November 29, 2009,
A.D. asks from Sanford, FL on November 07, 2009
Behavior with a Almost 3 Year Old
hi moms im at a loss and lately feel so depressed over this so let me get to this, my daughter will be 3 in March and within the last two weeks has change her behavior to the extreme and there is no reason for it (im at a loss) i go to the gym 5 days a week she goes to their daycare area for an hour the minute i pull into the parking lot she now has me carry her into the gym and now they have to peel her off of me as i walk away to go to class (as she screaming and crying) she NEVER did this and shes been going since she was 5 months old, she has always walked every where with me as a big girl and now to certain places its carry me and she throws such a tantrum, i let her scream it out i have been doing time out some days all day (dont see it working yet)
shes horrible at home, so whiny and doesnt listen (she use to sometimes and liked to help me clean with some things) why is she a different child? it so hard for me, i cancel all our playdates, i dont like to take her out im embarressed by her behavior and these last few mornings i dread getting up and taking care of her. i love her and always looked forward to my days with her and what we had planned, please help they grow up so fast, i dont want to miss it but i feel like im putting up a barrier and now my husband and i fight over this he makes excuses for her (saying shes only 2) but i know she knows better ive seen her do better, oh and we are also potty training for the 3rd time and shes giving us a hard time with that as well, but she did fine with giving up pacify, and moving to big girl bed....
Ok sorry for my book my heart hurts for this i want my sweet little girl back that i cuddle with not the one that beats me up and just screams all the time, so any advice im open :)
M.M. answers from Boca Raton on November 29, 2009
Hola A. tienes que ver que siente tu hija porque cambio de repente de acctitud algo le sucede y tienes que ver que es los niÑos cuando no pueden comunicarse bien por su habla que es limitada por la edad su forma de hablar es esa sus berriches sus molestias llantos etc etc recuerda cuando era bebe que llorando te decia que tenia hambre sueÑo dolor etc etc. Que no te de pena sus llantos en la calle eso no es importante lo importnte aca es porque ella esta asi de un tiempo para aca averigua. Algo puede estar sucediendole porfavor no dejes eso asi escucha a tu hija con el corazon de madre y averigua que le pasa
suerte y muchas bendiciones
S.S. answers from Tampa on November 09, 2009
This sounds like the terrible twos hit her late. My son behaved in similar ways from 18 months until 2 1/2 and I couldn't take him anywhere either. I understand. I saw other children at the grocery store behaving just fine and mine is clearing the shelf with his hand. It's a difficult age. Also, the potty training is an additional stressor and you both are fighting for control. I also was on the 3rd attempt and I must say, my son and I didn't like one another for the last 8 weeks before he finally was potty trained. These are growing pains. She's not going to behave as well as before until she masters potty training and outgrows this stage. I kept outings very short (like 15 minutes in the beginning and started to increase the time) and used the Once Upon A Potty book to help make the potty training click. We were in between attempts when I got the book and we just read it again and again and he decided to get interested. He didn't care about the stickers or candy rewards. That didn't motivate him after a while. I found using time outs and taking away toys were the best in dealing with the tantrums. I also walked away and let him cry it out many times. Eventually, they get tired and wear out. It's a process. Hang in there. It gets better, I promise!
M.H. answers from Melbourne on November 08, 2009
I am wondering if something has happened to her? Has she been in a situation where she could have been sexually abused?
K.M. answers from Tampa on November 09, 2009
Something happened to her- is there someone differernt there? Don't be embarrassed be concerned.
What chanaged? anew person there? a change in diet.
Go back to when she was doing well.
For behaviour we use YokaReeder.com- she is amazing.
How many changes have you required? Pacifier may be needed if there are cranial bone mis alignments, maybe her head hurts now.
Something changed and not for the best.
And what do you mean"she is giving us a hard time"
Maybe you are requiring too many changes at the same time?
Hqave you asked her, I mean really gotten face to face with her, and made it safe for her to really tell you.
You want your sweet little girl back, maybe she wants- well ask her.
2 moms found this helpful
D.W. answers from Gainesville on November 07, 2009
Right before my son turned 3 he literally lost his mind! Same thing-like he was a completely different kid. Thankfully it only lasted about 6 weeks. The biggest thing was for me to remain calm, stick to our routines, try not to yell. She is going thru a lot right now. Sit back and take a look at what you might be able to back-off of-potty training maybe? You don't want that to be a power struggle. She's still young but one thing that helped my son's behavior is we talked about what was expected. Like on the way to the park I would tell him to do good sharing, no pushing, no pulling, etc. He got where he would repeat it back to me or even say it on his own on the way. But he also was told that he would get warnings but then we would leave. I didn't make a production of it. Just in a low, calm voice told him we were leaving because of x. Good luck! It does pass!
1 mom found this helpful
H.K. answers from Jacksonville on November 08, 2009
With both of my children - it was the TERRIBLE 3's!! There's no terrible twos.......it is 3. I am going through the same thing with our daughter who just turned 3 in September.
She doesn't listen. You have to tell her things 5 times before she even looks at you. She isn't picking up and helping like she used to. She is whiny and crying over everything and even reverted to pointing while she whines. She cries over the simplest thing, when she could just ASK for it and it would be given to her.
This is the time where my husband and I feel we have to establish who runs who. Also, this is where discipline needs to come in and is set for the future. She has had spankins more recently, time outs and doesn't get to do things we were going to be able to do. She is learning sllloooowwwlllyyyy.
