I'm Not Allowed "In" at the 4 Year Dentist Appt?

Cancel your appointment and go with a regular dentist. A regular dentist can handle any age. My mother is a hygenist and has been cleaning teeth for over 40 years - she has never heard of this with children - in fact, they rely on the parents to help with the children's fears - usually the book a cleaning for the mom the same day as the children so they can watch mommy get a cleaning first - you should try that. If you bring your child to the pediatric dentist and leave them by themselves they could lose their trust in you for leaving them alone with a stranger. That is an absolutely insane practice and not fair to the children. My son is 1 1/2 and I intend on bringing him to my dentist who handles all ages of patients.

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A.:
I have never heard of this. I have a daughter who is 7 and twins who are 2 1/2. Our pediatric dentists office has an open floor plan there are no closed rooms. My daughter has been going to dentist since she was 3 years old and I always go back with her. She has even had fillings done and they encourage the parents to go back with their kids so that they feel safe. I'm not sure where you live but we go to Children's Dental in Old Bridge and love Dr. Dan.
L.

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Red flag, red flag, red flag! Get a new dentist! This is not ok.

If you cannot get a new dentist than you can stand right outside the office door during the x-rays but you absolutely must be physically in that room during the cleaning. All parents are asked to step out of the room during an x-ray. That is common sense. But you do not need to wait in the waiting room.

Perhaps they made this policy because of an out of line parent but that does not make it ok. If they have nothing to hide than you have every right to be there. It is ok if you children see a regular dentist.

A.

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A.-I'm with you, i would not feel comfortable not being in the room with my children. It seems odd to me that you would not be let in. I've had my teeth cleaned and doesn't seem particularly dangerous for "onlookers". can you call around to other pediactric dentists to see if that is their policy too? my oldest is not quite 3 yet so we are no there yet. i would seriously think about seeing someone else. you still go in for regular doctor check-ups, right? why would you not here with all sorts of mechanical scary sounding instruments???? good luck.

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That's BS!! Go to a different Pediatric dentist. When I took my kids to a Ped's dentist you bet I was in the room. I stepped out, just like they do to take x-rays and right back in I went after the click of the xray machine. You are always allowed "in". This is not psyco-therapy, it's a dentist. I have 2 older kids (19 and 21) and am the proud mother of twin boys (10 months - not identical). I too work a full time job and try to balance both home and work. Good Luck, Get another dentist.

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I would change Dentist's. Never let anyone tell you that you cannot be there when your child is in any kind of Doctor's or Dentist's office. Be calm and reassuring to your child, it will not affect their independence.

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Dear A. P:

The children are too small to allow them to take charge. I have two teen-agers now 13 and 16; if I was not allowed to
be present at any procedures done to my children especially
at that tender age, I simply went somewhere else. A pediatric dentist may have experience dealing with children but no one
knows more about what is right for your children than you -
the mother -
One time I went to take my daughter when she was 6 years old to a very prestigious dance school here in NYC, when the
parents were told that we were not allowed to see any classes in session I told them "How do you expect that a parent is going to pay to send their child to this school if they can't see what is being taught and how they are being taught and treated?--When you change your policy then I'll consider if your school is the right dance school or not for her.
I smiled wished them a wonderful day and went out the door.
No other dance school had that ridiculous policy.
So A. P. start searching somewhere else, you'd be surprised even regular dentists have wonderful bed-side manners when dealing with pre-k children.

Best of luck!!!

R. C.

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I would cancel the appointment telling them why you are canceling it. they are your children, and there is no reason that you could not sit in the room with them and a stranger. we tell our children do not go with strangers and do not talk to strangers, and now we are supposed to leave them in the hands of a person we do not know, we are supposed to trust them with all the pedifiles out there. I don't think so. I think you need to call one of the child welfare agencies in your area and ask them if this is a normal practice, and if not if there are any laws pertaining to this so that you can present that to the dentist office. I always sat in the room with my kids, even in thier teens. that office has NO right to tell you you will not be allowed in the back with your children. what are they hiding. T.

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that IS a bit too controlling. cancel the appt and find a regular dentist that works on children that is closer to home! there are so many regular dentists that work on kids; all you have to do is ask!

