At What Grade Do You Stop Helping with Homework?

When it became too difficult?

Honestly, I don't think I ever stopped...so never? I'm always discussing their assignments with them before they start, after they finish, even if I did nothing else. Then we discuss their test scores on what went well, what did not, and why.

So helping shifts from doing math facts and families to buying history DVDs or going to the library to pick out extra media for reports. My help is now more in the organizational help as the kids grow. I have a 4th and 7th grader, and one college grad, who still cherishes my support and help.

well considering that my kids are helping ME with my homework ... I'd say that's a pretty good stopping point LOL

It's ok to show another method or way to do things at any point in life. We're always learning ... or should be anyway. I still help with directing my kids where to look for information I don't see that as doing their homework for them. It's guiding them.

It depends on the kid, the subject, and the type of homework. When our two oldest were in high school (they came to live with us when they were 14 and 16) they were mainly responsible for their own work. But, every so often they got a project that needed our guidance. I remember their dad helping with a spaghetti bridge, a wooden car, and my specialty was research papers (I'm a grad student).

So, day-to-day work, I only would check in once in a while to ask how things were going, and be available for questions. But no matter their age, I gave guidance and help when they were in a bind.

I am now in the midst of homework for a 4th grader in accelerated math, the top reading group, and the G&T program. Sometimes, I'm stumped. But, she mostly needs help in managing tasks, priorities, and general direction, not in the subject matter itself. She and I have made it a habit of sitting together at the diningroom table - me with my laptop doing my own homework, and she with hers. This way, I can help her stay focused (although I have that issue, too!), and answer questions. I've been surprised how many times she needs my computer to do her work. I wonder what happens to kids whose parents don't have a computer at home...

I don't remember my parents ever helping me with homework. I don't remember having any homework that I couldn't finish on the school bus or in front of the Sunday night Disney movie. But, that was a long time ago, and my 9 year-old is learning much, much more than I did in elementary school!

I really never helped with her homework unless she asked or it was assigned for a parent to work with the child.

Spelling words, Reading aloud to a parent etc. We were all over it.

I think it depends on the child. Some really need someone to be close by to assist and others just know what to do and do it. If she was having trouble with a subject, in elementary school we spoke with the teacher or the teacher spoke with us.

In middle school I would email a teacher and let them know our daughter was struggling, but she was going to speak with the teacher about it.

By high school, she knew it was her responsibility to ask the teacher or ask us for assistance.

In 4th grade they started typing their reports on the computer and so there were times, I helped with the teachers permission. ( I would type half a page, she the other half on a 3 page report). Meaning we were not to assist if the child had put off their work till the last minute.

We never asked if she had homework, because we all knew she always had homework if she did not finish it at school.

Natural consequences worked great. "Oh you have a report due tomorrow and it was assigned a week ago? Hmm, not my problem.. you better get on it.. "

"No I cannot take you to the hobby store at 6:00pm on a Sunday night.. Make due with what we have here at home. Maybe next time you will not wait till the last minute."

"You forgot your book at school? Hmm, how are you going to get your work done?"

I also never asked teachers to forgive our daughter for being late with her work. I encouraged them to give her her real grade.

Once our daughter got into pre algebra in middle school, I had to get her a tutor. I was terrible in algebra and the class went pretty fast.

By the time she was in 5th grade.. she had it all under control.. Again through high school, if she really needed help, she asked and we gladly assisted. She was completely prepared for college.

But again I think it depends on the child and what they can handle or need. You can guide them to find solutions, to find ways of staying on tasks.. Our daughter liked to come home. Have a snack, watch some TV or get on the computer and then do her homework. This will not work for every child.

Never
My dad helped me get through Calculus in college, my mom helps my daughter in Spanish. If she needs help next year at college in any subject, she knows she can call home.
I also proofread my husband's papers he does for work.
My kdis don't blame me if they get a bad grade because I let them know it is a natural consequence of them not doing their homework or asking the teacher or us in a timely fashion.

I suggest that a parent always helps with homework but I'm thinking my definition of help may be different than yours. What I mean by help is to be interested in what the student is doing. Sometimes ask them to explain what they're doing if they're willing to do that. Be willing to listen while she thinks thru a problem out loud.

