Can Parents Come Back?

I had the same experience with my now 7 year old when she was 5. The dentist would not allow the parents to go back with the children. My daughter is not able to verbalize what she wants and needs to say. It took me calling the dentist to find out that they did work on her teeth without even telling us. I have now found a great dentist that I take both of my older children to. I have to travel approximately 30-40 miles to get there, but they are great with the kids and they allow the parents back with them.

I worked for a pediatric dentist for 12 years before staying home with my little blessings. Believe it or not, the kidos do MUCH better without you back there. They tend to Show out for you when you are in the back and can't listen to what the assistant and dentist are sharing with them. They are trained in helping the kids feel comfortable and relaxed and help to make it a very Fun experience for them. I hope this helps and if you still have concerns, talk to the Dentist and staff about them and they can help you to feel good about it...

J.

I have been told by several Dentists offices that they like to take the young children by themselves, because they are better behaved and tend to listen better to the Dr. and assistant without the parent around. Sometimes parents can put their own fears onto the child and make it more difficult for the dentist to get the child to cooperate, that is not to say all, but a dentist never knows if that's the case.

Hi C.,
I have been a dental hygienist for 11 years and 7 of those years were in a pediatric dental practice. I have seen and heard it all. The most important thing that I have learned: Every child is DIFFERENT.
A dental practice should not have a set rule of "No parents ever" in the back with their child. I have seen first hand that some children do better with a parent in the operatory room and some children do better when the parent waits out of site of their child.
If a parent is not comfortable waiting behind for their child and that is the policy of the dental office, my opinion is to find another office. If the child asks the parent to please stay with them and the child is truly scared, then the parent should comply with the child's request. I have seen more damage done to a child's level of fear by making the parent stay behind.
I believe if a child is betweeen the ages of 1 year to 3.5 years old or so, then the parent should be in the room with the child. Beyond age 4 and up, the parent should really try and encourage the child to see how they do without them.
As a dental professional, again I say that every child (or patient for that matter) is different and should be treated in a way that is best for the individual.
The American Pediatric Dental Association recommends that every child should have a dental check-up around his first birthday and every 6 months thereafter.
Hope this information is helpful.

First, I'd defintely find a new dentist. My kids use the same dentist as me and my husband. Our dentist has you come back with your child until they are comfortable without you. My daughter was 4 1/2 before she wanted to go back by herself. It was so comforting and she took it like a pro.

Our oldest DS has genetically terrible teeth and was seeing a pediatric dentist by the time he turned three. We were not allowed back there because, as the nurse explained, the children always act better when mom and dad are not there. They must have given him some sort of amnesia gas while they worked on his teeth because he has never mentioned all the fillings he's had done (over 15 by now). As a mom, having to sit in the waiting room while he moans and groans, it's tough but I know he is in good hands.

I just took my daughter to a ped dentist here in NKC he not only let me come back he showed my daughter a video beforehand and my youngest daughter he examined in my lap for basic cleanings I would call around and find a doc who will let you go with your child

I am a Spanish Interpreter at KU Meds's Emergency Room and they always give parents the option of leaving for procedure for a few reasons...
1) sometimes the parent is so anxious they make the child anxious
2) if it is really painful YOU CAN"T actually help your child, only comfort him or her afterward
3) if you are there the child might associate you with what is going on and doesn't accept the comfort so much
4) often the child is not in so much pain as scared,but it JUST KILLS the parent to see it anyway.
5) I consistantly see children mind strangers better than parents
I think as long as you know your child is never ALONE with only ONE person...it should be fine
Muy guy is 17 months also. I really hoped I helped

As a former RN, I know that some providers feel like a parent will distract the child from listening. For me it depended on the parent if they were helpful and calmed the child I wanted them in the room o/w they would have to leave. As a parent, I wanted to be there to help explain to my child. One time when we went in for immunizations, the nurse was just going to stick my son, he was terrified, after I explained that it would only hurt for a minute and that we could do it the hard way or he could be a big boy, either way he had to have the shot.He chose to be a big boy and did not even cry! If she would have just stuck him ( which I did not do with my patients) he would have always been terrified of the needle. I changed providers if I could not be back with them.
Hope that helped.

C.- I would find a new Dentist/Doctor/whatever, if they said that I'm not allowed to be with my child. I have 3 kids and I'm responsible for their "well-being". That includes when they're feeling scared and nervous. That's not the time for me to leave them alone, especially with a stranger. Just my opinion. It's your right to "challenge" anyone who wants to seperate you from you scared baby. Also, i took my little ones to MY dental cleanings before they had to go. They sat right on my tummy and watched the dentist do his thing. This REALLY helped to ease any anxiety.