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I would not allow my children to see any kind of dentist or doctor who did not allow me in the room with them. However, if it's an open floor plan with no doors, then I would be ok with that. My children see a dentist with just cubby type areas, and no doors. The waiting room is only a few feet away and the hallway door is kept open, so I allow then to go in without me. In my opinion though you should speak with the dentist and tell him/her that you would feel better if you were allowed to be in the room with your girls. If he refuses and you are still uneasy with it then by all means take them somewhere else. Follow your instincts.

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Wow. In this day and age, usually no one wants to be left alone with your child for liability reasons. I would find a new dentist. I have a great one, my daughter started going to her when she was 4 (Dr. Patel, in Congers, NY). She and her hygenist are happy for me to sit in the corner. Good Luck.

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Hi A., my name is K. and I have a 14yr. old, a 7yr. old and a 3mo. old and throughout the years I have never heard of this. I think it's crazy not to be allowed in. I've used several pediatric dentists over the years because we have moved several times, however it's always been the same. They actually encourage parents to come in and chat with the dental hygeienist while the children's teeth are being cleaned and they give the parents updates while being treated. It also makes the child feel safe that you're there with them. Then the dentist is called in to check the progress and the hygeienist gives them the report again while I am right there and then the dentist asks me if I have any question. It also makes ME feel better that I get the see the "work in progress" and know they are doing their job and a job very well. And if they need X-rays, we all walk together down the hall to the x-ray room. The kids are never alone even at their ages. After all, these are our children. I would certainly check elsewhere. Good luck! K.

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A., if you are not comfortable with this, then pick someone else who has a different policy. I'm guessing the dentist feels that kids will pick up on parents' anxiety and put on a show sometimes of being afraid for their parents' attention or rewards - not to say your kids will do this, but I am thinking having the parents may prolong the visits in some cases. If your girls do not have a specific problem where they would require the services of a pediatric dentist, you can choose a regular family dentist, my kids have never been to a pediatric dentist.

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Hi A., I am sorry to hear that any doctor would tell you that you cannot be in the room with your child. Did they give you an explanation as to why you can't be there? I would not be happy if ANY doctor would not let me in with my very young child. I would ask to speak to the dentist directly before switching to another one. Sometimes just speaking with the dr, they will allow things that they don't normally. If however, they still say that you cannot go in with your girls, I would certainly check with another dentist in the area (and see if they will see children that young or can recommend someone who will if they don't) and see what their protocol is. It would make me wonder what is happening in there that I am not supposed to see; and you don't want you children to be afraid to go to the dentist, or any doctor for that matter. I live in a rural area as well, and have spoken to my dentist who told me that he will see my son when he is two (I will be in the room with my child for as long as he needs me, which I am sure will me several years, I want to know what is happening and to make sure that WE are doing everything to keep him and his mouth healthy).

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I would find a new dentist, you can usually go to a regular one when they are 3 or 4...I would find someone who fits you and your families needs...these are people you need to be comfortable with...suggesting that you not go back in the room and refusing to let you go are way different...I see why they would want the kids by themselves, for space and no mommy anxiety....however...you should never settle when it comes to medical/dental care...I drive 40 minutes away for my peditrican not because I have to but because that practice best fits my and my childrens needs...I don't need an already uncomfortable situation(lets face it you go when sick)worse because our needs aren't being met. i changed dentists twice before I found one I liked too, we all go back together and one jumps in the chair after the next and I have 4 and a baby.
Goodluck!

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A. I have never heard of such a thing nor would I personally allow it. I can see not being in the room for x-rays but why not the cleaning? It makes me wonder why he really doesn't want you in there. :|

Personally I'd find another dentist.

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I had the same reaction! It seems to be the norm with pediatric dentists, for some reason. Try a regular dentist. I am searching around for one now that will take my kids' insurance. I personally do not like pediatric dentists.

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Ive been taking my girls to the pediatric dentist since 3yo. The nurse always invites me to sit with them in the room. When they do xrays I just step out of the room for a minute. I find it a bit strange for a pediatric dentist to not allow the parent in the room. Its scarey for young kids to be without M. around strangers, esp. doctors. I would think that a regular dentist knows about a childs teeth so maybe try your dentist. Atleast you & your child will feel more at ease knowing whats going on in the room.