My granddaughter is in the 6th grade. Her Papa reads directions out loud sometimes when she doesn't understand what they mean. He'll ask her questions to get her started on a written report. And when she has a math problem that she doesn't understand he'll puzzle over it even when he doesn't think he understands it. When she's to choose a project he listens as she talks about the pros and cons of various possibilities.

My mother did all those things for me from time to time when I was in high school. And I helped my daughter in that way, too. Less so in high school but I was available when she wanted help.

I don't recall being blamed, tho sometimes our conversations got pretty intense when she thought I didn't understand what she needed.

I would have to say never because if they need it and if you can help then you need to help. At least through High School you should be able to keep a general idea what they need help with but even after that if they need the help and ask then you should try to help or get them help. If you don't know how to do the homework then find an alternative way to help or maybe even learn it together. That is what we have done.

Around 4th grade is when stopped "helping" with homework unless they specifically asked for help. Once they reached high school, they were pretty much on their own since I wasn't familar with many of the things they were learning. In our high school all of the teachers are required to stay after school and offer assistance to students who ask for it.

I still haven't quit helping.
My youngest is a Junior in High School and he's pretty responsible. Every now and then, something will stump him and he'll ask me about it.
I'm pretty strict when it comes to homework. If he has a big report to turn in, I always make him do a handwritten rough draft where he can make corrections and changes before typing it out. I also have him turn in the rough draft as well as the finished product. It shows that he actually did the work. He always gets extra credit.

My kids never blamed me for not getting a good grade due to their homework. If they have struggled in a particular subject, we arranged some extra time with the teacher or found other ways to research the subject.
I never did their work FOR them, but definitely helped them with problem solving skills. Often, it was just a matter of them explaining the subject to me and then it was like, "A-HAH! I get it now! Thanks, Mom!"

I've never been shy about asking a teacher to explain something to ME. I'm pretty intelligent, I can come up with the answer, but not exactly the way they are teaching the kids to arrive at it. I've never minded learning something new.

It's a balance. I don't think kids should be dependent on their parents for completing their homework, but I also don't think parents should just cut themselves off from what the kids are learning.
My ex husband has refused to help with school work at all. He has always said, "I'm not good at that stuff. Ask your mother." So, my kids always knew they could come to me and if nothing else, I could help them go back over the chapter and guide them in the right direction.

I also like my son showing me his homework when it's done. He has an organizer that lists his assignments, when they are due, etc. I make sure he's keeping up with everything.
He's involved in a law enforcement academy program which requires that he maintain a certain grade average. If he can't balance that and keep his grades up, then it has to go. His grades come first.

To that extent, at least until he graduates high school, there won't be a time I stop "helping" him with his homework.

My mom stopped helping me with math once I got to Trig/Pre-Calc, as it had been over 30 years since she had taken it :)

She stopped helping me with science when I was taking Chemistry--she would have needed to come to class with me to re-learn stochiometry.

Never helped me with social studies or English/literature, because those came naturally to me.

For the subjects that I wasn't great in, and she couldn't help me with, I joined study groups with my friends and we'd meet at Borders' (insert nostalgic tear) and muddle through it together. Sometimes we'd do great, other times not so great, but it was very good preparation for college & group work.

I always wished my parents were able to help me with my homework no matter what age. I moved to the U.S. when I was 9 years old and my mom had limited English and/or both parents not around to help out. I would have appreciated either them helping me or finding someone to help me. I did fine on my own but that's not something kids should have to do. I plan to help my kids with their homework until they graduate from high school and even in college if they need help. If it's not something I know or can learn fast I will get them help. But I plan to be involved in their school as much as possible. My husband and I are fortunate enough to be well educated to be able to help as much. I have a Chemistry degree and I'm good at math, my husband has a social studies degree and is a HS teacher.

I never helped beyond explaining directions or if asked.

