Daughter Still Not Potty Trained at 3Yrs 11Mos. Need Help!

A trick I have heard others use is to sit down and tell her they don't make diapers for 4 year olds and have a long discussion about how she will need to use the potty from then on. Even go as far as together pick an end date to start going in the potty.

If you can stand it, put on real panties so she feels wet. It will take at least a whole day or more, but it may let her really feel the wet pants, and she shouldn't like it. The poopy pant will probably take a little longer. Have patience and don't get angry with her.

Go to the Dr Phil website, hot to potty train in one day. it has 10 simple steps to follow, one buying a doll that pees I got a cheap one from walmart then you throw her a potty party and child wants one too! I did this and I know tons of other who did this as well, and my daughter was potty trained before her 2nd birthday. I hope this works! if she is ready it should work perfectly for you! we also had to do poopy partys too, I bought blow horns hats and ballons! she just loved it! good luck!

my suggestion is no more diapers. with all of my kids anytime a diaper or pull-up was on it meant they used it. go cold turkey and even let her go around naked for a few days. sounds like you stay at home. try to confine yourself to non-carpeted rooms for obvious reasons. even move the potty in there and do not reward her unless she goes. you shouldn;t reward her for just sitting there b/c she isn't doing the deed. keep track of when she goes and after so many times going tell her you can go to the store and pick out something small. make those rewards bigger the more she goes and sticks with it. my daughter just turned 2 1/2 a couple days ago and has been potty trained for a couple months. we gave 1 m&m for potty and 2 for poop. best of luck. i know how frustrating it is. my 2 boys were each potty trained by 2 1/2, too.

Take away the reading materials. Let her concentrate on what she is there for. Make sure she is hydrated and getting enough fiber so she can have a BM without difficulty when she does have the urge to go. If she had been potty trained previously, she may have regressed but it shouldn't be a cause for huge concern. You likely will just need to go back through the steps of training once more from A-Z. If you're still having troubles, talk to a child psychologist.

I just started potty training my 2 1/2 year old this weekend. What I did was a potty party. I got it from a book by Teri Crane, Potty Train your child in just one day. You spend the entire day with just one child so I had someone else take my son for most of the day and then we spent the morning training her doll to go pee in the potty and since the doll couldn't get the treats, my daughter got them but by lunch the doll is pretty much trained. then after lunch or nap it's your girl's turn. You put on big girl underwear and watch potty videos and make games out of going to the bathroom. Can you hop all the way there or walk like an elephant? Make it light and fun and then around dinner time make plans for a party at McDonalds or Chuck E Cheese as a reward for going on the potty. We bought a couple of small presents too. The book is very good and goes into a lot more detail. So, my daughter has been in big girl underwear since Saturday and has had only 2 accidents. I do have to keep putting her on the potty since she doesn't quite know when she has to go but it's a learning process so we'll keep working on it. Hope that helps, it has worked for both of my kids and it makes it fun.

It will come she is getting there you seem to be doing everything possible you are a great mom and she is a wonderful child just keep on doing what you are doing.

Books that include these topics:

Everybody Poops
Once Upon a Potty

Some of the children's books you are familiar with have characters that need to pee and poop inside the story. Ask a librarian which books to choose - she may respond to book "friends" who use the potty.

I have a friend who's daughter would not poop unless she had a diaper on. She started to change this before she went to kindergarten and realized that her mom would not be there to put a diaper on her each time she needed to go.

It is possible that PK will do the trick by itself, but if not, she may have to wait a year to go to school. It takes a ready psyche to realize that no one will be there to help you once you are in school.

Alternately, it could also backfire on you if you push her to use the potty so that she can go to school (especially if you tell her that YOU won't be with her in school). She is developmentally able at this age to put something off because she is afraid of the separation that school will bring - so you can't count on the desire to go to school as an incentive or a threat at the age of four.

I am guessing that an adopted child already has separation issues ~ tread delicately on this one. She is probably loathe to separate from her own pee and poop. Many children, adopted or not, have issues with this most basic separation.

Get her some books, make it fun and cross your fingers.

I am a 64 yr. old grandmother and have had several experiences in potty training. This sounds unsanitary but have you tried letting her wear panties after she has soiled them, this worked for my grand daughter, she was so uncomfortable she learned to go potty, I of course didn't let her wear them very long like that but it was a lesson learned.

Adopted children have so many potential issues, and international adoptions pose even more. As a mom of four adoptees, I wouldn't press it. Keep doing the regular stuff, encouraging her and staying calm about it. If nothing else, peer pressure will kick in, probably this year, and the issue will resolve itself. I wouldn't pin my hopes on her going to preschool then you won't feel under the gun to get her trained. If she really wants to go to school and realizes she can't unless she stays dry, then you may have your solution. But don't press the one to get the other. Potty training is the one thing a child can control, no matter what we do, and some kids will chose to, in order to have some control over their lives. I have know of wonderful, loving parents who mistakenly went head to head with their preschooler over potty training and lived to regret it!

