Daycare Issues -Eating, Focusing and Communicating

My son started day care at 2.9 months. He's a very physically active child, but is a good listener, would sit still for stories at home, played independently, helped clean up at home, all good things. Loves to run, jump, climb, dance and generally be in motion. He started in a Toddler 2 room and had a great time and positive report from the teachers. When he switched to the Preschool 1 room, every day that I picked him up (he went 3 x per week) the teacher would sigh as she would recount that he didn't eat his lunch, had a hard time sitting still, would not sit for story time, etc. We had none of those problems in the Toddler 2 room. It turns out that his energy level was higher than most of the kids in the preschool room, and the teacher liked lower energy kids, so my son was often seen as "difficult". I dreaded picking him up and hearing the teacher's sigh. I began to refer to her as "the woman with no joy". We moved to Western Mass, and he began preschool at the YMCA and miraculously, my son is back to eating lunch and snacks, sits for story time and is a good listener. It turns out that the energy level of the group of kids is higher and they are happy that he fits into the higher energy level as some of the kids in the class are more withdrawn and have a hard time with the constant motion.

I learned that its important to find a place that fits with your child's temperament. I also think that once a teacher labels a child as problematic, they tend to pay more attention to those behaviors and not notice all of the good things the child does. Its hard for a child to be in an environment where the caregiver has a negative reaction.

Just my 2 cents worth....

Hi Rj,
I need to tell you that I completely agree with what the previous responder, Ilona said. She is right on target.

I work in a Child Care center and am saddened by what you say. Your son sounds like a very typical toddler and as long as you and your pediatrician feel he is fine, so be it. If this continues I would highly suggest you either see about a new room for him (are there move-ups?) or find a new center with a teacher that can appreciate and love your son for who he is.

Please write and update us on how you and your son make out.

My daughter is 20 months old and I still pack her lunch everyday. I want to be in control of her food and know that she eats healthy, no junk, no preservatives... so I buy my food, cook it for her and send her with it. He may just prefer your food, made with love and attention that some tasteless food from teh cafeteria, I know i would. Mom's cooking is always better.

For the focusing, let him play with his blocks, that what he likes and he seems very focus when playing them so let him be. Don't let your daycare lady tell you any different, you know your boy best and you seem to say he is doing great so don't listen. Many kids don't develop play skills with others until later, they are content by themselves, there is nothing wrong with that.

His focus will come with age, my daughter has a very short attention spam and I cannot expect much out of her, she is very active too and can barely sit through a whole story. I have to be ok, she talks 2 languages and has great motor skills. My point is that every child is different, ask your day care lady to accept your boy for who he is and to stop molding him to what she wants.
He may just be a crystal baby or indigo baby and he is just brighter.

You are doing great, and as a mom trust yourself, your instinct, you will always be right.

Hope this helps. Sev

Hi RJ,
first let me say that I am a toddler teacher (15 mths - 2 year olds). Your son sounds like a typical toddler. It's ok if he doesn't like art or sensory (like playdough). I encourage children to participate but if they don't want to then they don't have to. The most important type of play is Free play or child directed play. I don't know what this teacher's problem is. How much schooling has she had? In my opinion she should know this. Does he eat his snack the days he doesn't eat his lunch? If so then I wouldn't worry about it. I agree to introduce him to new foods. As far as communicating it sounds like he communicates just fine (like a typical 2 year old). Repetition is the key. I think you should set up a meeting with the Director and teacher together and talk about how you feel.

I would definitly agree with the other postings. This is not a good match for your son. If the provider is being negative with you she is being negative with him. I run a family daycare where my policy is to "Encourage NOT Discourage".

I've run a home daycare for the past 12 years. (Before that I was a teacher.)

In answer to your questions:
1. Yes, send a lunch.
2. You can start these sorts of activities with him, if you like, in 5 - 10 minute blocks. Tie them to things he likes to do: Paint a car, draw a truck, make road from playdo to trive his trucks through.
3. You can't. When you aren't in the environment, you have no control over his behaviour there.

But really? From your description, the problem is NOT with your son, nor with anything you are or aren't doing. He sounds 110% normal.

Here are the problems I see in your story:

1. The teacher doesn't seem to understand normal toddler behaviour.
2. The teacher has a negative perspective on your son (or maybe on life in general.)
3. The teacher has no positive input. Has she ever made any suggestions? Come up a strategy? Brain-stormed with you for solutions?

My feeling is that you should be looking for other childcare. Someone who has a negative attitude to your son should not be caring for him; even if she stops complaining to you, her feelings likely won't change.

Definitely pull him out of there. If she is unhappy with your son's progress on her time table, he is getting that same message all day with her. One lady here suggested a YMCA program and that would be more active for him. My son at 2 would never sat there to color or play with playdoh! No way...he was a boy and needed energy out. He didn't have the vocabulary that your son does either...he is 24 now and doing just fine!!

I am not sure my response is going to help but your little one sounds like he is just fine!! A typical 2 year old! Both my boys were like that at 2 and in all reality still are in a lot of ways at 3 and 4.

For lunch maybe compromise and send him with a favorite snack everyday while still having him try the cafe food....

Focusing on other things... geez he is a boy who is two. I would just let him experiment... have other things available for him to play with but don't banish him from the things he loves to play with.

As far as communicating again he is two!! I agree with Monica I would look for a more positive environment. Maybe an in-home day care instead of a building with a cafe.... more of a one on one type of deal or atleast a smaller family oriented environment.

Good luck with everything.
H.

Hi RJ,

I have a two year old also, and I would feel much the same if I was getting that call.

I have a couple of questions-has he been going there long? Or is he in a new room? Or for that matter, did he just start going to daycare?

Any of those things could cause the differences between daycare and at home. You might even want to look into a more positive daycare. This one might focus on one activity at a time, and give your active little boy no choices.

Good luck!
M.