Please Help Me!! Visitation/custody

I'm in a another state, so the law may be different where you are, but I would see if you could try to call his bluff by countersuing for child support along with asking for back child support. Dollar amounts are enough to scare many of the not so serious contenders away. (Maybe this will help: http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/ohio/ )

My thoughts go out to you, but your assets: being a SAHM, married, having been his sole provider for the majority of his life, really should stand up in a court but you have to find some legal help.

Good luck.

Can he get custody.. Yes. The courts will usually award custody to the mother providing she can provide a stable home for the child.

Can you have the case moved.... Yes. The chances are incredibly low and it probably wouldn't be worth the time and effort. Can you prove the judge acted unfairly?

Opinions... You need to get a lawyer. Child support and visitation are 2 separate things, however, are you receiving child support? Is the support court ordered? This could be very important in the custody hearing.

You make a point to share that your hubby provides everything for your child...implying that your Childs biological father dies not provide for him...you do know that child support has NO relevance to custody, right?

Even if your HS sweetheart never paid a dime he would still be eligible and well within his rights for custody and visitation.

~ I am willing to bet that since you live 30 mins away from each other and your child will be starting school, your custody would be that the dad would get an every other weekend kind of thing...half of Christmas/Winter Break and every Spring Break...time on Childs birthday and time on Dad's birthday...then you will probably be rotating every other holiday.

Are you filing for child support...I hope so! Don't forget to have language put in about who claims the kid and when as far as taxes are concerned.

Your child deserves to have his real father in his life...try to be thankful that he is stepping up and trying to be a good dad....at least do everything in your power to be supportive and to give it a valid chance, for your Childs sake! Everyone can use one more person to love and care about them!

Of course he CAN get custody, but it doesn't mean that he will. Fair or not, primary custody is almost always decided in favor of the mother. From what I know, whether or not you work doesn't even enter the equation unless your income is needed to provide a decent standard of living for the child.

Was a support order not entered at the same time as the visitation? Did you ask for one? You have a legal right to child support and in most states it is automatic...even though visitation/custody are separate from the obligation to pay support.

I know this is a tough situation, but I am not sure how you think you got the short end of the stick. Lawyers and judges will always know each other. Especially in family court where they see each other day in and day out. If you never filed abandonment charges, he has every (legal) right to file for visitation and/or custody...even if it doesn't seem morally right.

Please consider trying to find a lawyer. You will never be pleased with the outcome if you don't have an advocate. Many states have legal assistance program.

You really need a lawyer. If having the custody is important, then you need a lawyer. Any opinions won't really help your situation unless from a lawyer. I would find someone, negotiate payments, get a job to afford a lawyer, borrow money... Make it work

I just got divorced in January and my lawyer told me that the state of Missouri is into joint parenting. My lawyer told me that the courts will only grant joint custody unless one parent can provide a compelling reason why the court should grant sole custody. So according to my lawyer, the most the biological father should be able to get is joint custody.

Check around in your area for what is called legal aid. This is for those of us who cannot afford the $$$$ that a good attorney sees. They work on a no fee-to sliding scale fee basis.
There is often a long wait list though so don't be shocked.
You can also call the local court and they should have the number/contact information.
You might possibly have a complaint to file with the bar association. I would call and ask. This happened to my Dad in the 50's with his first family. His GFIL was the Judge and he lost custody of my half siblings right then right then.
Do you have receipts for things your dh has provided? Any that you can get your hands on will help.
Start documenting everything you can.
Is the father truly interested in his child after all this time or he is just using him as a pawn? This is very important to find out to decide how to proceed.

