Child Hitting Herself

Not that I have an answer for the problem but my 14 month old daughter does the same thing. She will pull her hair or hit her head or bang her head on the table, couch, whatever is near. My mother says it is her temper and that I need to nip it in the bud now. I have been trying to stop her and tell her each time that it is unacceptable, but I don't know what else to do either. If you come up with other suggestions and could let me know, I would greatly appreciate it. Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!!!

Thanks, J.

HI, I am a Mother of 2 - My Daughter who will be 3 in June also when told NO would hit herself, throw herself on the floor and bang her head, also She would do this shaking thing with her hands in a fist. I was scared for her but I did my best stayin calm with her and comforting her so she would know that everything was okay but she couldn't do that. As time went on the behavior stopped, but now she's at this phase to Sass back ....But thats another story. J., from one mother to another, just keep talking to her, get her to understand why its not Healthy for her and that gradually this behavior will stop, her seeing you calm will help her to be calm! Hope this helps......A.

My son went through the same thing. He never hit himself in the head but he would slap his hands, he would pinch himself, and I think also that it is out of frustration. It's a very fun age, but it's difficult to because they can't always express what they need/want. Unless you think she's actually hurting herself I wouldn't worry about it.

It is a sign of frustration. My daughter does this too. I have learned to laugh it off. It is completely normal, and the reasons behind it are exactly what you said. I have learned just to tell her,"AWW sweetie dont hit yourself. What do you need honey"? Sometimes she will point, and others, I have to ask her a few times. We both end up happy.

Hi J.,

My son did the same thing. I turned it into a joke with him and said, "Don't hit my baby!" and would force a laugh, even though I truly didn't want him doing it. That eased the situation.

I believe she's frustrated at not being able to tell you how she feels--have you considered teaching her sign language? It's not too late, even if she's fairly verbal. Teach her signs for feelings, and when she's feeling ANYTHING, verbalize it for her. When you see her smiling, say "Oh, you are so happy!" When she cries, say "Oh, you are sad." etc. This helps her put a name to her feelings and allows her to recognize these feelings as something you understand, too.

You can get videos and books from the library, online, etc. I recommend a video first, since the books can be intimidating because they only show pics of moving signs--a little difficult to understand at first.

Good luck!
D.

hey girl
did you talk to your doctor about this .yes call something could be rong i never heard or seen it happen unless your child is spiceal that the only time i seen it.but talk to your doctor

Hi J.!

My son was about 2-1/2 when he started doing the same thing. It gradually progressed to include hitting and biting himself, sometimes to the point he would draw blood. I took him to the pediatrician, who sent us to a child behavior therapist. She told me that he was a very sensitive little boy, especially when it came to the feelings and thoughts of others, and that he was acting out against himself to spare me "getting hurt." There wasn't anything wrong with him, he was just the opposite of other children who act out by throwing things or hitting or biting others. When he would get into these little "fits," I would sit, holding him on my lap and hugging him, and we would count. Sometimes it would only be to ten, other times much higher, depending on how upset he was over the situation, but it would always calm him down without him hurting himself.

Now he is 8-1/2, and a wonderful little man. He still tends to overreact and get upset easily, but now all I have to say to him is "let's count" and it's over. He's now even to the point that if he gets extremely upset with me, he'll tell me that he just needs to go count somewhere, and sometimes, my little boy comes back and will snuggle on the couch and count with me if he's upset with someone else!

Hope this helps! Good luck!

K.

Hey J., My name is K. I am a mother of a 2 year old little girl. When my daughter turned about 18 months she started hitting and biting herself. She mostly did it when she was frustrated or upset. There were times however she would just do it just to do it. She didnt stop hitting and biting herself til she was about 25 months. The doctor told me thats normal for there age. That there just trying to get attention and he told me to start ignoring her when she did that and eventually she would stop. It took a little time but finally she has stopped. So just dont pay attention to her when she does that and just keep telling her thats not the proper way to act when she wants something.