Sometimes children pick up on anxiety that the parent might be feeling; however, unless I was absolutely comfortable with a particular dentist, I don't think I would let them take the child back without me. I have never had this problem. It seems odd quite honestly. I would check into other options if I were you.

Find a different dentist that dont sound right. When the time comes that my son needs to be seen by a dentist and they dont let me go back with my son well then I will be changing dentist. Call around and when you call the different dentist ask them on the phone if the Dentist/pediatric Dentist allows the parents to go back with them, if not say sorry I need to find one that does.

Believe it or not, most pediatric dentist do this. Usually the child is more cooperative without the parent present. I'm training to be a dental assistant right now, so we just studied some of this. I don't understand it myself though. My children go to the same General Dentist with me and I go back with them and then when its my turn, I go to the room next to them. This way, they know I'm close if they need me. Check with local dentists, ask if they accept children. These dentists are usually more versitile with parents being present at the time of cleaning or whatever is being done. I would check into a new dentist though, you want your children to be comfortable going to the dentist. If they are that scared now, it will get worse. The right dentist will make the children feel safe and they will enjoy the visit! Mine LOVE going to our dentist, they can't wait to go to their appts. I hope this helps a little. Good Luck with finding a good one!

My understanding of this practice is that as parents we want to be right there next to our child. That actually puts us in the way, and when your child sees that you are shielding her, so to speak, she will become even more frightened. My children were fine with this once they actually got back there, the dentists are usually very friendly, and I would pic one that specializes in pediatiric dentistry. They are more likely to have a child friendly and comfortable environment. Hope this helped!

healthy smiles, at 21st and amidon in wichita is a kid friendly clinic and puts them to sleep if they really need it

I would be finding another dentist. As a child, I went to a Tulsa dentist who was charged with molesting child patients. Not only were my parents comfortable with the dentist, but I had a relative working for him. I'm not sending my child anywhere where they have rules about me being present. At our dentist in Sand Springs they allow me to go back and wait in the hall behind him where I can see everything so that my son is not anxious because of my presence and I'm not anxious because I cannot see what's going on.

our dentist requires parents to come back! i've never heard of such a thing, and personally, like you, i would be concerned.

I have always gone back with both my boys. They are 5 and 7 now and the first time they each went in they were around 1 or 1 1/2. They asked, but even if they hadn't I would have gone anyway. That is really weird.
By the way, because of insurance changes, they have gone through 3 dentists and they all said, " Come on back!"

Yes, find a new dentist. The one that I take my daughter to at Metcalf/143rd in south OP allows us to come back. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My daugher is 2.5 and I have taken her to the dentist two times for a check up, and both times I was with her. They had me put her on my lap and hold her while they tried to look at her teeth. She wouldn't hold still enough for a cleaning, but at least she is getting familiar with it.

I can def. tell you why. My daughter who is 2 and a half cracked her tooth a month ago. I took her to children's mercy where they told me they would try to save the tooth by shaveing away the cracked part and putting a crown on. They tied her to the bed and gave her a ton of shots (she was awake the whole time) they then shaved away part of the tooth (blood was everywhere) she was screaming and choking on her spit and then after 20 minutes they told me it could not be saved and they pulled it. I had to sit there and watch and could not do anything. I was crying and she was crying. It is very h*** o* the parent and the child and most parents can not keep their composure. I took her to children's mercy, imagine how a dentist office would be. I have found an office in Lee's Summit, Dr. Gerald Korsten, They allow you to be there and even have the kids sit on your lap until they get use to it. Hope everything works out!

I am not sure why they do that!! We go to the Smile Center in Leavenworth and they will allow you to go back with your children.

My dentist did that too, and at first I really wigged out and felt horrible at how scared my kids were. But the staff swore it was the only way to really establish a relationship with my child so that they could get the exam done. They said if the mom's were there the kids would defer to the mom for authority and be constantly looking for comfort from mom. But if mom wasn't there, they would respect the dentist and staff as authority and rally their courage. Truthfully, my kids ended up LOVING the dentist even though they were that terrified the first time (or two) that they had to go back alone. Now I totally get why they do it. Hang in there.

First of all... Kudos for taking her!!! I "retired" from a pediatric dental practice to work from home and take care of my babies!!! We always recommended their first visit be at 6 months. Some babies don't have any teeth at that age, but they do have feelings, emotions...etc. It is very important for a child to feel comfortable in a medical environment. Our policy was: If a parent insisted on going back with their child, they would need to schedule the appointment in the morning, basically we didn't see as many patients in the morning and it allowed for more one on one time, which generally would make the child/parent more relaxed.....especially about future visits. I think if a pedo dentist says that you are absolutely not allowed with your 17 month old at all..... I would find another dentist. If a child is frightened or experiences emotional trauma in a dental setting, they will most likely shy away from taking good care of their teeth. Go with your gut and check around. There are lots of great pedo dentists out there!!!!

