Lack of Sleep What to Do?

Updated on February 23, 2008
J.S. asks from Dubuque, IA
41 answers

I have a 20 month old son who starting jumping out of his crib about two months ago. So my husband and I decided to put him in a todler bed! Well the first week went alright he would wake up in the middle of the night and get out of bed but was unable to open his door so he fell asleep on the floor. Well now since he has learned how to open the door he is up and running around at 4 AM every morning. I know he is still tired because he is very cranky and he rubs his eyes. I tried putting back in bed (over and over again) laying on the floor next to him, and even putting him in bed with me which I don't like and he doesn't like it either. I have also kept him up later at night to see if he wakes up later but no such luck. He used to sleep from 7 to 7 every night and now its 8:30 to 4am with the same amount of nap time as before. When he is up at 4 there is nothing I can do to get him back to sleep. When I try walking him back to his room he drops to the floor and throws a fit. He doesn't understand that its not time to wake up I try to explain to him its "nite nite time" but he just looks at me confused. My husband works third shift so I'm the one getting no sleep or any "me time" since I have to go to bed when he does just to get through the day. What should I do...will this pass? Should I put him back in the crib? Last night it took me over an hour to get him to bed which was 9:47 and he still got up at 4. I thought toddlers needed 10 hours of sleep at night. Would it be wrong to turn the lock around on his door and lock him in his room? The lock is a push button lock so it can be easily opened from the outside. To answer everyone about the gate he is really tall for his age and learned to climb over that at a very early age as well.

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L.J.

answers from Davenport on

he is not confused!!! he knows its bed time still "I have a 5 year old so I know this trick" you keep putting him back in bed and you tell him its not tiem to get up its bed time. If you have to repeat it 2-3 times then you do it the same with out words. you just put him to bed. as many times at it takes it should only take a couple days. trust me I'v been here and yes he understands!!!

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Can you put a gate on his bedroom door, or will he climb over it. That's what I did with my boys when I moved them to a toddler bed. I have 4 boys.

K. S.

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C.W.

answers from Janesville-Beloit on

When we put my baby in a toddler bed, we also put up a baby gate so she wouldn't get out and go downstairs. The babygate let her see out into the hallway and not feel separated from us. If she would fuss in the middle of the night, I would wait and see if she'd soothe herself back to sleep...I always found that if I went into her room she would stay up and if I'd leave her alone, she'd go back to sleep..

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C.S.

answers from Rochester on

Hi Jenny,
Your son sounds exactly like my daughter. She is 3 now and bedtime is still rough for her. When she was adjusting to a big girl bed we had the same problem and I wanted to pull my hair out. We ended up babygating her into her room. It sounds awful, but when no one is getting sleep, you do what you have to do. We did it for about a month, with the first week being very hard, but it worked. She got used to staying in her room if not in her bed, and eventually realized she wasn't going anywhere and stayed in bed. Good luck!!

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L.L.

answers from Des Moines on

You need to figure out a way to keep him in his room. Not only is he not getting enough sleep but it is not safe for him to run the house while you are asleep. I used the kid protectors, i think they are Graco, on my 2 year olds door. They are round and you have to squeeze them just right to open the door. That way at least he is safe in his room if he is going to be up. He will learn or get bored in there and fall back to sleep. Good Luck

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M.J.

answers from Grand Forks on

i have 21 month old twin boys. when we switched to toddler beds, one boy was great and the other would get up and run around/scream. using a long bed rail on the one seemed to help. some nights i also put him in a pack and play. that also worked. i think that he needed to feel safe and secure like he did in his crib and his todder bed was just too open for him. because of our house layout and having stairs i also use a baby gate across the outside of the door throughout the night. this allows them to get up, move around the room, open their door, etc. but doesn't allow them to get out of their room (except the one time my little guy climbed over the gate...but then it could be moved higher). just a few thoughts. good luck!

