1 Year Old Fights Sleep

We did the same thing that Michelle did - the 5 - then 10 -then 15 minutes and so on. It was really hard, but it worked. That way they know you are still there, but you are controlling the situation, not vice versa. Now my daughter is 3 1/2 and when we put her in her bed even if she's not tired, she'll lay there quietly and play with her stuffed animals and eventually fall asleep on her own. So there is hope, it'll come if you keep consistent. Good Luck!

J.,
I feel for you. My situation has been similar with my 1 year old son. I would suggest reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" it has great info. and suggestions and helped us a lot!!! Good Luck!

I don't really have anything new to add, just to give you my support and say I feel for you. My son has fought sleep from the minute he was born, and still does. As a newborn he would sleep nowhere but his swing, and at four months I finally put him in his crib because the swing stopped working. I rocked him to sleep for months, and then he got to the point that I'd lay him down and 10 min. later he'd be up screaming. After a week or so of this, I finally got sick of it and just let him cry. The first night he cryed for an hour or more, the second night about 20 min. and the third maybe 5 min. and then he talked to himself and went to sleep. After that he usually did fine, but he still hates going to sleep and he's 3 now. I still have to sit by him at naptime some days, and there are nights that he gets out of bed over and over till I threaten to put the gate up so he can't get out of his room, but most nights now he will go to bed fine. (with just a little complaining.) My advice would be to just be consistent and stick it out, it will get better. I would say, though, that I would definitely advise against going to her when she's crying, even if you have to go watch tv loud or something, because in my experience every time I would go to comfort them they would just take longer to settle down. I think listening to your kids crying without trying to help them is the hardest thing you have to do as a mom sometimes, but it will be the best thing you can do for both of you in the long run. It's amazing how fast they adjust once they know you aren't going to give in. Good luck!
P.S. I now have a daughter also who spent her first month napping and slept 4 hours in her bed the 1st night home. Now I just lay her in her bed and she goes right to sleep at nap and bedtimes. I have been amazed at how easy she is, so if you decide to have more, have hope, they don't all fight it!

I feel for you. My oldest was 2 months premature and was in the hospital a month before we took him home. During that month the nurses woke him up every 3 hrs no matter what to feed him, change him, weigh him, ect. I had the hardest time getting him to sleep at night. I remember sitting outside his door crying because he wouldn't go to sleep. We let him cry it out, (10 min. and then pat his back without picking him up) and eventually it worked. And as he got older, we allowed him to read or play quietly until he fell asleep, he just had to stay in his room. He is 8 now and still asks for his "5 munites of reading." I know it is tough, but I suggest staying consistant and letting her cry it out. This too will pass.

My daughter did the same thing. We tried getting her to put herself to sleep at about 13 months because we were expecting our second child. It was hard at first, but I just had to make sure she was tired enough. We did our routine and we rock and sing with the lights out. When I feel she is relaxed I put her in her crib. At first she cried and cried. So, I left the room without saying anything and let her cry for 5 minutes. Then I went back into her room, didn't pick her up, but talked to her for a second to soothe her and gave her her pacifier (we have since taken it away) and her blankets and lay her back down. Then I go out and wait 10 minutes. Then 15, so on and so forth. I've never had her cry through the 15 minutes. But if you are going to let her cry, the most important thing to do is go in there to soothe her.....DO NOT pick her up, that's what she wants, but she still needs to know you will check on her if she is crying. Now my daughter is 19 months and every once in a while we go through it again, but for the most part she does it on her own. Oh, and stay consistant!! I am a big believer in the fact that kids need a schedule and routine. Make sure she is eating dinner, getting her bath and other nightly routine things at about the same time. And now we kinda make it a game too. I'll say, "Let's go read Dora, tell Daddy night-night." So, it's not really an option, she knows it's time for bed then. It'll work out! Just stick with it, and remember, you are her mom, you know what is best for her! Best of luck!

Hi J.

My son is still the same way and he is 20 months old. He would be on his schedule then boom he was off. He would start acting different. Anyways long story short, I would end up taking him to the doctor and he would always have an ear infection. He had no signs of having one either. So you may call your ped and discuss it with him/her if your daughter's behavior has changed.

It's a phase that some kids go through at this age. You could try bumping her bed time back half an hour or waking her up half an hour earlier from her late nap. Plus you could switch to the Bed Time bath products with soothing chamomille and lavendar.

We would keep our boys that extra half an hour then instead of just sitting there for however long it takes to rock them to sleep we would read. Most of the time they would be out after 20 minutes.