Please call Legal Aid in your area *immediately*. You do need legal advice, and if you truly can't afford a lawyer, they will provide that for you.
I'm not a lawyer, I'm a social worker who has worked some in custody issues. My instinct is a) you really should have it moved b) if he has visitation he should be paying child support c) they won't grant full custody to a father if there is nothing "wrong" with the mother, and school location will be a factor.
I wishh you all the luck. Please let everyone know how it goes!
-S

Look up the free number for legal aid
get an attorney
and request a change of venue
a good lawyer will help
I know it is expensive you may get a free one through legal aid either way it is imperative you get legal advice

get a lawyer...a real one...legal aid takes forever and you don't want this to go on forever. and if you get a real lawyer it will look to the courts that you are serious enough to take care of this child. do what you have to- i just went thru this and if you get one, the judge will most likely send out a guardian (a third party lawyer who works for the CHILD) to investigate the situation. he/she will talk to to the child and you and the father, may even go to the his school or observe the child when he's with you, then will go to the court to make a statement in the best interest of the child. and with a guardian, you have to be on your toes and not say or do anything that could affect the case, such as telling your son bad things about his father,stepmother, etc. it's a LONG process...mine lasted about 7 months, and that's because we came to an agreement and settled before a trial...though with mine, we had "shared parenting"- i was going for custody adn other issues- and there was no doubt i'd get it that since he wasn't a stable enough figure. just find yourself a good layer, preferably a woman, tehy seem to be more convincing and easier for moms to talk to! good luck...

Stay calm -- it sounds as if you are pretty scared right now. Keep your son's best interests at heart. A child's biological parents are almost always terrific influences and the ones a child wants to be with. Yes, I did read that your son cries when it's time to go. My daughter has cried for years. We are very open & talk about this with her. She'll say that her dad & stepmom are mean and she doesn't want to go. (I do think she's been mistreated, however, I would not let her go if I thought she was abused.) I've talked to her dad and stepmom, telling them that they are ruining their relationship with her -- they need to really hear her and work some things out.

Does it hurt to still send her? Absolutely -- it's crushing. But I believe a relationship with her father is important. And when she says they are mean, we discuss the fact that she gets to see how they choose to live and she sees how my husband & I choose to live. And when she gets older, she'll have both family lives to guide her in the proper decisions in her life. Does she want to be mean to others? Or does she want to communicate and love others -- as unconditionally as human beings can.

Please keep your son's best interests in mind. It WILL be tough. Stand up for his rights and what is reasonable for him (keeping in mind school, homework, sleep, etc.). If another woman wants to help love your son, embrace that. You will always be his mother & he'll always love you more. Don't feel pushed aside by her! Be fair and strong when you go to court, and make sure you have a lawyer that agrees with your morals/decisions.

You need a lawyer. Call Legal Aid. They charge on a sliding scale.

I suggest that any court would've granted visitation. It is in the best interests of the child that he know both parents. I wonder if your attitude is negatively influencing your son when it comes to going to be with his father. Your son can feel your lack of approval even if you don't say anything. And you're sympathetic with his tears instead of encouraging him to have fun at Daddy's.

It does seem that one father is enough and you do have a husband who is fathering him but that is not necessarily the case. I suggest that the court will be less likely to grant him less visitation/parenting time if you'd get with the program as far as visits go now. Agree that he spend time with his father while firmly but calmly stating that you remain his primary caretaker.

As to why he's returned after 2 years. I suggest that he was a scared kid back then and has grown up some and realized he wants to be a part of his son's life. I suggest he's wanting custody because you're making visits difficult.

I agree with all the others saying "get a lawyer asap." Take a loan, do whatever you have to. And ask for a change of venue-let the lawyer know what happened.

Also, be sure you document your son's wishes and the fact that he hates going to see his bio-dad. The court may take that into account.

Good luck!!!

The court is going to side with the best interest for the child. If he hasnt been there, and has not done a whole lot then he will have a hard time getting custody. If you do need help or legal advice, seek an attorney that offers free consultation. There might have to be a paternity test done to prove he is the father if there hasnt been one. If there is one done and he dosnt get custody then you might be able to get child support too. Anyways good luck!