Need Advice Asap,son Arms Were Held and Was Punch in the Class.

I think you are doing the right thing by going to the school first thing. With the level of gang activity in the schools you need to jump on this right away. Also, find out if this is the first time this has happened to him? Or anyone else in the classroom? The school needs to know that you are an active parent and they need to keep you better informed.

I hope this gets to you before you go in. I would just like to add another voice of support for you and your situation. I am also a teacher (middle school!). What happened is absolutely unacceptable. Yes, things happen in classrooms that we wish wouldn't and parents are not always notified. HOWEVER, when a child is physically assaulted that is an entirely different story. You should have been notified, period! You have the right to know who the attackers are and you should try to get the entire story. Once you have it, I would go to the police. The teacher and principal will be embarrassed and unsupportive, but these kids are too little to be engaged in such violent behavior, they (and the school) need the snot scared out of them! Good luck, I hope it goes well.

I like the advice to keep your cool, be matter of fact, and firm. That is much scarier to the principal than the ravings of a mad mom.

I would contact some legal advice...or file a complaint with the school, police etc.

HOW ON EARTH could this happen IN class????????????
Where the heck was the Teacher?
When anything of this sort happens at my daughters school, they Call the Parent. HOW come you were not informed of this?

What your son experienced is brutal...it is ASSAULT.
Treat it as such... this is NOT just some little minor social incident...it was violence.

IMAGINE: if you were in a store or office, and someone didn't like you so their friend held your hands behind your back while the other one then PUNCHED you in the stomach?????? What would you call this? Would you just ignore it? Would you just ignore it because "oh well, this is what happens at this place, I should have known better and it's my fault anyway" ??? Is that the logic you would use for this incident??? And then, what if the store/office Managers just told you "hey, grow up, it's normal everyday stuff. Suck it up. You have no right to complain and if you do everyone will think you're a wimp..." What do YOU think is 'right' or 'wrong' here?????
AND, what are you teaching your son.... if you handle this by ignoring it????

No matter what, I do NOT believe this was handled properly, or per proper school protocal. IT WAS NEGLIGENT... AND THE TEACHER DID NOT CALL YOU, WHEREAS SHE'D CALL YOU BEFORE FOR MUCH MORE MINOR THINGS. THIS WAS INTENTIONAL. I would contact your Attorney or file a police report.

Remember... when you speak to the Principal or the Teacher...they will just try and convince you to be quiet about it, or they will blame your son, or they will 'rationalize' themselves so they cannnot be found liable.
BEAR this in mind. YOU ARE THE PARENT of a son that was victimized and brutalized... YOU MUST be ASSERTIVE ABOUT THIS. And I would document everything, don't say anything that can be used against you... and PROTECT YOUR SON.

NEXT, what happened to these boys?? I"m sure there were witnesses who saw this, afterall it happened in class.

This is common sense: there is a certain "line" you don't cross.... if your child is 'harmed.' And to me, having someone hold my child's hands behind their back while being PUNCHED in the stomach by another individual... CROSSES THE LINE! Geez. Am I not the only one that thinks this is "wrong?" AND, what if your son is FURTHER bullied and this escalates????/

All I know, if this were MY child...I would have called the police. I would NOT stand for it, nor their negligent handling of this SERIOUS problem.

All the best,
Susan

Hi Frances:
I would imagine,that you've already spoken to your sons principle,and if he follows through,and does his job,he will make sure,that the boys,who physically harmed your son in class,will be dealt with.Several states,including our state of California,have (Bullying laws in place) Its become common knowledge,that for several years,there has been an increase,in school shooting's,and adolescent suicides.Many were a direct result of bullying.You can be proud of your son for reporting it to you, as It honestly took alot of courage on his part to do so.Children who are bullied,tend to be embarrassed,ashamed and frightened of the consequences by their peers,or fear the retaliation,from those doing the bullying.He may tell you,that these boys are friends,or that it really didn't bother him.He could be telling you the truth,then again,he most likely fears what their reaction will be,when they find out he spoke up.Ignoring it could allow it to become more serious,and your son needs to feel free to attend school,without fear of being attacked.I'd insist that the principle speak to the parents of the other boys,and its the schools responsibility to come up with an appropriate punishment for them,so they will not continue this type of behavior.If the bullying continues,I'd take it higher,and go directly to the local police. I admire you for being the type of parent, that supports and stands behind their child 100% I wish you and your son the very best. J. M