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C.M.

answers from Omaha on

Hi Jenny,
I am the Mother of 4 grown kids..So i can feel your pain..My daughter just went through this with her oldest daughter..WHat she did was put a door knob cover on her door so she couldnt open the door..a baby monitor in the room is helpful too then when he gets up you can hear him and know that hes safe.Also she made sure there wasnt any choking hazards in her room since she wanted to stay up half the nite. It took over six months but it did work..when she knew that it wasn't time to play then she would lay down on the floor and sleep..Make sure his room is warm since if he falls asleep on the floor we wont be covered up....
Hope this helps some..Good Luck
Reed

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C.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

I went thru the same thing and a baby gate fixed everything almost immediately! My son is still an early riser, but it stopped the nighttime waking, wondering, and bedtime struggles. We gated his bedroom door with an extra tall walk thru gate and when he wakes we ignore him unless it is by a certain time in the am and we know he's not going back down. He either crawls back in his toddler bed or falls asleep on the floor. Good luck!

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L.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

Oh, I had one of those! We ended up buying the crib tent until he was about 2, maybe 2 1/2. After that, we put a childproof doorknob lock on the inside of his door, I know it sounds mean, but otherwise he's just not safe at night, you never know if he will wake up and one night you might not hear him because you're so tired. It did make Ethan angry for the first couple of nights, but he got used to it. He wasn't always sleeping in his bed when I went to go get him in the morning in the beginning, but eventually he figured out that it was much more comfortable in his bed than the floor. It also taught him what time is bed time and how long he needs to stay in bed. We also have told all of our kids that unless they need to go potty or are sick, they don't need to get out of bed until the sun is shining in the sky, if the sun is sleeping, they should be too!!! Hope that helps.

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A.P.

answers from Davenport on

My 1 year old (almost 2) had to be moved from his crib (for his safety). We turned the handle around so it locks from the outside. I don't consider this unsafe since all I have to do is turn the handle to open the door, and him wandering is VERY unsafe. We tried the covers and he already figured those out (our handles are an odd shape and doesn't require much pressure on the plastic cover to turn the handle).
He's my 5th and, I promise, this too shall pass.
Good luck

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K.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

I haven't been through this yet with my two-year-old (knock on wood) but since our bedroom is in the basement and his is on the main floor, I've really given it some thought and asked other parents. Consistently I've heard to put a child proof knob cover on the inside door handle, to put a hook latch on the outside of the door (too high for him to reach), or to put a baby gate on the outside of the door. The gate seems to be the least scary, since he can then open the door and yell for you if he's scared, but he can't get past the gate (or two, if need be!). Finding a way to make his room less interesting at night is also a good idea. If you can, I'd put all the interesting toys away where he can't reach them, in the closet or a high shelf, or even in the crib if you still have it in there. I imagine you're both just exhausted, so I hope that some of these suggestions help!

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B.B.

answers from Davenport on

We just went through this with our little escape artist. Put a baby gate that you know he can't get over in the doorway of his door. If he gets out, he's confined to his room, but you're not running the risk of not being able to get to him if something should happen and his door is locked. Close your door :) He'll go back to his bed eventually or sleep on the floor, either way he won't be wandering the house and you can rest well konwing that he's safe in his own room.

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C.M.

answers from St. Cloud on

Baby gates are very useful in this situation. You can still close the door with it up and when your little one wakes up and opens the door they can not get out. We do this with our girls ages 5 and 1 1/2(they share a room). It keeps they baby from getting out of their room, and she usally crawls back into bed once she sees she can't get out. This was the safest way we came up with the keep her in her room at night. We had the fear she would roam the house by herself and get hurt, but this worked so many more sleep filled nights. Good luck :)

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C.C.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

Put a gate up on his door. Go through his bedroom and make sure that he has just a couple of his favorite toys reachable to him, and put everything else up. My son is 5 1/2 and I had to put him into a toddler bed when he was 16 months because he was climbing out of his bed. He always hated going to bed, and then was always up at the crack of dawn. I started putting a gate up, and it stayed there until he was tall enough to crawl over that!!!

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S.S.

answers from Eau Claire on

I have been there! We are finally (again - but that's another story) getting past this stage.. here's what worked for us:

We tried the gate and the child safety knob, that just made him scream more!! When I put him down for the night, I rub his back for about 5 minutes, then tell him I am going to do laundry, but if he stays in his bed, I will come check on him in a few minutes. He usually is asleep when I come back. Thank you to all the advice on this board!!! It took us over a year of very little sleep to come up with something that worked - though he could be just outgrowing the screaming and getting up stage too...