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A.--
If you are uncomfortable with his modus operandi, cancel and get another pediatric dentist--there are plenty out there and one is bound to be in sync with YOUR way of mothering. No one is "right" here--it's what you feel comfortable doing, and the feelings you have are also transmitted to your kids.
IT'S OKAY to want to be there! I still stay with my 7 year old because I am NOSY! So, sue me.

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Find another dentist! I have three boys and I went it with all of them. I still go in with my youngest, age 6. We have a great relationship with our dentist, no fears,no stress, no worries. I would NEVER let my four year old go into a dentist without me there. Good luck!
B. :)

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I live in Chicago right now, and posted a similar request on this site in that area while I was looking for a dentist for my kids. The responses I got ranged from "great job thinking of your kids' well being" to "how overprotective are we all going to be with our children" and "do we not trust anyone anymore?". My thought was that I wanted to go back with my kids to their dental visit.

We eventually found a dentist that allows us back with the kids. Not even just me, but me and my son's little sister. Yes, it's cramped, but as long as we stay still, we're not in the way.

I think that you should find a new dentist--and they don't have to be pediatric dentists, either--lots of dentists know how to work with children. Meet some dentists and see who your kids are best with. I know this isn't easy to do with work and the infrequent visits to the dentist, but maybe someone on here can recommend someone in your area.

We haven't moved yet to the area, (just two more weeks to go!) so I can't recommend anyone, but maybe others can!

Good luck to you. And always trust your judgement when it concerns your kids. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, question it, or get out of the situation.

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Hello, I have 3 kids and when ever they have a doctors appointmetn I am there next to them, I do not think is a good idea to leave your kids alone with anyone I do not care is a Doctor.
I think you should get another Dentist, that is not normal.

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Find another Dentist! I dont see why you would need a pediatric one, just find one that has done kids and is gentle.

Our family dentist lets us go in with our kids, since they started going. They (husband/wife practice) has kids the same age as ours and is wonderful. They even had sunglasses for the kids because the light was so bright. We would sit in on every visit and talk while their teeth were cleaned. The kids even sat in while we had ours done. Going to the dentist is a family event in our house. They block a section of time for the whole family and we take turns going first. We have been using them for 14 yrs and love them. She enjoys watching the kids grow.

The only time your not allowed is when x-rays are being done. They have to wear the "special" blanket and it could be kind of cool for them.

We've been to the ortho and other specialist over the years and have sit right in the room for all the proceedures. Its not abnormal. Find someone your comfortable with. I think there is a 1-800-Dentist line you can call to find others in your area. I dont recall the exact number or call your insurance, they can help.

I can also relate to balancing work/life issues. I wanted to be more available to my kids after school so I started a HBB. I did it in my spare time 3-5 hrs a week while working my full-time job and built up enough to work part-time from home and be available to my kids afterschool. This has helped them be able to join so many other groups that they would not have been able to if I worked that 9-5 daily grind. If your interested in learning more you can check out my site here or www.EmpoweringWomenForSuccess.com.

Best of luck on the dentist, dont give up until your comfortable!

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Get yourself a new dentist!!! No dentist pediatric or otherwise would ever request that a concerned mother wait anywhere while her child was seen alone! Especially if your child is underage and afraid....NO WAY! Find a dentist that understands your needs and that of your childs. Don't be too concerned with the word "pediatric".....in my experience, I have come to find that the only difference between a pediatric dentist and regular dentist is sponge bob appliques on the walls, videos of cartoons running in the waiting room and various other kid friendly things. You can go to a regular dentist and his examination I assure you will be no different. Trust that mommy gut and the message it is sending you........get yourself a new dentist.

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No dentist should tell you that you can't sit with your child. I understand not being in there when the x-rays are taken but come on what's the big deal!? I just recently started to let my 12yr old go in by himself but i still go back when its over to hear what the dentist said. I take my 7 yr old in and when he goes that usually means that I have to take my 3 almost 4yr old daughter in with me. I would say something to the dentist and the office. I don't trust dentists or Dr. or much of anyone with my kids these days. Hope this helps if you want to know where we go let me know, they are great!! Stef

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Wow. My first instinct is NO WAY. Just because he is a medical person there is no way I would leave my child alone with strange man. Absolutely not. The likelihood that you would need an emergency dentist is not that great, especially since you seem so proactive about their dental care. I'd go the hour to someone else or else see if there is a gentle regular dentist (It's the hygenist who is really important) who is experienced with kids. My kids go to a great dentist with wonderful hygenists. When my daughter was scared she sat on my lap in the dentist's chair. Parents always go in with their children. Not allowing parents in is a huge legal liability. I'm surprised any dentist would open themselves up to that sort of risk unless they are trying to get children alone to take advantage of them in the first place.