I know when I went threw that the doctor explained that normally the child is more calmer when without the mother

Sometimes, when children are going through things like dental checkups and stuff, they are actually calmer when the parents aren't present. It's kind of like when your kids are wild animals when you are home and perfectly behaved with the sitter!! If it makes you that uncomfortable, I believe you have the right to go back since your child is a minor no matter what the doctor says.

Two things, I know that my dentist would never ask me not to go back with one of my children during their visit, and I think that I would change dentists if they did.

Secondly, if you Girl is only 17 months old, there is no reason, unless she has a specific problem, for her to be goign to the dentist yet. 3 is really as early as she needs to go. Our dentist and doctor have both said the same thing. Food for though!
K.

Our family dentist lets us go with our children and even lets us hold our babies on our lap while he cleans and checks them! I would NOT let someone, even a doctor, walk off with my child and tell me I can't come in. Find a different dentist!

We have five children, ages 3-16.

I work for a local dental office, and the main reason is because children will do much better without mom and dad. I didn't think that this was true until I had to have my oldest son get a tooth pulled! I work there and it took him 2 hours to have it pulled because he was trying to get out of it. We did everything but give him the world on a plate. If your baby is scared, ask when you call to make the appointment, if this visit can be just to get to know the doctor and the asst. When you come back, ask for the same asst. This will help, and at my office the asst is noted in the chart. Good luck.

C.,
(PS, I did just realize that your daughter is only 17 months old. I did not take my kids until they were about 3 years old. So, maybe you can save my advice for later!)
I took my little children to a reputable pediatric dentist, whose entire staff is trained to make children feel comfortable. Now my kids love going, and leaving me in the waiting room. Perhaps you can take solace in the fact that they know what they are doing. Children do much better when we allow the professionals to do what they are trained to do. And children do better without us there. (in certain circumstances, not all) I know it's hard to believe, but it is so true. Children act differently in front of us because we allow them to, the dynamic is different. If you act confident and happy while they take your child back without you, she will take from your confidence and do well in the back room. Smile and tell her you will see her in a bit, that you will be sitting right there waiting. Tell her that it's only for big girls and that mommies are not allowed. This makes them feel bigger. It took me the first child to realize this. Now, on the third, I am comfortable with this knowledge.

Unfortunately, that is popular with dentists, but we found one (Jenkins and Leblanc) that has chairs along the wall where your kid is being examined. They encourage the parent being there and work with your child's fears. I won't stand for someone telling me I cant be with my own kid. I understand some kids act worse with a parent in the room but if you're not comfortable with it, definately switch.

I would find another dentist. You can't be sure your kids are safe any other way can you? It is not worth the risk to me. I don't trust anyone, no matter their profession or faith.

I am 75 years old, and just learned a few years ago about what happened when our, then 5 year old, was taken to a back room and I was not allowed to go back!!! Our son had been sent there in the first place, as a "problem patient" so that dentist grabbed our sweet 5 year old by both jaws, and slammed him into the chair and told him to "shut u p"! Years later, a kind dentist told us that the reason our boy was so traumatized by dentists, were that his teeth were extra sensitive and he was NOT acting out hatefully, but the child really was HURTING!!

Oh, how I would like to take back some of the decisions that I felt forced into as a young, naive mother!! Follow your own instincts, and do NOT ever let a little child be isolated from his parents, "for his own good!!" Our son is now 46 years, but has a caring dentist that works WITH him in deadening his jaws so as to work on his teeth! But he still has nightmares over that one dentist, when he was 5 years old!

Go with your children as others could care less, for the most part, as long as they can get the job done, and collect their hefty fees!!! PR

They claim the child acts better if the parent isn't there. I don't like it either and truely am surprised that their insurance allows them to be alone without a parent present. I searched until I found one that does allow me to go with my son and he loves Dr. Jill.

Good luck,
D.

My mom worked for a dentist for 17 years. She told me they always tried to have the kids go back by themselves, because the anxiety lessens when mom/dad aren't there. It's like in any situation, kids are better when their parents aren't around. If you are in the room it's a crutch they can use to try and whine their way out. 17 months old seems a little young to be going back by themselves however. But I do know that it is HIGHLY preferred for many dentists that the parents don't go back. It's not something weird that your dentist does. I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but I wouldn't worry too much:).

I have always went back with my daughter until about a year ago because she is now 14 years old. I don't know if they don't allow it but I would never give anyone the choice that I couldn't join my children during their appointment. I would just go and tell them that is the way it will be. There is no reason you should not be allowed to accompany your child during that appointment. I wouldn't trust anyone alone with my child when she was younger because you never know what could happen.

