Car Safety for Kids with Ex

Since you are in the middle of other issues like visitation, child support, I guess you are speaking with your attorney and plan to go to family court to get the issues resolved. Perhaps you should just add the car seat issue to the mix. There were 4 children (and only 3 seatbelts) in the back seat before you insisted on a booster seat. That is not safe situation for all the children.

The law here in California changed when my daughter was "in the middle zone" we had already ditched the booster. If you think she was going to jump right back into it without a fight you don't know my littlest.

It was a battle we chose not to fight. I too think the booster laws are a bit excessive and with tall girls my husband and I both felt they fit into the seats/seatbelts in our very safe car just fine by about 6 years old.

If the booster is creating this situation then for the safety of ALL the children just have your son wear a seatbelt.

I don't know if I should answer this because I HATE the newer excessive car seat laws. Sorry but if my kid can ride a bus with no seat belts at five there is just no way the state should be allowed to make me strap them into a booster or in some cases a five point and drive them home from said bus stop!

It is just insanity. Sure great for a lot of people on here that can afford or chose to afford a monster 10 seat car but some people just can't afford to do all that.

I am reading this and hear that you forcing him to put a seven year old in a booster is causing this issue. Do you realize that? You may think because you can afford a big car or you don't have as many children that the law makes perfect sense. It doesn't. It is an extremely harsh law for anyone near or close to poverty!

I say chill with the booster seat and it will all go back to normal.

As far as J.B.'s answer goes, what she speaks of can be enforced. It is easy to see if a license is suspended. Using a booster seat? Do you really think any court will take your word on it? Are you going to drag your kids into court over this?

I suppose you can buy your ex a bigger car, problem solved.
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Trying to see where Andrea is getting that we say children should not be restrained or that we do not restrain our kids.

I just find it hard to believe that some people would believe or want to believe that someone is a bad parent because they cannot afford a six passenger car.

I really don't see this as a battle worth fighting.

If I am understanding you correctly, you told your ex to put the 6.5 yr old in a car seat, he did. Then your 9 yr old complains b/c due to the car seat he is essentially sharing a space with the foster child, correct? Now you are upset b/c their foster child, not either of your children, doesn't wear a seat belt and you don't know what you can do about it.

I'm sorry, but you need to chill out. He is trying to do what you want him to do, what more do you want? Your ex cannot help that he has a smaller car, car seats are bulky. The alternative is that your older son and his foster child share a seat belt and I'm sure you would have a problem with that as well. Plus he isn't violating any laws...relax.

Honestly when I read this I wondered if you were looking for grounds/reasons to give you the upper hand in your impending court issues.

Let this go. This is not your place to meddle. He did what you asked of him.

If you are already in the middle of dealing with lawyers and such, ask what the lawyer can advise. Regardless of what people think about the size of their kids, if it is the LAW, then he is breaking the law - not only with the smaller kids not in boosters, but by not having the children properly restrained in a vehicle that is big enough for all of them. Can you contact anyone in the foster care system in his area and express your concern?

The other thing we did when the sks were traveling with their mom is 1. teach them to always always buckle up with us so it was habit and 2. teach them to remind her to wait for them to buckle and/or teach them to buckle up even if she did not. As a toddler, she was unrestrained in an accident and went through the windshield. Why she didn't buckle up as an adult or buckle her kids is beyond me. Your children are old enough to buckle and look out for each other. Your ex is being stupid. Unfortunately this is probably one of many times when they will need to be more mature/smarter than their father.

IMO, if your child is telling you this, weigh it. Does he know it's wrong and needs you to know? It may help him to know you understand and he can do x or y when he's in the car.

This would bother me too. I was an insurance agent in AZ for many years so lack of seat belts is an issue. AZ is a state with a EXTREAMLY high rate of deaths from red light runners so we are high with accidents. I am also divorced and remarried in a blended family. When you take on a larger family, you make allowances for that. Meaning, you add extra beds to the bedrooms or buy a bigger house to hold everyone, extra food, blankets, etc...and, you buy a larger car to accommodate everyone as well. It's not ok to just say, we are broke and can't "afford" a new car. It doesn't have to be new or more expensive, it just has to be BIGGER. If I were you, I would send an EMAIL to the ex and just mention you are concerned that when they have all the kids that "one" is left without a seat belt and what is his plan to remedy this. Although it is not LEGALLY required to wear one it is the SAFE and responsible thing to do and if they are in an accident, obviously the outcome could cause death to someone. Although I would not fight my ex about this (YOUR kids are being buckled up), I would want it documented that it is a safety issue during his parenting time. Document, document, document. Good luck.

They need to find a way to get a bigger car that seats 6. What they are doing is not safe for the daughter or your son.

I don't just follow the law but also what is safety for the child. All kids should be at least in a seatbelt. Sounds like they should do outings as a family where they can walk, ride a bike, rent a car, ride the bus or something.

While I think all the kids should be in a seatbelt, with the 6 & 7 year olds being in a booster, if one of the kids were going to be without one it should really be your 9 year old (unless he's a really small 9 year old). That said, I would tell him to quit complaining because the alternative is not safe for his brother.