As for the night waking - what we finally decided was OK, was that he could come into our room and lay on our floor, but he could not wake us up. It took a while for him to get it (he's 2 1/2), but when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he comes up to our room, lays on the floor and goes to sleep. He rarely wakes me up (once in a while he asks to be covered up, and I tell him no, he needs to go to sleep).. We've even had 3 nights this week (a record for us) that he slept in his own bed all night!!! I remind him when I tuck him in how happy I would be if he would stay in his bed all night like a big boy! We make a big deal of it when he stays in his bed all night!!!

Good luck! I know how exhausted you probably are right now!

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S.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Jenny,

There is nothing wrong with locking the door and stripping the room to keep your sanity and your son safe in the middle of the night. You can use a baby lock or flip the doorknob. I would also strip his room. Get the dresser locked in a closet where he can't climb it and pull it over on himself. Get the toys where he can't reach or can't open the container.
He is most likely too young to be afraid of the dark, so keep his room as dark as you can. It is hard to play if you can't see anything. He will learn. Just leave him in his room until morning. It will take a week or two, but he will catch on.

I have heard some people say that you shouldn't lock in a kid because of fire safety, but what 20 month old knows how to get himself safely out of a house on fire anyway? You can get him out. That is what is important. It won't traumatize him for life. Babies sleep in cribs. They can't get out without someone coming to get them and they are fine.

Good luck,
S.

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M.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

My 2 year old can't open his door yet but when he can I fully intend to put a child proof door knob cover on the inside door knob in his bedroom to keep him from running through the house too early.

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J.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think at 20 months he should still be in a crib. I have my 25 month old in a crib because I don't want him wandering around all night because it's dangerous and he can climb a gate. If he can climb out of the crib at the lowest spot you can cut a few inches off of the legs and drop the mattress to the floor inside. That's was we did because our son was climbing out at 17 months.
Don't lock the door from the outside because if social services finds out you'll be in trouble unless you have a really good reason. You can cut the door in half and do a dutch door though.
I would just stick with the crib. You'll all sleep better :o)
Our 25 month old and our 4 and 5 year olds sleep from 6:30 pm to 7 am every day. And the 2 year old also takes 2 naps still during the day for 1 1/2 hours each.
J.
Mom to 4 and soon one more through another adoption.

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J.B.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

Welcome to life with a toddler.
I know how frustrated you must be right now.
I would suggest that you keep putting him back in bad. No matter how long it takes. If you do this for a night or two you will find he will stay in bed.
The first time you put him back in bed tell him you love him but it's night night time and not time to get up.
The second time just give him a kiss. The third time say nothing at all. Just put him back in bed.
Good luck!!!!
Huggles,
J.

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S.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

To answer your question, yes it will pass. :) In the meantime, the others have had some great suggestions. I'm sure you're already thought of it but in case not, I'd also consider: finding a way to keep the light off (like unscrewing the bulb, or taping the switch), and making sure there's nothing for him to play with. (You could put toys in the closet and put closet locks on.) That way his room is almost like a giant crib. Then when he wakes too early, you can leave him safely in there as you would in a regular crib (and hope he gets back into falling asleep). Hang in there!!

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K.E.

answers from Janesville-Beloit on

I don't think I would lock the door from the outside, doesn't sound like a good idea from a legal standpoint. Have you tried the knob covers that the kids can't turn the knob with them on? I think that is the better option, just my opinion.
I liked the suggestion of just explaining to him that he can't get up unless it is light outside and supply him with books or a few toys. He will get the idea very soon.

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L.L.

answers from Lincoln on

Jenny,

Try a baby gate on the doorway. Also, try limiting one of his naps during the day.

L. :)

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A.M.

answers from Omaha on

We got a door knob cover to my daughter's room doorknob when she was about 26 months. She was doing the same thing.
It works great. She is 'locked' in her room from the inside, but we can just open the door from the outside. You can buy them at Wal-Mart in the baby section by the toenail clippers and thermometers. She consistently sleeps from 9PM-7AM.

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L.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Can you put a baby gate up at his door or would he be able to climb over that? That is what we did when we first took down the crib. It made my daughter mad sometimes, but for the most part she just went back to bed.

