Birthday Party Dilema

As a mom of a large family, I do not expect that they ALL get invited to the same functions (even though 4 of the kids are very close to the same age). Especially as they get older, the separation of "friends" gets more and more evident as age and gender play more and more of a factor. However, I like it when the mom comes and talks to me directly first, rather than hearing it from one of the kids. Just give the mom (or dad) a call and tell them that you are doing the birthday thing a little different this year and just the 9 yr old is invited. Should be no problem whatsoever :) Since they ALL do play together sometimes, maybe the week of her birthday, when they are all outside playing, you could send out a fun treat like popsicles or something for all the kids to have in honor of the b'day girl.

Good luck!

Just invite the one friend, it is their parents job to tell the other children what is going on in my opinion. If the parents as tell them that your daughter just wants to have one friend for the day. I dont think this is a bad idea at all. Have fun.

Maybe you could talk to the parents and just be direct about it. Tell them that last year there were just too many kids and that you want to scale it down a bit. Maybe they can plan something else for the other kids to do that day so nobody's feelings get hurt.

Good luck!

I don't think that you can just invite the one girl without inviting the rest and NOT hurt their feelings. Maybe have them come over for a while and then invite just the oldest one to spend the night.

I agree with another writer when she said the other children's feelings would be hurt if you didn't invite them. It put's the parent's in a difficult position also to have to explain why they can't go but their sister can. I personally would invite all the children.

Birthdays are a big deal to kids. Not getting invited could really hurt feelings....especially since you invited them all last summer. Maybe you could ask one of the parents to attend and help out since so many of the kids are their own?????

I see no reason why you can't invite just the one girl. You can't help it there are so many kids at that house and should not have to invite all of them. If the one girl is closer to your dd, they all know it. You already do more with that one child, so it should not be a surprise. You should not be expected to invite them all. If you are close enough to the parents/adult in the house, I would hand deliver the invitation to them and tell them your dd wanted a smaller party this year and is inviting just the one child and you hope the other kids don't feel left out.

There have been times my kids (or me!) have felt bad about not inviting someone (like boys or younger friends to my dd's sleepover party). What we have done with those friends is planned a get together another day. Not a party, but something fun like going to a park or splash pad or something like that. Not as a bday party, even telling the parents not to bring a gift, but just something fun to do together in honor of the bday.

S.

I think Starr has the perfect solution...great answer!

You have been given a lot of advice. We have the same situation in our neighborhood, except that all of our kids are still younger. Also, they don't all come from the same house. There are 4 houses close together that have a total of 9 children. Everyone gets along and plays outside together. When it comes to parties, sure it would be nice to invite only the ones closest in age, but you have to decide on the relationship you have with them. Will this make for an uncomfortable situation down the road ? Also, truth be known, as kids get older they will choose their closest friends to invite. However, the kids you are talking about are not older yet. They will not understand and may have their feelings hurt. SInce they all play outside, the other children will feel they are all friends and why didn't they get invited ? Yes, in life kids will have to learn about not always getting invited just because a sibling does, but is this something you want to be the one who starts ? What if it backfires and your neighbor doesn't understand - not so easy when you all live in close proximity. This can make the rest of the time outside from now on very uncomfortable, even for your daughter.
I know it makes for a lot of children. I would ask one of the parents to see if they can come as well to help supervise with the younger ones and just invite them all. Then maybe just have the oldest one that your daughter is closest to spend the night.
Good Luck - things can be tricky with neighbors - you don't want to end up being uncomfortable where you live.

Wellllll...sorry to be blunt...but...WHY are you worrying about the other kidz? Your daughter is having a birthday party and she chooses which kidz which kidz she wants at her party, she doesn't want a repeat of last year & neither do you, so you simply make out the invitation with the girl she is friends with, make sure the girl's name is on the front, let her hand deliver the invite, you can be sure the girl will tell the others in her household that she alone is invited. Life is a learning process and these children will learn that sometimes they all can't do everything together if they haven't already figured that out, with so many kidz in this family it's pretty assured they already know that :)

hello, well maybe have the party someplace else that you can only invite so many kids her age and the ones she hangs out with the most and the others will understand since you are going to another place and they can always come to your pool water slide another day.

Also if you are looking to do something different, check out Butterfly Dreams theme parties for kids, boys and girls, they are great and they even have different locations to do parties and your daughter can choose the party that she wants, like a spa party or glamour etc. and you will keep all of the kids out of the sun, its so hot right now to have a outside party. If you have a party during the week they also offer a discount and during the summer if its on a weekend they give a special.

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good luck and the other kids will just have to accept it and they forget so quickly.

I would just invite the nine year old to the party and if they ask why just say you have a limited amount of guests you are having this year. Give your daughter a certain amount of friends that she can invite and leave it at that. If she gets to come fine if not that's fine also. You can't be expected to take in all of those kids for a party. It is normal to only invite the child that is your daughters close friend.

My best friend has 4 sisters. I played with all 5 girls but my best friend, who is the oldest was the reason I went knocking on their door, she was the one who came over to play with me, she was the one who I invited to my house for my birthday each and everywhere. Just because your daughter's best friend lives in a house with a ton of children doesn't mean you are obligated to invite them all. Simply let the girl's mother (or guardian) know that your daughter doesn't want a big birthday bash and would like for the one girl to come to her little gathering. If the mom has a problem with it, shame on her. It's not your problem if the girl's mom has bad manners. It's your house, your daughter's party, and if she doesn't want the other kids, then let her have it. The way I see it, you are saving yourself time and money.

I understand your feeling about the situation and I would invite them all. Especially since you invited them the previous year. It is only 1 day. I remember situations like that when I was young, my mom always explained inviting everyone was the right thing to do. I don't think there is any good way of only inviting the 1 girl.

At age 8 lots of kids start to split off with just their 'best friends'. Particularly if your daughter has other friends from her class, etc. that she wants to invite, I would say it is fine to just invite the child she is really good friends with. Growing up, many neighborhood kids will play with whoever is around- but you don't have to invite them all to a birthday party!

Just so no feelings are hurt, I would go over in person and give the invite to the MOM- not to the child. Explain to her that you can only have a certain number of kids this year at the party and your daughter had other girlfriends from school, or cousins who need to be invited, but that she REALLY wants their daughter to come as well, since they are best friends.

You don't need to make any excuses or give any details other than that. If this other mom has any sense, she will understand- with so many kids, she probably goes through the same thing herself. After all, she most likely can't invite EVERY kid each of her kids plays with to a party, right? Nothing to feel bad about on either side, IMO.