Boyfriend Proposed Yesterday

S., Congrats!
I do have a suggestion as I was in your shoes 8 yrs ago....
My DH, went to my son and told him that he loved me but in the same breath he told my DS that he loved him too.

He then went to my DS and asked him if could marry me... he actually went to my Mom as my Dad was deceased.

Have the children be a part of the wedding and festivities as much as possible.

Also, you might want to get something for each of the children to represent they are also included in the marriage..

CHECK OUT:

http://www.familymedallion.com/

This is a medallion (there are several things to chose from)

http://www.familymedallion.com/order.htm

It is a symbol for FAMILY UNITY :)

Here is what someone wrote:
When we learned that our son was marrying a young woman with two children, we wanted to also welcome the children into our family. By presenting them with the Family Medallion we were able to accomplish this in a significant and meaningful way.

If this isn't want you want to do something else can be substituted but this way it shows family unity. :)

Congrats again!

u are so blessed bc i have been divorced for 9 yrs and i have not had any man treat me like a queen its important if your kids like him,talk to them 1st w/o him around and then bring them together and talk about it.kids usually have a good insight for a man in your life. it is a lot easier when u have younger kids vs older kids bc my kids are very particular about me as well as my self.

Congratulations!

Your kids are old enough - you should be able to have a family discussion. Include your fiance on the family discussion since he's part of the family.

During the meeting, let the children know that if they have any concerns/worries/fears/comments/questions - they can come to you privately and ask. Also be sure to approach each one privately and get their feelings on the engagement. You didn't mention if your fiance lives with you already or not - if so, it wont be much of a change. If he doesn't, you'll need to talk about how that will change your routines and the family dynamic.

Congratulations again, I wish you the best!

First congratulations and I wish you the VERY best. Please remember that from a psychological perspective, your children still believe that you and your ex will get back together, they live with that hope. It is very clear that you love this new man, but even though your children like him, that may drastically change when you actually move to marriage. They love you and want you to be happy, but they still love their dad, even if you don't and liking the new guy will make them possibly feel some guilt, and then they will act out.

Just be sure to take it slow, be understanding, because the reality is this: Men come and go, but your children are you children forever. Love them, be patient and understanding with them and realize, that while you got a divorce, you're children didn't but they had to live with the fallout just the same. When you marry, their hope of their father's return will be gone, and you need to know that going into this new marriage.

Good luck and again, I wish you the very best.

More than "talk, talk, talk" I would advise you to "listen, listen, listen!" Even if you dated for decades, they might be shocked by the news. Don't be suprised if there are any outbursts of issues you didn't expect, and let it vent. Unless they are immediately overjoyed, you might have to let them express some concern "How will this change things! He's not my father!" or whatever. Instead of answering immediately (which only puts you on the defensive) ask them more or clarify. "You are worried that your life is going to change? In what way?" You will find out what's really bothering them and also let the emotions out- it can be like a soda can that's shaken... once the initial burst is over, it settles down. Be honest... "I'm not sure how we'll handle that. We'll need to decide as a family." Reassure them. "I love him, he's going to be a part of our family and we are getting married. I also care a lot about your feelings and I want you to know you mean the world to me. I know there will be issues and I know we are all smart enough to find solutions!"

Congrats and good luck!!!

Good luck!

Hello S.,
Well firstly ,a big Congratulations to you!
All I can say is talk,talk and then talk some more to them.Your children are old enough to understand that Mom is very happy and that in turn will make them happy.Speak to them alone,that way they can be open and honest without having to hold back because your boyfriend is there.Ask them for their opinion,see if they have any reservations and work through them.Get them involved in making the arrangments and turn it into a family thing. Just remember to reassure them,that nothing will change your love for them and the bond that you have.Then bring in future hubby,have a meal a chat and take it from there.
All the very best to you.

Why don't you 2 plan a dinner out with the kids, and have him ask them for your hand in marriage. That way, they would really be part of it. Also, give them some time to say yes or no after he asks.

Sounds like a great man, grab him up before he's gone!!
Talk to your kids without him there though. They will be more honest about how they feel about him. Be honest about your feelings and explain that it doesn't change how you feel about them. Ultimately though, it is your decision. They will be gone in a few short years. They may object to making it "official" but what happens in 6 years when you have no kids at home if you let your man leave because the kids run your house? Congrats- Be happy!!!
Jessi

I would definitely not sneak this one past them. Your girls could be and should be brides maids and the boys should be groomsmen! BUT first you need to tell them. At dinner one night ask them what do they think of so and so becoming a permanant part of the family. Wait for the reaction and go from there. If they are excited then tell them the news. If not, probe and find out why not. I would also suggest to your fiance to talk to the boys and ask "permission" to marry you-I know is sounds very old school, but it should help the boys in the transition.

CONGRATS!

Congrats on your engagement. Just come right out and tell them. They are all at an age where you don't need to do a lot of explaining or sugarcoating. Just listen to their questions if they have them and answer them the best you can. Good luck!

Congratulations. Your children are older and I think they will be happy for you. Just make sure they know that this will not change the relationship that you have with them. Im sure your children can tell that he makes you happy.

First off I would love to know how you manage to have girl boy girl boy??..lol

Second at their ages they are old enough to know whats going on and most likely do know.You are going to have to just sit down with them and bite the bullet.You could feel them out first.Say something like 'How would you feel if *his name* and I were to get married?' or 'I/we have been thinking of getting married what do you all think about it?'This is a life change for them as well.

I am recently seperated and going through a divorce myself I have 2 sons who are now 16yrs & 17yrs.I am living with someone else but in all of this in the last few years with the seperation and such I have talked to my boys about it all.When I moved I let them decide who they wanted to live with..me or their father..one went with me(17yr),other with his dad.Now that I am having to move for work..stable hand.I have given my son with me the choice of what to do and where he wants to go..stay here in NC,go back to his dad in Canada or move with me.

So I would sit down with your kids..talk it out..let them have their say without talking down to them.Some might love the idea and some might hate it..you never know but in the end its YOUR decision what you do..not your kids..good luck and congrats..
S. B