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Try putting him to bed at 7:00 on his old schedule. Toddlers who aren't getting enough sleep are actually MORE likely to wake at night than those who do. They often sleep later and better when they go to bed earlier (See Mary Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America"). Good luck.

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K.F.

answers from Janesville-Beloit on

Put a baby gate at the door. If he's a climber, they make taller ones or you can put 2, one on top of the other. Just make sure the room is childproof and safe. Then, if he gets up at least he's safe, but contained and you can still get sleep. He may complain obviously, but if he can't get out, he won't be getting your attention, so he'll realize that he is tired and probably go to sleep. I wish I had learned this with my first child, but it has worked great for numbers 2 through 4!

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B.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

Put a childproof knob on his bedroom door they're a few dollars in the childproof section at like walmart they just pop right on your regular door knob and you can easily remove it when you need to yet your child will have a hard time figuring this out. My 6year old has no idea how to get around this one.

Or put a babygate or two in his bedroom doorway

Put a hook latch on the top of his door on the outside

I don't think it's wrong to lock him in, because your protecting him. My friends toddler got up in the middle the night once and chopped all her hair off and put all sorts of weird things down the toliet.

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C.H.

answers from Appleton on

Have you tried putting a baby gate in his doorway so he can't run around the house? I would try a gate, it may have the same effect as when he couldn't open the door and he fell asleep on the floor.

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D.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

We just went through this last month... We too were surprised when our son "jumped the crib" so we took the railing off and put some couch cushions next to the bed. We also had to deal with the fact that he could already get out of his room, so we did reverse the locks to keep him from wandering at night. It feels like it's mean, but I knew I couldn't trust him to be on his own at night, climbing on things and getting into who knows what. At least this way I know he is safe. We did this from the beginning, and at first he was not happy... After a few nights he accepted it, and it took a little over a week for him to figure out to go back to bed if he woke up at night. Once in awhile he still gets up, but I just go in briefly and put the covers back on and say "good night". That usully does the trick. You may have a longer struggle on your hands since he is used to being able to get out of the room, but I think if you stick with it, he will figure out that he needs to go back to sleep.

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L.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

Get one of the door know thingys from the safety section in the infant area of your local store. They are usually to keep a child out of a room, but it would keep him in. It just goes around the door know and there are grippers for adult hands to squeeze but usually small children cannot get them. HOWEVER, it can happen that your child would figure it out. It is safe as anyone can open the door from outside and more safe for him to not be running around the house. Eventually he will learn he cannot get up. If you let him keep going, it will become such a learned habit that he will always do it.
I am a mom who's son climbed out of the crib already at 13 mos and proceded to climb every cabinet and cupboard in the house. We had to attach everything to the walls with brackets to make them anti-tip. Mind you there are some good things to that, he could already at age 9 climb the easy and intermediate rock walls at Valleyfair. By the time he was tall enough to maybe finally master the expert level, they took it away. He was very bummed. He is also very good in most sports and loves gymnastics.

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B.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

I don't know about locking his door but, have you tried the child proof handle covers? We put those on the inside of our daughters door (more out of a fear of her walking and falling down the stairs in the middle of the night) but it does keep her in her room at night. Just a thought.

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S.C.

answers from Milwaukee on

we are currently in this stage but phasing it out. the going to bed later is probaly hurting more than helping. our son gets night terrors when he doesn't get enough sleep. So i would keep the bed time the same. As far as the 4 am, i had called the dr and asked him what to do....he said the goal is for me not to get out of bed. i could either have a pillow and blanket on the floor by my bed he could sleep at or put up a baby gate by his door so he couldn't get out. i did neither. i would let him get up at 5/5:30 and keep the day the same. we did this for about 2 or 3 weeks, i dont know time runs together when there is no sleep going on(we also have a 6 month old that was getting up once a night). this past week and a half i would take him back to his room, rock him and put him back in bed. then i would tell him, you need to stay in bed until it is light outside. you dont have to sleep but you must stay in bed. we would give him some books to look at. 9 out of 10 times he would just stay in bed and fall asleep. our son is just about to turn 21 months.
i think just ride it out a few weeks and if there is no improvement, try the baby gate or keeping the door locked.