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FIND A NEW DENTIST!!! If you are not "allowed" in with YOUR KIDS that is not right. I live in a rural area too and my regular dentist is not a "pediatric" dentist but he does see children and my daughter loves him. There may be a "regular" dentist that works on kids too close that won't have a problem with you being with them. My mom actually went in with my oldest daughter so I could care for the baby and the dentist didn't care. If you act all scared and nuts going to the dentist you probably are not the best one to go with your girls but if you act like all is well then go with them. My question is why won't the dentist let you in? Would you let two 4 year olds go any place else with out you or a trusted adult? I think not!!! What makes this dentist think you will leave 2 girls in his care without you when you barely know him. You know your girls the best and must do what is best for them!!! A.

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Trust your gut - get a new dentist! I absolutely agree with the person who said to tell the dentist's office (make sure it's the office manager) why you will not be using them anymore. I'm 30 and my first dentist was my mom's first dentist - so this guy was OLD school. And my mom was with me during my cleanings until I was about 10. So if it was okay back then when we weren't so "over-protective", then why isn't it now? This is the dentists' way of only dealing with parents on their own terms - and I think it's ridiculous. It is worth the extra travel/hassle for you to have peace of mind.

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A., I live in Monroe, NY and I can still go in with my 15 year old if I want (I don't) but last year she had root canal and wanted me to come in and I did....change dentists! N.

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You should be able to go in with your child (except for the x-rays). I brought my daughter to a ped. dentist two years ago and they encourage you to be with your child the whole time. In fact I was told to sit in the dentist chair and have her sit on my lap. I am from Albany, NY and we had a huge news story about how Small Smiles Dentistry (a ped. dentist...not the one I went to) wasn't allowing the parents to go back with the kids...it was because they we putting papooses (sp?)on the kids so they were not allowed to move any part of their body. Children would get so upset from that and just the unnecessary work being done (crowns on baby teeth) that they would be vomiting and hyperventilating. I am not saying that this is going on at your dentist....but after reading/hearing that story, I would never allow my child to go in without me. If you feel uncomfortable about your dentist office, you should look for a new one.Pediatric dentists are good for kids but I eventually switched my daughter to our dentist when she turned 3....and they were great with her (eventhough she wasn't cooperating with them).

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Hi A.,
As a mother only YOU know what is best for your children and I would trust my gut instict on this one. I would be leary of doctor telling me I cannot be in the room with my child during any type of exam. My children go to a regular dentist and he doesn't do anything different than a pediatric one. When they are older and in need of orthodontics is when you should take them to a ped dentist. I would definitely cancel the appointment. Your girls are too young to fully understand what is appropriate behavior and there is no reason except for the x-ray part why you cannot be in the room. I have three children and myself and my other two children are allowed in the room while one is being examined and it is a tiny room. Good Luck...

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This would not sit well with me either. Did you ask the Dentist office why you are not permitted in with your girls? I can't think of any ligit. answer except maybe for the x-ray part due to the exposure. You are their mom, and you should go with your gut. If you think this seems weird or think your girls will get scared, don't do it.
You could try googling the dentist. Maybe you will find some info. on him? The area I live in doesn't have a peds. dentist, and the regular dentist has been fine for us and many of our friends. Good luck, and do what you feel is best!

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When my daughter was young we went to several dentists, and my favorite ended up being a pediatric dentist who had the same rules - no parents in the back. My daughter loved it there - she was never concerned about an appointment, and I never noticed any of the kids in the waiting room who seemed afraid to go with the nurse. They always came out smiling and loaded up with stickers. I feel like the dentist and nurses knew how to deal with the kids. Sometimes parents can project their worries onto the kids and make a bad situation without meaning to. I would keep the appointment and not worry. Don't make a big deal out of the appointment. They will love being "big girls" and going in without you.

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I could understand the xrays but they are minors and i think its against the law for them to be alone.Only now do mine go in alone they are 12 and 15. Change dentist.

