Birth Certificate Dilemma

Well not to get trashed here, but why not solve the problem and get married?

11 moms found this helpful

I think the bigger issue here is: Do you really want to create this situation of deceit and secrecy? You know the saying: Oh what tangles webs we weave...."
As for the fear because you work for a "Christian Company" -- Christians are not perfect, they do not claim to be perfect and if they do, they are not. Just do the right thing for YOUR family and don't put so much weight on the deceptive aspect. In truth, you probably don't really have anyone fooled--except yourselves. Good luck. The truth is always the best path.

7 moms found this helpful

Sorry, I'm a christian lady, but would not withhold this from my company for fear of anything! If they are truly a "christian" company, then firing S. for something like this is not only immoral, but also illegal! Your child doesn't deserve this.

6 moms found this helpful

This is easy. If you love each other and have a baby on the way get married and be happy as a family.Just have a happy life. Good luck

R.

4 moms found this helpful

If you are not going to be married, you need to have the father's name on that birth certificate to protect yourself and your child. It sounds like you are going to be the primary custodial parent, if the father's name is not on the birth certificate, and your current relationship with him sours, you will have to prove to a court that he is the father in order to collect child support payments. This is a responsible, adult choice to make, and has nothing to do with how you feel about him now, or if he swears to you that he will be committed to your child. If you are not going to marry you MUST take steps to legally protect your unborn child now.

Also, any HR staff member who violates your privacy by revealing something personal contained in documents you provide can be held liable in a court of law. Under federale employment guidelines, the company must provide a documented reason for your employment termination. You need to find out what your company's employee conduct rules are usually contained in an Employee Handbook of some kind that you would have received when you agreed to accept the job offer. Also, I would recommend finding out what your personnel file says about you (ie are you an invaluable worker with glowing annual reviews for the past 10 yrs, or have you received write ups for tardiness, insolence, etc)

Just curious, but why would you be concerned about your job security at a "Christian" company at this point if the father was revealed? Wouldn't you be more concerned for the past 6 months that you are walking around pregant and everyone knows you're not married and that you had premarital sex out of wedlock?

Do hope it all works out for you for the best, but it sounds like you have quite alot of work and some big decisions that you need to make immediately. Please don't put it off any longer.

4 moms found this helpful

Wouldn't they have fired you already for being a unwed mother if they were that inclined? Hope it works out for you.

3 moms found this helpful

If you live together, it's a pretty good bet HR already knows. Companys have the addresses of where their employees live. (If HR allows an employee to enter a PO Box as an address, then HR has got some major problems beyond your situation.) Does the company have a policy regarding married co-workers (or dating co-workers)? Some companys have policies along the lines of personnel from accounting can not be with personnel from HR due to possibility of security risks of the sensitive nature of those depts. In some cases one spouse might have to leave, but in many places one spouse is just transferred to another division of the company and with the security risk negated, everything is fine. Know your company's policy - you might be worrying over nothing. On the other hand, if such a policy is in place, don't be thinking that the lack of a marriage cert will keep them from finding out and applying the policy anyway. You are essentially domestic partners and many equate that to a different kind of marriage. Honesty is the best policy.
Marriage is not an option due to financial obligations? Nonsense. A justice of the peace wedding is extremely economical (prices vary but you can probably do it for under a $100). You can have a reception or renewal of vows ceremony a few years down the line when finances are not so tight.

3 moms found this helpful

I was not married to my husband yet when we had our first son. When I added him to my insurance, I just had to give them his name. I did not have to show the birth certificate. I would go ahead and have your child take your BF's name and add him to the birth cert. If you lose your job over this, Your HR dept is going to have a ton of more issues to worry about than your marital status! I hope your company has read Luke 6:37 Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
Congrats on your baby!

2 moms found this helpful

You do not need your child's birth certificate to sign up for insurance. You will have to provide your child's full name, birth date and social security number to the insurance company (through HR most likely) so I don't know how you avoid that one. Birth certificates cannot be requested by just anyone so unless you give it to S. at work, I don't see how they will see it. I would suggest that you put the father's name on the birth certificate because if you do not, you will have to go through other hoops to establish paternity if something were to happen down the road with your relationship.

2 moms found this helpful

You can definitely adjust your child's name down the road. I deliver babies at home and fill out birth certificate forms all the time. One thing to consider is that although you can adjust your child's name legally later on, the original birth certificate will not change. They will staple and addendum to it showing the name change.

As the other poster mentioned, we didn't need a birth certificate either to add the baby to our insuance. Just a social security number. They will need the child's last name though.

All things considered, seems the best route right now. It's none of their business who your baby's father is. Sorry you have so much stress right now. I'm assuming they don't know you live together, etc. Yuck. Just when all you want is to focus on your new baby...

