Birthday Party and Gifts

People don't want to come empty handed to a party, so why not pick a charity to support that they can bring something. Maybe collecting paper goods for a shelter, dog or cat food for an animal shelter or canned food for a food pantry. Find out something you sons would be happy to support and make that suggestion on the invite, : In lieu of presents, we are supporting the food pantry-lets see how high we can build a can tower at the party! Then take your sons with you to deliver the donations made on their behalf.

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I asked a similar question a few days ago and these are the responses I got, you can see if any of them are helpful:

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/4524961999712550913

If there are toys that they received and really have no interest in, they can be donated to charity. If they are still unopened, they can go to Toys For Tots at Christmas time. I don't really see anything wrong with stating "No Gifts Please" but it would be inappropriate to make gift suggestions with the invite, unless someone specifically asks. Some people will still insist on bringing a gift - accept it graciously and teach your sons to do the same. If it really isn't their cup of tea, again, it can be donated.

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you know when my daughter gets invited to a party we ask the parents or the kids what they are into. I also put a gift receipt in the bag for them to return if they do not like. I'd just let it be. The kids will get a bunch of gifts. If they can't play with them all put some up in the closet for plane rides or long car trips. Or even those rainy days when the regular toys just wont do.

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Yes, it is considered rude to make suggestions on the invite.

But I do know it can be frustrating when you state no gifts and you end up with a ton of gifts.

We got past this one year by saying it was a "Party", but did not mention a birthday party.
It was a lot of fun and everybody had a blast at the Reverse surprise party.

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Yes, it is rude to ask for money or make suggestions. It's not rude to ask for suggestions when you RSVP. When the invitee asks, it's OK.

What about doing what some other mamas here have done: instead of gifts for your boys, ask guests to bring a new book that can be donated to the local library? That makes it good for the community, eases the gift crunch at your house, and still lets people select something and wrap it up in fancy paper.

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You can mention on the invite that this time the theme of the party is "Toys for Tots" and that gifts aren't necessary, but if they will like to donate to "toys for tots" suggest age appropriate gifts you would like to take to the 'toys for tots'. The twins will experience giving to the needy this way and they will experience what it means to give to other children who don't have anything. OR, you all can donate to your Children's Hospital if you have one. Call the hospital and see if they need books or HighLights magazines for their children, and or stuffed toys. Or St. Jude's Hospital. :-D
Hope this helps. What a great idea you had last year with donating to the museum! :-)

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So, no. You're *never* supposed to mention gifts in an invite. Even to say "no gifts please."

Here are some not-so-random thoughts on the subject. Why not mention gifts? First of all, gifts are never supposed to be "expected." Also, some people may get a case of the @$$ with a request for no gifts. "Oh, they have so much my paultry offerings aren't wanted?" or something like that. On the other hand, I find that the kind of people who would adhere to the party-giver's wishes regarding gifts will usually contact you to ask for guidance. I always ask a parent of a kid I don't know well, "What is Jack into?" If a parent said, "You know, Jack has so many toys cluttering up his room! I cringe at the thought of him having one more thing for me to trip on. But this cause is important to him or the family, so a donation to that would mean a lot." Then I would gladly get him a nice card and include "A donation to this very special cause has been made in honor of your birthday."

Just some thoughts. I hope your boys have a lovely birthday.

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I never know what to get when my kids bring home an invitation so I usually have them ask or I do when I RSVP. However, many people don't bother to do that. I too hate to have gifts that are basically just taking up space. It's a waste of my space and their money.

I LOVE the idea of a theme party. The bring a gift for a dog or cat to donate is an awesome idea. It takes the guess work out of what to buy, it can accomodate lots of price ranges for those of us who can't spend a lot, and it gives a great lesson to the birthday kid about giving to others.

And someone said make a can tower with food donations...great idea. Incorporate the theme into the party itself. Really go with it.

Who cares if its not "proper" to mention gifts on the invitation. Do what's right for you and your kids and do some good for the community...now that's the really "proper" thing to do!