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Why take them to someone you don't trust? my children go into the dentist by themselves and have had no problems and prefer it. I have no issue with the Ped Dentist I use or a regular Dentist they went to until my son needed to have 6 fillings and I had to change Dentist(not because of bad care he takes medicine that can harm the teeth and has really bad acid reflux, so he needed to be put under for the fillings). So if you are not comfortable then use someone else? or talk to other peolple who use this Dentist. I am a Mother and a trained Nanny.

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Run and find yourself another dentist! Unless you daughters have problems with their teeth it is ok to take them to a regular dentist. When I take my boys to the dentist we all go in together, I usually leave the one that is not in the chair in the waiting room, but I always go in with them for their x-ray and cleaning. Even when my son had several teeth pulled the doc let me stand at the door. No child under the age of 18 should be alone in any doctors visit. The dentist we go to does both adult and pediatric, only my younger one was refered to a pediatric dentist, all do the same, x-rays and cleaning. Find someone you are comfortable with and closer to home. All the best.

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If you like the dentist enough to make another appointment then have faith in the rules of the office and see how things turn out.

Unlike years ago....Today there is always a nurse in the room....you might want to ask if there will be one in the room if it's going to help you to relax.

Years ago I worked for a dentist. He was great with children. He allowed the parent in the room except for X-rays. But asked the parent to wait in the waiting room when any child started fussing and carrying on. In general, he couldn't win the child over and calm them down to get the work done with the parent interfering with the process. With the parent out of the room he was able to build trust between him and the child and between child and the tools needed to be used.

This dentist your children have the appointment with probably also gets better results with children when the parents aren't in the room....

When I was a child I was terrorize by several dentists and I became impossible when I was told I was being taken to the dentist so much so that some of the new ones I was taken to refused to look at my teeth. One year my mom took me somewhere, where they put me to sleep to get some of the work done...it was awful. Finally my Mom found this dentist in the neighorhood I ended up working for years later after I finished high school.... At age 10 this dentist took me in hand and turned me into a good patient. When I look back on it, I was very lucky as my teeth finally got the good care they were lacking....and know my mother waited in the waiting room from the first apartment on until I was old enough to go there myself.

So my suggestion is, try to relax and go with it.....

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I know pediatricians push getting started on dental health early and bringing children to the dentist, but when I discussed bringing my 4yo daughter in for a cleaning with my dentist, he questioned why I would want to do that. He said I could bring her in while I had a cleaning and let her sit in my lap in the chair so she could see what was going on. He'd look in her mouth, and check her teeth, but it sounded very casual (I haven't scheduled my next appointment yet, so I can't directly relate the experience). I feel (personally) that x-rays are a little extreme for someone who doesn't have permanent teeth yet, and the x-ray experience can be pretty traumatic. Yes, you will get some information on if it seems like the grown-up teeth are forming beneath the gums - but what will it mean and how would it change how the dentist would treat your child? The dentist can detect cavities in the baby teeth without doing x-rays, he/she will know if there are any serious problems, and if they see a problem, maybe the x-rays would be warranted to help diagnose it, but I wouldn't use it just as a standard diagnostic tool in someone that young (I always feel like I'm glowing after I've been through a set of dental x-rays).

I would definitely seek a second opinion. I'm sure my dentist is "extreme" in his lackadaisical approach to children's dentistry, but maybe you can find a happy medium. Also, hospital emergency rooms have lead aprons you can wear to be present when your child receives xrays there, I would want to be present for my 4yo's dental xrays.

Best of luck, but whatever decision you make, do question the need and value of the xrays, so that it will be an informed decision.

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I don't live in a remote area but I would not return to a doctor that didn't allow me to come into the room while they were treating my children. I have had a lot of experience with medical and dental treatments with my 3 kids and every one of the doctors/dentists I have seen have never discouraged my participation in their treatment. I don't know about the the regular dentist in your area but I would give them a call and ask about their procedures regarding allowing parents to join their children in treatment or I would drive to the other pediatric dentist to get treatment. Most pediatric dentists I have been to make going to the dentist as fun as possible and being separated from your parents at 3 doesn't sound fun to me. Hope this helps.

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Oh my goodness, that raises all kinds of red flags for me. Any doctor should allow a parent in with their child - for all kinds of reasons, not to mention stranger safety for your own child. Personally, I interviewed dentists before selecting one for my children and one of the important issues for me was the ability to be with my child if desired. I would find a different pediatric dentist if they are that rigid. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Your child's safety and comfort is more important that any single dentist. Good luck.