J.--
First of all, don't panic! That was my first response. I have 2 kids, a 7 year old son and a 17 month old daughter. My son would throw all out tantrums, but my daughter has been a TOTALLY different story. She started banging her head and pulling her hair, things of that nature, when she was told no or had something taken from her that she wasn't allowed to play with. I was scared to say anything to the DR. for fear of being told something horrible. But I finally did and I was reassured that it is perfectly normal!!! The doc said that there is no need to worry unless she is really injuring herself. But that normally she knows her threshold for pain and she will not do something that is going to seriously injure herself. One of the worst things you can do is react to it, either by yelling at her to stop or whatever because that shows her that she can get attention by doing this. Try and get her attention elsewhere when it occurs. Either start singing one of her fav songs, get one of her toys, etc. Unless she is REALLY hurting herself when she throws a fit, don't worry, it will pass!! My daughter RARELY does it anymore, thankfully!!
Hope this helps!!
E.

Kids act out. I don't know why people do that, its just ignorant. At that age they don't speak much if at all and you are probably right about why she does it, some kids hit, some bite. I don't think anything is wrong with your child.

I agree with Della Sue (we have both taught our kids sign language). The terrible twos (which my doc says are from 1 1/2 - 2 1/2, NOT 2-3 like people think) are compounded by kids not being able to communicate. It is not to late to start sign language, and maybe it will help her let you know how she feels and what she wants. My DD is almost 15 months and can sign 25 words! She signs "eat" if she is hungry", "help" when she needs me to do something for her, plus lots of other basics like dog, shoe, book,milk ect..
I wish more peds recommended sign language!
The Signing Times videos are wonderful, and the book Sign with your Baby by Dr. Joseph Garcia is a great place to start.
Good Luck,
K.

I think its just frusteration - and maybe a mix of getting attention (depending on the reaction she's getting from you and others)
First try calmly and sweetly saying "be nice to yourself" and then pet her face nicely - if she appears to be waiting for your reaction after she does it, ignore whenever possible - its SO hard not to notice other's reactions (in stores etc) but you can't let that affect you

good luck

It is completely normal. She is frustrated at not getting to do way she wants. At her age she can not express how she is feeling. Both of my children did that, and sometimes still do.
And as soon as she starts hitting herself she probably has your full attention trying to get her to stop.
But it is a phase. As long as she is not truly hurting herself she will be fine.

Hi J.- My daughter is now two years old, but from 12-20 months she also hit herself when she was mad and frustrated. She outgrew it. It was how she expressed her emotions until she could communicate verbally. Now when she's frustrated, she lets me know. Hope this helps.

K.

I had this problem with my one twin - 23 mnths old. She seemed to do it whenever I scolded her for being naughty, and at times when she knew she was being naughty. I found that telling her not to do this only compouned the problem. Instead, I told her, for example, that it will make mummy very happy if she did not throw her food onto the floor. Also, I reassured her that mummy loves her, and that she will be helping mummy if she did not throw food onto the floor. Try not to panic, or get all flustered when she does it, remain calm and talk to her. Hold her both hands in your and talk to her at eye level. Hope this helps.

I have twin sons who are 15 months that do the same. They constantly hit themselves or head butt stuff. It got so bad last week that my husband called the pediatrician because we were scared it was a sign of autism, that level of frustration. The pediatrician told us not to worry that it is fine. Just to ignore them when they do it, even if they hurt themselves and start crying, ignore them. They will learn that they can't get attention that way. I hope this helps!

Hi J.! My little guy is 22 months now and he went through that too. I wouldn't worry about it. My little Carter is a pretty big kid so I always worry about him not understanding his own strength/hurting himself during tantrums etc. It's funny how much we worry... when honestly they know their limits. I laugh every time Carter throws himself on the floor in a tantrum..... but checks to see what is around him first! Or when he throws himself backward in a fit.... looks behind to see what he would fall on! :) Kids are kids, and anyone who stares at you out in public either doesn't have kids, or didn't pay attention to their own! :)

I had this problem with my son who is now almost 3. Every one told me it was just a phase and he would grow out of it. And he did. When they are that young there minds work faster than there mouths so the get frustrated when they get out what they are trying to say. Dont worry, she will grow out of it. When she does it just try to comfort her. Hope this helps.

