G.B.
I would deal with this very firmly but know that it will still erupt sometimes. My oldest 2 girls were very close in age, like yours, and that made it so much more likely to happen. They work together now, live 4 blocks apart, and are very close buddies. My daughter had to be very firm with her twins, separating them into 2 rooms when this occurred, sometimes for a few hours if they didn't respond to shorter times. She hated to do it but one of them still has little scars on her face from these fights, and she was the stronger one! Talk and talk and talk. My kids remember me telling them how this hurt me because siblings are such a gift and your relationships must be nourished and protected. Sometimes I'd be in tears. They are all very close today. My grandmother once ran to her car in tears when my brother & I were fighting (middle school age) and it totally stunned us cause it was nothing to us. We are close today as well. It has to be addressed consistently. Thank God they're good outside your home - that says a lot about your family. Hang in there, A.. This is very exhausting but it will pay off in the long run. Trying to teach them to use words is great but sometimes they just want to slug it out, and they can't be allowed to do it. I used to work with teens who were in residential treatment for violence, and I remember one boy whose dad told me he always just sent the boys outside to "settle it". He was violent too. This boy had no boundaries about managing his anger. If nothing else works, you can try family counselling. Good luck!
