For more than a year, we've had an established bedtime routine that included putting on jammies, brushing teeth, reading a story and then off to bed. In 25 minutes, our son would be out like a light. In the last couple of weeks, our 2 year-4 month old son has decided that he doesn't want to change into his jammies (he puts up a fuss when we change his shirt), he drags his feet about brushing his teeth (we have go through a "yes-no" discussion for about 5 minutes before he makes a move to the bathroom) and story time-- forget about it. He doesn't want to sit on our lap in the glider and have a story read. Now HE wants to sit in the chair, go over the story in his own words and then he puts up a fuss about turning off the light. Eventually, he goes down for the night, but it has become a struggle. My hubby and I speculate that his antics are his way to delay going to bed either because he doesn't want to go to bed or because it is still light out and he wants to hang out with us. So now we are trying to come up with a routine that gets us back on track timewise because the little guy needs his sleep! Any ideas?
Sorry for the late update. It's been a year since I posted this! About a week or so after I posted this, he finally slept through the night and has been doing so every since. Sure, the bedtime routine has changed ("I need a drink of water, I need to give Mama/ Daddy a squeeze" -- all stall tactics!) but that just shows how much he is changing and growing. Thanks for all the feedback!
The heat is killing our bedtime routine. I toss both kids in the tub at the end of the day. We read and brush our teeth while still in the tub and it is family playtime. I love to wrap my kids up after their bath-- they are my baby burritos and they can't stop me from being a kiss-y monster (my kids are 3 and 7).
Make your routine enjoyable whatever it may be, that is the little time that you have to hang out.
L.,
He's two. He's trying to assert his independence. Let him choose the jammies he wants to wear, and allow extra time so that he can put them on himself. When it's time for brushing teeth just say: It's time to brush teeth. Do you want to do it, or do you want Mom/Dad to? If he wants to read himself a book, compromise. He can read it himself, but he has to sit on a lap and read it. You could also let him choose where the book is read.
Right now your routine sounds like a good one, it's just that your little guy is wanting to be more independent and do things on his own. When my son was two he wanted to brush his teeth by himself, but didn't do a good job of it. I'd let him do it, reminding him where to brush, then say okay, it's my turn now, and brush his teeth better. I'd also praise the heck out of him for being a big boy and doing such a good job.
Hope this helps,
Melissa
He is trying to display his indepedance. He wants to have more control over his life and not feel so controlled. Here is what you, it is from the Love & logic teachings. Stay calm and neutral. Start giving him choices. Start well before it is time to go get ready for bed. Would you like milk or water with dinner? Do you want to play with your cars or with legos? Do you want to brush your teeth first of put your jammies on first? do you want to take a bath or a shower.
Even though you are not following your routine to the tee, you are still getting what you want, and your son thinks he is making all the decisions. It wont work over night, but give it some time and you will see some pretty amazing changes. To get more help you can go to the Love and Logic website www.loveandlogic.com. I was lucky enough to take a class at my church.
I feel for you! Bedtime can be so hard. I have four kids, and it seems like every three to six months we go through what I have started to call a bedtime revolution. We generally try something new for a few weeks, then settle back into our original routine (or something close to it). Here are a couple of things I've done to counteract the shaking up that happens.
* Bedtime checklist: I made a checklist of everything we needed to do before bed, and the kids would check them off when they finished doing each item. I made personalized lists for each child, and they liked helping to pick out the font on the computer.
* Bedtime crackdown: The kids HATED this one, but I found it very effective. When we're having a particularly bad night, I'll threaten going back to bedtime crackdown and the kids shape up pretty fast. I made a list of our routine, and attached a time value to it (i.e. 8:00--put on pajamas. 8:10--brush teeth). I made them stick to the schedule like glue. This cut down on the constant delaying that they had been doing.
* Back patting--I made some sort of ritual with patting their backs after they were ready for bed. Regular nights they would get ten pats, if they were speedy in their routine, they would get twenty pats. I liked this one because it gave me a chance to connect with each child as they were going to sleep.
The other thing that I end up doing if they're being impossible (which, despite how wonderful my kids are, DOES happen) is take away privileges. They love to listen to story cds while they drift off to sleep, so if they've been in bed but keep getting out of it and playing around, I'll take away the cd player after warning them several times.
Hope this helps a little. Good luck with your boy!
I will tell you of our experience and what we do. We started a routine early on and I wouldn't say it's chafed, but has evolved with his age. We started out with a picture board of his favorite character from Blues Clues when he was 2 and we started putting him to bed like a big boy. It had a picture for each thing he was to do before bed and it hung on the wall. At bedtime we would go through them one at a time getting them do then getting gin bed.
Now, that he is 4, we don't use a picture board, we tell him to brush hi teeth and get his night clothes on. We cannot proclaim it's bedtime-using the word bedtime really upsets him. So we tell jim it's time to get his rest so he can play the next day.
