Children's Behavior at School Should I Be Concerned?

Oh my gosh! I would talk to the teacher right away...why wait or things like this? Especially when they're kissing and suggesting nudity. Completely inappropriate behavior. My husband is a teacher and he would want to know. I don't know about all teachers, but this kind of thing would not be stood for in his class.

Sounds to me like you need to contact the school! If she is being harassed by other children, adults at school should know. What school is this by the way?

Yes, you should be very concerned! My son kissed another child on the cheek (because the other child taunted him into it - he is a follower too) & he was sent to the councelers office & the school called me & said that my son can committed 'Sexual Harrassment' against another child! Everything that has been done to your daughter is considered 'Sexual Harrassment' or 'Bullying' according to the school system & they do not tolerate it. You should talk to the principal & teacher together (mainly the principal) about what is going on. Your daughter should not have to deal with that type of behavior at such a young age. If the principal does nothing go higher, such as the school board. You may end up transfering her to another school. I now 'home school' my son through Elkhart Cyber School & he goes to a youth group at church to learn & be around other kids. We plan to put him in more activities soon.
Do not tollerate this behavior from the school! Your daughter has the right to be protected from other kids trying to get her to take her clothes off. Since the boy says stuff like that I'm sure he has been through a lot in is few years of life (learned it from his family or tv shows that were way to 'old' for him).

God Bless!

God Bless!

I totally and completely understand where you are coming from. My daughter dealt with the same type of issue when she was in 1st grade. Our school has a no tolerance policy with sexual harassment, which is exactly what this little boy is doing. You need to immediately call your daughters school and discuss this matter. You want a safe environment for your daughter and if the teacher is unwilling to help, go above her head and continue moving up the ladder until this situation is resolved. Plus you really need to work on having your daughter speak up for herself. We did the same thing for my daughter. There is a ton of info on the web about bullying and how to help your child cope. We gathered the info and worked with our daughter. (roll playing and fun "learning" projects) She now has the tools to deal with difficult situations. This has helped her so much and now that she is in middle school she has been able to handle the usual boy/ girl stuff and also the clique stuff. I hope this helps. I know you feel a little lost and shocked that you would have to deal with this so soon, believe me I know I was.

I would run ...not walk...to the school...as some of the others have already said...I would talk to both the teacher and the principal and I would do it NOW...not next week. You need to go in with a cool head and a calm heart...write down points that you want to cover...dont be accusatory but just tell them that your daughter is being harassed and you want it stopped.
I like what Nana of 5 has said about what you could teach your daughter to say when someone says something hurtful to her. I would also start having a few conversations with both of your girls about "good and bad touches". My oldest daughter was a victim of sexual exploitation..by a family member...when she was only 3 years old. So you see it is never too early to start educating them. Thank goodness that my daughter told me a "story" about what had happened...and I did enough detective work to find out what was behind her "story"...and we were able to address the situation.
You are your daughters advocate in this...and other situations that will arise...dont ever hesitate to stand up for them. Better to over-react than under-react!! Let your daughters know that they have a champion in you and their father!!!

L., I have boys, so I am not as keen on the "boyfriend stuff" in first grade, but my boys are K, 1st and 2nd grade, and I can tell you, you must get this bully behavior dealt with now!! My oldest has been fighting the bully scene all year. I have talked to the teacher, and that helped ALOT, the after school babysitter, and my son, I even sent him to the school counsellor and that helped too. My son is also shy and sensitive. I also would be very disturbed about the "getting undressed" comments. That boy needs to be confronted with his behavior, someone needs to contact his parents, and even if they don't react, the you and the school need to handle this. If the teacher won't do anything, go above their head to the principal. Most schools have the "no bullying" policies and most principals won't tolerate it either! Bullying is never right and must be stopped. There is a great website that tells what to do, and how to instruct your children. I will get this from the babysitter (she went over this in meetings with all the kids last week) and reply back later today. It was phenomenal information. It is good that you are recognising the need to do something. Your daughter is too precious to have her dignity and innocence violated at this young of an age. Hang in there, sister, we'll get you some ammo!!