Dear Frances,
So sorry to hear this happened to your son. It sounds like the teacher took the situation seriously enough to call the principal in for assistance. I am a teacher I would have responded by calling the principal in as well. I know you are extremely upset by this, and you should be, as your son was assaulted by some very unkind boys, but do not place blame on the teacher. Once a teacher has sent a child to the office, it is understood that the principal will notify the parents. Unfortunately, the principal did not do that and the teacher was unaware of this situation. You should talk to the principal and ask why the principal did not notify you. Also, you need to find out what the consequences for the other boys involved were.
Your poor little boy should not have something like this happen to him. I always use this type of a situation to teach/remind students that while this behavior is unacceptable and is considered bullying, we must think of what would cause another to behave like this. They must not feel good about themselves or have something happening in their lives that is terribly wrong. A happy, well cared for, and loved child does not behave like this. Remind your son how loved he is and how much he has to happy and grateful about. Remind him that he is a valuable person and those other boys must feel so unhappy about themselves to behave in such a way to another human being.
Love,
J.

I'm sorry your son had to have this happen. I don't know anything about your school policies but our schools have a no excuse policy you might look on the school district website to see if they have any thing posted that would help your position. I would think it should be an automatic suspension. As for the teacher it's impossible to see everything that goes on in the classroom but she should have informed you personally of what happened. Good luck today. Please let us know what happens.

My advice is to keep your cool when you get to the principal's office. You may be angry, and you certainly have the right to rant and rave, but if you do, they will mentally discredit you (even unintentionally). You will get further in resolution if you remain calm and outline your concerns. Good luck. db

i would be livid! i would want a conference with the teacher, princple the kids and their parents. i would lay it flat out that i would want to press charges on the child who hit your son viciously and also on the children who held his arms so he couldnt protect himself. that behavior is uncalled for. your son may now be scared to goto class over this. behavior like that is rediculous no matter how old people are. good luck with the meeting!

Hey Frances,
I myself if facing the exact same problem. My son is 11 years old. I notices lately he has been coming home with marks and bruises on either his face or his arms. Asking him where he gets them from. He states from football games they play at the field. I find it odd because he never been bruised like that before. Well for a while my son finally revealed to myself and husband that he has been bullied, threatened, harrassed, and assaulted by another bigger sized boy at school, at the bus stop, or in the classroom by this kid. This other kid happens to live at the end of our block. As a concern parent, I contacted the authorities and reported the problem exactly how my son stated. In return, I ended up got arrested and accused of making false statement...the authorities came to my house at 1:30 in the morning, demanded to wake up our son, after telling them that he is asleep and it was late and early morning, they continued to demand seeing my son, telling us he just needed a statement from our son. With our son half asleep half awake, the authorities decided to take advantage and interrogated our son rather than getting the statement from him as he told us. I intervened the authorities that I don't feel right about the way they interrogated our son while he is half asleep and at 1:30 in the morning, I got arrested. Found out the next morning, after consulting with an attorney that the authorities was supposed to have me sign a consent allowing them to talk to our son. For the fact that the time they came to our house, was inappropriate to our convenience. I had to assured to my boss that if a child cries for help, and the parent is voicing on behalf of the child, suddenly there are deaf ears. But if the matter is not reported out of concern, the parent still pays the price. I have confronted the school authorities of where they are when all this is going on. One faculty told us because there are so many kids, that they can't keep an eye on everyone at all times...do you believe that? No wonder there are shootings going on at schools, a child gets bullied and bullied and bullied until they reach their breaking point. Then a child reaching out to teachers for help, they turn the other way. What is happening to the society today?
My son is a straight "A" student at school, and always devoting himself to helping other students at youth center with their homeworks after school, participating in putting together events and activities for teenagers, always highly recommended by teachers as well loved and liked by so many at school. This other boy's father, is also a trouble maker in the neighborhood, who initmidates neighbors if anyone disagrees with him, claims to be the one running the neighborhood, and causing troubles with neighbors. Unfortunately, I may be the first that stood up to him and his behavior that his son follows his footsteps. This other kid's father, follows me everywhere I go, taking pictures of me while either following me, knows when I'm somewhere alone, he appears out of nowhere, authorities won't help, telling us he has every right to be out at common areas, Restraining Order won't help. He has already assaulted me while visiting another neighbor just wanting to know what my business was being at someone else's house, police telling me I have no business visiting someone else's house in the first place if I don't belong there...I see this kid following exactly the father's footsteps and it's very frustrating...

