Daughter Only Wants Mommy!!!

I think the key words here in your email are, "...it's very hard when she won't allow it."

She needs to not be in charge. When she is kicking and flailing and screaming, you need to leave the room/area/house and let your husband deal with it. When you quit coming to the rescue, she will settle down. He needs to learn to deal with her. I think tons of kids go through this stage. My youngest has just started to put this stage behind him. Things that worked were my husband saying, "You will get to see mommy when we are finished changing your diaper" or "Mommy will come to you when your pajamas are on." So the carrot of mommy was there, but there was no giving in or giving up or handing tantrum baby to mommy. As long as she has hope that you will come to the rescue, she will continue the bad behavior. One thing my husband did with our youngest was insist that the tantrum be over before bringing him to me. He would hold him and just talk to him..."When you are ready to see mommy then we will go. But you aren't ready while you are having a tantrum." He would also put him in his bed. "You can get out when you are in control of yourself." He also started taking him along when he was going on errands. Leaving the house would be hard...lots of yelling, "No-no-no, I want to stay with my mom!" But once he was in his car seat and they were driving down the road he would resign himself to the trip and they'd have a lot of fun.

Good luck. It isn't the most fun stage...esp. if you are the dad!
VickiS

My husband's job kept him out of our home too much, so our daughters were overly dependent upon me. When he was in charge, they felt insecure. I had to go into the hospital for a few days and when they visited me, my 3-yr old proudly announced, "Daddy DOES know how to do my ponytail!" I then saw the wisdom of leaving them with him more often. It just takes letting daddy do it w/o your running to rescue.

I don't have any suggestions, but just wanted to let you know that is the EXACT same situation we are in right now. :) I'm pregnant and my 2yr old daughter only wants Mommy. We have also have the added bonus of Daddy traveling a lot during the week, so she only gets Mommy then (which I'm sure doesn't help). Anyways, just wanted to let you know we are in the same boat. Thanks for posting the question, I'll definitely be checking out the suggestions people have.

She might prefer you if she spends the most time with you. That can include more than just feeding and bathing, etc. She probably travels with you to the grocery store, and so on. Try having daddy take her somewhere fun like the park or to play at McDonalds, or even do something as simple as watching cartoons with her or doing something at home she enjoys like coloring or building with blocks. The point is to have them spend time together. If it's just the two of them, they are bonding, and she will learn to trust him to do things for her and let go of some of that "I'm only dependent of Mommy".
I think it is a phase that most kids go through as well. She's lucky to have both parents around willing to balance the parenting responsibilities. When she is older she will appreciate that!

My 3 year old son does the same thing. What I do is look at him on his level and say, "no, mommy is busy. Daddy is going to help you....." My husband then gives him no time to react and takes his hand. If he pitches a fit my husband explains to him that he needs to stop and basically get over it because dad is doing it. It has taken about 2 months of fits, etc. But my son is getting better about it and actually asks for daddy now.

We're dealing with similar issues, too, and I'd just like to second much of what Vicki said. You need to teach DD that throwing a tantrum is not a way to get mommy. I know this is hard, when you can hear her in the next room screaming MOMMY MOMMY NO I WANT MOMMY. But, she also needs to learn that dad is perfectly capable of helping her put her jammies on, taking her to the potty, whatever. We use the trick Vicki suggested where Dad will say, for example, "mommy will read you as story once you have your pj's and nightime diaper on." I'll wait in the living room until pj's are on--sometimes this happens quickly, other times not so much. When I had morning sickness, Dad would sometimes say, "mommy's feeling a little sick. shall we go give her a kiss/bring her a cup of tea before we go play outside?" DD would come in to see me, but then get pretty quickly that the choice was between being quiet in a dark room with me or playing outside with Dad--pretty clear choice. I figure it's also good training for once the baby comes--that will be traumatic enough (DD is THRILLED about her baby sister, but, of course, doesn't really understand what having a newborn at home means). If Dad takes over a lot of things now, it will seem more normal that he continues to do much of it once the baby's here (particularly since I'll be having my second c-section, so in the hospital for several days, then initially not able to do things like crawl around on the floor and play trains). GL with everything!

My daughter is like that too, she'll be 3 next month and it does get hard at times. First, how aware is she that she's about to become a big sister? Sit her down and tell explain to her, in a simplistic way that the baby in mommy's tummy makes mommy very tired and that you need daddy's help around the house. Instead of saying, daddy is going to help you get ready for bed, try telling her to help DADDY get you ready for bed. My kids love to help daddy. If your husband is painting a nursery for the baby, once the paint is dry, have her help daddy put together the crib by handing him the larger bolts and the screw driver (I helped my parents put my brother's crib together) and have her help pick out bumpers, sheets, etc; she'll feel like a big girl and she may really come to love the time she spends with daddy. Good luck and Mazel Tov!