Custody Advice Needed Oregon and Washington

In doing a quick Google search I couldn't find anything that stated an Oregon judge will not order Joint Custody in the event one parent doesn't want it. Here's a site I found that did have good information: http://www.osbar.org/public/legalinfo/1133.htm.

Good luck.

Hi, R.--

I am going through a custody battle as I write this and it is gutwrenching. I do not know all the answers, but I will tell you what my attorney said and repeat my understanding of the law as it applies here in Oregon. There are two sorts of custody-- one is legal custody where it affects the decision making power for things like medical/activities/schooling and religion. If you are able to work with your child's spouse in decision making, life will be so much easier. The other kind of custody is physical and this is not necessarily tied with the legal custody. For example, you can have sole custody for legal decision making power and still have joint physical custody where you share physical custody of the child 50% of the time. I hope this makes sense.

In my situation, my husband was domestically violent. My attorney said she typically advocates that people share custody, but in my case where my husband has deep issues about controlling me and being vindictive, she said I should go for sole legal custody. She said that joint custody cannot be mandated through the court unless I want it. She feels certain that I will get it since I am the primary caregiver. However, my husband kept telling me that either of us could be given sole custody and that it would be in my best interest to accept joint now-- not true. This is why having a lawyer is critical. Call Legal Aid if you can as soon as possible if costs are an issue. This is such a difficult journey.

If you can work with your child's father on issues, I would suggest joint custody. As for the parenting time, this is best worked out between the two of you or the court may mandate it split down in some rather distorted ways.

Best of luck to you!

I think there are 2 types of custody, 1) is where you could have full physical custody where you have her most of the time but you two have to agree on things like school and stuff 2) there is joint physical but you have control over what your daughter does like school. But it is right for you to want a lawyer. Good Luck!!

R. - there are a lot of factors involved in whether a court will issue joint custody v. sole custody with parenting time. You definitely need to seek an attorney to discuss your particular situation. There is no straight answer. The court is required to consider the Best Interests of the Child, and every family's situation is different.

If you are interested in talking to an attorney at my law firm, we can offer you a free half hour consultation to discuss your situation. We're in downtown Portland, but it is very easy freeway access (on the waterfront). Call Allen2 Law at ###-###-####, or email me at ____@____.com one can tell you what is right for your family. We can walk you through your rights and if you and your daughter's father are still able to discuss things civilly, there are collaborative resolutions of family disputes that tend to keep everyone from enduring any more stress than they need. Though, if things aren't able to be handled civilly, our firm has very experienced trial attorneys as well that can work to get your daughter's best interests met.

Good luck!

R.,

If he's been there since the beginning, and he obviously is interested in his daughter then you should put your daughters needs ahead of your own.

Why fight someone needlessly to perpetuate something that is still controllable. You created the child together. Why can't you share her? In the long run this petty nasty behavior to manipulate a situation usually comes back to bite you in the ass.
Do what's best for your daughter instead of trying to win her like a trophy. If you're encouraging them to be together anyway then what's the big deal?
I hope this is helpful, and your able to find a solution that's amicable for all.
Good luck , Becki

Contact the Lawyer Referral Service of the Oregon State Bar and ask for an attorney specializing in family law. Under this program the initial consultation is no more than $35. ###-###-####

Also check out www.osbar.org then go to "Client Services" (at the far left) then click on "Client Assistance Office"

From a mother with 2 divorced daughters....buck up, dear mother...it is much easier over all of life to stick together and learn to love each other again. "The pasture is not greener on the other side of the fence."

That is true, my husband went through this years agon with his ex. As far as you moving to Washington, does not matter, you were living in Oregon during the seperation.
Why not allow Joint custody? I would do it, what can it hurt?
The welfare of the child/children should be the priority, not your differences.

Hi R.,
I'm a mom of four and went through this a few years ago in a different state. Please talk to an attorney about the differences between the two types of custody. In the state I was in Joint Legal Custody was the norm. It was nearly impossible to get Sole Legal Custody. But Legal Custody and Guardianship or Physical Custody are different things. You can have Joint Legal Custody and still be the Primary Caregiver. Which is what we have. The two children still at home live with me full time because I am the Primary Caregiver but their dad has Joint Legal Custody giving him a right to help make big decisions.
This was tough for me at first because I worried incessantly that their dad would want split physical custody. That's not the case. So please speak with an attorney about the actual definitions and what they mean for you as mom.
Best of luck!
M. P

R.,

as others have stated, it is very difficult to get sole legal custody of a child (just because you want to). I certainly understand the motherly desire to have it, but you would have to prove that your husband is a drug manufacturer or prove that he is mentally incompetant to make legal decisions in the best interest of your child, etc. I have two friends who are single parents and the fathers of their kids are terrible. They don't provide any financial support and they are inconsistent in their presence in the kids' lives (basically coming in and out as it suits them). These fathers still have joint custody even though both mothers have tried to gain sole custody. You have to have very serious claims and proof against a father to gain sole custody. Any good attorney will advise you against going forward with this unless you can provide proof otherwise.

And as far as him doing the same to you, the same applies. He would have to prove your incompetence and inability to care for your child, that the child is in danger being in your care, and that you are unable to properly make legal decisions in the best interest of your child.

From what I've heard/experienced, it's typically rather difficult to get sole legal custody unless you can prove a pressing reason that the other parent should not be allowed to be involved in the child's life, since a lack of legal custody means taking away someone's right to do the most basic of things: checking on a child's school progress, having a say in their medical treatment, and so on. If that's really what you're hoping for, I would suggest you put some thought into a compelling argument for why he should not have those rights. If what you're really hoping for is simply to be the primary physical custodian and not get embroiled in lengthy stalemates when the two of you have a difference of opinion about things like non-emergency medical care or what school the kid should go to, I would suggest not requesting sole legal but rather some wording in your court order along the lines that when there IS a disagreement, if it cannot be resolved by(whatever you think would be reasonable negotiation), the primary custodial parent will have final say. This would still allow him access to any legal records he should have access to and acknowledge that he should be consulted and informed of things that affect his kid, but provide a way of getting past if there really is an insurmountable difference of opinion.