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S.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

When my son first moved to a big boy bed we found him wandering the hall in the middle of the night a couple of times. The scary thing was we didn't always hear him - so we did just that. We turned the doorknob around and started locking him in at night. It worked great - he would just go back to bed when he got up - plus we didn't have to worry about him accidentally locking himself IN with the lock facing the other way!
S. (=

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P.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm sorry but your post actually made me laugh out loud. Its good to know I'm not the only one. My 2.5 year old loves to wake up and wonder. He can't consistently get the door open though, so he just ends up harrassing his 5 year old brother.

I only have one suggestion: As hard as it will be at first, set your alarm for a little before 4 am, or whenever he wakes up, and then camp outside his room. When he opens the door and starts to get out, tell him "no" firmly, pick him up, and then put him back in his bed. You may also try holding the door shut from the outside so he can't open it and tell him "no" through the door. Try doing this a few times and see if he doesn't learn it isn't worth it to get up early anymore.

Otherwise, you may need to teach him that he must stay in his room if he wakes up so you can be sure he's safe. Some kids are early risers, some are late sleepers... its hard to control. But do rest assure that he will get older and it will get easier for him to sleep through the night.

You may also want to watch his naps. I don't know if he's still taking them or not, but if he's taking too long of naps or too late in the day naps, that can also impact the sleeping patterns.

Good Luck. When I had my first child, my dad looked at me and told me, "Just remember you'll sleep plenty with you're dead." He was right. And before you know it, your son is going to be a teenager and you're going to be yelling at him to get out of bed before noon.

D.K.

answers from Sioux City on

Put a couple of baby gates over the opening of the door. We used one gate on top of the other so that our sleep walker wouldn't leave her room. It was to tall for her to climb over.

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A.B.

answers from Fargo on

We put a baby gate up in their doorway. My girls couldn't climb over it until they were over 2 and by that time, I could reason with them and get them to understand that they needed to stay in their room. Good luck with the transition!

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T.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm not sure how you will feel about this, but this is what we did with my daughter. We actually put 2 gates (one on top of the other) on her door so she couldn't get out. She is a major climber and started crawling out of her crib quite early and we started with 1 gate on her door. She crawled over that one so now we have 2 gates on her door. I know it sounds cruel and we shouldn't have to go to such extremes, but one night I put her back in bed 42 times! I had enough of that and got another gate! She is such a determined little girl and for her safety (roaming the house in the middle of the night) we thought the gates were okay. I felt the gates were better then locking her in there with a childproof door handle. Hope this helps.

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L.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

I just went through this with my 2 year old. She had just learned to open up her bedroom door and was not going to bed when it was time. I got those knob covers and the first name she was mad but after that she's been fine. She doesn't even go near the door anymore. I read that one ladys response and give me a break. You are not in any way abusing your child. They need their sleep and so do you. Try them, they work awesome.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

try putting a gate at his door. put it on the outside so the door will still close, but when he opens the door he can't get out. Maybe this way he'll go back to sleep or just stay confined in a safe space for you to sleep.

G.K.

answers from Green Bay on

Awww :-) He has a "zest for life." He also obviously adores his Mom - wanting more time. You know - this will pass. Stick with routine. Routine is key - especially the bedtime routine. My two have both been bad sleepers and at ages 3 & 5 they are finally starting to get the routine down. Around 7 we have a warm bath, 7:30 is quiet time - read a book or something calming. Sometimes we watch a little TV - but too much of that is over-stimulating. 7:45-8 they are tucked in and they each get prayer time - which is just one on one time to talk about the best parts of our day and thank God for whatever. They usually come out of their beds a couple of times, but I simply guide them back to their beds, give them a little rub - on the back or feet and leave them to fall asleep on their own. Stick with it - he'll learn. Yes - you do need to guide him back to his bed when he gets up. I always offer to rub their backs or feet - they love that. I USUALLY leave them relaxed but not asleep yet so they know they can fall asleep on their own. Hope that helps! Bed time is a challenge for us.

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J.D.

answers from Detroit on

I strongly suggest the door knob covers. A gate would work too, but a closesd door will quiet the noise of an angry child when he cant get loose. Make sure his room is safe, no worries. And you may need to remove/loosen the bulb, or get a pull chian for his light, so he is not able to turn on the lights. Its harder to play in the dark when you cant see. Or you could get a bed tent for the crib and move him back to it.

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