I am a FT working single mom with 3 wonderful boys, aged 9, 7 and 6.

This exact thing happened to my granddaughter last year, the boy was first her boyfriend, then not, he said inappropriate things, then took a pencil sharpener apart and told her to cut her arm! We spent quite a lot of time talking with the councilor, they tried to keep them separated, then we'd hear they had to do a project together, on and on. We finally requested that they never be put in the same classroom together, then my daughter moved so she is in another school this year and is doing much better. We even started her talking to a councilor who seemed to help a little.
Bottom line was there was very little we could do as long as they were in the same classroom. Also remember that this is your child and if you are in a public school it is your right to 'visit' at any time, you can go sit in on the class and there is really nothing the school can do, they have to allow you access any time you want as long as you do nothing to disrupt (sitting and watching is not a disruption).

L....I feel your pain, the assigned seat thing may make it easier for the teacher but is not always fair to the child...I think I would talk to the teacher and ask that considering what has happened it is not unreasonable that she be moved from sitting next to him. Don't be afraid to follow up, if your daughter still has problems with him, talk to other school officials, it can be considered a form of bullying and a lot of schools now have a zero tolerance for bullying. Ask the counselor to speak with your daughter to give her an outlet to talk about her feelings and so the counselor can help build up her self esteem.
It is never too young to start worrying about the things that happen to your child while they are in school, it is my opinion that if you don't speak up for your child that things will get worse, because there are just so many hours in a day and so many kids that a lot of times teachers are Unaware of the situation or think the children can work it out for themselves.

I would be very concerned regarding the taking of the clothes of comment and getting married comment...you said they were 6???....sigh, the world is a very changed place...and not for the better...we are our childrens protectors, don't think for one moment that you are over reacting...give the teacher a chance to try and fix things but don't be afraid to go over her head if you are not satisfied.
Lots of luck
B.

Good Morning L.! First take a Deep breath, get your thoughts together (write them down if you need to), then head for the School. Or call and make an appointment for a conference with the principal and the teacher at the same time. Tell them it's very important that you speak with them Today! Not next week, or two days from now.

Little kids can be real buggers at school, especially little boys who think it is fun to tease little girls. Not picking on boys Mama's I raised 2 and have 4 gr son's.

For the little guy who is supposed to be her Boy friend they don't understand what that means at 6. Maybe your daughter is old enough to say something like "I'm your friend and that was Ugly to say to me". "I'm still your friend so don't say bad things anymore". It used to be the more terrible things a little boy said to a little girl the more he liked her but didn't want anyone to know!

As for the Kissing and removing cloths OMGoodness! He has seen something he really should not of seen somewhere!!
After speaking with the principal I would suggest they call this child's parents and ask them to come in. They need to know what was said to your little girl. Maybe he saw a Magazine or movie he shouldn't of. But they definitely need to know about it. I don't think schools can speak to a child about something like this without the parents being there. Children by nature are innocent (used to be anyway), having NO idea what this is all about.
If we face it with a cool head, non accusatory fashion we might get better results. Instead of angry and demanding.

Don't wait L., do it today.

God Bless and keep breathing, helps keeps the anger at bay.
K. Nana of 5

Unfortunately we went thru a similar situation, in our case the boy told my daughter that when they grow up she could perform oral sex on him (different wording used). We found this out thru our children's pastor when she was going thru a Baptism course. We contacted her teacher and gave names and asked the teacher to speak with the boys parents. She did and she did not use our names to the boys parents. That was to avoid conflict. We actually sat down with her and told her what was said. The information from my daughter was unsolicited so we knew she was being truthful. She was in Kindergarten at the time and so was the boy. Very scary! If the teacher won't deal with this then please go to the principal of the school. You should say something to the teacher about both boys and ask that she have the first boy moved from sitting by her. Then explain to your daughter that having a boyfriend at her age is to young. She can friends who are boys, but not boyfriends. Tell her you don't want her to grow up to fast, enjoy her youth. Good luck and God Bless.
P.S. We tell our daughters they cannot date until the are 34. LOL They know we are joking but don't know the real age in which they will be allowed to date. That will depend on their maturity level.

