At My Whits End Trying to Get My 1 Yr Old to Sleep

I had problems getting my twins to sleep and then I read "Good Night Sleep Tight", cant remember the lady's name but they call her the sleep lady. The book did wonders for me. My kids were keeping me up till at least 11:00 every night, after we did the sleep lady thing, they go to bed between 7 and 8. The book was a huge help. Even if you dont want to buy it, you can poke around on the internet and read about her way of teaching the kids to put themselves to sleep. Good luck!

Dear K.,
I recently went through the same issue. Your daughter seems to be worse for you than your parents. My son learned to manipulate me into guilt and spending too much time with him at bedtime. Routines work. They have to be followed by all people who care for the child and put her to sleep. Children feel comforted by routines. I thought I was destined for horrible evening forever. What my husband and I do is about 6pm is dinner, then bath, then glass of milk and reading books, then bedtime in his crib. We will not deviate from this because it is not worth it. Not for a special ocassion or if I didn't get to see him before bed. My son now doesn't cry at all at bedtime because he knows we will not return to his room until morning. We just recently went through thw whole thing about screaming for an hour or so and then vomiting all over. He pogressively cried less and less at night. I follow a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I highly suggest you read this book. It has been a lifesaver for many people I know. I know how depressing this can be. Good Luck!!
K.

All I can say is a routine has worked wonders for by one year old daughter. She has a bath, then we read a book and then its bed time. She only cries and fusses when she is teething, sick or has an ear infection. I have never let her cry to sleep nor would I ever. I don't believe in it at this age. You might want to try to set up a routine so she knows what is going to happen every night. My daughter hates to get into the bath because she knows bed time is approaching. You also might want to consider making her bedtime later, it is possible that she is not tired. There has been one or 2 nights that we could tell our daughter was not tired at all so we let her stay up 30 minutes longer and she went straight to bed afterwards. At this age my daughter wont allow us to rock her either all she does is try to get out of our arms and go and play, so you need to determine whether she just needs a routine or whether she just isn't tired at the time you trying to put her down. Figure out what works best for your family, it will probably take a few nights so be patient. When my daughter is being fussy because she isn't feeling well instead of rocking her I walk around and carry her and tell her to put her head down. She lisens and this way she can't really kick me or fight to get out of my arms. Trust me it is hard since I am 5 mths pregnant to walk around with her but you do what is best for your children no matter what. Good luck

I TOO USED TO ROCK MY DAUGHTER TO SLEEP. SHE WAS ALSO COLIC. AT ABOUT 12 MONTHS OLD MY DOCTOR TOLD ME IT WAS TIME TO GET HER SLEEPING ON HER OWN(I HAD ANOTHER BABY COMING THE NEXT MONTH). IT ONLY TOOK 3 NIGHTS TO GET HER TO SLEEP ON HER OWN. I WOULD PUT HER IN AND TELL HER IT IS NIGHT NIGHT TIME. OF COURSE SHE WOULD CRY. I WAITED FIVE MINUTES AND THAN WENT BACK IN TO REASSURE HER. SHE STILL CRIED. THAN I WAITED TEN MINUTES AND I WOULD ADD 5 MINUTES TO EACH INTERVAL BEFORE I WENT IN. BELIEVE ME IT IS HARD BECAUSE THEY SCREAM LIKE CRAZY, BUT IN JUST A FEW NIGHTS SHE WAS FINE. I ALSO WENT THROUGH THROWING THE BINKY OUT OF THE CRIB. I WOULD JUST TELL HER IF SHE DID IT AGAIN SHE WOULD HAVE NO BINKY. AT 12 MONTHS THEY UNDERSTAND A WHOLE LOT. ACTUALLY 2 MONTHS AGO SHE WAS CONGESTED AND COULD NOT USE THE BINKY BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT BREATH-I THREW THEM ALL OUT AND SHE HAS NOT LOOKED FOR IT AT ALL.

I am so empathetic to you, I can't tell you. I dont know what I say will help you, but I will tell you what is working for us. I have an 11 month old who has been doing the same thing for a while now. I will begin where it ends. He has now slept 6 nights in a row!!!
Baby had collic and reflux so we held him for the first 4 months of his life (24 hours a day sleeping in recliners with him on our chests). As you can imagine, it was rough trying to get him to sleep in the crib. Once we worked that out other issues, as you know, pop up. About a month ago, when we were sure all other issues had past, we decided to try and get him sleeping throught the night. We made sure we had a calming bedtime routine (bath, low lights, lotions and diaper- he holds a little stuffed animal only brought out at this special for this time- all at the same time every night no matter what). Then I give him a warm bottle and rock him. For a while he would see the rocker and start fussing. I would have his Dad hold him and walk him in the dark room while I waited with the bottle in the rocker. Finally, he would be drooling for the bottle and give in. Putting him down was another story. He would scream and scream and force himself to throw up...really throw up- like you mentioned. I put a towel down every night at the side of the crib to catch it.(I just had the carpet cleaners out for the second time this month). We would run in there and clean him up change the clothes and "walk" him back to calm. Everything I read said to make sure and not make a big deal out of it. No talking, just clean baby up, sheets, etc., kiss him and put him right back down. Sometimes that worked, sometimes not. We tried white noise or soft classical music, and finally decided the white noise worked best. We also finally allowed a floppy stuffed animal in the crib with him. We are keeping his door open so that he can see and hear that he is not alone. We are letting him fuss for 5 minutes then going in and rubbing his back, but NOT picking him up (Very hard for me, so I have my husband do it). Please know that it WILL pass. Baby just doesn't want to be without you nor alone. This is the age for "separation anxiety" to set in. Try and stay positive and soak up the fact that you get some extra time with baby. Soon she will be running the other way. Good luck. Please feel free to email me and ask me questions any time. I am still a work in progress, knowing that any day we can flip back to NO SLEEP. :)

Hi K. -

Bless your heart for taking care of Cadence with such patience while your husband is so far away.