This is the time you need to start reading at least 20 minutes every night. If you want to make it all about going to bed, then there are some fantastic books out there. Plus you don't have to be in the rocking chair. Sometimes my hubby and the youngest one are sprawled out on the rug. I've seen both of the younger boys fall asleep that way.

The main thing is to make sure there isn't any extra noise keying her up. Like if your husband likes to play video games in the next room with the sound turned all the way up then she's not going to relax.

Also it is important that she learn to soothe herself so you may have to sit in her room each night until she finally sleeps. Sit where she can see you but only half your face and cannot reach you. Be still and quiet avoiding eye contact and responding to her screams. Each night you move a little farther away until you're sitting out in the hall way then you either shut her door a little more each night or progress down the hallway.

Take care and rest well soon

I had the same problem with my son when I was breastfeeding him and it was hard. You are doing the right thing. I tell you what I did to brake him the habit of sleeping with his dad and i we would play with him in the crib and we would put a piece of clothing that had our sent on the clothing usaully it was a t-shirt that had our scent on it and we would lay him down in the crib and put the shirt in with him and he would play with it and we would walk away and check on him about five minutes later and he would be holding onto the shirt but, he would be asleep. Later he grew out of sleeping with our t-shirts and started sleeping by himself without any help. Try my method and see if it works and let me know if it did. It took about a week for it too work. Don't give into the baby then she will know that you have gave into her show her who the boss is.

J.,

Looks like you've got lots of advice, but I just thought I'd offer up a little encouragement! My daughter always slept well at nights (after we did the cry it out method), but naps were still a huge problem!!! I eventually (right before a year) had to just let her cry those out too. I expected that it would take a few days, but it ended up taking like SIX WEEKS!!! Ugh...what a nightmare. But, I can happily say now that she goes down without a peep and sleeps 2 times a day for 1 1/2 hours. And, she sleeps 12 hours at night.

It was a nightmare to do, but I am SO much less exhausted now, and we enjoy each other so much more. Hope it works out well for you!

C.
PS...If she cried for an hour, I would count that nap as a loss and go get her. Just fyi.

I might have a different perspective being an attachment parent who doesn't belive in cry it out at all. My 19 month old, because of our living condition at the time, was used to falling asleep with me and then being put in the crib. We started out breastfeeding, and then I had surgery and had to stop because my milk dried up. I was kind of afraid he'd never go to sleep alone because of it, but I won't use any sort of cry it out type of method even if it meant he'd be in bed with me until he was sixteen. I've used attachment methods since he was born, though, and they have worked find for us. As soon as we moved, and he got his own room, he started sleeping on his own and staying asleep, and this was at about 15 months or so. She will sleep on her own, trust me. Most kids that sleep with their parents quit before they're two, just like mine. I'd say let her fall asleep and put her in her crib. Just takes a few minutes and gives her a sense of security and comfort. Just my opinion there! Good luck.

What you are doing is just fine. She has to learn how to go to sleep on her own. I know it is h*** o* you but as soon as she gets a reaction out of you, she is getting exactly what she wants. Try putting a cd player in her room with some music, something calming. They make soothing baby cd's. She will be asleep before the cd is over and it will calm her down. Once she realizes you are not coming back she will just give up. As long as she is safe and can't get out of her crib she will be fine.

Maybe she's teething. If not, then she's spoiled to you being there, rocking and just sitting there. Put her to bed and leave her alone. I Lnow it's hard to listen to them cry, but she has to learn you are not going to keep running to her trying to get her to sleep. Put a few toys in her bed, soft ones and leave her alone

In all honesty, I think that its really just a stage that they go through. Personally I don't have a problem (anymore) with my son going down for naps or at night. Our problem is that on occasions he'll wake up like at 4am and end up in bed with us...normally when he's cutting a new tooth.
At 8 months my son was still using his swing to go to sleep and actually slept there most of the night so that we could sleep. We took the swing away and did the cry it out thing, took us 4 nights of screaming and crying until he went down whimpered for less than 2 minutes and he's been doing great since.
Just keep being consistent and DON'T give in. She'll soon learn that her screaming and crying fits won't get her anywhere and she'll soon lay down and go to sleep.
My son's bedtime routine is a sippy of milk about an hour before bed (sometimes he gets a small snack with it..sometimes not), play a bit, brush his teeth, brush teeth, read book, then off to bed.
Have you tried putting a small stuffed animal in with her? That might help.
I hope your able to find something that works soon.

