Birthday Party Dilemma......

The rule in most schools is if they invite's are given out at school, that everyone in the class has to get one. So you are better off getting a mailing list and mailing them to the girls you want to come.
As of siblings coming, it's not there age group then most time's parents know and don't even ask if an older child may come. I have had some parents stay around with there older kids a the place we were, and "if" I have extra gift bags to go home I will give them to the siblings, but I don't go out of my way to make the siblings part of the party.
When you give out the invites just make it very clear and put the childs name on the invite that you want to come. Seeing that the place you are going has an age limit make that clear on the invite when you ask for a RSVP...
Have fun and try not to worry it will be a great day

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You could put on the invitation that space is limited so only the person invited can come. Or you could put 'such and such is invited to such and such birthday party. She/he will be one of the (number) of special guests invited'

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It's totally acceptable to only invite the girls from your daughter's class. Most parents understand & do the same. If you address the invite to a specific child, parents should know that the siblings are not included in that invite. Usually, if I am inviting their siblings I will address the invite with all of their names. And if I'm not sure if my daughter's little brother is invited or not, I will ask & so should the parents of your daughters friends. They will understand if you cannot include the siblings this time.
Have fun!

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L.,

I think its perfectly acceptable to invite just the girls in the class. Really, its a PERFECT solution to your need to limit the number of guests. IF you were picking out certain kids from the class to invite or exclude based on things like personality (of the child or parent), race, weight, family composition, learning abilities, or behavior problems(unless extreme), it would be unacceptable. What you are doing is very mature and will be understandible to everyone. ALL kids need a chance to be included and have social opportunities to grow from. I think inviting girls only is still being warmly inclusive and I say Yea to you. I have been suprised over the years how early the exclusivity begins, especially for kids who NEED opportunities to be included and practice social skills outside of school.

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I have to say I disagree with not allowing the siblings. If the parents were to drop off all their kids and take off, I'd have a problem with it then.

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I have a 15 year old daughter and a son about to turn 4. I totally understand your dilema. I think it is perfectly acceptable to have a party and NOT feel obligated to invite an entire class if you do not want to. I agree with many of the previous responders that have given great advice - obtain the addresses from the teacher if possible and mail them. Or, if you can, try to catch the parents at pick-up or drop-off and ask for it then only mail to the children you are inviting. You could let them know at that time that it is at a place that has age restrictions and limited space and that you will be sending an RSVP. Then, follow up by requesting an RSVP ( I would say just ask for it by telephone or email, parents are NOT likely to get a formal RSVP mailed back in time for a 4 yer old's birthday in my opinion). Most importantly - make sure to make the day about you and your child - and enjoy the day. You only have so much control over other people and how they will respond - hos a fabulous party, take lots of fun photos, and remember you cannot please all the people all the time! ;)

Good luck!

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Who are you doing the party for? To celebrate your daughter or to impress her friends? A 4 yo isn't going to be concerned with numbers; more is not necessarily better. At this age, keeping parental stress down is #1; trying to achieve Neighborhood SuperMom will just end up depressing you.

Address the invitations to the child who is invited - that way there's little to question. You might indicate that a parent can "drop off" the party child to lessen the ambiguity (just be sure you have enough adult chaperones on hand to assuage any child/adult ratio concerns). Mail the invites; don't deliver them at school unless you're inviting the whole class. It's your party/money; limit it to however many you can accommodate. It's normal to be concerned about those "left out", but if that rules ALL your decisions about the party, then it's best to either not to do the party at all or else find somewhere that can accommodate "everyone". Do things out of love/compassion, not guilt/pressure, and you'll feel satisfied not resentful or used.

If the class is the issue, see if you can do a "classroom party" at the school - send cupcakes for the whole class and then you're free to pick specific friends for an outside party.

All that aside, however, 4yo kids don't "need" glitz, glamour and scheduled activities. Mine (5, 6, 8) have done fine with a few friends over in the backyard (for summer bdays) with no "organized activities/games" and inside (with less friends) for winter bdays -- I just point out the playroom. Or, save yourself the stress (and, perhaps, financial burden) and just do something special with your daughter (call it a "birthday date") and have her invite one or two friend(s) to provide peer company.

Singling out your daughter for some one-on-one "special" time with Mom will be remembered more than a community hall full of friends, guaranteed. The delight I saw in my 5yo's face today when I took her on her "birthday date" reminded me of this point:

My parents had the kids while my 4 yo turned 5 two weeks ago. They had a cake and sang. When asked if she was going to have another party with Mama and Papa, she replied, "but, I've already had a party!" Today, I asked her what she wanted to do for her "birthday date" with me. Her eyes lit up at the thought of one-on-one time and the "ice cream store" was her only answer. She was perfectly content and chattered away the whole time (she's not a chatty one). When I pressed further thinking that ice cream was so little, she decided upon a pillow fight, a bath and to make cookies with M&Ms. She was even more excited when we walked across the street to the store to buy M&Ms and I let her keep the change (a mere penny).

