Can't Get My Three Year Old Girl to Sleep Well.

I agree that the couch is a terrible idea, and sleep deprivation is not good for either of you.

Are you trying too many things? There's no routine to any of them if you switch every other night to something new. I get that you are frustrated, but sometimes you just have to tough it out with exactly the same routine over a period of time so the child feels secure with the "system." Did you do the Ferber method with any of your kids? Usually it's for babies 1 year and under, but if none of them needed it then, you might employ it now.

The important thing is to get your husband on board, and agree on a strategy. When our son had to go through this, the pediatrician said to pick the next 3 day weekend and just resign ourselves to 3 nights of no sleep, and be done with it. She said not to give in, not to quit, and to have both parents share the duties so one could sleep and one could be the "bad guy." MLK Weekend is coming up so maybe you should try that. I don't know how old your boys are, but maybe you can send them to a friend's house or Grandma's house for 1-2 nights just so they sleep and don't get into the act of yelling at her or being cranky all day.

Assuming she has no medical issues and that these are not night terrors, it's a behavioral routine that's needed.

Updated

I agree that the couch is a terrible idea, and sleep deprivation is not good for either of you.

Are you trying too many things? There's no routine to any of them if you switch every other night to something new. I get that you are frustrated, but sometimes you just have to tough it out with exactly the same routine over a period of time so the child feels secure with the "system." Did you do the Ferber method with any of your kids? Usually it's for babies 1 year and under, but if none of them needed it then, you might employ it now.

The important thing is to get your husband on board, and agree on a strategy. When our son had to go through this, the pediatrician said to pick the next 3 day weekend and just resign ourselves to 3 nights of no sleep, and be done with it. She said not to give in, not to quit, and to have both parents share the duties so one could sleep and one could be the "bad guy." MLK Weekend is coming up so maybe you should try that. I don't know how old your boys are, but maybe you can send them to a friend's house or Grandma's house for 1-2 nights just so they sleep and don't get into the act of yelling at her or being cranky all day.

Assuming she has no medical issues and that these are not night terrors, it's a behavioral routine that's needed.

Mine never screamed so this is more upset than I'm used to. We used to have 3 year olds wake at night and come in and sleep on our floor (just left a comforter there in the corner). It was a short phase and I just made sure the hall was lit for them. That way our sleep was not disturbed and they settled themselves feeling more secure in our bedroom. We were told it was night terrors, just bad dreams that startle them awake.

I liked that method because they grew tired of coming in, and the floor wasn't particularly comfy - so they ended up preferring their bed.

I had night lights in their room, one had a Fisher Price baby aquarium that went on the crib next to the bed (would turn on the light and bubbles if needed to in the middle of the night) - one had a music box .. anything that they liked to have when they went to sleep. That way, they could use it again if they needed to in the middle of the night.

I agree with Gidget - I'd stay with her until she settled to bed. I couldn't leave a child to scream. I would just sit in the room with a book and say I"ll stay here until you fall asleep. If she can't stop screaming and still won't go down with you sitting there, then I'd mention this to her doctor.

The couch idea - I get, we've all been sleep deprived and exhausted and not wanting to wake other children in the night, but I would prefer the comforter on floor over that myself.

I would try staying with her until she falls asleep. I know people will tell you that that's setting up a bad habit and she'll depend on you to fall asleep and you'll spend years trying to break her of the habit and you'll regret it ... but come on! She's 3!!! It's ok for her to be a little dependent on you right now.

She's most likely scared and just having you there makes her feel safe. If you do this for awhile (stay with her until she falls asleep), she will probably start sleeping better. I'm sure that one of the reasons she's waking in the middle of the night is that she isn't sleeping well. Sleep begets sleep. If she isn't sleeping well, it becomes harder and harder for her to get a good night's rest.

If she does wake in the middle of the night, you could try settling her down just like you were but don't leave until you know she's asleep. If you are able to settle her down, she will begin sleeping through the night.

If she doesn't like sleeping in your bed (my boys did, so it was really a no brainer for us) you could try letting her sleep on the floor next to your bed. Often times kids are reassured just by being in the same room as their parents.

Seriously, for at least a week or so, don't leave her until she is asleep! Right now she is very anxious, and she needs you to help her feel better.

If after a few weeks it feels like she is still having trouble, talk to your pediatrician about trying Melatonin. We give our youngest Melatonin every night because he has ADHD and it takes his body a long time to relax and get to sleep. This helps his body to settle down naturally. His psychologist strongly recommended we use it, and his pediatrician agreed. Both said that sleep is just too important, and giving him Melatonin is something that he needs us to do for him (as opposed to me initially feeling guilty because i just wanted to get more sleep myself). When his psychologist retired and we had to see a new doctor she asked how he slept. I said, "Good now that we give him Melatonin every night!" She smiled and said, "I'm really glad to hear you are using Melatonin, because if you weren't I was going to suggest it." She went on to say that she recommends it for all kids that are having trouble getting to sleep at night because sleep is just so important for their brain development.

I would try staying in the room with her until she falls asleep.
Unless she has a health issue (like ear problems then I would take her to the doctor) then I would stay. Stay in the room just until she falls asleep.
It's most likely just a stage that she will soon grow out of.
I would choose this method over bringing her into bed with for sure and the couch. I only did the couch when my youngest was very young and totally sick. Try staying in her room with her instead. Good luck.

screaming ups the ante for sure. the whole house is disrupted when somebody's screaming.

but i see the Big Red Flag words in your post.....'i have tried many different things she likes and none have worked.'

trying many different things is often a recipe for disaster. yes, you DO need to be flexible, and if something isn't working it needs to be reworked. but in situations like this, where everyone's feeling a little desperate, it's pretty common to start throwing everything but the kitchen sink at a problem.

and problems like this require some time and patience, i'm afraid.

since this is a brand new problem, i'd treat it like a phase. with a child so distraught that she's screaming i would not leave her. but i would decelerate it. quietly rub her back or leg until the screaming stops. then lay down in her room (set up a cot or nest temporarily) until she's asleep. if you fall asleep, well, you're getting sleep, right? if not, creep out quietly once she's asleep.

if she wakes up, repeat.

i would not get her up and sleep somewhere else. that's setting up a new precedent that no one wants to maintain, right?

you and your husband may have to switch off until this particular phase has run its course.

if it goes on for months, or you suspect she's having night terrors, well, then you have to change the game plan.

but less is more for the most part.
khairete
S.