Francis, you are doing the right thing by going in and talking to the Principal. She if not the Teacher, or the Nurse should have called you about this incident.

My only suggestion would be that you keep your cool, and try not to raise your voice to the principal. I would let her know that you require that the Principal look in to why you were not notified about the "fight" and the nurses office visit. Do not let her brush you off, insist that you get answers with a reasonable amount of time. By the end of the week. If She/He will not give you answers and tries to brush you off, then I suggest that you write a letter to your schools District Supervisor, with a copy of the note from the nurse and the results of your visit with the Principal.

Just what I would do if I were in your shoes.

Best of luck to you
DK

That's terrible! I can't believe your child was hit and you were not told. Ridiculous! You are doing the right thing in seeing the principal. I hope you get a result that satisfies you. If not, I'd tell other parents and look into changing schools.

Frances, I work for an elementary school and any time there is an altercation that sends them to the nurses or principals office needs to be brought to the attention of the parent. Especially this kind of situation. Just make it known that if anything happens like this again in a classroom or on campus that you will take it to the district level. That is not okay and you should have been notified especially with other children involved.
~~D.

Frances C.

Sorry to hear about this incident. I would personally go to the school superintendent and file a formal complaint against the students who assaulted your son. Then be proactive in finding out what happened and what actions were being taken to correct the situation. Were the children who attacked your son disciplined by the school (ie suspension or expulsion)? If not I would insist that this action be taken, even if you have to threaten to speak to an attorney about this incident. My daughter was injured at school when she was younger (she is now over 30)and I went to the school and made a major stink. The school kept telling me to calm down, I told them if they cannot handle their teachers or students I would be down at the school every day to show them how. As you would think this did not make me very popular with the principle's of the school. I didn't care much about that. Anyway, back to the injury, I filed a complaint with the superintendent about my not being called about the incident and actions were taken to prevent it from happening again. I still made daily visits to the school (even though they complained about my being there) and the school took great measures to insure this would not happen again. Don't allow the school to get away with this type of negligence, they are legally liable for any harm that comes to your children while on school grounds. You could have grounds for a law suit against the school. Investigate this through a consultation with an attorney if the school does not respect your wishes to discipline the children who assaulted your son. Make it legal, you have (I believe) one year to file when an injury occurs. Get your son to a medical doctor and a counselor for the trauma that was cause by these children's actions. The cost can be recovered if the case is viable, or the insurance will cover your son's visits to these medical professionals.

I would request the kids responsible be suspended.

How dare they not call you!! When you drop your child off at school you expect them to be safe, and if something happens you need to be informed. You must go to that school and see the prinsipal and aske first why you were not called and second how will they prevemnt this from happening again. so sorry that your son had to go through that. ) :

Please take your child to the doctor and have him thoroughly checked out. A punch in the stomach can lead to a very serious injury! Your story brought a flood of memories and tears to my eyes. When my son was a first grader two fifth grade boys held him down on the bus and refused to let him get off on his stop. When he burst into tears as the bus driver left the stop, she reprimanded him for not paying attention. I was livid! Although a much less serious attack than yours, I was equally appalled that he was not protected from an attack by older students, and when I reported it I was met with indifference. I did have him finger the boys the next time the bus came, and they were suspended from riding the bus for two days. My son chose not to ride the bus anymore, unless I could meet him at the stop (it was at the end of our street). He wasn't even going to tell me about it, he just asked me to meet the bus from now on, and ended up spilling the story when I asked why he was so sad. You have every right to be enraged. That said, your anger will not serve you to get any results. Make sure you document everything (get the Dr. to write a note if there are any injuries or potential future concerns, and approach the principal and maybe some other school administrators with the FACTS. Let them know that by law your child has the right to attend school in a non-threatening environment, and you expect them to protect him and enforce discipline on the students who participated in the attack. Let them know (calmly) that you will follow up to see that appropriate action has been taken. If your child is afraid to go to class, "volunteer" in the room every day for a week or two, tell the teacher you will change her bulletin boards and do all her copying, then just be a presence there until he feels it is a safe place again. The other (offending) students will notice your presence, without you saying a word. So sorry your son had to experience this! B.