A parent should be able to go back with the child at any dentist appointment. If the dentist doesn't allow it - switch dentist or doctor. The only time parents aren't allowed is when there is a surgery to do. You are allowed to be with the child until it's time for the doctor/nurse to take them into surgery.

Check with your dentist to see if they have a Patients Bill of Rights.

I can't tell you why a dentist would do that....but I can tell you that I wouldn't allow it. I'm a firm believer that parents should be present at all times with small children. I've never had a doctor or dentist expect otherwise. My son is 6 yrs old and my youngest is 3 yrs. I know a time will come when my six year old won't want me there, but for now I'm there and he's a great patient! So is my 3 yr old. So sorry you had a bad experience. I'd switch doctors. We go to Dr. Sabina May on the westside near Ridge and Central. She's great and the dental hygienists are too. She's awesome. Good luck!

I agree with you. My kids see Dr. Thomas Hall in Bloomington, IL. I always go back with my kids, it has never been an issue. We like his practice very much. I can only think of one reason to have parents wait outside and that is if the kids are just crying out for you if you are sitting right there and they can see you, otherwise if you are not there, they are less likely to cry out at you.

I am the guardian of my 8 yr old nephew , they called his name and I just followed no questions asked. His dentist is in Arnold. There is no reason why you shouldn't be allowed, but my nephew wants me to go someday he won't.

Our Dentist does this. At first I was a little apprehensive, but after the 1st visit, it was the best thing for our children. I now have 3 children and all 3 started when they were 2 1/2 at the same dentist. The children do tend to get upset and want to be with you. I have a 5 year old who gets upset every time we go. He has MAJOR separation issues. He does go in and after each visit he tells me how much fun he had playing the games, wearing the glasses, and picking out the flavor and the toys that he gets to bring home.

They say the parent distacts the child and it acts up more if Mommy is there to sympathize which I feel is our job. I went to a dentist in Florida and my daughter came crawling out of there so I talked to the receptionist and said I'm not sending her back in without me. They refused treatment with me there so we left. I found another dentist. A really good one and by this time she was terrified of dentist and not very cooperative.He said she had unnecessary dental work done on her baby teeth. She had crowns on baby teeth. That were just going to fall out anyway and it was a lot for someone her age to go through. My policy be there with your child. Dentist, Doctors ..you need to know what is going on.

We have, fortunately, never had to deal with this situation. No matter what kind of doctor we are going to at least one, if not both of us, go into the room with them. They are our children and our responsability. If we ever had a doctor tell us that we were not to go in with them we would change doctors. The only place I understand them asking the parents not go in with is to do an x-ray. I just asked my boys (8 & 10 years old) what they would think if the doctor said they didn't want us to go back with them. They both said they would not want to go back if we could not go with them. When we are in the room with them we can tell the doctors of any problems and also be there if there are any conserns the doctors have.
I agree that a parent should not 'baby' the child as that could scare them, but I think the parent should be in the room.
The main thing is make sure you and your daughter are comfortable with the doctor, and all the procedures the office has!!
Good luck!

My sister in law is a dental assistant so we took ours to the office where she works and had no problems at all. Plus we thought it would be good for their first times to have someone they know and trust. When I was younger my mom always came back with me. I would not let them tell me no. And If they still don't let you back then don't go there anymore.

I'd look for another doctor/dentist. My daughter will be 12 this month and I have been with her for EVERY doctor and dentst appointment she has ever had.

Hi, there! First, off... why is she going to the dentist so early(age)? Secondly, they don't bring you back because even though we're not always aware of it, we parents get these worried and panic looks when we see our kids in distress and they(kids) see it and feed off of it! My oldest loves the dentist and I truly believe it's due to the fact that it's always been something he's done,(in his words)"all by myself"! Note, he did not go to the dentist until he was 3 years old(age when our dr.& dentist told us to). He's been twice a year for the past two years and once when he fell and knocked his tooth(loose but, didn't fall out;) )and even then, he went back on his own and was just fine. Unless, your little girl has to go now maybe, waiting will help you and her ease into this new experience. Good luck with whatever you do, they don't call this the hardest job(motherhood)for nothing!:)

Find a new dentist. There is no reason why you shouldn't be allowed back there - you see too many scary things on the news about stuff like this as it is. My son had extremely bad breath all the time so he saw a dentist really early - and I made it known that I WOULD be there with him. The only person who can calm a frightened child is her parents! I am always with my kids - even when my 2 year-old needed an Xray I was in there with him holding his hand and talking him through it. And if it came down to one of my kids getting an MRI (God forbid) I would be in there with them, too.
Have you discussed this with your dentist office? I'd want to know the reason why they wanted to separate me from my child - especially if it was one of my girls.

Hi C.,

I have never heard of such a thing. I have 4 children and I am always welcome back with my children at the dentist. If I were to take my child to a dentist that would not let me back with them, I would be looking for a new dentist asap. You have the right to know what is happening with your child at all times.