It's normal. Be strong....this too shall pass. You and your husband have to work as a team. We see some of it as boredome as well - she will do things she KNOWS are wrong - just because she can. Just to see what happens. We've been considering a part time 1/2 day daycare twice a week to stimulate her.
Good luck and know that she is still sweet....she's just testing you. Let her know whos boss and she should start shaping up (mine hasn't yet....but it sounds good!) ;)
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H.B. answers from Tampa on November 07, 2009
I would be understanding and sympathetic to her changes and developments. Kids don't stay the same as they were yesterday, last week or last year. They are growing and changing physically and emotionally. She is crying out to you for comfort and security during the changes she is experiencing. Ignoring her, forcing her to go to the gym daycare or letting her scream it out are probably the exact opposite of what will comfort her and show support and understanding. She needs you to be there for her, not to push her away. Sometimes just extra mommy time, extra cuddling, carrying her (regardless of if she was willing to walk 2 weeks ago), etc is just the right medicine for a toddler that is developing and wondering about her world. I would bet that if your response changed to loving, open arms with a warm voice and smile, that her disposition and behavior will all change and improve too. Try to put yourself in her shoes.... She is going through emotional and security changes but then her mom is frustrated with her, pushes her away, let's her scream for her and stops taking her out to see friends and play- so she is stuck alone in the house with someone she needs comfort from but that is miserable bring with her. Sounds understandable that her behavior is declining....
As for potty training, I think here too that your expectations are unrealistic. Most kids are not 100%
trained at almost 3. Because of all the other issues, she is probably having even more trouble. I would back off and let her be. Most kids do well with waiting a bit, especially during a time like this. She doesn't need more stress or more people frustrated with her.
I recommend Dr Sears books to look over the typical ages for changes and developmental milestones so you have a good idea of normal issues... It will rally help you stay calm and happy with your little one and she will get the support and comfort she needs! Best wishes!
1 mom found this helpful
P.O. answers from Jacksonville on November 07, 2009
Your husband is right, she is only 2. Stop stressing over it. I think you have a high expectation of her to "fall in line with YOUR schedule" so that things can run smoothly and I don't think that is fair. She is a developing baby that is probably going thru her growing pains. Be patient, she is sensing your irritation which is making it worse. Is there something wrong at the daycare that she may not be able to express?
1 mom found this helpful
M.S. answers from Ocala on November 07, 2009
You said, that you are open to any advice?????????????????
I am 32 years old and I have three children with my husband. Ages 9, 7, and 3.
I have been through hell throughout my life and because of that I don't trust anyone.
You said something that caught my eye. Something that she does now that I know that I used to do when I was little.
This is not easy for me to say to you or even say out loud.
I was molested as a young child and because that person was around for a long time it lasted for several years.
"within the last two weeks has change her behavior to the extreme and there is no reason for it (I’m at a loss) I go to the gym 5 days a week she goes to their daycare area for an hour the minute I pull into the parking lot she now has me carry her into the gym and now they have to peel her off of me as I walk away to go to class (as she screaming and crying) she NEVER did this before".
I WOULD CHECK ON THIS, YOU NEED TO KNOW WHO IS TAKING CARE OF HER IN THAT DAYCARE. YOU NEED TO CHECK HER BODY FOR ANY SIGNS. YOU NEED TO WATCH HER CAREFULLY AND SEE IF SHE COPYS ANYTHING THAT YOU MIGHT QUESTION.
I could be off here, maybe I am wrong.
Maybe someone (adult) in the daycare treated her real mean.
BUT, because of her behavior and I know the signs, my head and heart would lead me in this direction of what I was talking about.
PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU. LOVE HER WITH ALL OF YOUR HEART. DO NOT RUN AND HIDE AND WISH TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE, INSTEAD OF BEING WITH HER. SHE NEEDS MOMMY. SHE LOVES MOMMY MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO HER AND SHE IS ONLY 2 AND SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. SHE HAS ONLY BEEN IN THIS WORLD FOR 2.5 YEARS.
WORK WITH HER ~ NOT AGAINST HER.
God Bless and take care.
1 mom found this helpful
S.S. answers from Daytona Beach on November 08, 2009
i would definitely say welcome to the world of 3yo's :). i have 2 kids 5 and 3. my little girl acted like this from the time she came out of the womb :) so it was pretty normal for her, screaming and being mean to her little brother, etc. my boy (who is now 3) was a good baby, but when he turned 2.5yo i started to call him my little demon. he started hitting and kicking, calling names like heiny, stupid, etc..it doesn't matter what i do, time outs, spanking, taking away his favorite toys, he doesn't care. he is still very loving and will kiss and say he loves us but he has a horrendous temper. he also went thru a separtation period where i couldn't even leave him with my husband w/o him screaming. and also did the whole carry me, and feed me. which my daughter did as well. i think it is probably a phase. my daughter got out of it by the time whe was 4 and my son is SLOWLY learning to control himself if you tell him that he needs to calm down. they say the terrible 2's is just 2yo. it starts at 2 and ends at 4. good luck. i would say just be consistant with punishment. when i would go shopping with my daughter and she started to cry i would drop everything or give my husband the list and then just walk out of the store with her and sit in the car until he was done. that stopped that behavior pretty quickly. that way instead of not going anywhere she will learn that behavior has consequences.
L.D. answers from Boca Raton on November 08, 2009
Maybe you should take a break from the gym for awhile and do some other fun activities with your daughter. She's probably just going through a phase, but maybe she just needs a little extra attention from you right now. Take her to a nature center, movie, zoo, etc. The change from your regular routine might just be a needed break for both of you.