Hello Frances,

Go directly to the district office and file a complaint against the school (principal & teacher). The principal was resposible to call you, but she/he didn't. Also, file a police report against the kids who did this to your son. Believe me, if you do, it will NEVER happen again. And the school will probably never mess up again. Also go to the principal and to his teacher. Your son is supposed to feel safe at school, and it is the duty of his teacher and principal to see that he does. Stand up for your son!!

You should have been called when it happened. Let's hope that the principal was so busy making calls or conferences to suspend the bullies, that she ran out of time to call you.
Please post an update so we can hear what happened. I think you have every right to go down to the school and get the full story and voice your complaint that you were not notified. But I would agree with some of the other moms who think the assualt charges and the legal mumbo jumbo is a little extreme.

Wow, your poor son! That is totally unacceptable! I agree with SH, get some legal help of some kind. If you act like it's not that big of a deal, your son will grow up thinking that too. Think of all the kids that you will save from being beat up by these bullies! Good luck - let us know how it went please.

Hi Frances,
I normally do not respond to any of these, but I had to for yours. I am SO SORRY that your son had to go through a horrible experience. More so, my heart was broken reading this, so I can only imagine how you felt when you found out. I have 3 children of my own, my oldest is 6 and has Autism. Though he is very high functioning, I fear something like this will happen to him as he gets older, more and beyond just regular fear of my child getting bullied. My advice is, if you haven't already, I would definetly find out from the teacher why she did not call. Generally, in my experience, any trip to the nurse, no matter how big or small, the teachers or nurse will call the parent. I do not know why NO ONE called you, especially if a note about it will be sent to the office. Are they afraid bc they were not watching him? Definetly I would also talk to the Principal, especially since the nurse or teacher did not call. If they won't listen, write a letter to the principal documenting what happened and when you contacted them and what the response was (always document!!! i found this very helpful in my experience). I would even write the letter and then just go straight to the superindendent. Gridley Elementary is in Valencia, correct? I was thrown by SF area vs, Santa Clarita Valley. I used to live out there also, so I am quite surprise if it is Valencia schools. I hope my advise and support has helped. I hope you never have to go through such a horrible experience ever again. I also hope the other 2 children were rempramanded for their VERY unacceptable behavior!!!

I agree with you, whole heartedly mama! This is an OUTRAGE! Why on EARTH would they ONLY send a note home & NOT call you??!! We as adults, and certainly those who are in the "business" of children daily, KNOW that kids don't always "remember" to tell their parents everything that went on in school on any given day. And sometimes, those notes get "lost"...I would most definately speak to the Principal on this matter, and I would make it CLEAR that should anything even REMOTELY similiar to this happen again, I would EXPECT a phone call home! If the Principal tells you that this is standard procedure when there is a violent encounter, then I would start looking at other schools ASAP! Hope it works out for you AND your boy...Let us know what happened...

Hi Frances, i hope all went well with the principle, is not call the school board, becasue you should have been notifide, as soon as it happened. Were the parents of the other kids contacted? while qwe were living in Japan my daughter at 4 got punched in the nose by a boy and out of 4 teachers they saw nothing, I was beside myself, my husband went and talked to the father personally, which was an officer in the navy, talk to your son and make sure he understands you nevwer let someone hurt you, and if it does happen to tell you as soon as he gets home. I pray he is alright. J. L.

I would be furious! I hope your son is alright. Besides the principal you should find out why the teacher didn't contact you. Maybe she felt that since the kids had gone to the office, they were already contacting you. I definetly would make sure the boys who hurt your son were being properly punished. An, "I'm Sorry" isn't enough. Are the parents of the other kids going to be there too? It would be good to find out how they react to knowing their kids are more than bullies. If they don't do anything about it then you need to make sure someone does. Does your sons school have a psychologist? It would probably be beneficial for the wrong doers to talk with him/her. I hope everything gets resolved. Take care.

I'm surprised the school didn't handle it better. At my kids school, bullying, fighting, etc is not tolerated. Those kids would have been suspended. And, unfortunately, if you fight back, you get suspended too!

