Behavior Issues at Daycare

Hi T.,

Reading your post has brought back some very painful memories for me. For the last three months that my son was in kindergarten, he exhibited some behavior problems as well. At the end of his school day I would find him in time-out, separated from the other children or just not caring because he knew the routine. Like your granddaughter he too was talking during circle time, having trouble sitting still, not focused on the teacher.

I thought possibly the teacher was singling him out just because she was preparing to move at the end of the school year and planning a wedding...burn out in a way and just not wanting to deal with things. He was a model student earlier in the year so I suggested we talk to the school OT to have her observe. The teacher reminded me that he had been evaluated at the beginning of the year. The teacher felt the OT wouldn't have much input so we decided to work on positive reinforcement for him. Nothing helped.

Fast forward to the beginning of his 1st grade year. The school OT screened all the students and I received a notice saying that she was recommending further evaluations. In talking with the OT, I shared with her how I felt he has sensory integration dysfunction and it's affecting his learning. She noted that during the kindergarten screening he was "red flagged" and had I come to her at the end of his kindergarten year she could have told us the behaviors he was exhibiting were sensory seeking behaviors. :( All those timeouts and feeling like a bad kid because he was sensory seeking trying to get his body what it needed. She implemented a sensory diet for him, worked hand in hand with his teacher and his 1st grade year was great.

I'm not saying your daughter has SI but I wanted to share my experience with you so you could be aware that your granddaughter may only know she's doing those things because she is sensory seeking.

I would also suggest to work with her at home to reinforce the appropriate behaviors for circle time, in line, etc. ie, Share with her the importance of sitting quietly when the teacher reads...everyone can hear and enjoy the story, it's rude & disrespectful, she can earn a chain.

As for the chain reward, I think positive reinforcements are great for kids this age and it's something concrete that she can see grow. Like a pp mentioned, it sucks to be the one that isn't earning those rewards. It's unlikely your granddaughter is making it through an entire day without doing something positive. (I went through this my son's kinder year and have really had to work hard at building his self esteem and confidence all over again. He's his hardest critic and he believed he was a bad person from being in time-out daily and hearing the negative remarks the teacher would share with me.)

If she were my daughter/granddaughter I would be interested in knowing more about the chain system. Does she have opportunities throughout the day to earn chains or does the teacher award them at the end of the day based on who she feels has done well? I would also want to make sure that the teacher is being fair.

Hope things get better for you granddaugther and you can continue to build the positive self esteem and confidence she needs. Let her know that she is a good person...her lack of chain rewards could already be affecting her to the point she is going to stop caring all together. I say this only because I've been there, done that.

J.

This may be an overly simple answer, but have you considered that she just isn't happy there? My oldest son has always had a dislike for the teacher/school-like setting of daycare centers. He had serious behavior challenges in daycare until I placed him in a private home daycare where he did much better. He didn't even like Kindergarden. He is now 16 and hates school with a passion. I don't even dare to hope that he might pursue college. I'll be extremely grateful if he finishes high school. If it had been possible $-wise and I felt capable of home schooling, I certainly would have at least tried it. Our society expects our children to conform to this type of setting and be successful in it for most of their young lives. However, it simply isn't the best model for everyone. I don't know where you live, but it couldn't hurt to try to research other types of care for her that aren't based on the same model being used at her current daycare.

Something is bothering her!! Maybe she is having trouble adjusting to her mom bein engaged!! Kids are funny about stuff... Maybe just have a girls day with her and get ur nails painted and do ice cream and talk to her little bit at a time about it all..

My 5 year old also had some bad behaviors at daycare. 1 way that has helped that is my daycare provider asks him to be her special helper sometimes. Wash the table, etc. He gets to do those things when we has good behavior. It makes him feel good about himself. He also likes to do puzzles and she now allows him to work quietly on his puzzles while the other kids might be doing something else. She knows when his stress times are and this little time by himself tends to make it a little easier for him to participate with the kids a little later. Also I would suggest rewards for smaller things throughout the day so everyone gets some. We also do a reward chart at home and it seems to help. I purposely put on somethings he will do easily and then some to work on, so no matter what he gets some positive reinforcement. Good luck.

Although I think it's nice that the children have this "chain" reward system-- it always stinks when you are the child that finishes last. I would recommend talking to the teacher about specializing something for her-- like she gets a sticker on a card for every 30 minutes (or less) she is good and 2 stickers = a chain length. Something else might be to get her buddied up with someone who is a good influence for her. My son had some transitional issues because his fine motor skills were so poor and he got teased a lot because he couldn't get his shoes on or write his name (he is only 4)-- we paid for private OT and put him in swimming classes (which boosted his self-esteem and when they teased him-- he would just tell them he was a great swimmer). I also made him memorize our address and phone number-- the other kids in his class couldn't do that yet and so he feels like he "wins" at something. Look for things like that.

Mel