have made a few exceptions. but if you dont allow which I think is a good thing than I think all the kids should wait.

1 mom found this helpful

No. We do not allow our kids to eat in the car, and the rules for behavior and otherwise are the same for any other child that is in our car, home or just our care in general. I would not allow the other child to eat in our car, and would explain to that child while throwing a tantrum that we do not behave that way. If he/she would like to eat with everyone else, he/she needs to behave appropriately. It's totally unacceptable for a nine year old to behave in the manner you described. If they continued, I would probably sit them away from the other children for the first 10 minutes at the park. They would be allowed to eat following that 10 minutes.

1 mom found this helpful

NO EATING IN THE CAR. Coffee is ok for adults in my car. That's it. And happily since DS is still in a car seat, there are no other kids in my car. I hope to keep it this way. DH lets DS eat in his car. Really gross when he takes out the carseat.

1 mom found this helpful

We eat snacks in the car. We all have blood sugar lows and get cranky if we don't eat regularly. (When I was a kid I would actually faint if too hungry). I stop and vacuum for 75 cents regularly. Once a year I have the seats shampoo'd. Car looks fine.

1 mom found this helpful

No food in the car. Period. I have enough to do cleaning up the house I do not have the time chasing crumbs and whatever else falls off around the car and from under the seat. We eat and drink at home at the table. The car is there to get me from A to B and is not a rolling snack bar. Oh and for tantrums in the car.....pull over at a save place, park the car and turn the engine off. Tell the tanruming kid we are going no where untill he is calm and quiet and if he can't we go back home. Do not tolerate this kind of non sence especially from a 9 year old.

1 mom found this helpful

No eating in the car, period! Only exception, infant needing a bottle or ADULT with a lidded beverage. We, generally, keep our cars for years and don't want food stains in them. I was, and still am, of the opinion that children could take a car ride with being fed.

1 mom found this helpful

Ok my child is still young, but this is the rule I have already set forth. Dry foods only, sippy cup only. When she gets older she can have a sports bottle. Basically I want anything that I can easily vacuum. If there is another child in my car they have to follow the same rules.
Those are my rules for my car that I pay for.

1 mom found this helpful

I do allow my kids to eat in the car, but if my kids were riding in someone else's car I would expect my kids to follow the other family's rules about eating in the car. Unless you had singled out the tantruming child for not eating and were letting the other children eat in the car, I think you did fine. Also, I'm assuming this 9 year old does not have special needs like autism (where different rules and routines can throw them off) or hyperglycemia (where there is a physiological need to eat regularly to regulate blood sugar) or something like that.

Also, 9 is too old to be having tantrums and I would not give in to a 9 year old's tantrum. If this was a 1 1/2 year old maybe they could not understand the concept of waiting 15 minutes but a 9 year old?

You'll get a 50/50 reaction about what other people do. If it is your family policy not to eat in the car, then nobody eats in the car. A 9-yr old is too old to be throwing a fit.

We eat in the car constantly, however this is more about following rules. I have a 6 and 9 and their friends constantly. Our friends are all very close. I know all the parents and I know how the parents parent. The adults are all on the same page with "my house my rules" because we all know the rules are close to the same. I handle tantrums all the same no matter what age they are. Seperate from the situation, calm down, return and apologize. This is for my kids and others kids. I have spent many five minute time outs in the car, bathroom our outside a business watiting for children to calm down. The older kids have actually told the smaller ones they better settle down becuase my time outs are NO FUN.

I would talk to the parents and explain your rules and your expectations for all children and how you plan to handle any child that chooses not to follow the rules. I would approach it as we loved having Susie with us but she choose not to follow the rules. I handled by this time. We would love to have her join us again but should she coose the same behavior, I will treat her like my own child which includes doing this.

Your Car= your rules. If you want to change it depending on the circumstances you are in the right to change them. But if a child is going to throw a tantrum that is when you need to stick to your rules. Talk the parents and have the parents back you up in front of the child before any car rides. 15 min is a long time for children to smell food, but a 9yr old should have the capacity to wait.

If it is fast food we usually eat a few french fries while they are still hot and home is usually a few minutes away. If the children are able to keep things clean and the food is not messy its the best way to go if you are in a hurry. But eating in the car is no time for family quality time so it depends on you.

I was against my kids eating in my car but I have recently started letting my 5 and 8 year old do it. They have a snack in the car on the way home from school because when I drop them off at home I then have to leave them with a babysitter while I rush back to work. They are usually ravenous as they get out of school and this wway I have more control over what their snack is.
If the rule was no eating in the car for own kids I would definitely NOT let anyone elses kids eat in my car. That would not be fair to my kids. My car = my rules - the same rules for everyone.

Debra,
I do let my kids eat in my car, but that is because I am usually running late and this is the time available to eat and not be late for school or other actvities. Now that I have a new car, I'm working on breaking the habit. Mainly, my running late habit. The kids are fine with waiting otherwise.

I would have the same rules for everyone in the car. It's your car and you have the right to set the rules, whether it is to eat or not to eat. Even if the rules change from time to time, depending on the circumstance. Of course changing rules can lead to more of you next question - tantrums.

If any child is throwing a tantrum in my car, I would treat them the same as I would treat my own child at that same age. Again, it is your car and you have the right to set the rules of the car. You might have to go easier on new offender if the expectations were not set before hand.Settng the rules, expected behavior and consequences of not following these should be stated upfront to each child and their parents. Keep in mind these each can evolve over the time as new sitiuation to address arise. If there is a disagreement of a parent and/or child to these, you have the right to not drive the child in the future and the other parent/child have the right to not ride in your car in the future, it the disagreement isn't resolved.

Just my two cents. You are the best judge of the situation you are in and if the training effort is worth the time based on how often you drive other children in your car.

Good luck.

I do allow kids to eat in the car, depending on the situation. I have a 10, 9, and 2 year old. I car pool the 10 year olds to tumbling right after school, so they all have a juice box and granola bar or fruit bar on those days. If we pick up fast food to take home, no one eats in the car. If I'm running errands with the 2 year old, he usually has some sort of snack like raisens, goldfish, or pretzels and a sippy cup.

I would let someone else's kid to what my kid is doing. If no one is eating, then no one is eating, if everyone is eating, then they can call eat. But, to be specific, if I wouldn't let my kids do it, I wouldn't let the other child do it just because they were in my car.

I would explain to the child that we are just going to wait until we get to the park because it's easier to unload all the food at once and get everyone settled. I find it hard to believe a 9 year old would throw a fit over that unless they are a very spoiled child! I would also explain that I understand that they may usually eat in their car, but we just don't in my car and that we'll be there before he knows it.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that!

I let kids eat in my car, but that's my car and my rules. If you have different rules, that's the way it is. I can't believe a 9 year old couldn't wait 15 minutes without throwing a tantrum. Goodness me.

my kids eat in the car only because we have to leave at 6:10 AM to drop them at school and get myself to work. They are changing schools in June and will begin eating breakfast there so that will help this. I hate the mess it makes and I swore up and down i would never let my kids eat in the car but sometime you have to take the path of least resistance in certain situations but my boys are 4 and 17 months. So a different situation than yours.