I would definately say something to the teacher. Your daughter needs to know that when she comes to you with a problem that you will help her resolve it. Also, just try to encourage her that she did the right thing to tell someone and to try to stay away from the kids causing problems. As for the boy kissing her, I would just remind her that pretend play is fun but even when pretending we save kissing for mommy's and daddy's and we never take off our clothes unless taking a bath. If the other kids don't listen she should tell someone.

Her teacher and the school administration should be notified immediately. As adults, it is our job to protect our children. I would be the squeakiest wheel they have ever heard. Ask for a meeting with all involved adults and demand a solution. Your daughter should not have to be near someone who treats her this way. Some of the child's words could even be considered sexual harassment and could get the boy in a great deal of serious trouble. I would call the school and speak with the principal today. Good Luck.

L., I would definitely talk to the teacher, and tell her to not have your daughter sit by this boy at all during any time during any class. Tell her what happened and that you are trying to discourage a friendship, and tell her to keep it in confidence. You don't know what kind of weirdo's are raising kids and letting them see who knows what, then they bring it to school and cloud our kid's little heads. Your daughter is way too young to have someone introduce her to sexual ideas. Tell them when you want her to learn about it, YOU will teach her, not her playground playmate.

Wow. So young to be even talking about these things let alone if they are really happening. Definitely talk to the teacher and principal as soon as possible. Also be sure there is someone monitoring at all times.

Oh yes I think a trip to the school ASAP is deemed neccessary. some of this is just growing up get your feelings hurt he said she said, but the other is concerning, Kids need boundaries too even when playing grown up stuff.
You really need to stay in touch with your child like your doing to see if it is continuing.

Hi, I would definately talk to the teacher about this. Hopefully, she can help clear up the matters your daughter has discussed. I think that typically, teachers discourage "boyfriend/girlfriend" at this age.

I've read through most of the requests and they are all telling you to talk to the teacher which is good, but have you talked to your daughter about how boys are to treat her? I think if you start telling her now, when she's young how a boy should treat her, then when she grows up she'll know who is a gentleman. Maybe if she told this boy he is not her "boyfriend" anymore because he's mean to her, and if he wants to be her "boyfriend" then he needs to be nice to her. That will teach her now, how to be respected when she's old enough to really date. I was a very shy kid too and my mom pounded it in my head how a man should treat a woman and I'm so glad she did!!

2 words...

Home School!

This world is becoming more and more dangerous all the time. I recently found out that a little boy I know has been having actual intercourse with another little girl he has been friends with and right under their mothers noses. At least that is the act he is describing and the 2 kids thought it was the most normal thing in the world.

Kids today are often allowed to sit up and go through tv channels to all hours of the night seeing things they shouldn't. And the way so many families think nothing of drinking themselves into oblivion with the kids in the house they don't even seem to know or remember to shut doors or make sure kids aren't seeing stuff right in their own homes.

I've learned painfully so in my daycare that I can't trust anyone over the age of 4 to be alone with each other in any room that I or my mother are not in at all times.

If you won't or can't home school, I guess you just have to demand better supervision at school and that she sits with girls only at lunch.

