Bedtime and Getting up in the Morning

I am 36 and the mom of 3 children, ages 5, 7 and 13. I've also been researching books lately about child behavior and positive discipline. I almost bought the book "1-2-3 Magic" as well, but after reading some reviews on Amazon.com, the book seem almost too harsh and not loving enough. So, instead I chose a book called, "The Everything Parents Guide to Positive Discipline". I can't tell you how amazing this book is and much of a positive impact it has made on my childrens' behavior and my parenting skills. Getting the positive praise after doing something good has made them so proud of themselves and have them wanting to behave. Love, affection and positive reaction works better than any other kind of negative punishments (taking this away, time out, etc)I have ever set. And whats even better, is that the change in their behavior was almost immediate. I also purchased some books to read out loud to my children that talk about behavior, honesty, and manners and a few other subjects. If you want to know the titles to those books, I would be happy to share. Hope this helps! Feel free to write me anytime, maybe we can share some ideas. :)

T.,

My kids are younger than yours, but we deal with tantrums from time to time :)

Something we have been talking about in my ECFE class is to set rules, with appropriate consequences for breaking them, talk about them with your child, and then STICK TO THEM.

Tell her what you think the appropriate discipline for a public tantrum is (no TV for 2 days, loosing a favorite toy, whatever works for you) and then make it happen. No going back. Also, I think what Beth wrote about actually just picking up and leaving the store is good too. You may have to make a self sacrifice of time and go back to the store by yourself later... change your dinner plans, what ever you need to do, but she needs to understand that there are consistent consequences for her actions.

Saying no is a very important part of parenting. Our ECFE class has also been discussing a book by a local author David Walsh, "NO: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It ". I have ordered it from Amazon, but haven't read the whole thing... but it seems like a great resource. You may find it helpful too.

Good luck!
J.
SAHM to Charlie (3-24-05) and Joey (12-4-06)

A tantrum requires an audience.
At home, try isolation (if you are visible during a time-out you are still an audience.)
Dealing with my son's tantrums, I kept a log of behaviors, activities, foods, etc. I noticed a pattern emerging--every tantrum followed an allergic reaction. Not all tantrums are related to that, but in this case it cut down on bad behaviors.

I feel your pain. My son has autism and is prone to melt downs. There's nothing worse than a public tantrum to make you feel like a loser parent.

Anyway, one thing that worked for me is to care a little sign that says "Tantrum in Progress". Whenever Gerry would throw a fit, I'd place it by him. It made people laugh instead of looking at me critically.

Another thing to keep in mind though is that tantrums are a way to communicate. Until you determine what exactly causes the behavior, you won't be able to predict and prevent. But no matter what, you have to be consistent. If you say "no", mean it. Don't ever give in or you just set the standard for the next fit when you say "no". I'm sure you do this, but I always set the standard for behavior before I take Gerry anywhere and explaine what the consequence will be if he fails to follow the standards. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't but it always fails if I don't do it at all.

Good luck.

my 4 year old also does this in stores and i have learned that if you walk away from them not very far they will see you and start walking with you. if you stick to your guns and dont let them have there way also this helps them to understand they cant have everything i know it sounds easy but its not i always secound guess myself and almost give her what she wants tantrums are hard especially in public. I have had so many woman come up to me and say dont get angry this soon will pass which is nice to hear somethimes

Hi T.,

Do you follow through when you tell her you are going to take something away, or when you discipline her.

I can tell you this. I think this is true among most kids. Even as teens, you & I both know we tested our parents to see how much we could get away with. And we all had one parent that gave in a little sooner than the other. Or we got more attention from one more than the other when doing naughty things.

I would encourage you to just stick to your gumshoos and be strong. They are going to keep testing you, so you might as well let them know up front that when you say something, you mean it! I think a lot of it has to do with the age too. Always striving to be independent. Which is a good thing.

For some reason I never tested my dad as much as my mom.
How about you?

J.

Have you read The Berenstein Bears Get the Gimmies? I used there idea in that book with my 6 year old (back when she was 3 and my second was just born). Decide on something before going to the store; a box of crayons, a book, a toy (under a certain dollar amount) etc. Have her write it down and carry her "list" with so she feels she has to do it herself has helped my kids. I now use that trick with my second child (and still the first)

T.,
I can tell you what I did and it worked, not over night it took time, and consistancy. When my daughter would throw a fit. I would ignore her I know it is not always easy to do. In public is the worst. I would just let her though her fit I would stay where I could see her but just let her sit there on the floor. Once she figured out that I wasn't going to react or give in too her bad behavior the bad acting out started to go away. If just letting her have her fit isn't an option then take her by the hand and remove her from the situation, no pleading or begging just leaving. Over time if you ignore bad acting out it will go away. Also a great alternative is if you get to the end of a shopping trip without incedent a nice little reward is good. It doesn't have to be anything material, just a nice big hug and a thank you go a long way. She will remember the nice feeling that gave and want it more. Rewarding good behavior will increase it just like ignoring bad behavior decreases it. Hope this helps a little. Good luck, remember to gave yourself a break once in awhile too.

T.,
I'm 54 yrs old and raised two daughters, so I know about tantrums. The other suggestions are great and do work. However, I always felt embrassed when the girls did it in the public eye! So I would calmly take them to the car, tell them to get it over with. Let them get the tantrum done. Then tell them that if they do that again they will be treated like that again. Not only would they not get to go shopping with me but they would be grounded a day for every tantrum they have. Good Luck and be consistent. Stick to your guns! P.