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I would find a new dentist! That sounds a bit fishy to me. My daughter needed teeth pulled before her first set of braces. She was 9 at the time the Dentist told me I couldn't stay in the room. I told him we would find a new dentist if that was the case. The ended up letting me stay. It was a very scary experience for my daughter I would not have left her alone.

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Hi A.,
It's unfortunate that you'll have to travel quite a distance to get the level of service you want. But, if you have to do it, you must. Try one last time by asking why you can't go in. If you're not satisfied with the response, well, they just lost a customer. I really don't think this is a common practice. I've read the other responses and most do the same as I. I stand outside the xray room with my 4, 6 & 8 year-olds, and I sit in the room with them for cleanings and exams. It's expected. Good luck.

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Don't leave your children alone with the dentist. When I was their age my dentist hit me when I cried. At 34 I am still afraid of the dentist...

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I've never heard of that and I think you have every right to be concerned. I have a 4 year old daughter and would never leave her alone w/ anyone, not even a doctor. I'd call back the dentist office and tell them that you will be going in with your daughters during their cleaning and xrays (I stood right outside the open door during my daughter's xrays). If they say again that you can't, ask for an explanation of why you're not allowed. I can't imagine any reason why you wouldn't be allowed. Not even just so they can get used to doing it without you. If they can't accommodate you, then I would try another dentist. Even in another town, you only have to go twice a year. Our pediatric dentist has the parent come in and we sit right there in the room during the cleaning and entire office visit. Even if the actual room is too small for you to sit in, stand at the doorway. Good luck!

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After searching high and low for a pediatric dentist that would take my insurance plan, I finally ended up with a general dentist and it worked out fine. Of course, I didn't encounter any issues with me joining her in her appointment because it was just the first one. But, if the dentist told me that I couldn't be in the same room with her, I would first try to prepare them first and see their reaction. If it was terrifying, then I would call the dentist and warn him/her that if I'm not allowed in the room, then I'd have to cancel my appointment. Do not let anyone tell you how to handle your children, ever. When my 2.5 year old went to school, the teachers told me to leave even though my child was clinging desparately to me. I looked at the teachers with a sterness that told them I wasn't budging until my child felt comfortable, and I felt really really good about that decision. You don't want to have any regrets when it comes to raising your children and you can't fall into the temptation of listening to other than your instincts. Good luck!

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Ridiculous if you ask me.
I had to step out of the room when my son was getting his xrays, I just stepped out and he left the door open. I would not let me children go in without me. That's it, simple as that. If they don't like that then I would change dentists.
JMO though, it would be PITA to have to change and drive an hr but it would be worth it for me.

N.

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A., I would recommend you try another dentist. I had a similar experience when my now 10 year old was 3. The hygienist told me in advance that I would not be allowed in for her first appointment and I knew my daughter would never go in alone. We switched to a wonderful kid-friendly (but not pediatric) office where now our family of five is always warmly welcomed. My younger kids do not even need me to stay with them because they are made to feel so comfortable there. I would call other dental practices and ask about their policies regarding young children. Another person can't stay for xrays, but you should be allowed to stay a safe distance nearby while they are being taken if your children are anxious. I happen to work in a busy radiology office and while I prefer to have parents wait outside the room, I always do what is going to be best for the child. Some children actually cooperate much better when their parents are not present, but some are much too afraid to come in alone. Good luck!! :)

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If it doesn't feel right, look at other options. I've been taking my kids to a pediatric dentist since they were 3 and sat in on each visit til just last year when they were turning 13. It stinks that you live in such a remote area that there don't seem to be any other pediatric dentists in the area, but speak to other parents about what they've done and where they go. You should be comfortable about this situation, and not settle for less than that. There may actually be a good dentist that may cater to the concerns of parents with young children. Explore there options. Good luck.

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Hi A.-
It is your right as a parent if you want to accompany your child at her dental visit. I would have a consultation with the dentist and find out why they don't let parents "in" Some doctors believe the child will behave better without the parent present. If that is his belief, he should tell you that beforehand. I worked for a pediatric dentist for 4 years. We always allowed the parents in. It was necessary to teach the parents how to take care of their child's teeth by showing them while their child was in the dental chair.
Good luck-
K.

