Crying at Bedtime

Not knowing what time you put them to bed makes it tough to give great advice but I bet he is jealous of the time you spend with his sister after he has gone to bed. He's not asleep yet and can hear all the sweet happy sounds of you feeding her and rocking her and singing to her,, and it makes him want to be there too. I'd suggest you have daddy read a couple books and play a quiet game or two with him, while you feed, bathe and put his sister to bed FIRST. Then you can take a now relaxed little boy and spend those precious few minutes with him and show him how important he is to you. Then as he drifts off to sleep the house is quiet and he knows he saw you last, and nothing so great or exciting is going on so he isn't missing much. (think of all the great and exciting things you and daddy can do now that both kids are fast asleep) (o:

My kids are 15 months apart. My son is 31 months and my daughter is 16.5 months. When my son gets too tired and starts acting up at bed time I will tell him that I will come in and check on him after I put his sister to bed. It is not usually for about an hour, but that works for me. I get bedtime going with stories that way it does not seem like it is just about going to sleep. We read for about 15 minutes then I tell him that I have to put sissy to bed and give her a bottle because she is a baby and he is a big boy. He started sleeping in a big bed at a young age so that I could use his crib for my daughter. I also got him a fish...so the light is like a night light and he can watch him while he is laying there. He got the fish because he is "such a big boy and goes to bed on his own". I got a beta at Petsmart, the tank, rocks, Elmo goodies and food for about 40 bucks but it has been worth every penny. Good luck.

You have to find some way to spend time with him before bedtime. Separation anxiety takes time for a child to know that Mommy leaves but always comes back; trust that you will come back is something new for him and being with alot of other kids is new too. A new environment, a new caregiver, new friends, new everything. He will adjust and soon he will not want to go home when you come as he is busy doing something he likes to do. Transitions are sometimes difficult but this too shall pass. My son was my baby for over two hears and a new sister that he loved was great but he still wanted to be my baby. No matter how much love he got from Dad and Grandpa, he wanted his Mommy.
Can you feed his sister earlier in the evening and then have Dad give her a bottle before bedtime so you can spend some one to one time with your son? My son was taking all the clothes out of his dresser, throwing water around the bathroom, getting into things in the kitchen, etc. but when I gave him one to one attention, his antics stopped. Our house was child safe but he could still could make a big mess! Another idea is to put sister to bed earlier so you have time with him one to one before he goes to bed.
F.

It sounds like to me he's missing his mommy - first he has to share mommy with a little sister and now he has to leave mommy every day to go to school. Maybe you can give him some one-on-one time with you each day. Are you breastfeeding your 15 month old? If not, maybe dad can help her to sleep and you can spend that time with your son. I think he just needs some mommy time!

What helped us was for me to schedule a block of alone time for my son and me. I don't know if that's possible for you, but a few hours doing something "special" with Mommy cured a lot of his acting out. My son is three and he has a 1 year old sister and a two month old brother. I try to give each kid some undivided attention alone throughout the week. Could be anything -- they don't really care. If you need ideas, email me.
Good Luck,
N.

Hi D.,

I didnt' read the other responses, but...

2-year-olds are tricky! :) They are getting bigger and thinking about more things and it could even be that nothing is changed but he has decided that he isn't enjoying the routine for whatever reason...seriously they get upset about a lot of things at this age. I'm absolutely sure taht you are being more than generous with him with your time...he may just need some extra mommy time right now for a while...at my house my 2yo cycles between wanting mommy and then wanting daddy. It's really hard...

So...I was just joined by my 2yo boy and I asked his opinion...and he says that you should tickle your little boy!!!

Good luck!

What time is his (and his siter's) bedtimes? It could be too late, and adding a new situation like school to an over-tired child is a recipe for disaster. I HIGHLY recommend getting the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth for age appropriate sleep needs and schedules. Using his schedules and methods makes things easier for you and ensure they are sleeping in sync with their natural sleep rhythms. Please email me if you have questions. My daughter is 3 (almost 4) and has always been a good sleeper, averaging 12 hours a night with little to no fussing at bedtime.
Sincerely,
L.