Take this matter to the school board and then withdraw both kids from this school. Get an inter-district transfer based on this situation and send them both to a school that is close to your work. Or, I recommend homeschooling your children as well, if you can financially. Either way, there is no excuse for the school not calling you right away! If the teacher couldn't/wouldn't call you then the principle should have called immediately. The students involved should have been suspended immediately as well. The lack of action on the school's part sets a precedence that all other students will adhere to-good or bad.
Best wishes,
K.

I can't say much for the school but my daughter never wanted me to intervene. It is so hard not to because our job is to protect. Brace yourself these things do happen.

It does seem the other kids should have been punished.

I also would be very uspet! I would demand that I get called ANYTIME my son sees the nurse, and especially for this type of behaviour. I would also insist to know what kind of reprimnand the other children were given. Sounds like you really need to talk to your son because he didn't tell you about this. I don't have a child that old so I'm not sure if he forgot or is afraid to tell you...but you should explain to him that it isn't his fault and you are safe to talk to.

Hi Frances,
I am so sorry about this situation it is very upsetting and rightly so! I am a 6th grade teacher and unfortunetly stuff like this does happen, and I am sure the teacher did not allow this to happen! It really is the administratives responsibility to call you and let you know what happened, or whoever in the office dealt with the boys. It would be nice for the teacher to have called you, but if she assumed the person in the office who dealt with it called she may not have thought about it. I would talk with the principle for sure and let he/she know how upsetting and dissapointed you are that no one contacted you, especially with a child at that young of age someone should have called you, a note is note sufficient enough. Also, we as teachers cannot press charges against another student in a situation like this we still have to remain unbiased, but you as the parent have the right to press charges against the students that punched and held your child's arms. It is best to contact you local police department they will not be as easy on the students that did this as the school police would be. Of course it is completely up to you and your family as to what you want to do, but for sure let the administration know this should never happen again!! Good luck, I can't wait to hear how it goes.

OMG! I can't believe you weren't called! She is just hoping that you don't notice that little slip of paper! she's probably scared to call you cause she messed up... what was she doing to totally miss this?? I was a teacher the last several years and I totally agree that you need to go talk to someone, don't let it slide... they need to be keeping your son safe!

I may be a little late in responding. But I would immediately go to the school tomorrow and demand to speak to the principal. The teacher was negligent, the school was negligent and what have they done to ensure that your child will not be violated again?
And why were you not called?? What have they done to ensure your childs safety in the classroom (my gosh where was that teacher she/he needs to have disciplinary action brought).

What was done is bullying and the children involved need to have been suspended as per most school policies. Ask your son the name of the kids - and ask the principal directly what was Sam and Tom's punishment?

This school obviously doesn't take bullying seriously. That's really bad news. You need to speak to the principal and I think they need to call a meeting with all the parents involved so the parents of these bullys know how serious this is. The teacher involved needs to be in the meeting too. Since it was treated as no big deal, these bullys will just get worse.

I know this can be the hardest thing to deal with and being upset is okay, but remember you weren't there. Remember little kids can embelish a story. Be calm...however with that said I would talk with the teacher and the principal. I would let them know the actions they took were unacceptable and for something like that you feel you need to be called.

I've been in a similiar situation with my teenager and believe me it's so hard. The school called me right away. We want to be mamma bear. But the truth is we won't be there 24/7. You can also explain self defense to your child, a karate class is great for that as well as self esteem and focus.
Good luck, I hope that helps.
EO

Hello! I am so sorry that your son had to go through this! The advice I have for you is probably different than what others will say, but having been bullied myself in school, it is what I believe. Your son needs to know that you are standing up for him no matter what. That is first and foremost. I wish I could tell you how to deal with the principal, but Im not sure about that. The advice I do have, is to get your kids into karate or some form of martial arts. this is NOT so that he will go start fights! I suggest this as a way to develop his self discipline and confidence in these situations - bullies have a knack for seeking out children who they perceive to be weaker than they are. Its an energy or an air of confidence that will make kids stop picking on him. The idea behind karate is that you always try to avoid the problem, but if you are in a bad situation and the kids will not stop, he can defend himself. Sometimes just knowing he can take care of himself will send a bully away. I wish you both all the luck - bullies are horrible and nasty and if it continues it will change him forever.