Bedtime battle...still

My 3 1/2 yr old is finally sleeping in his room! I would think he has been through too many changes. I would give back the pacifier until he's sleeping in his own room, especially since he was scared there. The pacifier is a habitual action that helps him relax, a crutch, but one he will quit. There are no 10 yr olds still suckingt hem that I know of. It will happen!!
I would create a new night time routine, story time at a specific time, in his room if necessary. Create a routine he can depend on and before you know it the routine will be just that, routine.
These days will pass:)

WOw, that sounds like a traumatic thing to happen to a 2 1/2 year old! I can totally see why he is stressed, confused and needs you. Things happen and things change, so if it were me I would go back to the way it was before and/or just go ahead and give him the comfort and security he is seeking. Sure, yo didn't expect or anticipate the set-back of the alarm going off, but it happened and now he's likely not going to be as comfy with being by himself until he emotionally gets over it on his own. I would sleep with him until he feels better, he's only 2 1/2. He won't be sleeping with you in college, so enjoy offering him what he needs for the short time he needs it :-) If it were me, I would let Grandma know what happened recently and that he will want to sleep with her....he may have wanted to anyway in your absence. Make it fun, sort of a camp-out! Grandma will surely understand and tolerate it for a few short days, right? After the trip you could always try getting him more comfy with it again, or just let things go with the flow and see how he is in another month or 2. Get some new cool sheets, night lights or glow sticks, a new pillow or doll to cuddle.... all these are just a replacement for you though, which is what he really wants. I see it as loving and sweet although sometimes in todays society in the US parents see it more as an inconvenience.... Just go slow and be there for him, he needs you :-)

Best Wishes!

He was already not sleeping in his bed and I can understand how he may be afraid now after the alarm went off. I am a grown woman and when he alarm goes off it startles me and I know what it is! Is ther another room you can give him? It may a problem but woudl be well worth it. I do realize you had this problem before so moving him to another room my not solve the problem.

There is a new show called the doctros with real doctors on almost every day of the week in the TAMPA BAY AREA AND THEY HAD THIS VERY SUBJECT ON A FEW DAYS AGO.IT WAS SUGESTED THE PARENTS GIVE OUT CARDS TO THE CHILD. SO MANY FOR GETTING UP FOR BATHROOM, SOMETHING TO DRINK AND ASKING QUESTIONS. IT WAS EXPLAINED WHEN ALL THE CARDS WERE USED UP THE CHILD COULD NOT GET UP ANYMORE AND HAD TO GO TO SLEEP. THIS INVOLVES THE CHILD AND HE MAY ACCEPT THIS.

I advised just teling him the pacifier was lost and evidently that worked so he doesn't have the pacifier anymore. That is great! Some success!

Does he have a night light?

Do you read him a story with lights on and then turn lights out and lay down with him and make up a story which you tell him and then have him go to sleep if he isn't already you tell him you will tall him the nexr chapter which you will be making up the next night if he goes to sleep? they go to sleep looking forward to getting another story read the next night and another story told to them wih lights out. In my home we read a stroy. Lights out and say our prayers and then I make up a story which continues where I left off the night before. My story I tell with the lights out is about a dog who can talk named Pepper. he has a master he travels with where they put on shows as Pepper can do tricks. Every place they go and meet differnt people Pepper is a help to those people in some way. Everyone loves him and he even saves lives sometimes. My children loved Pepper and now my grandchildren do too. Sometimes they beg for another chapter but I have been firm about that and tell them tomorrow night I will but now we need to get to sleep so we can have a big exciting day.

It has worked for me. It takes about 30 minutes but well worth it and I find it so enjoyable as they will say the cutest thngs. As the cutest questions and you find out so much about them and how they think and feel about things. It is the most enjoyable quality time.

One thing I know is that you do ahve to be firm with them at a certain point or they will be in control instead of you being in control. Once that happens it is much harder to reverse it but you must.

You have my heartfelt prayers that you will find something that works for your child. What works for one may not work for another.

Hugs,
D.

Hi T.,

At this age it's still hard for him to know the difference between real and make-believe. In a bed by himself in his own room, he does not know if imagined stuff is reality or not, and it can be very scary to him.

You might focus on how safe his room is, that a favorite stuffed animal is guarding him, or whatever works for him. Although in the last two weeks some pretty big stuff has happened in his life - a new big boy bed, no pacifier AND a traumatic noise in his "safe place". That would be hard to get over IMHO.

If I were in your shoes I would try to slow down the transitions. Maybe while your mom is there, you can have her sleep in his room on a cot or twin mattress on the floor. Those 5 days with someone near may help. You could explain how his room/things protect him just like your mom (and you) are always nearby to protect him.

HTH!

I went up north to visit my family and my 2 year old and I slept in a day bed with a trundle so we were like in the same bed for 2 weeks and when I got home she wanted to sleep with us. Daddy missed her so he let her sleep with us for a couple of days... Bad idea. Well we would let her stay up a little later than normal and lay on the couch with her blanky and pillow. Sometimes she would fall asleep on the couch. We would put her in bed then. I am not saying stay up til midnight. Like 10pm or so worked for us. Maybe you should try covering the alarm if you think that is scaring him with like tissue paper or something. Let him help draw a picture on it or something.

My son is 2 1/2 and we put him in his big boy bed a couple months ago. He continuously got up and came out too but we solved the problem this way:

-We got a lock for his closet and anything that is a distraction (toys, things he can climb with, etc...) were put in there.
-We put a gate on his door so he can't come out. (Tall enough that he can't climb over)
-He gets to watch a movie for a half an hour or we read a book, then it gets turned off.
-We can't have any activity going on outside his room at this time or he gets too distracted and wants to see what is going on.