D., I so feel your pain. My son was 2.5 when his little brother was born. My nightmare began after that for the next 6 months. My son was so excited to have a little brother excpet for when I had to feed baby brother. you have to understand that your son has been the only person in your world till his sibling arrived. Now he isn't center of attention. My husband at the time was on a plane every week for 4 days a week 5 months prior to our second son's birth. Which he almsot missed. 2 weeks after the baby was born he was back on a plane. SO i was doing it all by myself. I wanted to hang myself. I had to stop pumping/breastfeeding at 3 months because everytime I pumped my older son FLIPPED OUT and would climb on me. my baby also had acid reflux at 4 months we found out which explained all the screming and yelling around the clock and me getting no sleep because I was doing it all night too alone. Plus my older son had moved to a big boy bed 4 months before his brother arrived and was being potty trained and preschool. Talk about a lot going on. I lost it many times. Spent a lot of time crying at night. I finally had to do what works. That was not driving myself nuts with the whole breastfeeding thing. I had to finally just go to formula full time. I had to find ways to keep my household on track. When it was bath time, i put my older son in the tub and fed baby there. Then i would get my older son out of the tub and let him brush his teeth while i was putting baby to sleep. It was a struggle for a while but I was ripping my hair out and i had to stop and find a solution. I was so tired I couldn't drive a lot let alone find clean clothes half the time. My baby was spitting up at least 4-8 times a day from his reflux. One day I was so tired I backed up into my husband's car. My son also stopped taking naps at 2yrs old. I finally took a step back and got creative. I found out that my older son loves the computer. So i moved him to my system on pbskids.org while I got his baby brother ready for bed. When it was time for my older one to go to bed, I would lay with him and we would talk about our day and how I love him, etc. Life is much better and baby is on meds. We are all sleeping better and my husband is home more now. Hang in there. Just figure out ways to entertain your son so you can have balance. Its so hard going from one to two. My motto is I need a padded room with a cocktail somttimes. It will get better. I know its hard to see that now, but it will. I feel like i missed out on a lot but there is finally peace. Also, i told my older son if he goes to bed and doen't get out or cry for the night he gets hot chocolate in the morning (or what ever it is he likes) that works like a charm.

Good luck
SAHM/zombie with 2 adorable funny little boys. 3.5yrs and 10 months, started walking at 7.5months and is now running. I m so busy I don't come up for air much.

What else is there? Television!!! I had a no-TV policy until our 2nd came along (I have a 2.5 yr old and a 7 mo old). It is impossible to nurse baby when the 2.5 yr old is around - baby is distracted and the older one needs attention. Now, they both have their dinner together, and after dinner the 2.5 yr old gets to watch a show while I nurse and get baby ready for bed. We have a DVR, so there are lots of PBS shows to choose from... he usually is excited to watch Thomas the train... again! After the baby goes to bed, and I can have one-on-one time w/ the 2.5 yr old while I get him ready for bed, read, etc. This has worked so well... what did parents do before TV?? Seriously. It also works beautifully to keep the 2.5 yr old in his chair finishing his dinner, washing hands, using the potty, etc. The promise that he'll get some TV time before bed. Not sure what I'll do if this ever stops working... ack. Good luck! The screaming can really fray ones nerves and make it hard to think clearly, but it can't last forever. Hang in there...

Sounds like someone needs some mommy alone time. Starting him in school, sister getting the attention at bedtime that he wants and daddy getting frusterated, poor little guy. I would have 2 separate bedtimes. I would put your daughter down 1st and then put your son down. That way he knows your attention is on him and he can play with daddy before he has you to put him to bed. Sounds like something changed, we know school is new, but did you always nurse at this time? Tell daddy not to get frusterated and to be sympathetic. Could you pump and let daddy bottle feed why you put your son down? Again, best advice would be put your daughter down 1st and then your son. He just wants you right now and with a new school he probably feels like he doesn't get time with you. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old so I can relate to the crying. Take a deep breath and just keep trying different things. Good luck. ps, if he is going to school full-time, maybe you should only have him do 2 days a week and then after a few months add more days.

Hi D.,

It sounds like he needs his mommy, too :O)

Maybe you can try putting your daughter down first, then once she is "out of the way", you can give your son the attention he seems to need right now.

Your son is only 2 1/2, and that's pretty young to understand that sister needs mommy more than he does. He's trying to show you that he needs you more than she does.

Try giving both of them quality time and bedtime, and see if that works.

~N. :o)

I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 yr old and my husband works shift work - so at least a couple nights a week I have to put the kids to bed solo.
What I've found that works is putting my youngest to bed first and letting my oldest be in the same room (or nearby) hanging out or playing quietly. I think it helps my oldest seeing his little brother go to sleep. And then he knows that he will also get 'his time' alone w/me or with dad (when dad is home).
You could also try pumping your milk and putting it into a bottle or sippy cup and then switch roles with your husband. Let him put your daughter to bed while you put your son to sleep.
Either way or even if you keep your current routine - I'm sure it'll be a phase that will soon pass! Good luck....

Well, sound s like you have changed his routien....he started school a week ago. He's still adjusting to that change & being away from you, & the time that means his sister gets alone w/you. And as the other responder said, he's also probably jealous f the time you take w/his sister after he goes to bed. I agree very much w/D.'s advice....put sister to sleep first so he can have your undivided attention. Also maybe have Daddy start the bedtime routine (the bath & a book or 2) & play up that this is his special time w/his dad alone. Then once his sister is in bed, you go finish the bedtime routine of another book, cuddles in bed & chatting about his day.