20 answers

Bad Relationship with My Adult Daughter

My adult daughter does not want to deal with me at all,she does not want to speak to me.That happens because of my fault. Is there any way to make her forgive me?
I have done many wrong things,I wanted much from her and said much awful words to make her do what I wanted.She was my only love,my goal and the meaning of my life.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Give her some time and some space. Apologize in a letter. Spell out exactly what you are sorry for...
You can't make people forgive you, but you can earn their trust again... it will take some time and a LOT of work and patience.
LBC

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Write her a letter. Admit your mistakes, apologize for the past and ask her if you two can start over as two women instead of a mother and daughter. Build trust as another woman first and later on you can work at rebuilidng a POSITIVE mother/daughter relationship with her.

Most importantly, you HAVE to change YOUR behavior. If she says no, you HAVE TO RESPECT THAT. If you do, then eventually it will dawn on her that you really have changed and she'll probably start to come around.

Best of luck!

6 moms found this helpful

I had a problem with my father for many years. I never totally cut him off, but kept him at a very long distance (emotionally).. Finally he went to counseling and wrote me an apology letter and made some realistic promises to me. We spoke and I told him he had made promises before and never kept them, so he would have to "live the life he said he wanted to live" for a while, before I felt I could trust him.

He did it. He has been humble, he apologized, he still tells me he had regrets about his past behaviors.. I finally told him, I forgave him and understand that he is a product of his own childhood. His parents were spankers, yellers and did not know how to guide children.

But I also told him his actions were going to speak louder than his words.
He has done great and is reaping the rewards in all parts of his life.

I suggest you find help. Figure out what your own problem is and then see if you can settle this problem with your daughter. Give her space, give her time, but do not give up on her. She is an adult with her own problems, you need to be there , but not up in her business or in her way. Make sure you make it clear you will always love her and you are going to seek help (if this is true) and then Do IT.

5 moms found this helpful

I'd start with a letter...and state EXACTLY what you just said to us. Its my fault. I feel guilty. I said aweful words...

Then I tell her that I loved her...no matter geography. And that you will do what ever it takes (within reason) to build that trust with her. Tell her that your heart was in the right place...and that you probably handled things with her the way things were handled with you and that it is no excuse but fact. Tell her that she IS your only love and meaning of life and that even as parents we are human and we screw up sometimes too and that you too, ask her for forgiveness.

I have no idea what you did, or what led to the rift between you, but I do know the power of time and healing. And I do know the benefits of simply saying that sorry is not enough...

I am sending good thoughts your way.

5 moms found this helpful

I think that if you own up to what you did and put it all down in a letter to her with a heart-filled apology, and then give her some time to absorb it all in and process it, she will eventually come around. She may need some time to figure all of it out and begin to trust the fact that you have a new attitude but, if you grant her the grace of patience and understand that she is a separate person whose needs and desires are individual and needs to be respected as such, then I'm sure that she will eventually reach out to you once again. You may want to suggest that the two of you go to counseling together. This will give the both of you a safe environment and a neutral third person to air out your issues with and hopefully come to a better undestanding and respect for each other.

I hope that you are able to patch things up with your daughter soon.

3 moms found this helpful

The only thing you can is change. You need to learn how to communicate with people. Funny how some people treat others when they say they love them. Maybe some counseling will help you. After you have completed counseling you can try to contact her and tell her you are better, got help and now your a better person.

3 moms found this helpful

How do you "make" her forgive you? You don't!! You can't make your grown daughter *DO* anything.

It's time to accept she is a grown woman, she doesn't need you anymore. However, if you are a nice, friendly person to be around, she can choose to have you in her life again.

The best thing you can do is fix yourself. Be a good friend, be someone people would like to have around. Your daughter will see the changes and her attitude will change with it. GL.

3 moms found this helpful

What comes around goes around. Sorry but I have not spoken to my father is 30 years and never will. He is a loser and selfish and I do not want my children around his bad aura. On the other hand I had an amazing mom who always thought of her children and I will cherish her forever. I treat my children with the respect they deserve and teach them responsibility and love. I always think of their happiness and what ever I do now in our relationship affects their future relationships. You have alot of work to do. Are you really ready? Actions speak WAY louder than words.

2 moms found this helpful

Give her some time and some space. Apologize in a letter. Spell out exactly what you are sorry for...
You can't make people forgive you, but you can earn their trust again... it will take some time and a LOT of work and patience.
LBC

2 moms found this helpful

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