32 answers

Mother in Law, and "Step" grandchild---HELP

My husband and I have two children. We lost our home in April and have been living with his parents.
Our oldest is 5. He is not my husband biological child. Our 1 year old daughter is. My husband, myself, and the rest of both families treat my children exactly the same, regardless of who their father is.

Here is my problem. My mother in law does not treat my children the same. She spoils my daughter, but treats my son so badly that I have sent him to live with MY mother. She talks down to him, puts him in time out for being "too loud", or banging a toy too loud, or saying the wrong thing. She will find any way she can to catch him in trouble. She has even gone as far as pointing out to my husband that he is the "step" grandchild, and my husband is NOT that boys father. Now the result is my son hates her, and asks me "Mommy, why do we have to live with Mimi, she hates me and is mean to me?" So I have sent him to live with my mother until my husband and I get back on our feet and find a new home. The whole family agreed this was the right thing to do for now.
She is FAR from a child abuser! She has never hit him, spanked him, or anything like that.
She is going through menopause (VERY ROUGHLY), and refuses to see a doctor.
I think it is her hormones. She has apologized and tells me she wants a chance to change, but I am not bringing my son back into her home. It is not fair to him.

Does anyone have any idea of what we can say/do to get her to see a doctor and deal with her menopause and depression?? It has gotten worse over the last year, and she is a completely different person now.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

We are trying to move and looking for the first place we can so we can bring our son home.

Featured Answers

Oh Dear.... It sounds horrible. I must say that in sending the step child to live with the good grandma... You have in a sence, punished the child. He is no longer alowed to live with mom, dad, and sister, because of the bad grandma. So the bad grandma is happy now and the step child is far away from his mom. I would have chosen to punish the bad grandma... and move the whole family far out of her house... especially her own son. You see, she is pleased to have her "baby" back even if it means she has to tolerate his new family. She is not keeping you all there because she loves all of you, she only loves her son, and perhaps the baby grandchild. If you want to test her... send dad to live with the good grandma and stepson, and see what treatment you get then. She wouldnt get any better...not even with hapy pills... she would be horrid to you then. It is hard when money is tight, and jobs are scarce. No matter what the situation, I would keep the NEW FAMILY TOGETHER in a happy place, even if it meant that all 4 of you had to sleep on the floor in the good grandma's tiny happy home.

1 mom found this helpful

Bueno la verdad creo que tu deberias irte con tus dos hijos a casa de tu mama y tu esposo que se quede con su mama hasta que consigan una casa para que esten juntos de nuevo pero priara tu hijo de 5 aÑos de s¡estra con su madre (tu) por tu suegra no es justo no sabes lo que le estas haciendo a el por quererlo protejer el daÑo es muy grande el solo es un niÑo el no va a entender porque lo separastes de ti y te quedastes con su otra hermanita y tu esposo ya tiene suficiente que su verdadero padre no este con el es doble abandono asi que mi recomendacion es que lo pienses mejor y busca a tu hijo o reunete con tu 2 hijos pero nunca te separes de ellos y menos a esta edad lo estas castigando y no es asi y se que lo haces por protejerlo pero le estas haciendo un daÑo el solo tiene 5 aÑos piensa en tus hijos se madre antres y vete con tu madre y tus hijos hasta que se acomoden lo de tu suegra sea o no sea menopaucia eso no justifica el maltrato porque eso es maltrato hacia un niÑo asi que abre los ojos proteje a tus 2 hijos...Ç

suerte y que dios te ilumine y bendiga

More Answers

I would set a specific date and time when your MIL has your 1 yr old and you and your husband go somewhere and have a serious discussion about your living situation. Something has to change ASAP so all 4 of you can live together away from the MIL. Sell a car, somebody get a 2nd job, file bankruptcy, get WIC, foodstamps or public assistance, worse case scenario sell your jewelry to get money.... Literally whatever it takes. Are you getting support for your son from his father? If not, now is not the time to say that you dont want hrlp from him. Go to the courthouse and get a courtdate and file for support, its easy. Your son has already had one parent leave, I'm sure he's devastated and confused. His self esteem must be crumbling. There is NO way I would live more than a week or two away from my own child, even in poor cicumstances. It must be heartbreaking to know that he recognizes and that he is treated terribly by your MIL and now separated from his
family. Sad. Can't you be at your mothers house with your other child every weekday afternoon and evening after school until he goes to bed? Or stay the night and be gone during school hours? Can't you live there with the kids?

Your MIL has an issue and it's not menopause. She can't be nice to dome people and mean to others and blame her emotions. Get out and side with your innocent child. Get involved with a church a ask for prayer.... You and your family need to seek true help right now. I wish you the best in resolving your situation immediately. There is no time to wait....

2 moms found this helpful

GET OUT!
GET OUT!

GET OUT!

This is a huge mess. Your son is going to or already does feel like he is not apart of the family. He thinks that he was the problem and all of you got rid of him.