K.

i'd find a different dentist. our old pediatric dentist in california expected the parents to come back and had a parent chair next to each exam chair. we moved to oklahoma recently and i took her to a pediatric dentist in tulsa (dr. gilbert on Mingo) and it was set up the same way, all the parents come back with the kids. each pediatric dentist I have talked to both explained their goal is to have the experience as friendly, safe, and anxiety free as possible. the first visit my daughter ever had the dentist had me hold her on my lap in the exam chair even.

Hi C., I would suggest that you go a few times and just let her get used to the chair, the squirter, etc. A dentist who is specifically trained to deal with children will be accommodating and will probably want that too. It makes for a better situation for them too.
Some dentists allow you to sit in the chair and hold her.

Remember she is your child!!If neither are comfortable with the situation and or dentist, find a new one.
My son has seen Dr. Hoffman in Parkville and I have always been allowed to be with him.
I hope this is helpful!

C.,
As a nurse I can tell you that usually children are better behaved without parents around. Also, if they are frightened they will not associate the parents with the bad experience only the doctor, dentist, etc.

We all go to the same dentist (My husband, myself, my daughter, and son). The first time I took my daughter she went into the hygenist room with me and watched as I got my teeth cleaned. My daughter is a chatter, so she talked to the hygenist the whole time I got my teeth cleaned, then when it was her turn she just hopped up in the chair, and was actually excited that it was her turn. I stayed with her the whole time, and was never made to feel like my presence was not wanted. I would suggest calling around to find a dentist that will let you in the room. I know that I would not take my kids somewhere that wouldn't let me in the room to observe. Hope this helps!!!!

I have a three year old son, he went to the dentist. They said for me to wait outside in the wating room. My son wouldn't hear of it. I ask why and they said for that reason. I asked if I could and they said this time. So, I went and everything was great. It's your child and you tell them how it is going to be. You are paying for it too. Good luck.

I have worked in dental offices most of my life. In my experience, parents become too emotional when it comes to their children and it is hard to sit out of the way and not want to step in to either calm the child down or make them behave. I have seen some very understanding parents that know that the children must sit still and then again have have seen some very misbehaving adults that make comments such as "if you don't sit still I'll take you to the doctors and have them give you a shot". Just makes the children more afraid of doctors and dentists. More and more dentists are getting experience in handling children and trying to win them over with kindness. I know there are dentist that use some unorthodox procedures. Just ask how long the assistant has worked with the dentist. That should give you an idea about the dentists practices. Also dental operatories can be very small and there would be no room for you in there.

My dentist lets me back if I want to go, and if not, I can see them from the waiting room. I don't think that kids are scared of the dentist unless they have a reason to be. None of mine have ever been scared at all, but it's because nobody (the dentist included) made it seem like any big deal. But, I do know that kids will get nervous for no reason, still I think that having a smiling and reassuring parent nearby would be helpful.

i dont understand that but are you in wichita area i can suggest a really great dentist where you can go back with your child

Hi C.!! I have been a dental assistant for about 11 years and have several children myself. I know it's hard to try new things with your kids and alot of the times a parent is more freaked out than the child. Usually kids do better without a parent present because the child can take one look at your face and know exactly what you are feeling and if you are at all uncomfortable they will pick up on that and feel the same way. Their attention span is very short at this time as well. Also, I think 17 months is a little young to be seeing the dentist unless there is a problem. Some children don't even have all 20 baby teeth erupted yet, I know my daughter was 2 before her molars erupted. If you are really set on having an appt. I wouldn't expect much for the first visit except a "chair ride" with the hyg. and maybe having your daughter's teeth counted so she can have a happy memory for the next time. I would wait if you can till she's 3 or 4 and then she should be just fine going back by herself.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
M.

Well when my daughter had to get some work done one her teeth I took her to one Dentist and he was being really rude to her while he was working. I got very upset cause he was yelling at her. So I said something he said thats why he really don't allow parents back there. Anyhow he finished it up where I could take her some where else cause I was so upset I told him that I was going to call the cops... Anyhow I took her to dental depot and they were so awesome they allow parents back with them. They will do anything to comfort a child just let them know how bad a experience the child had and they will make sure they will enjoy their visit. I think my opion if they have to be hatefull they just don't want the parent back there to see it. But thats my exerience and my opion. Both of my Girls now love going to the dentist. My youngest will get up in the chair open her mouth before they are ready to work and before they numb her and she goes ok just get it over with. lol Anyhow I hate to hear that. Goodluck with the next dentist apt.