Hope it all works out!

2 moms found this helpful

To answer your questions...No I have not dealt with this before. However, I do know you can change your child's name later, but the birth name will always be on the birth certificate. I have friends who were adopted and their adoptive parents changed their name, but their birth name from their biological parents is still on the birth certificate.

My advice, however, is that you make your child your number one priority in all decisions that you make. You and your boyfriend need to ask yourselves what you want for your child. What do you want him/her to know as they grow up? Do the right thing for the child.

2 moms found this helpful

It is 100% illegal for anyone in HR to disclose any information about you or any member of your family...especially when it comes to health insurance (google HIPAA).

That said, it seems like you are really worried about it. I have 2 kids and we never had to provide a birth certificate to my husbands employer for health insurance. We had to provide birth date, full name and social security number. Perhaps you can put dads name in the father portion of the birth certificate but give baby your last name. I would recommed this for several reasons, one of which being that if the fathers name is on the birth certificate they are legally responsible for that child. God forbid something happens to you, he is listed as the childs legal/biological father. Also, if you all didn't work out for some reason, his name being on the birth certificate guarantees you child support.

Best of luck. I hope you don't have to hide this for too long.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi, S. S.,

If the powers that be at your company wanted to fire you for moral reasons regarding your sexuality/romantic relationships, my guess is that they probably would have done so by now. (I'm guessing that they know you're pregnant and they know that you live with a man who works in your company, too, unless you recorded different addresses on paychecks.)

I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I did regarding getting married (as you mentioned not being able to get married due to financial obligations). If by "financial obligations" you mean that you don't have money to pay to get married, then you almost certainly CAN get married. If I recall correctly, when I got married five years ago, people could pay as little as $25! I hear that prices in the U.S. range from $10 to $100. Some places give lower rates to people who can demonstrate financial hardship. My husband and I spent well under $100 to get married civilly at a local community center. I rushed there after finishing teaching on a Friday afternoon. Some months later, we held a wedding reception. Minimal cost, minimal stress! Of course, the most important issue is how much you and your significant other want to get married.

Best wishes,
L.

2 moms found this helpful

FIrst, your unmarried boyfriend would be insane not to have the baby's name on the certificate because it is proof of paternity. And you would be insane too, because should you break up YOU could not prove paternity. I know you are in a relationship now, but you are not married and you need to protect yourselves and your rights and support for your child. DO you have an agreement about support?

Second, I didn't even request a birth certificate from my state for my kids until they were toddlers. Yes, at the hospital we put mine and my husband's names on the forms. But my point is, my company never requested a birth certificate. For insurance and benefits purposes, all we needed to do was "add" my daughter's name as a dependent and give them her social security number. The social security number came within about a month of her birth. So I suggest you check with your HR department to see what you will need in the way of documentation.

Last, I think it is awful you are in this situation and I am sorry it is an extra worry for you at this point in your lives. However, I am curious why your job isnt at risk just because you are pregnant "out of wedlock" - or do they think you have a husband? Just curious.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi S.. You will not need to provide your job with a birth certificate. They will give you an application to fill out and that's it. Lots of people have the same last name so that shouldn't trigger anything unless your boyfriend has a really uncommon name. Good luck! And a note to the future mamasource commenters.....Don't judge mama's! You don't know what it's like in S. else's shoes :) Have a great day all!

2 moms found this helpful

Not sure if this will help but when I've added my kids to my insurance my work only asked for the name of the child and his/her ss#, not the father's name. Maybe you could ask HR in advance what documents are required?

2 moms found this helpful

In some states the fathers child cannot be listed unless the couple has a marriage certificate. In others he cannot be listed unless he signs the birth certificate. This is to keep people from just randomly putting someones name down and claiming they are the father of their child. You need to check with the hospital about that or call the State Dept. of Vital Statistics. But either way company personnel should be bound by privacy laws in my opinion.

2 moms found this helpful

you will not even be able to give the birth certificate to HR or to your insurance company, because you will need to add the child immediately (within 30 days of birth usually) and a birth certificate takes several months to receive. you will get a letter from the hospital certifying the birth, and it does not need to mention the father on that letter. then you must apply for a birth certificate - often the hospital helps with this process, so you aren't bothered by it, and it shows up in the mail two months later. so, you can either contact HR or your insurance directly, but this letter is what they need. you may not even have a social security card for baby within the 30 days, so they ask for it but cannot require it.

1 mom found this helpful

Best to ask an attorney the answer to your question. There are different rules for companies with fewer than 50 employees, and maybe even for religious companies that are tax-exempt, so you are right to be concerned. However, you need to hear what's what from a lawyer, not a group of people on this website.

