Bad news- So friday after I posted how excited I was that we were going to start ttc, BF comes home and says he needs to start looking for another job. ok fine
Worse news- the reason for the change is because the plant he is working at is talking (only talk right now) that they may have to shut down due to the lack of beans this year. (he works at a bean processing plant.) this was like a stab in the gut.
Back to bad news- Well good news first. He has a job he wants to apply for! But (isn't there always one) it is on the road M-F!
This job is great pay, great benifits, just not great home time! I love my nights with him! Then to add it, Guard weekends I wouldn't see him for 2 weeks. I know the job would double our pay at least. Why do I hate this option? He would be working with (not for) my BIL, doing power work all over. I am to the point I just want to cry. Any one got advice for me to deal with this? We just thought things were going great!
Just to update I know this is not the worst thing in the world and I am glad we have options. This is just hard because our plans so fresh and great in our minds had to be altered. Yeah it sucks! The way it sounds we are going to go through with this option! We are going to wait for the baby now, which however it may not be the idea we had it is going to have to work.
I did forget to add that this job is going to give him better opportunity in 3-4 years. I guess I was just looking for encouragement that I could do this. I thank you for the advice and the stories of how it has worked for others. I do wish however someone could have done it without the rude comments. I know life does not go my way. I do encourage him. He knows whatever happens I am there to back him up 100%. Thank you ladies!
Ok.
It's not ideal.
But it's better than being out of work for 3 years and having unemployment run out.
You'll see him more often than if he were out on a 6 month deployment over seas.
It could be better, but it could be far far worse.
There will be stresses - it won't be easy - but they can be over come.
Look hard enough for that silver lining and you will find one.
Please don't take this the wrong way....but yours is not a big "problem"...
O. of my best friends is preparing for death...any day now.....THAT is a big problem. Try to keep things in perspective. What you're dealing with is LIFE. And that's GOOD news.
What you're describing sounds like trying to get the most on a plate at a buffet dinner. It's all relative.
Good luck!
From what I read in your bio (yes many times I read so that I can better answer a persons question) you guys are still pretty young. So, work as needed now and you will benefit down the road. Does it stink? Yes, but start thinking long term. You said he'd be making much more - store that away like your storing food for winter! Then you guys will be in great shape! Enjoy your weekends!
He will have a job.
He will have a good paying job.
You will be able to keep your home.
You and your children will be safe.
You are able to feed and clothe your children.
You are living a very blessed life.
As a couple this will bring your time together even more special..
If you have phones you can set up a time he calls each evening to speak with you and your children. If you have a computer, he can email you.
If you have a car, you can always go and meet up with him.. The kids will love the adventure.
While the option is not the best...it's still an option! Some people don't even have options at this point.
Not saying your problem is not a huge problem for you! If the plant closes down you and he have to do what you have to do. And if that means taking a over the road job for him...the so be it. It may be the best thing for you guys right now.
As Molly said make the best of the time you do get with him! My hubs is home for months at a time (works from home) but has to travel some months constantly...I'm super happy when I do get to see him during those times! Makes me appreciate him more!
Take advantage and learn how to communicate better. When you have the only option of talking on the phone or over the net...it improves the whole family and relationship.
You need to look at the long term.... Is there a chance this job would lead to something else? Is there a chance doing this job for a year or two will give him the experience he needs to find something even better? Yes I would be sad if my hubby was gone all week! Maybe he should keep looking? In the end.... if this is his only option.....you cannot give up a job in this economy.
My now-husband and I only got to see each other on weekends for 3 years! He lived a little more than an hour away from me and worked a full time job during the week. It sucked... It really sucked. And now that we are finally living together, I would never want to go back. BUT it's what had to be done. You guys will get through it.
Well life is like this up and down. He will be gone M-F. So. He will be home Sat and Sun. Then there is National Guard on the weekends. Okay. He is doing his patriotic duty.
Are you in high school or are you married? Time to grow up and realize that you can't have it your way - it's not McDonalds or Burger King. This is real life and you go with the flow.
Do you two as a couple have a plan as to where you want to be in five or ten years and how you are going to get there? Make one and figure out what you have to sacrifice yes scarifice to get there. Marrige is a work in progress and you have to be flexible in order for it to work. Having kids is just a part of it not the whole thing. You and he BF (are you married or not?) are complaining that he is working with your BIL.
If he has been out of work for a while his manhood has been rocked and now that he is back he wants to keep it going in the right direction in his head. He wants to provide, protect and profess is ability to take care of you and the family. So learn to be quiet in your thoughts and say good things to him and not berate him. A little of you're doing a great job and thanks goes a long way for a man.
What's that they say about honey over horse manure and getting things done.
The other S.
PS We all want to feel appreciated.
First, take a deep breath.
Then take things one at a time. First see if he gets laid off and/or apply for the other job (he may feel the need to apply for that job now BEFORE he gets laid off).
3rd, keep things in perspective, he will have another job to provide for his family (a huge worry these days in today's economy), you have each other, your family, you'll have money coming in. Like another poster said, save some of that addtl $. Squirrel it away like nuts for winter, like she said.
Remind yourself every day: you have each other, your health, your family etc.
Nothing lasts forever.
Hang in there. Look for the positives in everything in life to help cirumvent the negative impacts. Write them down! Best wishes!
Plus side..... You guys will have A LOT of fun on the weekends TTC??
Sorry Pumpkin, I will say a prayer for you that all works out.
My husband works a TON, but it makes our time together even better. Hang in there!
We've been there. How old are ya'll? Sacrifices have to be made when hubby is trying to 'make it' in the working world. Be grateful that he has options, a lot of people don't. Be grateful that you can even consider having another child, a lot of people can't. Overall, lots to be grateful for!
Listen, I've sacrificed time with my husband to better his career. It sucked. It sucked HARDCORE. But look at the long-term. Could it mean better opportunities for him? Does it expand his experience? Will he gain contacts in his industry?
Also, is your marriage in a place that you can withstand the storm of not spending enough time together? My husband & I almost didn't make it through when he worked third shift.
Lots to consider. But again, try to be grateful.
"Any one got advice for me to deal with this?" Yes-get married.
I would HATE this! :(
I understand it's more money. I understand that it may be necessary because he may be losing his job. But not seeing my SO for two weeks at times would be really hard, especially knowing you are going to be doing this for a long time.
You have to do what you have to do. I would definitely be sitting down and talking to him about your feelings, discuss trying to find a job closer to home where you aren't going to be home so much without him. But if there is no alternative I guess you will have to just do what you can for a while.
I'm sorry, Suzanne W, but that was pretty harsh.