He is now starting to give us problems and doesn't want to go to bed. We still don't use the word bedtime but have now started giving him choices - only two choices at a time. Example: what would you like to listen to, author or dinasours before dark? Would you like the door open or closed?
What really calms him down is asking him what he is going to dream of and what he would like me to dream? This distracts him.
If he comes out of his room, I point and say back in bed. He will usually scream but I ignore it while asking him if he now wants his door open or closed.we may do this a few times but I make sure I tell him I love you and will see you at breakfast.
Hope that helps.
It sounds like he is asserting his independence and trying to figure out the power hierarchy in the family. Both my older sons did this (and I am sure when my youngest, now 11 months, gets older he will too). Part of it is they want to do some things for themselves, and you've been given good advice about that already. The other piece that it might be is the power thing. They know that when you tell them something they are supposed to do it, so they understand your position, but they want to know theirs. Do mom and dad have to do what I say too? Can I not do what mom and dad say? etc. My best suggestion is to decide what battles are worth fighting and win those, and then let him call the shots on the others. Then he knows that mom and dad are in charge, but he is also a big boy and can make some decisions also. Good luck.
I went through this with my daughter at that age...all of a sudden there was NO reasoning with her when it came to the jammies, toothbrushing, reading, etc. She would end up throwing a tantrum and we would shut the door and let her cry it out and then once she was calm sit with her by her bed until she fell asleep. That did NOT make for fun evenings. I started following a very steady schedule from morning to night: same b'fast, lunch, nap, snack, dinner, play, and bath times every day. It helped quite a bit to have a set time from the time she got up, and that way as the evening approached she was already "in mode" of the routine.
I know with an infant to care for to that is much harder to do...so I would say that maybe just adding bathtime in at the beginning of the nightly routine would allow him time to realize that it was time to wind down for bed. My daughter has done SO much better with that than any other things I tried, and since bathtime can be a good playtime he will get out that last burst of energy before he lays down in bed to be read to. She became very into the whole bathtime play routine, so she has ten minutes or so to play with her bath toys after I have gotten her all washed up (good motivation to cooperate). I use Huggies Lavendar and Chamomile wash and lotion on her every night, which also helps calm her a bit. On nights she really insists on not going to sleep, we let her lay in bed with a book or two after we are done reading to her and leave her in her room alone with a small lamp on. We usually find that no matter how wide awake she seems when we walk out of her room, she is sound asleep with her book open in five to ten minutes when we go in to check on her.
I hope that helps out, the whole daily routine seems to make the biggest difference with my daughter, when that gets out of whack she seems much less cooperative as the day and evening go on. Good luck! :)
P.S. When he is potty trained, look out for the "I have to go potty" stall-tactic...I hope he doesn't use it but my little one sure did :)
I totally empathize with you. Both of my kids, daughter almost 11 and son 3 1/2, are very driven by the light. It it's light out it's daytime. It's not nighttime until it's dark. My daughter is obviously, at 11, easier to reason with than the little one. Add heat to the equation and bedtime can be a nightmare. As bedtime approaches we start closing all of the blinds to block out as much light as possible. We tell a story about how because it's summer time the sun doesn't like to bed either and that's why it's still light out at bedtime. But the moon will be coming soon to make sure the sun goes to bed etc. etc. It changes each day as he adds his own imagination. Cool baths on warm days help some as well as letting him pick out his own jammies, get them out of the drawers on his own, choose which toothbrush he wants to use etc. We make adjustments to bedtime routines each season. I know it's not much help but know you aren't alone. Good luck!
I have been hesitant to add a bath to our bedtime routine because our daughter seems to get wound up in the bath, but I have read that (for people of all ages) an evening bath/shower will help the body cool down, which helps signal sleep time. Our 22-month-old is always shivery after a bath no matter how warm the house is, so I have been thinking about adding it to see if it works--you might try that.
I agree with Tobi about giving him more choices.Just make sure you don't overwhelm him with too many choices. I also agree with the woman who talked about the bath time routine.
Before that and before dinner, I'd also make sure he is getting enough outdoor activity time. That will help his natural melatonen work and perhaps make him a lot more ready for bedtime. If you incorporate the outside time as a family play time it might help satisfy his need to hang out with you both too. It could involve: a family swim at the local pool,a walk while he rides a trike, rolling around the yard, playing ball together,a short trip to the local park, going through the sprinkler, including him in gardening and more...
That way he has an active time outside, dinner, bath, quiet bed time
Try putting something on the windows in his room to block out the light and pull the curtains/shades in the rest of the house when it is bed time. This way the house is darkened. You can open them again when he is in bed. Continue the bed routine you have now, give him the choice to put jammies on, brush teeth, read story, but if not with in the amounted time then do it for him (put jammies on him, brush his teeth for him, read story to him, ect.) It will not hurt him if his teeth are not brushed completly all the time, or his jammies pants are not on, only the shirt. Good luck, I still remember those days.