A party of any size would suit your daughter just fine (unless, of course, Mom explains why small isn't adequate) so best not to create something that will stress you out. Your daughter will feel your stress more than all the happy faces at her party.

Hope that helps. All the best to you.

L.

PS - Other of my friends alternate between "friend" parties and "family" parties to reduce the stress and more "stuff" than we know what to do with.

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I think you can and should invite whoever you want BUT, as the mother of a four year old boy who attends preschool, I would prefer that you not pass out the invitations at school. Intellectually I know you have the right to invite whoever you want BUT as a mother I think I might still be a little upset over my baby getting excluded. (I know. I know. Silly - but I think alot of moms would probably have the same reaction.) Just keep it separate from the preschool and you'll probably be fine.

I DEFINITELY think you should make the invitation clear. (Perhaps something like: "We're so sorry for the inconvenience, but space is extremely limited so siblings are not invited." AND you should request an RSVP.) But, I think you need to be prepared for the fact that some invitees won't be allowed to come without their siblings . . . and some parents may send the siblings anyway!

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It is definitly OK to invite only the girls. But ask the school how they would prefer you handle the invitations.

It has also been alright to invite just a few of the girls to parties that my granddaughter has been invited. Then the invitations definately have to be mailed. And it has to be just 2-3, maybe 4 girls.

And to handle the older children in the family I'd include in the invitation the info that space is limited as are the ages it's planned for. Since the party is at a commercial place I would think that parents would realize that packages do have limits. If a parent hangs around with an older or younger child a tactful way of letting them know to go away is to tell them what time to return to pick up (and give the one child's name.) Perhaps add a word or two about what the group will be doing for reassurance.

There may be a parent or two who don't feel comfortable leaving their preschool child alone. It helps if the parents know you. Perhaps you've met them picking up and dropping off their children. That will help. You can also include a reassurance that there will be good supervision. Such as there will be this many adults and/or cite the security precautions at the party place.

Relax and have fun.

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Hi L.. My daughter had a birthday in February, but we invited all of the kids from her kindergarten class. I have seen other kids who have all girl or all boy parties. In my daughter's class if that is the case, the parents send the invitations to school with their child. Usually in an envelope, folder or in their "homework folder." The teacher will put the invitations in the folders of the children who are invited. I haven't seen that done if they are picking and choosing which girls/boys to invite, but only if they are inviting all of the girls or all of the boys. That way, there's not a big deal made about it. Be sure to put RSVP on the invitations! Good luck and hope your daughter has a great birthday!

-M.

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I think that it is totally appropriate to only invite girls to a girls party. As for older siblings, if there is limited space then you need to be open and honest about it and let the parents know that there will be other opportunities for the odler siblings to join in on some fun. Maybe even offer to the parents to drop off the younger one is childcare is the issue.

Good luck!

D. F

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I think it is perfectly fine to invite just the girls from your daughters preschool class and a few friends from outside class. I don't think it is rude to not invite the siblings since they are older and this is a party for 4 year olds and you are limited to the number of children, according to the birthday package you are using. I would put the childs name that is invited on the invitation. The childs name, you are invited to: blah, blah. and on the envelope put the childs name that is invited to the party.

Hope this helps,

Pam R.

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Ask who you want to be there. It is not good to ask the girls in front of the boys. They all get invited to do things, that others can't go to and vise versa. Siblings that are really close in age can be hard. I usually invite the ones that are within a year of daughter/sons age if my child knows them. On each inv. I put "A special invitation to -----" that way they know it is just for that child. If the whole family shows up then I take the invited child by the hand and leave the family standing there and say Sally are you ready to join the party? Susan is waiting for you. If they want to stay that is fine but they will get they are not part of the party. We have had problems with this before and it can REALLY add up. There is one family that on a regular basis thinks they should get everything handed to them because they don't have as much as some at our school. So they will bring the whole family to the party and expect that they will all be free. They also do that with the school, take the whole family to the breakfast program and then have their children take the food and give it to the parents, other siblings. I hope you don't have to deal with this issue.
Most parents children understand though. Some parents (like me) are nervous about leaving their children at parties where they don't really know the parents. I will just set up a separate area far away from the party for us. That way I can know they are safe but not bothering the party

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Let her decide who should be invited. Don't exclude boys just because they are boys. That's a bit of a cop out. If she only wants to invite girls, great!

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