at least she isn't banging her head on tile like mine did when this whole behavior started. it is normal. i actually had my pediatrician say taht's ok, let her, she will only hit hard once or twice. he had said if you think she's hurting herself then we will consider a headband for her. needlss to say it only lasted a few times. BUT looks like your daughterr doens't have a 'young victim' to hit or bite that's why she's doing it to herself. my duaghter who had these type of behavior once she stopped banging her head on tile, turned around to attacking her twin sister. she still does at 30 months of age'
that means she is entering the 'terrible twos.' totally normal.
best is if you can ignore her. she's looking for attention on top of frustration of not being able to communicate just yet. things will get easier i was told. still waiting on 'easy days.'
vlora

Hi J., I have a 2 1/2 yr. old daughter, she went threw that a bout 6 months back and every now and then she does it still. I found that taking her hands away from her head and reminding her to be nice, even to herself helped. I feel it was out of frustration that she hit herself. She would not be able to have what she wanted or mad that she could not get her shoes on or her jacket off and she would take it out on herself. She has basically stopped doing it and i know it is upsetting to see but just know she will grown out of it. Remind her to be nice, like u would if she hit another child.
i hope that helps some.
K.

im going threw the same thing with my daughter i was told by the doctor to take her away from anything she cant hurt her self with and put her in the middle of the floor and let her take her fit dont pay it any mind and she WILL stop doing it once she realizes that you dont care that she is throwing the fit she will stop

Hi, I would speak with your doctor about it but I wouldn't worry too much. She is probably reacting to your reaction. The first time she did it you were probably upset and she saw this. Children want a reaction. My nephew would hit his head on the bedroom wall by his bed when he didn't get his way. The doctor told my sister to ignore it. If you give the child a reaction they will continue to do it. The best thing to do is calmly and nonchalantly just explain that is unacceptable behavior and walk away or ignore to the best of your ability. I know it sounds difficult but your reaction just feeds it. Have you ever seen a child that says something that they shouldn't but because they are little and it's so cute and unexpected people laugh. Well, once you laugh forget it. The child is going to keep saying it for the same reaction. To the child it doesn't matter if it's a good or bad reaction, they just want a reaction. You getting upset is probably making it worse. Try to just be calm about it and ignore it. It will take some time but she will grow out of it. You should definitely let your doctor know about it though. Chances are your child isn't going to hurt herself by hitting herself. It's just not pleasant to watch. And, of course, you don't want the behavior to continue. Whatever you do, don't give in to her demands, that will definitely make things worse. Good luck.

Don't worry - it's totally normal! My daughter is about the same age and went throught the same thing. She would hit herself in the head or hit her head onto other things like the floor, the wall, a table when I would tell her no or take her from something that she wasn't supposed to do. Whatever you do don't react to the behavior!! I know it's hard to see your baby doing something that it seems can hurt her, especially if it seems intentionally self-destructive. But her little head is made to take a certain amount of bumps and bangs - she is a toddler after all, and it is so normal what she's doing- she's just trying to see how she can communicate to you. If you react you'll just be teaching her that it's an effective way for her to communicate that she's frustrated or angry. In the heat of a tantrum ignoring it and walking out of the room was the only thing that worked for me. And soon after I did that she stopped that behavior. And don't worry about being out in public and having people pass judgement. (I go through that, too.) Somebody somewhere is always going to think something about you and your parenting skills. Don't change your methods (consistency is key with toddlers) just for some judgemental person who either never had kids or forgot what it was like to deal with a headstrong boundary testing little one already! One last thing, if your'e concerned about your daughter and want to call your pediatrician call them! Don't worry about that either, it's always okay if to have your child's best interests at heart and we mother's need to learn to follow our instincts no matter how silly the notion may seem. Besides, that's what they get paid the big bucks for! Good luck.

I agree with the moms who mentioned sign language. My son is 2 and doesn't even say one word so i am trying to do sign language, you could also try taking pictures of things around the house and have her point at the picture of what she wants.