Daughter Afraid to Poop!

Hi!
I agree with Gale. Dont push the pooping on the potty thing. If shes peeing on there fine, then great. But what I learned with potty training, is pooping comes last. There are lots of set backs when it comes to potty training, and this sounds like one of them. It doesnt sound like shes ready to poop on the potty yet. Good luck!

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I really suggest backing off the potty training!! In her mind she isn't ready yet, and if you keep pushing it she could develop some serious medical issues! I've seen kids get IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome), or need surgery down there, or have to go to the hospital and get cleaned out cause they are backed up to their tummies..... awful stuff! If you already have her taking mirilax and it's not working, then you already have a problem. The mirilax daily is not a good thing either. When my son needed it, it took THREE DAYS ONLY and his bowels were back to normal. It's not diet then that is the reason she is constipated, so the mirilax wont work... She's holding it in because she's not ready to potty train. I think you should get her off the mirilax and tell her she doesn't have to poop in the potty until she's ready. Just to avoid anything serious from happening.

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Good Morning K., Corbin did the same thing, he had the little old man shuffle down to a tee. Only time he would poop was at nap time with a pull up on as then he was relaxed and didn't feel it. He is four now, and just started about the middle of last summer to not hold it as much. I would go in with him and I would sit with him and hold his hands, rub his back, sing songs, read a book whatever it took to get him to relax and not think about it. He would tell me it's gonna hurt Nana, and I would tell him yes baby but just for a minute so let's count 1,2,3 Push it out.
Now he goes by himslef and sometimes I hear him counting 1,2,3 Push it out...lol Now I need to figure out how to teach him to wipe his hinny. We had to use Childrens fletcher twice, it worked ok each time with only one dose.

Giving a laxative every day isn't a good thing, in My Mind only. We gave more fiber, veggies, fruits, water, to help him also. A Dr. told me once that taking a laxative everyday causes the bowel to not work properly, it gets lazy and doesn't flex or constrict as it should. So your body gets used to the laxative and will only work when one is used.

God Bless K., hope everything works out for you and your little Princess soon
K. Nana of 5

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I say dont push the issue of her pooping on the potty she is still young, you will drive yourself crazy, let her go at her own pace. I been doing lots of research on it and read that its the one thing that they can control so let them do it when they are ready. I am going thru the same thing my son he pees on the potty great, but the pooping thing he wont do everyday. I went to the library and got a couple of books and a DVD. The name of the DVD is Go Potty Go. Its a great DVD to show them its ok to go on the potty.

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My daughter did the same thing when she was that age! She would wear panties all day & then when she had to "go poopy" she would get a pull-up put it on & do her business. At first I was frustrated, but then realised that she was fully potty trained when it came to peeing & that she was trying to overcome her fear of pooping in the potty. I found out that the noise of her bowl movement in the toilet scared her. So I backed off, let her get her own pull up when she hasd to go poopy. Eventually while going pee-pee on the potty she accidentaly went poopy too & came out of the potty yelling "Mommy, mommy, I went poopy in the potty & wasn't scared!" She then described the noise & told me it was not scarry. So, I would just be happy with the progress already made & maybe communicate what is going on w/your pediatrivian. Some kids do permenant damage holding in their bowels, so become informed as to when to worry.

Good luck! You will get there! Just celebrate each time she DOES go in the potty......it is one less diaper to change! ;-)

Hi K.,
It's pretty common for children to regress potty training when a new sibling arrives (congratulations!). We had a similar issue with our son when our daughter was born. Our Parents as Teachers counselor said it's o.k. to relax our potty training efforts and he'll come around on his own. That didn't make it any less frustrating, but we did.
One thing we did to help him was give him a daily fiber wafer. He eats a lot of fruit and veggies, but turns out he wasn't getting enough of the right kind of fiber. I'm not saying to continue with laxatives...that can lead to life time of bowel trouble...I'm saying the right kind of healthy fiber may help things along.
It could also be that this is one aspect of her life that she has complete control over, and wants to exercise her ability to do so. That's not uncommon either.
Maybe she recognizes the attention the baby gets and this is her way getting some attention, too. Hopefully, she'll see that babies wear diapers and she's a big girl now who doesn't need diapers. It's possible she's doing this for more one on one time.
I know it's frustrating...it seems she'll never get it, but she will. All the positive reinforcement you can lay on her the better!
Best of Luck!

