Any moms out there been on either end of having their 10 year old son involved in a fight at school recently? No violence policy, whats that mean in your neighborhood and school district these days? What have been the following actions that occurred or consequences that got handed down, if you don't mind sharing.
Going through this now & would love to hear others stories.
Don't want to write all the details but a short description would be: one child was the victim and did not fight back and the other was the perpetrator wanting the victim child's fruit snacks. Fruit snacks were not given over. Choking & kicking occurred. Stopped by substitute they had that day. Happened in the classroom.
Any and all answers welcomed. Thank you!
If my child was the violent one I would accept whatever punishment the school handed down and add to it at home. If my son was the non-violent one who did not fight back and the school tried to punish him I would go to bat for him and fight tooth and nail, I would not stand for my child being punished because he was the victim of a bully.
As a mom of 4 boys, I can tell you that fights happen. NONE of my boys have ever choked though. That would warrant a visit to a therapist.
Our school district has a no violence policy. No fights. No knives. No guns. Kids can't even bring their baseball bats for practice after school. No LaCrosse sticks either. Dress code is STRICTLY enforced.
The child who didn't defend himself needs to learn some sort of martial arts so that he can defend himself. it's OKAY to defend yourself. he needs to know that.
My son was being punched before school in the gym. He kept backing away and telling the other boy to stop. The other boy seemed to think this made it it even more fun. My son then told him stop now before I make you stop. The other boy laughed and went to throw another harder less "playful" (if you can even say that) punch. My son used a quick and simple martial arts self defense technique and had the boy pinned face down on the floor before the aide (one aide to monitor eight classrooms of kids!!) could get over to them.
He did not actually hurt the boy other than his pride. Here is the kicker!!
My son was given the same punishment as the child throwing punches. Morning detention for several days.
Moral of the story be someones punching bag and let them hit you until the injure you and you can be unpunished. Defend yourself and get the same punishment as the abuser.
We took our son out every night of his "punishment" for ice cream and other treats. And celebrated his self defense at every dinner. Because he was right to defend himself and we told him so....and that no matter what the school did he was in the right.
He is now a 1st degree black belt (at the time he was studying martial arts....don't remember his belt color). And we often tell him self defense will never get him in trouble.
Don't ever start a fight but if someone lays a hand on you...you finish the fight!! (The rest of his time at that school NO ONE ever messed with him again...and he just screams pick on me because of his looks).
Every penny of martial arts training paid off that day...and I am sure will come in handy now that he is in middle school. I will take a suspension any day over my child being someone elses punching bag!!
Neither of my boys have been involved in fights in school. My oldest is a black belt in tae kwon do and my youngest is a red belt.
The child with the fruit snacks needs to learn how to defend himself. If he's your son? He needs to learn how to protect himself from clowns like the one who felt entitled to something which wasn't his.
If your son was the one who felt entitled to something? He needs to have a meeting with the school counselor and see if he needs professional help. Choking is SERIOUS. Hopefully, he'll be suspended from school until he is seen by a professional so no other children are put at risk.
In our school district it's likely both would be suspended for a day. Perhaps an in school suspension. Teachers don't try to determine who started it.
Work with your son about other ways to resolve an issue. It would help to know which one is your son.
Twenty years ago my daughter was being physically hassled by a boy. She finally had enough and fought back. She said it was worth the fight to be suspended. That boy left her alone after that.
That's not to say there may be better ways to handle this situation.
My reaction would be a combination of AKMoms and Marda's. If my son were the bully, well, he'd get consequences added at home.
If my son were the victim, first I'd lodge my displeasure with the principal. If he ended up suspended or whatever anyway, I would tell him that it's ok to stand up for himself, that he was right to not give in to a bully, and if the school gave him a suspension for that, so be it. But I was proud of him, and he would not be in trouble with me.
Our son has been taking taekwondo since 2nd grade.
He's always been the tallest boy in his class - really he's a gentle giant - but that didn't stop someone from trying to pick a fight with him.
In the 4th grade one boy was repeatedly stepping on my sons heels while waiting in the lunch line.
Son told him to stop, and he kept doing it.
Then son told him "You need to stop. Because if I have to stop you, you're really not going to like it." and that was enough to get the other kid to quit it.
Our school also has a 'no violence policy'.
I told him what I told all his teachers.
If someone is hitting/kicking/punching my kid he tells them to stop (1st time).
If it continues, he tells them again. (2nd time).
If it continues, he tells the teacher who has an opportunity to make it stop - and he tells the teacher if the teacher doesn't make it stop then my son WILL make it stop - making what ever happens after that the teachers fault if they don't step in. (third time).
And after that, if it's still not stopping then I tell my son to take the kid out and we'll sort it all out in the principals office.
Policy or not - my kid does not have to be someones punching bag and he is not expected to just put up with it.
Yes my son was. After several complaints to the school, we told our son to defend himself. He did. The school tried to discipline our son as well as the other kid and I told the principal to try it. I told him I would sue because we had notified the school several times and had meeting with said principal several times about this issue.
Could be that the school will discipline both kids equally, which I have an issue with. However, if you child was the aggressor, I would suggest punishment and counseling because choking over a fruit snack is just not normal. If your son was the victim, I would ask the school to get him out of the classroom and have him evaluated. Again, choking over a fruit snack is not normal behavior.
The two might be sent to an anti-violence mediation session, if your school has things like that.
And, not advocating weakness but - I would advise the victim to hand over the fruit snacks! It's like wrestling with a mugger. Better to lose some fruit snacks than to lose a limb / lose your life / end up seriously injured.