Suzi

I would not be too concerned but definatly talk to the teacher. I have learned with my more passive child that what they say to the teacher or how is usually not what or how they say it to you. She may be making it sound as if it is not a big deal to her teacher. But that is what you are for regardless of how she is portraying to the teacher. The teacher may also have another out look on this boy. I am not big on the "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing at this age. It usually begins with the children who's parents promote it because it looks cute and then spread to the other kids. If adults act as if it not a big deal or act as if they don't notice then it usually fades, because afterall, they are trying to mimic adults. Luckily for me, the girl to my son's first girlfriend he had gone to preschool with and we were able to discuss it. In actuality, they were just good friends and getting to that age where they feel as if they have to lable the relationship as "boyfriend/girlfriend" because it is not cool to have friends of the opposite gender. I talked to my son also, telling him he can be friends with her without calling her that, how it makes him feel... Your situaltion adds a few other twist that makes no mother of a little girl comfortable. But is sounds like this little boy is mimicing adults he sees and unfortunatly we can only limit that with our own children. It also sounds as if he has a low sence of self-confidence and is fearful of loosing her friendship. I would talk to her, she is your only garantee. See how he makes her feel, why she thinks he acts does this and that. There might be some things about him she likes as a friend and others she does not which is making her feel confused.

I would definately talk to the teacher. by her being aware of the situation, it will help her keep an eye on these 2 boys and be more aware. You will probably be surprised that the teacher is aware of some of this stuff but if she isn't, she will be now and can watch out for other signs of inappropriate behavior and explain to them that this behavior is not acceptable.

If your description of this behavior is just half the picture, you should be concerned. Although the boy not have any idea of the meaning of what he is saying, it is inappropriate. Considering kids have been sanctioned for hugging when they see each other at the bus stop, I'm surprised kissing isn't setting off some kind of alarms.

You shouldn't have to worry about your daughter when she's in school and the teacher should be doing something. Some teachers/schools would deal with this appropriately, some won't want to deal with it at all. It may take you several visits to get something accomplished.

My son was teased mercilessly in school. It wasn't done under the teachers noses, so they didn't deal with it. When he had had enough, he would hit and he would get in trouble. It went on for YEARS. I had him see a outside counselor/therapist. For him, it was the best thing because some outside of me and school was teaching him how to deal with it. The teasing went on until probably his sophomore year in high school. It wasn't until his freshmen year that a teacher REALLY noticed and threatened the teasers with bullying. THAT has a whole disciplinary process behind it. I don't know if that did it or if the teasers finally matured, but at least my son had learned the tools to deal with it himself.
Good luck, this is not going to be a quick fix.

I would definitely tell the teacher and see what she does about it. If you are not satisfied with her response, go to the principal. That type of behavior is not acceptable. It is both bullying and sexual harassent, regardless of the age of the kids. Most school districts have anti bullying laws in place to protect the kids, and
this little boy needs to know he is acting very inappropriately. If he doesn't learn now, just imagine what
he will be like in a few years. I would document everything so you have a record if it doesn't get addressed to your satisfaction. Don't be afraid to talk to the principal first if you don't think you can get anywhere with the teacher. We have had similar issues in our school, and they take that VERY seriously, and there are immediate consequences for that type of behavior. But, until they know, they can't respond. Don't be afraid to stand up for your daughter. She needs your protection.

Good luck. Glad I'm not in your shoes!!!!

Wow what a creepy little kid! If you raise your kids normally does this still happen? I sure hope not! Yeah you need to get to the bottom of this asap! Weird Weird Weird!

I would also involve the counselor. We had 2 kids expelled at our school for "kissing" on the cheek. Sexual harassment according to the principal. These things could affedt her long range. Do you remember anything that stands out in your elementary years? I do and that's been over 30 yrs ago. Some of the kids in our school would play "house" at recess.

Oh my. Well, unfortunately not all parents try to keep their children little and let them be kids. I work in a school and it is unbelieveable what these kids know so young (or in some cases think they know, but only partial information). DEFINATELY talk to the teacher and the principal. Set up a meeting with both of them at the same time. Be sure not to put you daughter on the spot with this and make her feel like she is in trouble. Stuff like that, even at such a young age is considered sexual harassment, and if the child isn't taught now that it is unacceptable, he will be a handfull as he gets older. Don't be shy about it. This may just be kids being kids, but I would be very unhappy if this happend to my daughter. The child needs consequences for what he said, and in my opinion the parents need a reality check... There is no sense in a child that young being exposed to such things. Good luck.