Bullying in School

The other responses have had good suggestions. I would also give your boys the opportunity to improve their self esteem and confidence by taking taekwondo or karate. Not only does it have invaluable tenets for life but it will also teach self defense if the bullies continue their nasty behavior.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Prayers for you!

go to the parents an discuss it..if it does not stop go to the police-bullying is against the law..the school should be handling it..if they dont-bring it to police-file a report an get a restraining order...

L. - since you are in a rural community, have you tried going to talk with the parents of the one doing the bullying? Sometimes that is more effective. I'd also speak with the school psychologist and she/he can council your child free of charge.

If these things continue - I'd get the newspaper envolved. There is no reason your family should have to be going through this when a school setting is suppose to be one of the safest places a child could be at! I have been in the educational field for 17 yrs now and I'm so shocked that the superintendent won't do anything. Don't give up though - also, find out when the next school board meeting is and go! These are public functions that ANYONE is able to go too.

Good luck and God Bless!
D.

The school has a LEGAL and moral obligation to protect your sons.

MN Dept. of Education bullying resources: http://education.state.mn.us/MDE/Learning_Support/Safe_an...

National Center for Bullying Prevention
http://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/index.asp

Bullying–Notifying School Administrators of Harassment Concerns http://www.pacer.org/publications/bullypdf/BP-5.pdf

Record Keeping and Bullying http://www.pacer.org/publications/bullypdf/BP-3.pdf

Common Views about Bullying
http://www.pacer.org/publications/bullypdf/BP-1.pdf

Talk with Your Child about Bullying
http://www.pacer.org/publications/bullypdf/BP-2.pdf

Good luck to you and your sons!

I truely feel for you. I know you are unable to change schools and your kids have to deal with the situation. My son was also being picked on by kids. This was more of a one on one picking, not a group of kids like yours sounds. We told our son to go through the proper steps and if that doesn't work, he will have to take matters into his own hands. I hate to admitt that but NO ONE will pick on my babies!!

My son was getting pushed and punched in his privates. We finally told him that when that happens, to grab the boys wrist, give it a twist so it hurts the kid, then look him straight in the eye while he is twisting the wrist and tell the snot kid "Do that again and I'll brake you wrist". I know some parents will not agree with, but I am here to protect my kids, expectally when the grown ups don't or won't. This did work for my son, and the boys never touched him again. I also told my children that if they do have to stand up for themselves and protect themselves and DO get in trouble, we will take care of that as the time comes. They also there are rules, even with bullies. They are never to hit first and my son is never to push or hit a girl! We are also taking Tao Kwan Do for self defense and self esteem. My kids have good self esteem, I just want them to stay that way.

Good luck with your kids. If you start asking around, I am sure you will find other kids that are having the same problem and if the parents can get together and approach the school, they will have to act faster.

i was in the same position as you are in now last year with my oldest son. did pretty much the same as you have said. it finally stopped when i went to the police because nationwide there is a no bullying policy. i had the police go with me into the super intendent and the princaple's office and had the children that were involved come in with us and let them know how serious this was and what could happen to them if it kept up. a letter was sent to the parents of the children involved letting them know of the possible outcome if its kept up. good luck and if you need someone to talk to please contact me.

I'm glad you're taking it seriously. Here's one way to get the schools to listen to you: Find a lawyer who will simply write a letter to the principal and superintendents. This letter should quote the anti-bullying LAW and consequences and appear on the lawyer's legal letterhead. In the letter, name names. Who are the specific teachers and coaches who are letting their students get away with this? This letter should get their attention!

In the meantime, do NOT let your kids feel alone. Is their dad helping with this? Make sure your kids know that you are taking the issue seriously. IT's really important that you and their dad keep those lines of communication open with your sons. If your sons start shutting down, that's bad.

I concur with the others' suggestions about martial arts, but only if you can find a good sensei who teachs both the mental and physical aspects.

Also, if things get worse, really do consider pulling them out of school. They may end up skipping classes anyway to avoid the bullies.

Have you talked with your sons' teachers and/or coaches? Have you talked with the principals? You might get further with them than with the superintendent. Don't give up!! If they don't listen the first time keep bringing it up. They have to protect your children by law. It may take getting a lawyer involved, especially if a teacher/coach is doing some of the bullying.

If your school officials are unsupportive, I say look into finding a new school for your sons that is supportive of both their needs and yours. If you don't have an alternative school, private or parochial school in your area, or finances are an issue, try homeschooling. It is not what it used to be ten or more years ago. Your sons can have a fulfilling school experience without the unnecessary "reindeer games" so prevalent in many schools. Whether you are a single parent working full-time or a SAHM, homeschooling is doable. With homeschooling co-ops, endless varieties of curriculum and resources, local museums, zoos, and other organizations offering accredited homeschool programs, it's surprisingly affordable to tailor an excellent education at home.

While bullies are everywhere, even among kids in private, parochial, and even homeschoolers, one plus of being a homeschooling family is you can pick and choose who teaches your children, and have many opportunities to meet other families/kids who are interested in school and building relationships around their education... not bullying.

Back to your question about the bullying... you're probably going to get alot of responses from those saying your sons should tough it out. I personally think toughing it out isn't necessarily going to teach them anything of value character-wise or otherwise if they can't learn because they're being abused and tormented by students AND teachers. Bullying to the degree of what you've described is scarring and can do more harm left unchecked than good. I mean urine filled underwear, and called gay is sexual harrassment. In an ordinary work-setting this would be grounds for a law-suit. If you can't depend on school safety policies to nip this in the bud, making a child try to take on a group of criminals-in-training is just too much. It's horrifying and maddening to think this is how tax-dollars are being wasted. All this sort of environment ensures is a guaranteed life-time of psychiatric treatment, depression or worse. But that's my opinion.

When things get bad enough that school officials can not effectively teach or protect your kids, you as the parent need to step in. Don't wait, for both of your sons' sake.

If the homeschooling thing interests you, here are some places to start researching for a co-op (parent/student resource groups where you share classes, sporting activities (especially older kids; there's a really big homeschool hockey league in MN) and field-trips), parent-support groups (where parents get guidance on where to find teaching resources, understanding state laws, can get basic questions or education related questions answered) or more go to:

www.hslda.org (nat'l organization (lobbies at nat'l level) with EVERYTHING you need to homeschool)

www.mache.org (christian based state organization that lobbies at the MN legislature and offers workshops several times a year on how to get started, and one really big conference in the Spring for the midwest 5 state area...usually 7 to 10 thousand attendees and growing each year)

http://www.homeschoolers.org/ (non-religious state organization for homeschoolers)

http://www.smm.org/homeschool/ (Sci. Museum of Mn Homeschool program. Also check out Minnesota Arboretum, Como Zoo, MN Zoo, Geek Squad.com, most local libraries and more for other homeschool prgms)

www.familyhockey.com

http://www.ci.maplewood.mn.us/index.aspx?NID=625

My daughter's school was the same way last year. We are in the Burnsville school dist. I got NO WHERE not after a restraining order, marching into the the bus company First Student, Talking to the principal, superintendant, police liason officer. My dd was only in 2nd grade too.

I said enough of the BS and put her in a private Catholic School where bullying, hazing, disrespect are NOT tolerated at all. We are not Catholic either but we love love love our new school all problems resolved and my daughter is so much happier.We got a scholarship too as I'm a single parent and couldn't afford to do this financially. There are alot of options for different schools. Charter Schools, Magnet Schools, Religious Schools, Private Schools etc...