Carrying Toddler Too Much?

Okay, he is daddy and she is his little girl - this is just "one of those things" that daddy's want to do for thier little girls. Second, she is 4 - no longer a toddler she should be considered a preschooler now. I would carry my son in the parking lot if I could - I do not trust other drivers and I only stopped around 4 because he got too heavy. Now, THEY need to work on the no/meltdown issue but you need to stay out of it other than saying "Honey, I love that you enjoy carrying little Lara, but I think you should start working on her reaction when it is a "No" scenario she is getting older and should understand it better now." and leave it at that.

When my niece was four she liked to be carried too. She was very light weight for her age so it wasn't too stressful for anyone's back, but it got irritating. She wasn't carried for any distance other than a short from the car to the house etc. When I became pregnant, she was still doing this, and it was safe for me up until a point. So what I did was start talking to her about how 5 year olds don't get carried and that was my rule. I reminded her of it all the time and when her birthday came, that's what we went with. She asked a few times, but I would remind her of the rule and everything was fine.

PS- at 4 she isn't considered a toddler anymore, she is a preschooler (actually this happened at age 3!). Maybe you can talk to you husband about how she is growing older, because it sounds like you are both considering her a toddler when she is a big girl now! She is growing up . . . even if us mothers don't like to admit it :)

She is 4? Yes.....your husband needs to PUT HER DOWN. Let her walk. She should be expected to walk and especially since she expects it now..you need to help break this habit quick. You are not mean at all--you are smart to get this nipped in the bud now before she goes off to kindergarten. GL!

As long as she doesn't expect to be carried by everyone I wouldn't worry about it. It's a daddy daughter thing, and trust me, it won't last long! Once they start school they immediately start rejecting any behavior that seems babyish, including giving you a kiss goodbye :(

Well, she does it only with him.
But now she EXPECTS it from him.
Despite his aches and pains.
A child at 4, should understand that Daddy can't always carry her while he has back pain etc.

And sure, a kid needs to build a sense of self-reliance. At which at 4 years old, they can do things like walk.
And to realize, that, they are not a "princess."
A child can be treated special, but not to the point where the child learns, from the parent, that they are incapable of doing things.

I know one girl, who is now about 5. And her Dad really babies her... and treats her like a 'Princess." And to be perfectly honest... she is a brat. She floats around acting like she is royalty and plays up to her Dad and bats her eyelashes and changes her tone of voice to him, and puts on such an act... of being a "baby." And he, always, gives in to her. To me, in THIS example, he is not doing her anything positive, for her sense of self-reliance or maturity... and the girl, clearly has learned, (from the Dad), that this is how you act with "boys."
Ugh.
She will call her Dad, with any little thing that she does not like and acts all "helpless" about it. While I know... she is able to do things.

But sure, little kids, are little kids. 4 is young.
I have a son who is 4. But, he is self-reliant.
My daughter at 4 years old, while she is close with my Husband... she was pretty independent at that age.
Sometimes though, a child, just wants or needs, to be "cuddly" with their parent. Dad or Mom. All kids have moment like that. And it is nice... one day they will not even want to be near Mom or Dad.

Its nice, when a daughter is close to their Dad... and the Dad is nurturing and caring. But I also believe, a Man/Dad... also has to teach their daughter... about how to be independent... and self-reliant... and how, a "girl" does not have to act all helpless, in order to get things.
Bleh.
Because, a "Man" is also vicariously teaching, a "girl" about what a Man does and is, and in relation to her.

I just have always taught my daughter, that she can do anything. It does not matter if it is a girl or boy.

But also, girls are more emotional. And per their age, they have phases.
But teach her, how to communicate and how to express herself without whining.
If she loses it. Then she loses it. A kid will deflate on their own. She has to realize that, no is no. Daddy has a sore back. Carrying her will hurt him more.

My son is 5. He is a tall boy for his age. He, as most kids are, at that age, they love to cuddle or be carried sometimes. My Husband has back pains too sometimes... so he tells my son that his back hurts. My son understands that. And then he will tell my Husband that he will hold his hand instead.