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I get what you say about unneeded gifts. The last 3 years, one of my daughters has asked for donations to different charities. We will include a list of ideas that we get from the wish list of the charity she is collecting for. One year she did the Ronald McDonald House. Her party consisted of going to the American Girl store, and then heading over to the RM house and all the party goers got to see where their donations were going as well. The next year, 2 of her friends that went to the party collected donations instead of gifts at their parties as well. How awesome it that! Every now and then, a friend will still bring a gift, but that's okay. And of course she gets gifts from family. (trust me, she's taken care of.) I agree with the other people who said it's hard to come to a party empty handed. This way, they don't have to. It's been a lot of fun picking out the place to donate to, and what she wants to donate. If you want some ideas on this, contact me.

Additionally, I have twin girls. One year they also donated their gifts. What i did, I have their party together, of course. But half the invitations were from twin A and went to her friends, and the other half were from twin B and went to her friends. They did different charities, and so the donations were different as well. Good luck. We have really enjoyed it in our family, and I see more families doing the same, so people are getting use to the charity donations thing. What a loving thing you are doing, and teaching your children.

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We have done a joint party for 4 years now with a close friend that was at our same daycare. Because the boys were always in the same class and have birthdays a week apart it actually just made it easier on us to plan one party together since the same kids would be at both. Plus we got to have a bigger, better party and share the expense. Because we did a joint party we were not sure how to handle gifts so from the first one we always have collected unwrapped gifts to donate to the kids at Childrens Medical Center. Our kids still get presents from us and family but we honestly didnt have room for 20 more toys at our house so it worked out great for us. I cant tell you how many parents over the years have said very positive remarks about how we collect presents and donate them. It teaches the kids to give, even on their "special" day.

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I wouldn't mention the donation or a gift. If someone ask what they like, then feel free to give them your options. Otherwise anything that the twins receive and they do not want or isn't played with, then tell the boys that you're going to donate them to an orphanage, shelter (womens shelter - those moms often leave toys for their kids when they're trying to get free because that's not what they think of when they are leaving a bad situation) mission, hospital or church. They will always receive more than enough, so don't sweat the small stuff.

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I know many of your responses have said it is rude to mention gifts, and it certainly used to be. But, times have changed, and this MIGHT be something that is changing too. I haven't quite been brave enough to write this on my own invitations, but I have received invitations that have said something like: 'My child has been blessed with an abundance of toys. In lieu of toys, a donation to charity, clothing, or a contribution to my child's college fund would be appreciated.' I wasn't at all offended; I thought it made sense.

Although I wasn't brave enough to write it on the invitations, one of my family members did think to ask what sort of gift my son would like before a big family party. I told her no toys, but books, clothes, or money for college would be great. Well, luckily she must have spread the word herself, because ever since then, the family has primarily followed those guidelines.

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I would let the guests do what they want. You might say, Gifts are optional and will not be opened at the party. Then, you can return them to the store, most poeple shop Target or WalMart anyway, or donate them to a shelter, or something

Perhaps in the invitation you can say "Instead of expensive gifts, just bring $5 to go toward a Lego kit the boys are saving for." You name the amount, but make it ridiculously low so it's no big deal for anyone. I don't think anyone would be offended by that!! I know I wouldn't have when I was taking my kids to birthday parties all the time. There were kids that had a party every year and I never let my children have a party every year. I staggered it so that people weren't tapped for gifts every single year.

Another idea is to bring a gift for a dog or cat (for the local SPCA). Kids love animals and love to pick out stuff for them.

hey -
I feel the same way you do, but I haven't been "brave" enough to put anything in the invitation. Honestly, my son (who just turned 8 as well) craves super expensive Lego sets. I wanted to say something like, "No gift is required, but if you would like to contribute, N is craving a very expensive Lego set and a $5.00 contribution to that set would be appreciated" OR something like that - maybe better worded.

Honestly, I would LOVE to receive an invitation like that because I like to spend less than $10.00 on a gift - especially if I have no idea what the child likes to play with.

Good luck!!
L.

i like mary's book suggestion.

I do think it's hard to walk in empty handed.

I'm just curious but i don't known if i could get my kids to not want to play with the toys they get at least once. Wish i knew your secret.