30 answers

Baby Shower Etiquette?

Hi ladies,

I'm now pregnant with my fourth child, but haven't had a baby shower since 2000 when I was pregnant with my first. My best friend wants to throw me a shower, but my mom says I'm being greedy by having another one and that it's rude to expect guests to give me things. My friend, on the other hand, insists on doing one as many of my baby items are very, very old (my high chair and stroller were my little brother's; he's now 18). I need some pretty expensive things (our crib is in poor condition, we need a new carseat, etc) so my friend suggested to do a registry at stores that offer gift cards so people can go that route instead. Quite frankly, I could care less about gifts, I'd just like to get together with my friends and family to celebrate the baby.

That leads to my next question: is it rude to not invite certain family members? I'm tired of getting emails from family saying "Oh, you're having another one? Why am I not surprised?" or "You know, eventually you don't get additional tax money for them." To me, bringing a child into this world is a monumental occasion, whether it's your first or fifth. I don't want people there who are just going to bring down the rest of us, but is it rude to exclude them?

Thanks in advance,

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

eh, you're not being "greedy". I'm of the opinion that each baby is worthy of having a shower thrown in their honor. And as you said, it's really more about getting together with people you love and celebrating the upcoming baby.

Is it rude to exclude some people? Yes, but no more rude than those comments you've been getting from them. I might be petty, but I'd be pretty inclined to exclude them.

Just my opinion :)

1 mom found this helpful

Every baby deserves to be welcomed into the world. A baby shower is a great way to do it. If people are put off by the thought, they don't have to come. I always bring a little something to a new baby regardless if there is a shower or not, or if it is a first born or 8th born. Life is to be celebrated and those who think otherwise are entitled to their opinion, but don't need to rain on everyone else's parade. If you want to register, do a variety of things big and small, from the new crib to diapers. There is always something you need with each new little person that comes along.

Congratulations and enjoy!

1 mom found this helpful

My mom also calls it greedy but from all pregnancy websites I use most other areas in the country think that every baby deserves such celebration, everyone needs new diapers and clothes!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

I don't know if anyone has suggested this..I didn't want to read the nasty notes from everyone. I just had my 3rd girl and I chose to donate all the gifts to a crisis pregnancy center or a battered women's shelter. I could celebrate with my friends, but didn't feel guilty either and everyone gave lots for the cause! I could have used some things for baby but I found that I was picky about what I wanted anyway (being more experienced). People gave money in cards and gifts when they came to visit baby anyway afterward. I used that money to get the extras I needed for dipes, clothes, etc.. I used craigslist and thirft stores as well to get exactly what I needed. Everyone loved the idea of donating and we still had lots of fun! People gave both boy and girl things which were fun to show off. The gifts could be given to the charity in honor of your little one.

Just an idea, but you can do what you need to. If someone else is putting on the shower for you then let them. I don't think it is rude to let someone bless you.

3 moms found this helpful

Wow, I can't beleive some of the response you have recieved. I have three kids and had one shower and that was with my third child. I have gone to showers of parents that have four and five. A shower is a way to celebrate a new baby, so if you have family and friends that want to do this for you I say go and do it. Think of it as a birthday party I'm sure most people have had more then one.

2 moms found this helpful


If your friend wants to give you a shower, let her! It is her decision, not your mother's or your relatives. Let your friend decide on the guest list as well.

I am a pastor's wife. I have four children. My mother and sisters held a shower for my first son. Then our church held one for us as well. We moved before I had baby #2. That church gave me showers for my next two boys. I have nearly 6 between #3 and #4. I had passed on a lot of my items or things were just really old. By the time I had #4, I needed a stroller, high chair, carseat - all the big items. We were now in out third church and their policy was to throw a shower for only the first baby, but for me, my friends held one and then the ladies group from church did one as well. It really has more to do with the heart of those hosting the shower, not you! LET YOUR FRIEND CHOOSE THE GUEST LIST!


2 moms found this helpful

NO, you should not have another baby shower!You should have planned better for the expensive things before you got pregnant again!
Having a luncheon with the girls however is a wonderful idea and would be lots of fun..without gifts though! Maybe they can pay for your meal if they want.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi J.:
Congratulations!!! Every baby should be celebrated. Throwing you a baby shower is your friend telling you she loves you and wants to celebrate with you. If family members are less that supportive don't invite them. Registering for gifts is a great idea and if the things you need are on the expensive side let it be known that it is okay if a few people pool their money to purchase the big ticket items. I have been a low income single Mom for years and when my grandchildren came along I crocheted a baby afgan for each of them (they all match) and then I purchased items that each little one needed at the time. My third grandchild is now 17 months old, I was working at a Penney's store and as soon as we found out he was on the way I started going through the clearance racks for baby clothes. I bought boy and girl outfits in many sizes, at my daughter's baby shower I was able to give her a huge bag of baby clothes in all sizes. I picked up a size 3T winter jacket for under $5 when he was about 2 months old. Don't be afraid to tell friends about this idea. Most people buy baby clothes in newborn, 0-3, or 3-6 months sizes and suddenly after a few months they have nothing that fits.
Mostly enjoy this time a new life is coming.

2 moms found this helpful

Congratulations on #4! Wow! I just had my second child and am already yearning for #3.
I don't really think there is a protocol anymore for whether or not you have a baby shower after your first child. It even sounds like the need is there for your friend to throw one for you.
I also don't think it would be rude to exclude certain family members that have obviously been rude to you or have hurt your feelings by their off-handed comments. Might be a good way to get the message across to them!


1 mom found this helpful

Have the shower and enjoy it. It is up to you on who you want to invite. Your relatives who's sense of humor is like a underlying hostility, they may feel bad not being invited and feel that you took them to serious on the comments so don't invite them and accept the critisim over it or invite them and if they say a rude remark like they aren't surprised you are having another one answer with a quick wit answer such as "yes, we have such beautiful children and so much love to give, we are lucky to have another one in our lives" and to the tax credit remark answer "yes, there might be a limit on tax credit, but lucky for us there isn't a limit on the love we have to give." If you want to keep it light make a joke that you want to keep up with the Dugger family, which is a family with 18+ children and all are very healthy, polite, happy and well rounded children. Or you can just look at them and say "I can't believe you would say that" and give them one of those "mom" looks.

1 mom found this helpful

My mom also calls it greedy but from all pregnancy websites I use most other areas in the country think that every baby deserves such celebration, everyone needs new diapers and clothes!

1 mom found this helpful

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