Childcare Fears

Hi R.,

From B. we have been taling over e-mail,

I do understand your fears that is why my husband and I chose to keep our son at home through those infant years the thought of another person or persons having to meet the needs of my son scared me; would he get enough love, attention, would he be safe. I worried about this when we would leave him with a sitter just so my husband and I could go out. In the end we have less money to spend on extra material items or fun places and we have to stretch our money because we all know that teacher don't make a lot of money ( my husband is a teacher) but I always knew that my son was safe and being cared for the way I wanted him to be. He is now in preschool at the age of 4. Now I feel I can go back to work soon. I think as moms we love our children so much and sometimes some of us have to work and that can be scary and make one feel helpless inside. Keep in mind as you search for the place or person or persons to care for your infant that you make sure they care for her the way you want them to, that is how I would feel if I had to leave my baby in someone elses care, be picky in your decision making and trust those mommy instinct. This might sound over dramatic but when it comes to my children I am especially picky about who I leave them with. I wish you well and your baby to come.

B. Melanie Ferguson

Hi R., I have a little daycare at home. I wanted to be the childcare provider that I could never find for my own kids who are now 13 and 11. Although i did have a part-time babysitter, I always thought that there was noone good enough to watch my kids. Being a childcare provider and being on the other side now, I tell my parents when I interview is to go with their gutt. One of the hardest things is leaving your children. Your gutt can be a strong tool but you just have to make sure you listen to it. Let me know if I can help you and let you know a few things you should look for. ____@____.com

I have to agree with the other posters, go with your gut. It will never lie to you. I felt 100% safe with my daughters first baby sitter. But if you feel even a little uncomfortable I wouldn't go with that person because you will always have that doubt in your head.

Hi R.!

I have been both a nanny and a babysitter. At present I care for my 18 month old son and a teacher friend's 5 month old at my home. Here are some tips I would look for: 1.) How do they act with your child in FRONT of you? -if they're not comfortable with you there you should really question why... 2.) Can you visit their homes at any time? -Do they mind if you just pop in or if you decided to stay all day, with you still willing to pay them of course, just to watch how she/he interacts with your child. 3.) How CLEAN is their home? -do they have pets, do they smoke, do they keep a tidy house? 3.)Are they willing to also teach your baby? -if that is something you want. I taught my son about 10 words in sign language as well as the alphabet and now he's even counting! Is she/he willing to do that? Is she/he willing to read to your baby EVERY day if that is what you want. Don't ask them "Would you be willing to read to my baby every day?", rather ask them "Tell me what you would do with the baby every day." Never ask a yes or no question, ask an open ended one where they HAVE to give you a specific answer. Are they willing to only feed baby exactly what you want him fed? Are they willing to not take baby certain places? Be specific and be firm! If you don't want her smoking around your baby tell her you absolutely will not tolerate it. In the beginning, ask her what she expects from the job, what she expects from you as the mother. Ask her for questions that she SHOULD have. If a new nanny doesn't have any questions, RED FLAG! Let her ask questions instead of you already giving her the answers. That's another way to see how well spoken she is, how mature she is, etc. I hope this has helped a little! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me! I'm a stay at home mommy! I will respond! GOOD LUCK!! ____@____.com

J.

sounds like you would prefer to work for yourself from home...if you are interested email me back...i can help you get the freedom you need and the flexibility to stay home with your ____@____.com or www.partylite.biz/jenifercanada

You are not the only one who feels like this at all. I am like that now with my own 6mth old this is why I babysit in my home . There are other mothers who feel the same way. Interview alot of people and who ever you can trust and connect with thats who you go with.

If you can re-budget so you can be a stay at home mom, DO IT! you will never regret it, if it is out of the question, then I suggest you invest in a nanny cam, so whoever you hire to take of your children will be monitored by you on a daily basis, it will give you great piece of mind and they are fairly inexpensive. Good luck!!

R. - First, I'd love to know where you are finding nannies to interview, because I can't find them. Maybe you can give me some tips. As an older mom, when my daughter came home very ill and barely alive (we adopted her), I was a nervous wreck and had to have a sitter as I'd just had major brain surgery and my husband traveled constantly for his work. I was fortunate in that we were living in a place I'd lived for 15 years and had recommendations from friends. When I'd have to go through an agency or someone I didn't know, I made sure I was home the first few days the nanny was there. During the interview process I asked questions that were very much to the point and also picked up on things that would give me more ideas about their background than they may have shared, then follow-up on that. It was hard, most of the time I was lucky, but usually you can sense right away if the person isn't right and just trust your instincts. I only hire people who really want to work with and love children, not those who are only doing it for the money or until their dream job comes along. Age has no bearing on how good a nanny will be. Don't be afraid to ask a lot of personal, in depth questions -- you're supposed to, and a good nanny understands that. Trust your instincts but realize it's perfectly normal to be worried and a nervous wreck for the first month or so. Follow-up with the references and you can even have a background check done for a fee with local services who specialize in these things. I agree it's scary. I hear ya, girl.