SAHM of seven, 23yr-17 mo., six of which trained at anywhere from 2-6 years of age; one to go!

I agree with Becky W. My son was almost 4 when he was potty trained and we were very frustrated! I would put her in underwear and make her responsible for the mess and clean up! I did this with my son and he was potty trained in a day and a half! He got sick of cleaning up and not playing! He has had only 2 accidents since that time, a year and a half later! I realized that it wasn't because he couldn't, it was because he wouldn't, which put him in control!

I'm not sure if this will work with your little one, but I felt mine would never get out of diapers he was going on almost 5. We were getting ready for his birthday he was so excited. I told him this year if he wanted his birthday (big boy birthday) he needed to give it up. He did we had a big party food friends lots of big boy games, a pinata. Well it work hope it helps.

Here's what I've heard many moms try. It sounds horrendous, but seems to work....

For 1 day, give LOTS of salty foods. Salty foods produce a very thirsty feeling and the bladder will continue to produce lots of urine. This is a 2 day cycle as the first day could be less output and more on the 2nds day.

Good Luck!

S., well your's sure is an interesting story. That's amazing that she saw the potty chair, yanked off her diaper and pooped in it. Maybe you are right and she was potty trained before. Hmmmmm. The only thing I thought of was to leave her on the potty seat for a long time. I used to put the potty seat in the family room and let my daughter watch dora or sesame street, whatever...while sitting on the potty seat the entire time. Half the time she went in it she hardly knew it until she got off of it and saw the pee in the potty. Now I know it sounds crazy to put the potty in the family room and I dont know what made me think of doing it (sheer desperation, probably) but it worked and there was no trouble at all transitioning to the bathroom. I just moved the potty seat to the bathroom and eventually moved her to the toliet. Good luck!!!

It totally sucks cause all kids are so different and they do everything when they are ready... but one thing that might help is no more pull ups or diapers.... These products are amazing at keeping the kids skin dry and might not feel overly uncomfortable. I would try to ask your daughter if she feels like a big girl and would like to wear underware today or not. W/ my son... almost the same age... I tried not to put a lot of pressure on him. I asked if he said yes... great if he said no... pull up. If I left the house... we put a pull up on over the underwear. Then really one day.. we had one accident and that was it from then on. It felt like it all fell into to place in one day. One day he was scared? Once day he was ready. But I really let him decide and not put too much pressure. Kids seem to know when we really want them to do something how to make us misserable by not doing it... Another thing to watch ... could she be doing this to get attention. Maybe have a special day with her and talk up the fact that she is becoming a big girl now. Maybe this will inspire her to make the next step. Hang in there S. ... you are doing GREAT I am sure. Just keep trying ... she will do it....

I agree. Just take her to the store. have her pick out some very pretty underware talk about how special they are. Then jus give a good 3 days of her having a lot of accidents. No one likes to pee on themselves or stay in wet clothes. Don't get angry just tell her she needs to go on the potty like a big girl. Good luck!

I understand the potty frustration. Have you tried just letting her pee in her underpants. My daughter hated the feeling of it running down her leg. Not that you want to clean up the mess all the time but it might work. Also another trick that worked with my son who was totally potty trained except for the pooping part. We created the poop fairy and when he would go in the potty chair then the poop fairy would come at night and leave a toy under his pillow. Small dollar store stuff. And with my son we did have to set the timer every hour and he had to at least try to go because after being potty trained for 2 months he decided it was to much work. You could always contact your daughters doctor. My friend had called and they sent her a packet of info and her son was potty trained a week later. Good luck.

S.,

I have been in daycare for 28 years and have had only one child in that time that hasn't been potty trained before 3 years of age. It sounds like you are doing all the little quips that seem to help me. The only other suggestion I have is try taking her with you every time you go...I really think that is what makes my job easier...my younger children want to go potty because the big kids do, so maybe if she goes with you and you pat yourself on the back for doing such a good job she will want to do the same thing. Give yourself a treat, if you go potty, and just make a big deal out of it! Another thing you could try is find something you think she would enjoy doing, but make a deal with her that you can only do it if you wear big girl panties and don't have accidents. At this age she should understand everything you say, so it might make an impression. Don't give in and give her treats or take her places you have promised her without her doing her part of the deal...that is the fastest way for her not to go potty. Sometimes you have to be a little tough...they have to figure out that you're not going to give in.

Good luck!!! I know you both can do it!

C.

Don't push your daughter. She'll be ready as soon as you give up!