I don't see the advantage of me going over every problem, or over helping , basically doing it. I don't correct it if they get it wrong either. If I correct it the teacher will not know what they need help with, and what needs to be discussed in more detail. No they do not blame me when they are doing poorly in a subject.

we go on utube to find how to learn it and then teach them. or we go through the text and get educated. i have a 3rd and 6th and they still need help at times. I don't fore-see that happening . I know moms that have kids in HS that still have to help their kids. I think that kids need guidance and assistance to understand it more clear. Sometimes school time is not enough to " get it "

In elementary school I help with directions and something they are stuck on I"ll try to explain. If they don't get it after that I have them try their best but also attach a note letting the teacher know they tried and didn't understand. I figure that's the only way the teacher is truly going to know if kids are understanding the material taught. But I always help study for tests at any age if they want the help. I quiz my little one on his spelling and vocab words in the car and my high school-er still has me quiz her on material before tests. In elementary school I checked to make sure work is done but pulled back on that in middle school, by high school I expect they tell me what needs to be done and get it in on time. In middle and high school I encourage them to stay after school and ask a teacher to re-explain something they had trouble with. I also make it clear if there are projects they need to let me know about them as soon as they get the assignment, so I can make sure they have any needed supplies, books, etc. My kids know as long as I can see they really tried, I'm ok if they get a bad grade. But if their grades aren't good because of slacking off they lose privileges.

My son is in 5th grade and we still help him where needed. In some subjects, he simply doesn't need our help. However, we do look over all his work.... If there is an error, I want to catch it and correct it while we can.. His homework affects his grades, therefore, we nip as much in the bud at home while we can.. Also, while I do think it's the school's responsibility to help educate my son, I definitely think as a parent, I should play a major role.. which is why I still help out..

best to you and yours

okay, a funny story to start with: when my older son started taking Algebra, I had to stop helping him....we were taking it waaay toooo far & the teacher noticed. & what I did was just show him - one time - what I would do & he ran with it. Busted! His work ended up being months ahead of the class!

Part of parenting is to provide decent/honorable pathways in life. That does not mean to do your child's homework....nor does it mean to allow your child to flounder simply because you want to adhere to "higher" moral standards. We, as parents, can help in so many ways...without doing the work for them.

My method is: when I know that new ground is being covered (particularly in math), I will ask a few review questions to make sure he knows his stuff, & then I then walk away. When he is finished with the work, I look it over & occasionally have to remind him to double-check it.
I do not tell him which ones are wrong, nor do I give him the answers. If he catches his errors, we discuss "how" it happened & "what" needs to be done.

Now, what's interesting is that this is what I did with both sons. My older son battled a degenerative hip disease from age 6 on. It took a huge toll on his mental stamina & staying power. He appeared to be ADD, but was not. Quite often, I would have to completely reteach the day's lesson.....simply because he was mentally exhausted due to his physical disabilities.

By contrast, my younger son is unmedicated ADD. The same method works for him. I am simply a touchstone during the homework process. HIs grades range all across the board, depending on where his focus is.

When it comes to writing, the process is different. Both sons have difficulty getting their thoughts from their wonderful imaginations to the paper. This is common for many kids. My help is simply to jumpstart their thoughts....

& now to answer your title: I never stop helping. But then again, I've never had to actually sit with my sons, either! I am a presence & that's it, usually. Oh, & I've had both my older son & my niece call for help with their college work!....or to get feedback/critiquing......:)

I have one in high school and one in college. I have nothing to do with the college kid's work -- he has an excellent teaching staff where he is and many resources available to him including free tutoring and a writing center. He uses the resources when needed. He was having trouble in a class, and immediately went to the teacher and asked for help. The teacher got him a tutor that day!
As for the high schooler - I don't think we ever stop helping in some respect. We buy the supplies. We provide the space. We suggest ways to be organized or remind them when the project is coming due. We ask about homework every night. Once in a while we might get a question about a Math problem or a question about sentence structure. Last week I was asked to help get the paper from 1600 words to under 1500 words... that's hard!!! It took a long time of the two of us sitting together trying to figure out how to make contractions, shorten sentences, and find better words... I hope we don't have too many more of those assignments!!
As for a child doing poorly in a subject -- if a child is having trouble, step in and help. If you can't help, find someone who can. There are many kids who don't get help with homework - many of them flounder, others ask for help from teachers. They all need help at one point or another. Sometimes they don't understand the concept. Other times they just need to be pointed in the right direction.
If your kid needs help - help him.
LBC