I've read many postings with your specific dilemma, and what I've found is this common theme: parents are too often focused on PUTTING their kids to bed rather than making their kids think that the whole household is going to bed.

Case in point: with my two kids, if I'm up and about at night during their bedtime, they won't go to sleep. This is because they feel that they're missing out on something. My husband usually stays up until 11 p.m., but they don't really care what he's doing...as far as they're concerned, he's doing his own thing, it isn't fun, so why bother checking it out? What they want is their Mommy to be laying with them, reading a book, singing to them, praying with them, and then "falling asleep" with them - in that specific order. All in all, this process takes about 15 - 20 minutes, which is really a small amount of time to invest especially if I want some alone time with my husband or just some time for myself. I actually cherish these times with my kids because I know they won't last forever.

Because you're alone with your daughter, she may be feel a bit unnerved that she's the only one going to sleep at that time...if she feels that the whole house is shutting down, she'll have no choice but to do the same thing.

Keep us posted. Blessings to you and yours.

The book that was referenced in an earlier response is by Kim West (the sleep lady). I do sleep training with infants and I find that most parents give up or play the "pick up the toy/binky/etc. game". If your daughter cries for 10 minutes and you pick her up, she now knows that crying for 10 minutes will get you to come and get her. We recommend a bedtime ritual, something you do every night (this will also include your parents following this same routine). The sleep lady's book is quite good, but be sure to follow the directions to the letter. Once committed to a plan, stick to it. Once you give in, you'll find you may have set back to the beginning or a least a couple of days. Vomiting won't hurt her (although I know it torments parents).
For your earlier problems, I would have recommended "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. He has a website and there are trainers all over the place. He also wrote a book called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and that may assist you as well.
Good luck in your endeavors. It must be rough trying to be a mom and fill in for dad while he's away. Hang in there.

I found that around the time my children figured out how to walk they suddenly didn't want to sleep. It lasted about 1 month before the novelty of their fun, new activity wore off.

I also found that with my son that he needed a warning system because he had a VERY hard time transitioning from one thing to the next (i.e. playtime to bathtime, playtime to storytime, etc.). I let him know about 30 minutes prior to any activity that the next one was coming. Then again w/ 10 minutes left and then again w/ 5 minutes left.

Also you may want to hold on her your lap in the rocking chair and read a book or two to her then transition straight from rocking & reading to rocking & snuggling.

Also - you didn't indicate, but did you move her to her own bedroom? If so, maybe she is having anxiety over being alone at night. Would it be possible to put her crib in your room?

Hi K.-
First of all I am very sorry you are going through this. I work for a program called Parents as Teachers in Tampa. We only service Hillsborough County but our primary focus is child development. One of my co-workers, Alex Boyer, teaches RIE classes at Baby Bungalow but is also an expert in dealing with sleep issues. I strongly recommend that you give her a call at ###-###-#### ext 297. Best of luck to you!
G.

Hi K.,
Ask your pediatrician about Melatonin to see if it's right for you. It saved my life! I have a 4 year old that doesn't sleep well. She is on the Autism spectrum and I just found out about Melatonin. I couldn't get my daughter to go to sleep, even trying all the tricks. I have 4 daughters, but this is my first with a sleeping problem. I was at my witts end also, my daughter would not go to sleep until 3 or 4 am even after being up all day with no nap. I work full time and this was killing me. Then I discovered Melatonin (through someone on mamasource who I would love to thank!!) You can buy it at GNC. They have chewable, cherry flavored pills. No prescription needed because it is a natural hormone. I give it to her every night at the same time and from 15 minutes to 1 hour she is asleep. It has improved her life as well. She is doing better in preschool and at home with her behavior and learning abitlies. Check out this link. http://www.autism.org/melatonin.html There are many others as well. Check them all and talk to your dr. This might be your dream come true. Some normalcy back in your life.

good luck!
J.

I feel your pain. My hubby is also working out of town (not military), and our daughter Kaitlyn also had colic. What time are you trying to lay her down? I've found that often, if I try to rock her too early, she'll fight me. Katie rubs her eyes and starts to get fussy when she's tired, but that doesn't always mean she's ready for bed. Sometimes I have to just distract her for another 1/2hr till she's too tired to fight it anymore. I don't know what Cadence likes to do most, buy Katie likes to go outside. Because we're on daylight savings time right now, I'll take her outside to look at our gardens at this time of the evening (usually around 6:30p), until she's really too tired to fight sleep anymore. Then, lately around 7p, she'll get tired, and I'll give her a bottle, brush her gums with the finger brush, then start rocking her. She still fights sometimes, but mostly she'll go down without much of a fight. I've also found that as she gets older (she's 8mos now), she wants to fall asleep in different positions. Last night it was reclining on me, her back to my front. And, she's also sleeping a bit less per night than she was - 10hrs as opposed to 12-13 hrs. With Cadence, it could even be teething. Try those Hyland's teething tablets. They really seem to help Katie - she falls to sleep after having them (I guess they ease the pain so she can rest like the bottle says). Good luck!