On the other hand, they have a foster child whose safety is at risk...why? because no one is standing up for her. If you are truely concerned for her safety (someone should be), you could consider calling the police when you know she is not in compliance and let them deal with it. However, the result could be that they in fact start having your 9 year old unbelted in order to be in compliance with the law.

I can see why you're upset, and I might feel the same way if I were in this situation. But I just thought I'd throw this out there, in case this is a battle that becomes too much. All of us who grew up in the 70's and 80's never wore seatbelts unless we were in the front seat. The rest of us were rolling around in the back of the station wagon. Or even in the front - does anyone remeber that "hump" in the middle? We all wanted to sit on the hump! There was no seatbelt there. Most of us survived. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be upset or worried. But maybe you can focus on how we rode in cars years ago, and it'll help you? Good luck.

When my husband was a single, non-custodial parent his driver's license was suspended for unpaid tickets. When his daughter's mother found out about this, she went to court for an emergency motion to have him prevented from driving with their daughter in his car (effectively suspending his visitation) until his license was reinstated and she won. The judge ruled that the only way he could see his daughter was if my husband's father or another licensed driver approved of by the mother was driving the car. So at least in my state, driving safety is taken seriously by the courts.

If your ex is someone you can have a reasonable conversation with, I would ask him how he plans on solving this problem. He and his wife either need to have two cars and take both cars when going somewhere as a family or they need one larger car. In the meantime, they cannot transport all 4 kids together. If he doesn't have an immediate plan to correct this situation, I would leverage the fact that they have a foster child and call whatever agency is in charge of that and let the caseworker know that they are endangering the child placed in their home. That's a move to make carefully as I'm sure he'll figure out it was you who dropped a dime on him and you need to gauge how he'll react and plan accordingly.

I would report them to the foster care system, and speak with your lawyer about what else can be done. If they "can't afford" a car large enough to transport all their children safely, they shouldn't be fostering. I would hope someone at the foster care agency would be interested to know about this situation.

I don't get it. What were they doing before they put your younger child in a booster? Wouldn't they still have had two kids sharing a seat?

Maybe I am missing something, but it seems that the booster isn't causing a problem, the problem (six people in a car designed for five) predated the issue of your son needing the booster seat.

You are correct that the unrestrained passenger is a potential projectile and risk to those who are properly restrained. My dad was a Highway Patrol Officer when I was a kid, and he insists on everyone being buckled before the car moves. He saw accidents where children in car seats were seriously injured or killed by other passengers who weren't buckled up. If I were in your position, I would be sick too.
I don't know what you do about this, some others have suggested talking to your attorney and contacting the foster agency to report the danger they are putting that child in. Those seem like good places to start.

Good luck!

Holy fiddle sticks, you are all a bunch of angry, nasty people with their ugly judgy pants wadded way too far up their behinds!

Anyone who argued that not wearing a seatbelt is ok because most of us grew up in a generation that did not have strict seatbelt laws and most of us survived MUST have hit their heads from lack of seatbelt use......you do understand that are current laws evolved from what they were then to what they are now because of the FATALITIES that resulted from our crummy old seatbelt laws.

Everyone riding in the car should have their own, individual seatbelt. If there aren't enough seatbelts they shouldn't be in the car.

You asked your ex to make sure your younger son was in a booster seat and he did, great. Just because there is not a law requiring someone to do something doesn't mean it is safe or a good idea......cigarettes are legal to smoke, does that make it a good idea?

You ex is responsible for his foster daughters well being, if he is not doing it to the best of his ability then he should be reported. I called CPS on my godsons mother because even though she had a mini van that offered a seatbelt for all 4 of her children she consistently drove everywhere, short and long distances, with none of them buckled in to the regular seatbelt let alone car seats.....the youngest is only 2, the oldest 6, they should have ALL been in car seats or boosters.

Talk to your attorney and see if what he is doing (or not doing) with his foster child and see if your attorney feels it has any bearing on your case. He is putting your children at risk.

Next, call CPS and report him anonymously. Do not feel bad for doing the right thing to keep all the children involved safe.

It sounds like your ex is buckling up his 2-year-old, which is good, and is buckling up your two kids who he would not want to risk losing visitation with.

The one whose safety is compromised is the foster sister.

It is bad that your ex is risking the life of his foster daughter. If you want to "get involved", ask your ex and/or call the foster agency.

Your boys are in seat belts and a booster seat. How is the little girl being in neither posing any danger for your sons.

It seems to me that you are looking for something to pounce on him about. The other child is not really your concern. I understand that you may be worried about this child, but it's really not your concern.

If you are that worried, you can always call the foster care agency and tell them. They are the ones who are legally responsible for the child so they may be very interested in knowing that she is not using a booster seat.

The only thing you can do is call the highway control and ask them what to do. There isn't anything you can do to him other than ask him to follow the law. They do have an issue for sure, they need a larger family vehicle.

I can see him in court now. "Your Honor I can't afford a larger vehicle and here she is asking for more money again. I can't afford both so how about you give ME full custody and her pay me child support. Then I can afford to buy a larger vehicle and everyone have an individual seat."

I hope you can figure out what to do, this does indeed sound dangerous for their foster kid.

If she is in the states custody call the office and ask for the worker that handles their family..

Tell this worker what your child told you. Tell them that this foster child is riding illegally. This will get them involved and they have the power to make him do something differently.