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I just took my 3 yr old to the dentist and the thought occured to me that they MIGHT ask me not to be in there w/ her....in which case I anticipated telling that dentist NO WAY.

I agree w/ your instincts - you SHOULD Be in there w/ your child to re-assure them in case they get scared, etc....and in these days + times - I'm concerned about leaving my child alone w/ anyone that I don't know all that well.

Unless it's a family dentist that you've known your whole life, I would tell them that you'd really PREFER to be w/ your child the entire time of their examination.

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Hi A.
that's is ridiculous. Ask him if you can at least stand outside the door while they are being x-rayed so they can see you when the door is opened. The dentist should be accomodating. Each child is different. Some may feel perfectly fine going in by themselves and some still want the comfort of knowing mom is there. If your dentist is NOT accomodating find another one.
G. L.

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Find a NEW DENTIST, I have a 10 month old and a 5 year old I would never leave them alone. RED FLAG!

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A. - Cancel the appointment and find a child-friendly regular dentist nearby. Any doctor's office that wants to exclude a parent for any reason is at best, out of touch, and at worst, up to no good. Sure there's not a lot of room in most dentists offices but they should never tell you that you can't go in. Over the years you might find yourself standing at the door, then in the hallway and eventually in the waiting room, but your presence should always be welcomed by the doctor and staff.

Dentists are actually much easier to deal with than doctors in that, you can stop by their office and say hi, ask them about their practice and let your girls check it out before committing to an appointment. You can tell a lot about their kid-friendliness just by how their office staff treats you.

Trust your instincts. If you're not welcome, it's not a good situation.
Good luck,
R.

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I think that is absolutely outrageous. I can see that you should be outside the door when they take x-rays, for safety reasons. Everything else you describe seems entirely inappropriate. My Ped. dentist has a large practice, very kid friendly. My 4 year old has the choice to sit in the chair or on my lap for everything. The dentist is someone they see once a year. There is very little familiarity. It is not like these are people who know your kids well, like daycare or school teachers. You have every right to be with your kids every step of the way. Run, fast.

A.

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Hi A.,
When I took my first son at 4 yrs old to his first dental cleaning, we walked in together and when he was in the dental chair, the hygenist said, "OK, you can wait for him out there." I was surprised that she said that, but when I looked at my son, he seemed fine with that, so I did. I thought that it would be great if he could be independent and not need me there all the time. When it was done, he said that everyone was nice and that didn't hurt so I thought that this was great. But, and you knew that there was a but, one day, after we had gone there for a couple of years, my son said to me that while he was getting his cleaning the hygenist told him to stop being a baby. He said that the cleaning hurt a little and he did cry a bit, but he didn't move, he just got teary, and the hygenist told him to Stop Being A Baby! Well, needless to say I felt angry and horribly guilty for ever letting him go in by himself. I called them and they said that he was not misbehaving so they don't know why the hygenist would have said that and they would look into it for next time. Well, I explained to them that there wouldn't be a next time and that we were switching dentists. There is another pediatric dentist in town who doesn't keep parents out. We are using them now.

Anyway, that's my story. I can understand the rational for keeping the parent out, and I know it works well for some people, but I wouldn't do it again.

Sincerely,
S.

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I think that is crazy. Switch dentists. Your 4 yr. olds should have mom with them.

I understand having to step around the corner for the xrays. If your child is uncomfortable and you are not pregnant, ask for an additonal lead apron.

You know what is best for your child(ren). Mom makes the decisions.

I used a regular dentist with my children. If there are no "issues" I would think that a regular dentist would be fine and then they won't have to make a switch when they are older.

Good luck,
L.

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This has happened to me when my 14 year old son was about 5 years old. I insisted on going in the room with him and the dentist office told me I was not allowed. I told them if I could not be there then he could not be seen by the dentist and they allowed me to go in. I guess be persistant but if your dentist will not budge I would find another dentist. The dentist can be a scary experience for anyone and I think you should have a right to be with your child.

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I don't see any reason you shouldn't be able to go in. I have two sons 2 and 4 and I'm allowed in for both of their appointments. The last appointment they even did a 'dry run' with the cleaning tools on my oldest so he knew what to expect next time. They 'cleaned' his finger nails which tickeled and he had a fun time learning what they were going to do. There should be no reason you can't go in. Either demand to be with your child, or get another doctor. I don't trust anyone now-a-days with my child unless I know the situition extensively.