When I was a kid that age as well, I LOVED to be carried by my Dad. I LOVED my Dad. And he'd carry me. But he also had back pains... and he'd tell me when he can or cannot carry me. No biggie. I just remember that as a child... because it was special being close to my Dad. But I also remember he had back pains. I didn't want to hurt him.
But even if my Dad was close to me and very nurturing, he ALSO taught me a great deal about being independent... as a "girl." And we grew up... knowing that, being proactive, not "helpless," is a good skill and aptitude to have. My Dad, taught me that. Not my Mom.
A Dad... CAN be, very nurturing, but yet, teach many things to his daughter. Its okay.

My husband and I have the same problem...except it is me who likes to carry our almost 4 y/o little boy. He is itty bitty and it's really not a big deal to me. He walks and gets down when I need him to and does not pitch a fit if I tell him no. But I do tend to carry him a lot (way more than our older son but when he was that age b/c he was huge!)
Anyway...the only problem I see is that she has a meltdown when she is told no. That needs to be corrected.

Well, I think it may be annoying, but he isn't always around, she isn't always being carried. I would just let him do it, it makes them both happy.

Worry less about the carrying, and focus together more on what to do about the tantrums when he does say no. She's too old for that.

lots of great expert advice here:
askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

She loves it, it makes him feel good, let it be. The day will come when he can't anymore and she won't want him too. I remember my MIL saying to me, "are you ever going to put that baby down?" and I said "nope!" Of course I did, I had two other kids to look after, I just enjoyed cuddling with her (she was a baby at the time.) Now your 4 yo is old enough to be reasoned with when daddy cannot hold her due to back issues or not feeling well so yes, nip the tantrum in the bud. But let Daddy be the hero and know that they grow so fast it will soon be a fond memory for both of them.

At 4, I think always carrying her is ridiculous. And I think you're right - having her walk on her own will help with the self-confidence.

I would leave it alone. Let them have their special time to cuddle. But do help him understand ways to deal with her tantrums when he has to tell her no.

I would try to talk Daddy out of carrying her everywhere, and see if he can do something else with her instead that he is not doing now. Yes, it's very sweet, but at 4 years old, she's not a toddler any longer, and I don't see how carrying her all the time is a "gift" - how about giving her the gift of confidence and independence instead? Maybe he's just reluctant to see his baby girl grow up and wants to hold onto these moments as long as possible, but there is a point when it becomes detrimental to their development, both physically and emotionally.

My daughter is 4 also, and just about 40 lb - no way is either of us is carrying her all over the place!

Of course she flips out if Daddy does not carry her - he always has, and I am guessing if she gets upset, it always works. You said she doesn't do it with anyone else, so that is your answer right there. It's not her - it's him. My advice would be to have a more serious talk with Daddy and tell him that unfortunately the carrying of her when she's perfectly capable of walking is not doing her any favors and it has to end. Maybe he can replace it with a piggy-back ride up to bed at bedtime. And maybe we could also think about having her try out dance, gymnastics, soccer, etc. - some kind of physical activity that will help her develop her muscles, build her strength, give her some confidence, and start getting her (and your husband) to see her in a new and different way. She also needs to be disciplined for the crying and whining when she does not get her way - otherwise she's going to have Daddy wrapped around her little finger for the rest of your lives.

Yes..you are right. Furthermore, your husband's back pain can be attribute to carrying a four years old constantly. I noticed whenever I carry my one year old too much...I would get back pains and it would go away when I only cary him when necessary. Her screaming/crying when he won't carry her is a bad habit that needs to be broken.

If she doesn't do this with you and it is a 'Daddy only' thing then I say your husband is right and you should just let him do it and not make a big deal out of it, at ALL.

He is not going to be carrying her to prom and he is right that he is not going to be able to do this for her forever...to me, this is SO not something to get all worried about! Pick your battles Momma.

The only problem I see is that Daddy needs to address her meltdowns when she is told No by him...other than that I think there is nothing wrong with him carrying her when he wants to.