For the most part, my kids have always done their homework on their own. I've been happy to help them in understanding directions, but homework is supposed to be a review of what they have learned in school. If they need that much help, their teachers need to know that they are struggling. My children have certainly never blamed me for their grades! My younger child, who is in 7th grade, struggles more than his sister, the honors student. Thankfully, she'll be around til he starts high school. If he needs help with something complex, like math, or with foreign language since they both took the same, he goes to her with his questions.
If your child is unable to complete their homework because they dont understand the work, I would contact the teacher. It's important for them to know if your child struggled with the work and has not mastered the concepts, because if the teacher thinks that your kid has mastered them, he/she will move right on to the next thing. When my kids were younger, if they did their work wrong, and I then had to correct how they did it, I always had them re-do the work on separate paper. They would get mad, and not want their teacher to see that they had done badlly the first time, but I knew that it was crucial for their teacher to know if they got 5 or 6 problems out of 10 wrong the first time around.

My kids are in 8th, 5th and 4th grades. Obviously, I don't sit with them while they do their homework anymore - haven't for a few years. But if they have any questions or need help, I'm nearby so they can ask me. I haven't gotten to the point yet, where I *can't* help them (I'm sure that'll happen pretty soon, though), but I HAVE had a couple of instances where they've learned a new way to do multiplication (lattice method, anyone?) and I have to learn it myself to help them with it. But all in all, they're pretty self-sufficient at this point. Which I love.

My daughter is in kindergarten and we got a talk the 1st day of school about how home work is for the child, not the parent and that the child should not need any help with homework. (reminding to do it, yes, help, no) Needing help in homework is proof that your child is in a class too advanced for them in fact...

My daugher is doing her second year of kindergarten...You should look into your child repeating a grade it M. help him or her to have catch up academically.

I'd say you always help. Of course that depends on the amount of help they need. If they are in capable of doing it on their own and totally dependent on you to get it done, then I'd suggest signing them up for tutoring. I even helped my MIL with her college math classes. But she was able to do it after I helped her and pass her tests (where she was not allowed to miss even one).

The teacher student ratio is so off these days, many kids get left behind.

Your child shouldn't blame you for not helping, if he hasn't asked for help. If he has asked you for help, then he's needing guidance and if you don't know the subject, you need to at least help guide him to some other way to get that help. A tutor? Sit down with him and just figure it out? Ask the teacher for help or assistance? Read up on it together? Visit khanacademy.org? If those don't work then go to the guidance counselor and hash it out and see what other options are available to you (student tutoring or a opening up a free period for a study hall where a teacher can help, dropping a class or switching teachers, etc---it all depends on what the situation is and how it's being handled).
But although I'm not a teacher and I might not love geometry, of course it's my job to help him (or at least get him the help he needs) until he gets to college. I did drop out of physics, so yeah---I can see how I wouldn't know much about it. If there were questions that were too in-depth for me to figure out WITH him (which would be hard for me to imagine---I would be following along and would at least try), then I would instruct him to GET the help he needs by staying after class one day to tell his teacher he would like extra help, or needs extra help. Even my worst, "evil" teacher would have come up with a way to work with a student that took the initiative to ASK for help. But then you, as the parent who is still training him, need to follow up and make sure it gets done. If he needs to stay after school for tutoring or some extra help with the teacher, you need to make sure he's got a way home, or whatever. Our kids need guidance, in some way, forever. Even though I don't need my mom for the daily stuff as a grown woman with 2 children, occasionally I catch myself knowing how to do something I haven't encountered before and thinking "wow---I got that from this lesson mom taught me" or sometimes I'll phone her to ask her opinion on something (or to vent) and she'll toss out a little advice that will at least give me a different way to view the problem.
We want to teach them how to get help when they need it (and to actually seek out that help) before they get to college. Study skills are developed.