I'm sorry that most posters here feel the need to push you to marry. It is obvious that there is a problem that you feel is preventing it. And it's not my business what that problem is. I just want to tell you to seek legal counsel rather than depend on what you are reading on this thread.

Good luck,
D.

1 mom found this helpful

Unless you look upon your child's father as a temporary sex provider, get married. Its cheap. The government will charge you more for the forms than a preacher will to do the "ceremony".

I'm certain my preacher will marry you for free. A smile and a thank you is all I think he would charge. If you are intrerested, e-mail me. If he will give me permission, I'd marry you for free, and you can keep the smile and thank you, if you need to.

Get married and have a good life. Good luck to you and yours.

1 mom found this helpful

I didn't have this problem but I dealt with the insurance company myself. I faxed in the birth certificate and had her added myself. I didn't trust my HR and took care of it myself. Your job doesn't need to do it for you.

1 mom found this helpful

Fill out the insurance forms and submit them yourself.

I believe mine came in a self-sealing envelope so they couldn't be read by HR.

I don't recall having to provide a birth cert when I added any of my 3 kids. But, if you do, submit yourself.

It seems to me, that if they were going to fire you, they would have by now - unwed mother?

I think you're digging yourself in to a hole.

Maybe you should just come clean. Or get married.

good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

You won't generally need the birth certificate to add to insurance...but it may be needed down the road to verify dependents...we just did this with our insurance company (we needed two forms of verification). But, you may need the SS card. I was able to add my daughter with just the number, but had to provide a copy within a certain amount of time.

Have you already inquired what is required to do it? In our company, it is all done online. My local HR has access to the information, but the information doesn't go directly THROUGH her. I'd ask HR for the forms now and see if you will actually be dealing with them at all.

Names on birth certificates can be changed, but as some have mentioned, in some states they will issue a new certificate and in others only an amendment. You also have to consider that, just because you would change the CHILD'S name later on, it doesn't necessary make the father a legal guardian...he needs to be put on the birth certificate or declared as such in a court of law (after a paternity test in some states).

If your real concern is that the baby knows his/her father was involved from the start the child WILL KNOW if dad still around when the child is old enough to care. I was in high school before I ever saw a copy of my birth certificate...I knew by then that my dad was a good dad, but I also knew that my mom certainly did all the diaper changing when I was a baby.

If it is against a written company policy to "fraternize" with other employees, don't put yourself at risk. Know the policy and contact the workforce commission to know your rights in this situation.

1 mom found this helpful

How about getting married? You say that you want your child to know that their father was a part of their life before they were born, then what better gift to give your child than a family? That should also resolve concerns about your workplace. Rather than being an uncomfortable cover-up it could be a celebration. If they still do the math and realize that it doesn't add up at least from a belief standpoint you've done the right thing and they should get over it. If you try to cover it up the gossip will only be worse.

First though, this man is obviously already a part of your life in a comfortable way. He's already going to be the father of your child. How do you feel about him as a husband? Is he a good man with good values? Do they coincide with your own? Do you think he'll make a good father? Is he willing to get married? Have you discussed these concerns/possibilities with him?

I don't envy you and although this may seem a difficult situation right now, appreciate what you have and work with God on this. He'll know the best course. He always answers too.

Best to you,
J.

1 mom found this helpful

Check into what your insurance requires to add the baby to your insurance. Maybe you can deal with the insurance directly instead of going through HR and then there would be no way for them to know what is on the birth certificate...

good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

You will have to give HR a birth certificate to have the child added to the health insurance. However, a birth cert is confidential information, and they are prohibited from releasing that information or they will be facing a law suit. You do need to consider things like a birth anouncements that you can choose to have printed in the local paper or by mailing.

I don't know about this, you should check with an attorney. It may be possible to list the father as unknown on the bc (of course this could also create the same problem) and then add the father's name at a later date. Note: it's not that difficult to change your child's name, however, it would be difficult to change the bc... best to check with an attorney

1 mom found this helpful

no matter who you work for it;s none of their business what you do when you get off work. so whether you go and exercise or had a baby by some you care about and not married to is really none of their business. even though you have to give them the BC for insurance reasons they have no reason by law to fire you, law you off. now i do understand the dilema you are in they may try and pull the lay-off scenario but i would print this post and take them to court and contact the EEOC. they say they are a christian organization but how crhistian would that be if they held who your sons father is against you? i wish you all the best luck and hope you are able to make a decision.

1 mom found this helpful

The birth of a first child should be about nothing but joy, excitement and blessings. Put whatever you want on that birth certificate and don't give it another thought.

A new born baby is God's opinion that the world should continue!

Who knows, they might not even catch on.

Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

Do you really think that no one in this company KNOWS that the two of you live together and that you are having a child together? I cannot imagine the stress of trying to hide this situation from everyone at work.
I know it is none of my business...but why not just go ahead and get married....unless of course one of you is still legally married to S. else.
Unless you are planning on carrying the baby on YOUR insurance, then HR is going to have to know something because they are going to have to be adding the baby to his Daddy's records!
I don't know if the HR company is covered under HIPPA since that has to do with medical information....but I do know that just because S. is not supposed to discuss private information...you can't count on that person living up to that. I work in a pharmacy and I can tell you that private information is unfortunately shared inappropriately sometimes.

Hi, well I'm sorry to tell you that there really isn't a way to get around it. if you live here in California for the baby to carry the father's last name or for the father to be put on the birth certificate he "MUST" sign it. The state of Calif, no longer allows you (mother) to put what ever you want on the certificate. unless you are married. but since your not he (father) will have to come to the hospital and sign the paperwork in front of the clerk.
the only way you can get around it is by getting insurance outside of your company. Good Luck.

FYI: Mother of 3; the law changed when i had my 2nd child who is now 11.

Having worked in HR...and taking everything into consideration you have more to lose by not being honest and upfront.

First of all.....the easiet and best is to marry the baby's dad....problem solved.

Otherwise..getting fired is the least of your problems. You could be criminally charged for falsefying records...and working for a Christian company..I would think honestly would be right up there ..if not a #1 priority.

Marry the guy....it's a lot easier then the alternatives!..

I think it is a shame people call themselves christians and then go ahead and throw a newborn baby and it's mother onto the street!- there is nothing christian about this. I hope you find a solution... I suggest get a different job where the employer doesn't stick his nose into your personal business.

:(

I wish you and your soon to be new little family ( married or not ) all the best!

-C.

I realize that your jobs are important to you but it sounds like you have to just take a stand. They are probably already gossiping about you as it is if you aren't telling people who the father is. They may already know. Regardless, you should not give up your integrity on that birth certificate for a job. That's my opinion.

Well, I don't have a good answer for you, but if you've found a way to explain your pregnancy then I'm sure you will also figure this out as well.

The HR department might never know...and nobody else in the entire world has the same last name as your partner????

You don't have to go through the HR department. We called the insurance company and added our son directly with them. They never called HR and NEVER even asked for a birth certificate. We were surprised. You can always call the insurance carrier and add him and give the first name and then give the middle name when they ask for the last name. Later, you can change it, if you need to....but just tell them that the child's middle name was put instead of the last name.

I can't believe how much stress this is causing you. Breathe. Everything happens the way it's suppose to. Congrats on the upcoming birth of your new baby!

PS I'm pretty sure you aren't married due to more than the cost of a marriage license. It's got to be some outstnading debt or payments to previous spouses, etc. Whatever your reason, I just wanted the others below to know that they are probably reading into this wrong. ;)

give the baby his last name and leave the father blank until after insurance is done. how can they prove it was him and not S. else with that last name? or hyphenate it his first yours second. if they fire you its discrimination anyway which is illegal

I get where you're coming from. I have worked for a few companies where dating another staff member was grounds for dissmissal. So I get your fear of being fired. Our compnay's policy (stated in the hand book in which every employee signs) stated so, and it is not illegal to fire S. for it.
Yes your baby's name can be changed later on down the road, like another response said they usualy add an addendum to the original cert. When your child gets older you can always explain the circumstances. I would contact HR and make sure they need the birth certificate, if they only request the SS card, contact the social security office and ask if you have to put the child's full name on SS card (I was told you have to, but I never talked to the SS office, I was told by the hospital admin).
This is such a tricky situation, I am sorry you're having to go through this. I hope you guys come up with a good solution. Good Luck.

You say you live together. Wouldn't your employer/HR see that you both have the same address? Or does one of you use a PO Box or something?

give the baby YOUR last name they may question but you have the right to not explain. then later down the road if you and daddy ever marry, and you're ready for true identity to come out, you can have it changed.

I am sure HR will never go to the trouble to look at the child's birth certificate.
Children do not like it when their parents are not married. You may think it
is cute, or modern or what ever and you , for your own minds , are OK with this, but for the child's sake why don't you just quietly get married. No muss or fuss just a legal document to please your child.

Sharing your personal information is illegal. I doubt they are interested in being sued. Your baby deserves an identity. Someday your child will grow up and you will not be working there anymore and he or she will still have a birth certificate with no father on it. Like another poster said. They don't seem to have an issue with you being an unwed mother. If your dating is not effecting your work. Which it obviously isn't if they don't know. Then there's not much they can say about it, is there? Here's where you become a Mother and put your child first.