Hi C.,

I am a dental hygienist, I work for a general dentist. I understand your frustration completely but let me explain what has worked for us in our office. Your litlle girl is a little young, we don't usually see kids that young unless they have dental problems - but if she came in, we would probably see her first in Doctor's office sitting on your lap in a regular chair, just using a disposable mirror to look in her mouth. We'd want her to get used to the surroundings first and be comfortable. If we were actually treating her, we'd prefer that she comes back alone if possible. When parents are in the room it is usually worst for the kids - they see that momy is there and they cry more and don't cooperate because they feel like mom will take them away from the situation if they want. When they come back alone they feel more like a big girl (big boy) and can follow direction better and deal with the situation on their own - they have to face it rather than look to mom for a way to avoid it.

With that said, if the child is really upset and unwilling to cooperate, we reschedule the patient. We don't want them to have a bad experience - it is not worth it.

Also, try reading dental stories to her like "Dora at the Dentist" before you go in to the dentist.

I hope this helps. R.

I have never had that problem. When my kids were little and at their first dentist visit they encouraged parents to come back. My children are older 12, 12 and 8 and they still always ask do u want mom to come back and of course now they say no. I would just tell them that I would feel more comfortable until she gets a little older to come back with her. The other side is that kids always act better and so much different when parents are not around, you know what I mean?

I have found that it actually works better if you DON"T go back with your child at the dentist. The way my child's dentist dose it is they take the kids back and there is a play room for them to wait in and when it's their tun they are no longer scared. They have found that it's eaiser to calm your child if your not with in sight.( kind of like day care..once your gone they are fine) Ask your doctor to take you thru the office so you can see where they keep your child, for your own piece of mind.

In most cases, children will be calmer if the parent is not standing there waiting for them to cry out. My daughter is 7 and will certainly react by "being afraid" if I am watching. She recently had a pulpotomy and did great. I just sat in the waiting room til she was done. I think a lot of it also has to do with the relationship they build with the dentist.

As a retired dental assistant, the problem can be that the upset Mother can be more upsetting to the child than the procedure. If you think about it, you are always saying before anything happens "Now, this won't hurt". Red flag in the childs mind. We never did that but we would warn the parent first and try to teach the parent to be calm and then the child would be also. Don't over talk the situation before hand, play it like going to some other place.

Ny dentist suggested the same thing with our twin daughters when they visited. He advised us that children tend to be less tense and more willing to cooperate without the sight of their parents. It's kind of like when someone watches your children for you for a while and tell you they were perfect angels and then you get home and they become themselves (if you know what I mean). I found that both my daughters did do very well once I was out of sight and they could concentrate more on the instructions of the dentist.
I hope this helps.
S.

I am quite sure if you insisted that the dentist would allow it. The truth of the matter is as parents we aren't impartial and end up freaking out more than the kids and then that freaks the kids out. Sometimes I go back with any/ each of my 3 kids but I have found that if I really have any concerns or questions I can go on back from the waiting room and check it out. On those occasions I try to observe where they don't see me. It is kinda cool to listen to my child and the dentist's rapport. Mine does a awesome job.

I take my children to a pediatric dentist and I've always been allowed to be w/ my children during visits and having a cavity filled. My children are 3 & 5 yrs old.
We go to Dr. Gerald Korsten in Lee Summit, MO. Not sure if this helps, but I've really liked him.

I would have to say that I would never let my child alone with the dentist or anyone else unless my child specifically requested that I leave or that it was ok for me to leave. Even then I would stand in the hallway. I don't think it is even a legal practice to force parents to leave or to not allow them back there with their children. I would change dentists. If I can't have a papsmear alone why would I leave my child alone with the dentist? I can't just let my 4 year old go back with her pediatrician alone, why does the dentist get to dictate whom is back there? I would think they are asking for a huge lawsuit. I don't care if they think that the children act better or not. It is not their child, it certainly not their decision. Ultimately you are the one responsible for your child, not them. If you don't feel comfortable with the situation with this dentist then I would switch. It should be up to the parents and the child whether or not the parent should be there.

We always go back with our children. I never knew that there were dentists that didn't allow that. I would change dentists. It's not like they need a sterile field while doing dental work. And our dentist has some small rooms so they just set a stool in the doorway for me. Our dentist is also so great with kids that after the first few times they(the children) don't care if I am there or not. (He'll grab one of their shoes and hide it on top of the door. Or spray them with a little water. He always gets them laughing.)
We have 6 children, 5 of whom have seen this dentist. Number 6 has no teeth yet.
M.

Also, for the people who posted about children getting scared because of their parents reactions. It really depends on what kind of parent you are. We also have a daughter who did chemotherapy treatments for over 2 years. I went in with her sedations, spinal taps, and bone marrow aspirations.(In addition to all the times she was, and still is suck with needles.) But, I was calm and collected. It wouldn't have been fair to her If I couldn't keep my cool.