Sorry for the late response, but I have been behind on correspondences lately, and I am just now seeing this. I have not read the other responses, but I hope this helps:

Laxitives are not good for anyone, ESPECIALLY children. Maybe once in A WHILE, but not as a rule. Relying on laxitives hinders the bodies natural elimination process in adults, so in children - while developing the elimination ability - it can't be beneficial in the long run. Laxitive use weakens the rectal walls and sooner or later you can't 'hold it in' when you need to. A better solution would be eating more fiberous foods (fruit, veggies) or maybe yogurt with natural enzymes. Prunes worked well for my nieces. Sugary drinks can cause constipation, as can cheese, so omit these from her diet. Also drink a LOT more water.

As far as your little girl not wanting to 'go,' try to think on her level. This is a new experience she cannot understand quite yet. She doesn't understand poop is waste. All she knows is a part of her is falling off (or out) and it is a scarry thing. In a diaper, it still feels a part of her, but the act of it falling out, dropping into the potty - it may be terrifying. This sounds unlikely to us adults, but in the mind of a toddler it makes perfect sense.

Best of luck!

Hi, I have been in your shoes and so feel your frustration. My daughter did the exact same thing at age 2 and I was pulling my hair out everyday until I realized that my daughter was strong willed and wanted to do the potty training on HER time! I took her to the doctor several times and they gave me miralax and told me it was behavioral and that if I simply ignored her she would go poop when SHE wanted too. well it took her until age of 4 to become totally potty trained and it was alot of paitence and understanding on my part. I would simply keep giving her the miralax and let her wear a pullup as long as she wants. all children are different and do this at their own pace, just remember that this shall pass and to keep your head up and re-enforce when she does go poop. I know it is very hard being a mom and also raising a strong willed child, but again, you both will get through this OK! If you need anything please feel free to respond and I will gladly help out! GOD bless you and your family!

My daughter had a poop party when her 2 yo finally did this at her request. I think she heard this on Dr Phil.
Tell your daughter you will have a party when she finally poops on her own, then wait. When it happens cheer for her, get a cake, wear party hats treat the entire day as if something significant has happened! It has, at least for you! I hope this works in your case.
I'm sure the laxative is doing more harm than good, naturally there will be a time that she can't hold it in and will have to go, just be patient.

It sounds like you are both really stressed about this. Perhaps take a break for a month and try again. If it is still stressful wait another month.

If it drags out too long maybe talk to your doctor. She might be having a control issue (she can control when she poops, but feels out of control in other areas).

My son is doing the same thing! It isn't painful for him yet, but he is going days without having a bm and he used to be daily. I will want to know what responses you get from this one. I think this may be common as I was just talking about it to another mom today!

I went through potty training induced constipation for 1 1/2 years with my son from age 3 up. Initially, after about a month of constipation that was going no where, I went to the doctor who prescribed miralax. At the time it was prescription only. I did not find the miralax particularly effective for my son. If you go to a doctor, they are most likely going to tell you to increase the frequency of use. If that doesn't work, they will increase the dose.

The doctor kept upping the dose since it wasn't working. I was really uncomfortable with this. When I am saying that my experience was potty training induced, I am owning that this was what caused my son's issue, not projecting this on to your circumstance.

You said that your daughter was holding when she is wearing diapers. Under what circumstances is she actually going? If you kept her in pullups would she go at all? I found with my son even the asking him if he wanted to go potty was pressure to him. He is fairly strong willed. Every child is different though.

With my son, at the suggestion of his doctor, I took him to a pediatric gastro specialist at Children's Hospital in St. Louis. I also took him to a counselor. The only thing that really worked was time. I think the more I used the miralax the more dependent my son was on it. If I tried to withdraw it things would get worse and we would regress - more pain; more refusal to go. However, it never really relieved any of his symptoms. He was still constipated-just constipated with lots of miralax in his intestines.