I had the same issue with my son. Once we took his binky away he would not go off to sleep as before. I found myself falling asleep in his floor more nights than I liked and it was a strain on my husband and I relationship because we were not getting our "us" time. I asked for opinions and got the standard let him cry (this would not work because he would get out of bed) and give him cold medicine. I did not want to drug my kid just to get him to go to sleep. I approached his doctor who told us to go to a health store and purchase melatonin in the 1mg tablets. (Melatonin is a natural chemical in the brain that calms your body naturally) Cut the tablet in half and give him a 1/2mg tablet about 30 minutes before you want them to go to bed. IT WORKED WONDERFULLY! It does not knock him out. It just settles him down. I usually give it to him around 8-815 and then give him his bath. By the time we are done he is ready to snuggle for about 10 minutes and then I put him in bed. We did this for a month to get him on a routine. After two weeks I cut the pills in half again only giving him 1/4mg and then quit all together. I do keep some on hand so when he gets off his routine I can help get him back on it. As always I would consult your doctor, but it worked so well for us. You do have to go to a health food store though. Wal-Mart does carry melatonin, but only in 3mg pills for adults. I found ours at GNC and they are cherry flavored so the he can chew them. The first ones I had tasted horrible and I had to crush them up and mix them with a little peanut butter. I hope that this helps some what and good luck.

Most mom's would probably disagree with me, but I am still going to tell you what we did and you can take it or leave it. I tried the stay in the room with my daughter too, and it just played right in to her "stay up as long as I can" game. In the end it just made things more difficult because she was happy as long as I was in there. So I just skipped that whole routine. We had our regular routine she went through, but when it was time to go to bed, we only went to her room to change her diaper, put on pajamas, and then it was bed time. We told her we loved her and gave her kisses, and put her in her crib to cry it out. At first I would go back in there after about 15 minutes, but only to make sure she didn't throw her blankets out, but again that just made things worse. So I quit going back at all until she was asleep. Did I feel awful? Yes. Did she cry? Yes. Did she get over it? Yes. Now most of the time we do this (it took about 1-2 weeks to get this routine down) she knows it is bed time and the most she protests is about 30 seconds. I always make sure she is covered after I know she is asleep but never while she is awake. She went through a stage of waking up in the middle of the night too and I went in to check on her and regretted it. For two weeks she expected me to come every time she woke up so I had to quit going (as long as I knew nothing was really wrong) Now if she wakes up she puts herself back to sleep within a few minutes. Again I just check after she goes to sleep to make sure she is covered. By the way I have heard through my parents magazine this is a phase babies go through after having a good normal bedtime routine. They are learning their limits. Good luck and good sleeping.

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Hi J.,
Sounds like my daughter! We had the same arrangement - nursing and in bed until around 6 months, then the crib, and crying forever if you didnt rock her to sleep, etc. It was very exhausting until we let her cry it out. And it took a while too! All the educational books in the world cannot tell you how to put my child to sleep without a fight every night! She is now 3, and still about 25% of the time has her fits at night. We pretty much started a routine from the beginning - bath, small snack, books for 3 songs of her favorite music cd, potty 1 more time, then goodnight. We do this every single night. She tries to get away with more with the "I need a drink, my covers aren't right", and she could go on forever if you let her! But we say goodnight and leave - door closed. She used to throw a fit and scream for about 20 minutes (when she was around 2 years), but now we put a lot of books in her room, and she entertains herself for a little bit and them goes to sleep. Hey, whatever works - plus its hilarious to hear her screaming Old McDonald at the top of her lungs as opposed to just screaming in general! Anyway, you are doing fine, is my point. My daughter is just one of those kids that had to find her own way of settling down, and no matter what I did or tried, it didn't really matter - she was going to do it her way! And I guess if your daughter is any way the same it will be a good thing later in life! Hope that helps a little!
R.

J.-

I come from a long line of sleep fighters - I did it, most of my cousins did it, my son did it - - you get the idea. I don't have a magic trick for you, but I can give you the reason my grandmother always gave me - - Everyone in my family is extremely intelligent, and my grandmother always swore that we fought sleep because we knew there was still something going on and didn't want to miss it. I know my cousin had to sleep in a totally dark, totally soundproofed room. The rest of us learned to go to sleep the hard way - we too just cried it out. I can tell you that, while you feel terrible doing it, as long as she is not having any underlying causes (night terrors, illness, monsters etc.) letting her cry will not hurt her. When I cried because my son was crying (don't we all do that? And feel like a horrible parent because we aren't rushing to fix the cause?) my grandmother always told me I was accomplishing two things - letting my son develop his lungs (must have worked - that boy can SCREAM!) and letting him figure out how to comfort himself. I know I didn't give you a cure, but I hope I gave a little comfort.