The dentist did this when my 5 year old had a cavity (thank you grandma for all the bubble gum...) and I felt the same way. However, I felt very comfortable with the dentist so I let them do their thing.

They do this because kids are usually much better behaved when their parents are not around. When mom is there, it's easier to cry, reach for mom, throw a fit, be afraid, or whatever.

Did you ever have a crisis, even as a young adult, and keep it together until you saw your mom, then fall apart and start bawling? Kids tend to do the same thing.

In our case, the team (there was a dentist and two assitants) really put my daughter at ease, talked about cavity bugs, etc. and really put it in persective for her age.

The important thing is to make sure it is a true pediatric dentist and make sure you feel good about them before your child has to go back alone.

We got a tour of the office, which is very kid friendly, we got a book written with my daughter's name in it about what her trip to the dentist would be like and she met everybody before the actual trip back for the filling.

It was a good experience for her and she is not afraid of going back at all.

I would change too. We go to the Dental Depot on 23rd and Agnew. Up until my daughter was 3ish, I had her sit on my lap in the chair. Now, she is 5, I sit towards the bottom of the chair with her legs in my lap. I guess I have never asked, so they have never said no. My boys- now 10 and 12- were not as timid, so sitting in the chair in the exam room was enough. Also, she brings a stuffed animal to get examined, that always helped.

Another tip. we have "family dentist day" everyone goes at the same time- even my husband- so the stress level is low because we are all there together.We tag team with all the kids and the kids get to see us getting our teeth worked on too.

I always go back with my girls when they see the dentist. Wether it be for a check up, cleaning or filling. I don't think I would be comfortable taking them to a dentist that didn't allow me with them.

I am not so sure that is the norm. I can go with my kids. I would talk with the dentist and maybe switch to one who is a little more "mom-friendly."

That seems strange to me because our dentist always lets us go back with them, I might think about finding a new dentist. My kids are 6 and 3 1/2 and each have been going to the dentist since 3 and we always go back with them.

That's an "old school" way of thinking, and I know when my sister had that experience she was 4 or 5 years old at the time, still very scared and one dentist told my mom to bring her back when she was "old enough to sit still and let him do his work"! This was back in the late '40's-early 50's. There are some good ones out there, though. I don't know if Dr. Don Haskins is still in practice, but he was the dentist we used for our children, and he lets you come back with them. Everyone in his office was really nice, and he's been in practice a long long time. He is off of NW 52nd and Portland, east side of Portland. Can't say enough good about him.
C. P.

Find a new dentist....that is crazy!

That's a little weird. My dentist has always let me go back with my kids, and with her being that young, I can't believe they WOULDN'T want you back there. I'd find another dentist asap.

I have always been told because they show more emotion when the parent is there and it makes their job harder. I have one that loves the dentist and always has, but the 2nd didn't. At first they said don't, but sometimes it worked better when she was on my lap. Now at 6 she loves it. It helped that her sister was there in another room to. I would ask if I could see where she is and tell them if she cries at all I want to be there. Most are understanding, so are not though, and I would go to a different dentist then.

I do know that Small Smiles Dental Clinic does not allow parents back to the room and in fact actually restrain the children. It's really important-especially there- to read all the authorizations and small print before consenting to treatment. I do know that at the Health Department and the dentists at the Healthy Children's Clinic DO allow you back there with your children(Smile Junction may be another that allows you back there too). I can completely understand your concern for your daughter,experiences like that are scary enough as it is-especially for a 17 month old child. In my opinion any GOOD dentist whose primary concern is children's oral health should be more than happy to include parents as part of the visit. After all, we are the ones to initiate and implement good dental hygene at home everyday, not once every 6 months. Plus, what doctor in their right humane mind would separate a frightened child from their parent unless they are trying to terrify the child and make it to where they never want to see the dentist again? If my child needs medical treatment I have to be present with them until they turn 18-the dentist is no different to me. Ok, sorry this is turning out to be long winded but I just read some of the other replies and now my skin is crawling. I want to say first that I'm not being judgemental as I am not a perfect parent myself, nor am I an expert-I am just offering my opinion as a mom. I am INCREDIBLY leery of ANYONE who restricts or tries to restrict my access to MY children. Moreover, I have gone back with my son a number of times and have never had an issue with him not listening to the dentist or crying for me or any other negative behavior.My children simply want me there just to know that I'm still there. We hype up a trip to the dentist like we would a trip to Disney Land. To them it is a fun and exciting event, and they can't wait to get their toothbrushes and little tubes of toothpaste! I am not anxious or upset about them seeing the dentist especially as it is necessary for their overall health, therefore they do not pick up any bad vibes from me. Now, as they get older I will have no issue sending them back alone, but not until they're ready for it-no matter what the dentist insists. Good Luck and Best Wishes!