That is not how you all feel, but that is what he feels.

Why can't you all move into your mothers house with him?

YOUR SON COMES FIRST!!!!!!! BEFORE YOUR MOTHER IN LAW!!!!!

You all had something happen to you that made you all need to live with family, but your son had no part of it and he did not cause this to happen and he is getting the raw end of the deal. It is all falling on him right now and that is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

IF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND DO NOT TAKE CARE OF THIS RIGHT AWAY YOU MIGHT SEE PROBLEMS WITH YOUR SON SOON.

HE WILL TREAT YOUR DAUGHTER NASTY BECAUSE, YOU ALL KEPT HER AND GOT RID OF HIM............AND SO ON.

I HAVE LOTS OF EXPERENCE WITH ALL OF THIS, STARTING FROM MY CHILDHOOD INTO ADULTHOOD. THE STORY IS WAY TO LONG FOR ME TO TYPE UP AND I DON'T THINK THAT ANYONE WANTS TO FEEL SAID TODAY.

TRUST ME, GET BACK WITH YOUR SON.

YOU are MOMMY, take care of your children.

............................................

I would stand up to my mother in law infront of everyone.
I would make it clear that no one wants to be in this situation and that it is wrong and that he is a child that needs to be loved not hated. NO MATTER WHAT.

I know that it is easier said than done, but you need to stand up for your son.

God Bless YOU ALL.

P.S. If you look about 8 messages down from mine you will see a message From: Barbara G Date: Sat. Nov. 07, 20.
I completely agree with her 100%

2 moms found this helpful

You need to take your other kid and go back to your moms too and leave your husband there to grow up some more.

It's his mother, he should be handling this, not you. I'd live in a homeless shelter before I'd let my mother split up my family.

2 moms found this helpful

this breaks my heart. when my oldest son was born he became the favorite!! when my second son was born he was the underdog...
this was only in the eyes of my husband's mother....i told my husband he either had to make it very clear to his mother or i would that both children were to be treated the same...sounds like your son living with your mother for now is the best thing for your son...
just make sure you spend lots of time with him and show him how much you love him and assure him that you want him treated with love and respect and the reason he is not living with you is because you understand how he was being treated was not right and he deserved much better and lots of love and kindness....keep talking to him
and letting him know all of this is not his fault and your love and your husbands love will be the healing factor in all of this.......
i do not believe his mothers menopause is the problem...she is just taking it out on your son that he is not her sons child.........
good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

You shouldnt have sent your son away. To him it looks as if you have chosen them over him. Either the whole family stays with your Mom, or you & your dghtr go & leav hubby with his Mom. This happened to me as a young child & to this day at 37 I have abandonment issues. Please dont do this to your son. I hope everything works out for you & your famiy.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh Dear.... It sounds horrible. I must say that in sending the step child to live with the good grandma... You have in a sence, punished the child. He is no longer alowed to live with mom, dad, and sister, because of the bad grandma. So the bad grandma is happy now and the step child is far away from his mom. I would have chosen to punish the bad grandma... and move the whole family far out of her house... especially her own son. You see, she is pleased to have her "baby" back even if it means she has to tolerate his new family. She is not keeping you all there because she loves all of you, she only loves her son, and perhaps the baby grandchild. If you want to test her... send dad to live with the good grandma and stepson, and see what treatment you get then. She wouldnt get any better...not even with hapy pills... she would be horrid to you then. It is hard when money is tight, and jobs are scarce. No matter what the situation, I would keep the NEW FAMILY TOGETHER in a happy place, even if it meant that all 4 of you had to sleep on the floor in the good grandma's tiny happy home.

1 mom found this helpful

Are you seriously asking advice for your MIL??? The problem here is that she mentally abused your son to the point that he had to be sent away and you are making excuses for her. I don't know about other mothers, but for me my children come first before anybody...including my husband. My only advise to you is for you to move in with your mother to be with your son. If your husband doesn't want to do that, then he could stay with his mother until you can move on your own. By the way, screw the MIL... anybody who would treat my innocent 5 year old like garbage can go to hell.

1 mom found this helpful

As a grandmother to 2 beautiful biological and step-grandmother to 3 from my husbands step son and 3 from my daughter-in-law's mother (she was tragically killed and my son is raising his sister-in-laws)talk about yours mine and ours, I can tell you that it is totally unacceptable for her to treat your son any differently then her biological grandchildren. You did the correct thing for your son by removing him from the situation and putting him into a more loving environment. However, he must feel isolated from the family and if your mother-in-law truly wants to make amends, recommend that you all go for family counseling and then perhaps the counselor would be able to get to the bottom of the problem. I doubt it is Menopause -she couldn't have selective symptoms towards your son and not your daughter!! She is just using that as an excuses. If she doesn't agree to go to counseling, get out and get the family back together. Your son needs to be with his mother and not feel as if he did something wrong.

G.
Grandmother, professional guardian and accountant.

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