As you know the fear of pain often can trump the suggestion of any positive rewards. As adults we know the longer they wait the more painful it can get. However, it is hard to convince a 2 or 3 year old of this. If children become impacted than you have a much bigger issue though. We never experienced this.

There is a yahoo group out there with parents who feel their children have been impacted negatively by miralax. Many of the issues are behavioral. I think it would be hard to prove cause and affect. We did experience some very nasty behavioral issues but it could have also been from the constipation rather than the drug. I tried to review any research out there to figure it out for myself. There was no particularly negative things coming up. Although, the researchers were affiliated with the drug company so take it with a grain of salt. I do not think behavioral issues were things covered in the scope of research. The yahoo group does have a lot of good ideas for children with constipation.

Good luck. I empathize with you. Toddler/preschool constipation issues are very frustrating for everyone.

My child is high need and was very determined to hold hers too. She would hold it and when she finally did go it would hurt very bad & the cycle would start all over. I held her, rubbed the back, used A&D, Little Tummy's laxative, etc.

The best thing that worked for me to get her to go daily was an m&m. I told her if she would go poo poo then she would get a m&m. She loves m&m's so it worked. We had a jar sitting out for her. I told her even though it hurts so bad coming out you still have to do it and then she was rewarded for doing a good job. She got to pick out the m&m that she wanted out of the jar. That worked for me. (I also put A&D ointment on her after she went which helped).

We still have issues with the poop hurting but now that she's 4 she understands she still needs to go no matter what. I still use Little Tummy's laxative & A&D ointment on a regular basis. Hope this helps!

I will never forget our friend's son when he was that age and learning how to do the big boy poop in the potty-he mastered the poop part yet just could not or would not do the wiping part. So they had him yell for them to come and help "wipe" well they were at our house visiting for a few days and we were playing cards in the kitchen just off the bathroom, he had said he had to go and we told him to yell for us to help when he was ready-well we were having so much fun playing and talking we forgot about him on the potty and I guess it must have been 20 minutes he finally was yelling at the top of his little two year old voice WIPE and when we finally heard him we all broke out laughing-it always amazed us that after that time he never needed to cal for any help again-he just took care of it himself-to this day we still laugh about that time and his yelling WIPE for us to come...hang in there Mom your daughter will come around when she is ready in the meantime know that you are not alone and we are there for you! Teach her to yell wipe and remember my story-it is worth the laugh.

All 8 of my kids were around 2 1/2 years old when potty trained and I would back off for now or at least not give the Miralax and get back to no pull up for going in the day and then let the other go until she is ready. Some children just have such a time with bowels and usually it comes later in the training process. Maybe just back off completely for a few months and then just start all over and only worry about one thing at a time when you start up again and if this takes more time don't worry about it. I'd stop and be sure she's not constipated and wait a few months. Don't make it unpleasant for her and when she does go celebrate, big or small, small toy, party, whatever she likes will be a reward.

she needs to be under care of physician in my opinion
my friend had this happen with her four year old no less and they moved back to diapers..had to give dr note to day care as they day care was annoyed but it was a medical issue...eventually this resolved but she was being watched closely.
that's what I suspect is best next step.

Since you're already having problems with potty training because of this issue than maybe try backing off the potty training. It's best not to force the issue. I potty-trained all of my children around two and a half years of age and they turned out fine and 3 of the 4 are already in school and didn't end up going to preschool with any potty problems just because I waited a little longer to train them. Maybe if you allow her to just do her business in her pull-up then maybe she could finally get it all out. Eventually, the laxative will catch up with her. I would continue to push fluids and reassure her that it will be okay even if she has to push it out and that it may hurt some the first time but afterward her tummy will feel so much better. You could even offer to hold her hands while she's doing it or let her squeeze a stuffed animal while she's pushing. You're doing a great job and just continue to be patient! This problem will eventually pass...no pun intended.:)

Because of an illness had my 3 year old son had to go to my sister's for 4 months. He decided he was not going to poop until he came home. The doctor there told her to give him mineral oil (to lube up the bowels) and children's senekote twice a day. It took awhile, but it worked. I would call your doctor, they will have good suggestions.