With all this done, he will mess around by himself for a little bit and then he goes and lays down to sleep.

Many of these suggestions were found in the book "Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems".

Good luck!

We had the same problem a couple of years ago when our daughter was that age. At first we put a gate up, but she would open her door and stand at the gate. So the solution for us ended up being that we put a child-proof knob on her door and she was unable to open it. The first couple of nights there were tears, but then she just stopped trying to get out and went right to sleep. Of course, once she was asleep we opened her door so she could get out if she really needed to. As for getting up in the night, we started a sticker reward chart, and she got to put up a sticker for every night she stayed in bed all night (or went back to bed w/o a fight) and after 7 stickers she got a small prize. Stickers may not work for every kid, but find out what does work for yours. This worked pretty well, but I think some of it just comes with age.

I feel your pain. Father’s day of last year my just turned 2 year old greeted us at our bed side – she had climbed out of her crib. We then put her on the floor in her room on the mattress (didn’t want her to move to the Queen bed in the guest room/soon to be her room just yet). Every night she was up out of bed no less than 5 times…the covers had come off, she wanted to be tucked back in, she wanted a book, she wanted to come into bed with us… It’s funny, I was “prepared” for the first tooth, the first step, the first word, etc but her being ‘mobile’ during the night freaked me out more than anything and I was not prepared for it.

In any case, I agree with the other Mums in saying be consistent. It’s so easy to just let your child climb into bed with you when it’s 4am and you’ve been woken 3 times already by the little face at your bed side. It took about 2 months for her to stay in her bed the entire night (she did have several good nights here and there though). To make matters worse, I was 7-9 months pregnant during this time and working ft, so I was out of my mind tired. But, thankfully, by the time her little brother was born she was staying in her bed…and when she was moved to the very big girl bed, she was fine.

Good luck!
J.

PS You may also want to let him pick out a special stuffed animal or toy that he can sleep with to 'protect' him from the alarm - it might give him that extra layer of security.

T.:
I alot of the moms have responded with great advice. I didn't read all of it and I may repeat some of it.. the last post talked about the gate and childproof knob. my children are 6 and 10 now and we did that with both of them when they moved from crib to toddler bed at age 2. We did open their doors after they fell asleep, sometimes leaving the gate up (we had stairs nearby the bedrooms) and it worked wonders. be sure if you shut the door, that you put away all things he can get into. a good place is a closet with the same child proof door knob. this way you won't worry what he's doing on the other side of the door. if you are worried still, with the door closed, put a monitor in there - either visual or audio... either way, you can keep track and when you hear the quiet or the heavy breathing, you'll know he's gone to sleep and you can breathe your own sighs of relief. the monitor will also tell you if he's up in the night - if you have the gate up, you can listen from your room without getting up. he may just get up and find a stuffed animal or even play for a minute and then go back to sleep. as long as he doesn't see you and gets himself back to sleep, you both win. afterall, he's in the comfort of his own room and the goal is for him to stay put and not come into your room. :-) the other thing that will really give your child security is doing the same bedtime routine all the time. when mine were younger we did dinner, then bath, then storytime, prayers and mommy then walked out and shut the door. there were tears at first, and my son even fell asleep on the floor near the door or next to his bed the first few nights (i moved him to his bed after i opened the door) but the consistent plan gives them something to count on. if it's the same every night, all the time, that provides them with security. it also eliminates some types of excuses like i didn't get a kiss goodnight or you didn't tuck me in or i want to read a story... another excuse is i need a drink... if he's getting up to get water, put a sippy cup of water on a little table by the bed. it doesn't have to be a lot of water either... if you open the door and don't replace it with a gate, and he gets up and comes into your room in the night, it's important that you take him back to his room quietly and with as little conversation or stimulation as possible. this helps him and you get back to sleep more quickly. children are experts at finding out our weakness. if they find they can climb into bed with you because it's 4 am and you have to get up in 2 hours to get ready for work, they'll work it to their advantage believe me! it will become a longtime problem and the older they get, the harder it is to deal with. for a short period after we moved we let my daughter move into our room in the night if she woke up but only if she slept on a palett on the floor. it was to ease a transition into a new house. this was a big mistake... after a couple of weeks, she wanted to sleep in our room on a palett all the time and never in her own bed. i realized this within two weeks and when i changed the routine and put her back into her room, it was so hard at first. i had to walk her back to her room on several occassions and tuck her back in but after she understood her room was where she was to sleep ALL night, it was okay and has been ever since. she only comes in now when she has a bad dream which is very rare and even then, i walk her back to her room, tell her to choose a happy memory to think about instead, kiss her goodnight, rub her back for 1-2 minutes most, and then go back to my room and she's okay with it. most of all know your frustrations are normal as is your son and his need to have things his way. start now with the consistency - and surprisingly, you should have things on track for your mom's visit but make sure she doesn't undo all your hard work while you're gone. tell her what you're doing and how to handle each scenario because there is no doubt your son will try and get things back to the way they were if he thinks she'll go for it. be prepared! they are smart! :-) best of luck getting things all worked out.

I had the same battle with my daugher when we first put her in a bed. The bottom line for us was that we had to be consistent every single night with what time she went to bed, how we pulled the covers up, and what stories we would read. It took us about 2-4 months of this consistencey before she would stay in bed. It was tough, but well worth it. WE ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT GIVE IN TO HER BY LETTING HER GET OUT OF BED OR LET HER WEAR US DOWN!!

Consistency is going to be the key. My 3 y/o has been good about bedtime until recently. She gets up in the middle of the night and wants in our bed. Although we are extremely tired we stick to our guns and walk her back to her room. We recently started the night light which has helped a little. Patience and consistency will be a must. Good luck!