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Yikes...that is very strange. I have gone to 2 different pediatric dentists both always assumed the parents were going in. They also have a chair for me. My present peds dentist asked me to hold my daughter hands down and comfort her. They wanted me there.
I think you want to call back and question this. I suspect that whoever was booking appointments that day may be new or mistaken. If this is there new "procedure" you can politely say that you are not comfortable with this and pleasantly insist you are present or your children will become upset.
Good luck! JG

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WOW- not allowed in, go with your gut. It feels wrong and sounds wrong. Even if your girls are independent, parents should be allowed to go with their kids. If yoru girls made the iniitical "want to go alone" that's entirly different than being told by and office you are not allowed in!! Give your pediatirican a call, maybe they have a lost of dentists that are welcoming to children ( when we moved into twon that's where I got my list). I would think its worth a few phone calls. If your chidlren don't have major teeth issues, you have some time to get in the cleaning and do a bit of research arournd your area.

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I would NOT be a happy camper if I was told no matter what the circumstances, I am not allowed in with my child!. I have 3 children and we all see the same dentist. I have a 5yr old who still sits on my lap in the dentist chair to have his teeth cleaned. My dentist has no issues with having the mom in and I have yet to encounter a problem because I am right there. My 8 yo had to have cavities filled and her grandpa went in and sat next to her holding her hand. Just in case later down the road your children need to have more than a cleaning, I let my daughter take in one of her CD's and a portable player to listen to, so she couldn't hear the drills and talking, it worked wonders. Good luck! C.

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You should be able to be present for an appointment at this age, if you and they want it! They are too young to be in on their own. I am still present for all of my daughter's doctor and dentist visits and she is 8 now. We just go to a regular "family" dentist and I find that he is very good with the children as well as with adults!

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This year I took my 4 1/2 year old to his first dentist apt. We all went at the same time and to the same dentist. I was aloud to stand outside the room as they took ex rays. When they were done I was aloud to sit in the room while he got his teeth checked and cleaned. At no time was I ever told I could not go in with him. There is no way that I would not go in. He is my son and no one is going to tell what I can or cant do. Especially when it comes to a scary situation such as the dentist. We pay them, in reality they work for us, and therefore can not tell you how to worry about your child. If I was you, I would do one of two things, demand that you go with your child period, no ifs ands or buts about it. Or I would call the local dentist and ask what there policy is regarding children and there parents accompining them into the exam room. If you dont feel right about leaving your child alone then that is your right and no one can tell you different. Follow your gut.

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Just wanted to share a ped. dentist story that I took my twins girls to when they were 3. I was allowed to stay with them, but when one was frightened, was told to hold her down and he would clean her teeth while she cried, because her mouth was open. He made little to no effort to make her comfortable and I was shocked. I later learned from a neighbor that the same dentist, who is supposed to be an expert in treating children, sent her out of the room during a visit and was later told by her son that he and the assistant held him up against the wall in order to administer anesthesia. This child was traumatized and is now terrified of dentists.

We found another dentist who treats both adults and children, but is wonderfully patient and caring. He spent 30 minutes just giving my daughters a tour of the office and making them comfortable even before we had an appointment. A general dentist can do a wonderful job with kids.

Please do NOT let your child go in alone, but do take care not to transfer any of your own fears during the visit. If your daughters want to feel "big" they can sit in the chair by themselves while you sit off in the corner.

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I agree with what alot of people have already said. It doesn't sound right that the dentist doesn't "allow" you in the room. I have a pediatric dentist as well and the whole office staff is great - very accomodating to parents being in the room. Four years old is way to young to be left alone with strangers poking around in their mouth. Just my opinion.

YOU are paying THEM. They rely on you to buy their service to earn a living. You have the right as a parent and a customer to set the rules. My daughter has had xrays at the hospital and I have always gone in - I just had to wear a vest. There isn't a reason why they should deny you. I would tell them that you either go in with them or they lose you as a customer. I would even go so far as to tell them that you will recommend to all your friends and family to avoid their practice as well. (I am a little outspoken) They may cave pretty quickly.

Bottom line is tf ollow your instincts. It is called mother's intuition and is almost always right!

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