My oldest daughter was potty trained at 18mos, and my second daughter trained herself by 14mos, but my youngest daughter was 3 before she was trained. She would sit on the potty all the time, but never use it. We didn't know it at first, but her problem was that she was freaked about letting go without her diaper on. We finally solved the problem by not giving her any other option. I took her diaper off, and just started giving her juice. As soon as she finished one cup, I would give her another. After awhile, I could see that she needed to go to the bathroom, because she was getting agitated. She kept asking for her diaper, and I wouldn't give it to her. About this time, I made her sit on her potty. It was hard, because she was so upset, and kept trying to get up. Eventually she couldn't hold it anymore and she peed in the potty chair. She said "That wasn't so bad", and that was the end of our potty training. She never had another wet or poopy diaper again. Even overnight! She just needed to know it "wasn't so bad". Hope this helps.

Hi S.,
I am the mom of 2 boys ages 8 and 13. My 8 year old has had pottying issues his whole life. I have finally figured out why through a lot of help from medical professionals. Is it possible that your daughter could be constipated? Before you say no, let me tell you that my son pooped every day and still was very constipated, I just didn't know it. We tried everything we could think of. We thought it was behavioral. We punished, encouraged, we tried it all. What it boils down to is that ( forgive the graphic nature of what's to come) sometimes a child starts to hold back their bowel movements. This causes the rectum to stretch out. When it gets stretched out the child loses feeling and they can't tell when they are even having a bowel movement. What happens then is that some poop can make it's way around the blockage so you think everything is fine when there is still a constipation problem. This also exacerbates the urination issue becasue there can now be more pressure on the bladder and frequent urination accidents happen. The child is doing their best and so are you but neither know what is going on. The fix is easy, painles but not quick. You should see the pediatrician and make sure that your daughter is not constipated first, then take it from there. We have ended up seeing a specialist at Children's hospital in Milwaukee and our fix has been simply to monitor the fiber intake,(16 grams per day) and take Milk of Magnesia before bed. Finally after all these years everything is starting to work. So few problems!!! The only thing that is frustrating is that it will take 6-12 months for his body to get back to normal and for him to regain sensation. But that is nothing compared to what we've been thru. Also, we tried other meds (laxatives ) and they didn't work so well. I thought the problem was fixed cuz he was runny, but we didn't have the right laxative for him. If this ends up being the problem, be aware that there are other meds and it is trial and error. Good luck I hope this may help. But, hopefully, this isn't the problem.

We had bad luck with everything we tried until we got our son a Potty Watch on ebay ($13.00). The day (Sat) we got it we sat him down and said here is the deal. We had candy, a potty book, a potty chart (kandoo.com) and this potty watch. He first hated it and so we put it around his ankle. By Monday he insisted on wearing big boy underwear and we have not looked back since. We had really good luck with it! After a couple of days he forgot about the candy, book and chart. He just knew when the watch told him to go potty he knew he needed to go. Hope this helps!!!
Good Luck
H. B

We are considering adoption from China as well, I'd LOVE to talk more to you about that.

AS for the potty training, if she was 14mos when you adopted her, more than likely she WAS trained. In CHina they practice ELimination communication, which is also what we practice here in our home. Our boys were trained at 20 months and 15 months.

At her age though, I would just put her in undies. When she has an accident, I would make her take off her wets, make her help wipe up the mess, and make her get new clean clothes to put on. A few times of this she'll quickly realize that its easier, and quicker, to just use the toilet. SHe's old enough, she's big enough, and right now its just a power struggle thing, she's in control and until you TAKE control, this will continue. Put her in undies, make her responsible for the messes, and dont' back down. Make a day on the calendar, circle it in red, tell her about it, and go for it.

First of all, you are a great mom doing the best job you can. Potty training can be SO frustrating, and we moms tend to see our kids' potty success as a reflection of our parenting success. Not always the case.
With that said, I would recommend you lose the diapers altogether. Back when only cloth diapers were available, kids were almost always potty trained by 18 months. Not because they were any smarter or physically superior, but because they knew INSTANTLY when they were going to the bathroom. And after they went, things became pretty uncomfortable if they didn't get changed immediately. Disposable diapers, as wonderful as they are, don't exactly provide that kind of instant feedback. In fact they are so great at "wicking away moisture" that a child can go several times before they feel anything. If you have already ruled out any physical/medical problems like constipation, try putting her in panties all the time. You will probably go through 8-10 pairs a day initially (so be sure to stock up). But she will get the idea fairly quickly that it stinks to have wet/poopy pants. Oh, and take the emotion out of it. Kids can sense our tension over these issues right away and it can become a control game. If she has an accident, very calmly say, "Oh, did you go pee pee in your pants? We go pee pee in the potty. Next time go in the potty. Mommy will help you change in a little bit." No whining, sighing, or emotion. Then wait a good 10 minutes before helping her get clean, dry pants on. Hope this helps.
~ C.