I know with our dentist, they prefer if you don't go back but they don't care if you go back. I think you should go back with a 17 month old. But as for my son, when he was three he went to a dentist and I went back with him. He threw a fit and wouldn't do anything for them. We picked a new dentist and had our first visit a few weeks later. I didn't go back with him and he did fantastic and didn't throw a fit or anything. Ever since he goes back by himself. If he is don't a check up I don't worry about going back because the dentist calls me back when he's done and goes over whatever he has found. If he's getting a filling or something, then I ask him what he wants and go from there. I would say if you feel comfortable letting her go back by herself then go for it. If not, then just go on back with her.

I dont understand it myself, but believe that they (dentist's) think when the parents are around the child will get/be more upset than without them. I have ALWAYS gone back with all 3 of my children until I feel that they are truely comfortable and can take care of themselves. My current pediatric dentist office tries to discourage me with my now 3.5 year old, but until I feel like she is ok, I will continue to go with her! I have done this with all my kiddos including my soon to be 20yr old! I feel that as their Mom I have to protect them as best as I feel! Plus I had one dentist try to tell me to leave so that they could restrain my now 10yr old to finish up some dental work while she was already in tears...We left instead!
Stace

I have two grown children and I ask the dentist and the assistant why and they said the parents are nervous about going to the dentist and the children pick up on it from their parents. Every time I would take my chilren to the dentist they would come out happy as can be .I hope this helps a little.

From a daycare prodivders point of view--I can get kids to do alot of things willingly, that parents cannot get their children to do. For example, taking medications without a battle, trimming fingernails, removing splinters just to name a few. The parents will say "she won't cooperate for me". Once a parent walks in the room, the cooperative child is usually gone. I am assuming the same is true with the doctors and nurses trying to work on the child. Your child will be fine at the dentist!

I had this same issue, I had a BAD dentist as a child and was really freaked out about it. I talked to our dr about this and she said that any doctor or dentist dealling with kids should let the parents come back she said that she would not take her kids to anyone who wouldn't. I have taken my oldest 2 times now to the dentist and he loves it and I went back now next time we go if they said that I couldn't go back then I would be okay with it cuz I know that he likes it. In this day and age sad to say but I think the parents are in charge and need to make sure that they are safe. I know that if my parents would have been able to ome back with me as a child they NEVER would have taken me back to that dentist again.

I did not know that they didn't. The pediatric dentist that I take my children to allows parents back, don't think I would be comfortable using a dentist that wouldn't allow a parent back w/ their child. I think you should check around, b/c I am not sure this is normal.

If your dentist doesn't let you back I would be concerned. The x-rays have to be done but after that mine has the parent as close as possible to keep the child reassured that they are okay. There are a lot of "tools" around and most kids get uneasy. They suggest that the little ones go in with your cleaning at family places so they can see you get cleaned and get comfortable with the set up. Good Luck!!

I'm not sure, I just had my first doctor tell me I couldn't go back this past year and my kid was 8 so I was ok with it. 17 months tho? I would get a dif doctor!
I think they may do it because kids tend to be more theatrical with parents there to rescue them.

C.-
I am not at all sure that this is common practice. My son has had two appointments at the pediatric dentist and I took him back both times. He's 2 and a half. The first time, she (his dentist) had me sit and then did the exam with Gabriel on my lap. The second time we went in for a cleaning/exam. He sat in the chair by himself like a big boy, but I was right there next to him. It helped because he was not at all sure about what was going on! I don't know where you live, but I'd recommend his dentist to anyone in the Spfld, IL, area! I hope you are able to get to the bottom of this. Good luck!

Hi C.. I would say that if your 17 month old's dentist will not allow you back in the room with them then you need to find a new dentist. We use Dr. Thai-An Doan. And we love her. I have a 3 1/2 year old who a few months ago had to have his front tooth pulled due to a fall. Out of all the 4 or 5 visits we were allowed and welcome back with them. However when they had to put him under to pull his tooth I was not allowed in the room, but did get to hold him while they put him to sleep and while he was waking up. She is a wonderful pediatric dentist! If you would like her number and address I'd be more than happy to give it to you.

Good luck!

adventure dental and vision will allow you to go back with the child its on 21st and amidon

I didn't know it was a thing w/ 'most' dentists but a friend of mine did recently have that problem w/ her 8yr old, the Dr told her she had to go back to the waiting room, she told him to guess again and found another dentist after that. I have to say I would do the same.

Hi, I am a dental hygienist and the reason that most offices would rather the parent not come back with the child is ususally the child will settle down and listen to the dentist faster. When Mom or Dad are in the room the child will cry and try to get them to stop whatever is going on. This is not always the case and if the child does not settle down most offices with come and get the parent. In our practice we strive to make the first appointment for all children as much fun as possible so as to give them a great fist experience.