Daughter Calling Her Friend by the Wrong Name!

Hi M.,

So not to be rude or anything but cut your daughter some slack. You're making WAY to big of a deal of this. She is 3...she is pushing your buttons and doing it on purpose. She's gotten a "reaction" out of you and others by calling her the wrong name...so of course she'll continue to do it to get WHATEVER reaction she can. You need to be the one to ignore it, not Gracie. Gracie may correct her, but you should leave it be. You can every now and again if it continues, gently remind your daughter that her name is Gracie, not Stacy. My oldest daughter's name is Bryana (sounds like Briana) and I can't tell you how many kids have messed that one up, but it's not a big deal...it's just part of how they learn. I suggest you take a step back and cool off on this one. It's really not a big deal and I think that it's been made into a big deal which was caused by yourself. It sounds like you are really worried that she isn't going to come over and play anymore... I think if you are that concerned, then speak to her mom about it so that Gracie doesn't get so amped up about it too, it happens and like I said before, I think because it's been made this big thing, your daughter is continuing to do it for the main reason of getting a reaction.

Best of luck.
J.

Hi - I agree with both sides of the advice. It's not that big of a deal, your daughter is just 3 and trying to get a rise out of everyone - she likes the power. Yet, on the other hand, you don't want her to enjoy the feeling of power so much, so that it starts to go over into other areas! If she's not corrected, she might say, "Hey, this power play works!" BUT if she is really good in all other areas, does NOT struggle with you on other issues, she could just simply like the name, like the others have said. If she mentions "Stacy" to play with - just act like she means the physical therapy Stacy. Say, "Oh, I know Stacy likes you and your sister, but she is a grown-up lady and has to work with her therapy patients and too bad she doesn't have time to come play with you." Then eventually she will HAVE TO remember the name of Gracie. Good luck!

I think it is important to teach children to respect their friends, and calling them by the correct name is pretty basic. No one likes to be called by the wrong name. Yes, children do have trouble with names sometimes but you seem to be sure that she is doing it to push your buttons, and not because she is genuinely confused. Since your daughter enjoys playing with her, you can use that as part of the solution. The next time she asks to play with her, just tell her that MUST call her by her proper name. Tell her that if she calls her Stacy, the playdate will end IMMEDIATELY. Warn her when you plan the playdate, and again at the start of the playdate. Then follow through if she tests you. Good luck!

Just a thought- if your daughter likes both Stacy's (the old neighbor and the therapist)and she likes her friend- maybe the transfer of names. Or is there anything about either of the other Stacys physically or personally that's similar? Maybe if you pointed out the differences between the 3(like Stacy was a mommy and she had short brown hair- you're friend Gracie is your friend and she has long blonde hair) she'd have a reason to keep them separated.

Hi,
Yes, I agree with postings, that you should minimize any negative attention to this. When she talks to you (in private) and says Stacey, you may wish to incorporate the word into your next positive statement with slight emphasis on the "Gr". "Yes, we are going over Gracie's". The repetition should be helpful.
I am a little curious. When she says "grape, gramma, or grandpa" in conversation (no prompting), does she fully pronounce the "g" and "r" sounds? I ask because you said that she can say Gracie, but I was wondering if she is only able to repeat it, but not produce it spontaneously, which is developmentally appropriate for this age.
Best of luck.

If they get along well and play together, then it's not bothering Gracie all that much. Maybe your daughter likes the sound of "Stacy" and she has known several people with that name whom she likes. I think it's time to ignore it and stop trying to have Gracie participate in the behavior modification. I don't think young kids really have a lot of empathy, so calling your daughter by the wrong name isn't always going to translate into an understanding of what this does to Gracie. Also, Gracie may well be too young to really get offended or bothered - she may just find it curious or odd.

Let it go. You've tried everything and not been successful. Sometimes not giving the child so much attention works - if she stops having the focus put on her all the time when she does this, she may give it up on her own. There's always some sort of pay-off when a kid repeats an undesirable behavior, so if you take away the "reward" (even negative attention is attention after all), she may decide it's not worth it. Kids go thru all kinds of phases for all kinds of reasons, and by the time you figure out a strategy, sometimes they quit on their own.

I think making a big deal about it will only make the problem worse. Anytime she says "Stacy", just answer in a normal tone of voice but be sure to say "Gracie" in the sentence. For example, if she says, "I want to play with Stacy", answer: "Oh, you want to play with Gracie?" Don't directly correct the mistake; so long as you use the name correctly she should self-correct over time.

I used to teach foreign language classes, and that's the method that is proven most effective for fixing grammar and other linguistic mistakes so it seems like it would work with a first name mix-up also. Since your other daughter gets speech therapy, maybe you could check with your speech therapist for other ideas also. Good luck - hopefully it's only a brief phase.

Hey M.,

I think this might be something that is easier for her to pronounce, since she pronounces Stacy more often. My daughter, almost 3, I think just takes the easy way out of using proper pronounciation. She is very capable of saying the right words, but chooses to chop them up to her convenience, or use them in a way that is easier for her to pronounce. My youngest is 15 months old, and my almost 3 yr old still calls her Kaeena...her name is Karina. It must be something with the "r" words, or where she has to manipulate her lips to change word sounds. Saying Stacy doesn't change the mouth much, but saying Gracie does. I'm sure it might just be something she'll grow out of, but as another mother suggested, subtly correcting her, instead of deliberatly, might help.

Good Luck!

Mari