Are We Asking Too Much of Our 6 Yr Old???

I may be in the minority here, but at this age the most important thing should be - is she learning to LOVE learning?! It doesn't sound like it. Whether it's too much pressure, expecting too much, whatever, I think you are running the risk of really turning her against school long-term. If school is a source of frustration and even a source of discipline at home, she is being set up for school to be a negative. She may even have quit because she feels she can't be "good enough" anyway, so why try?

School should be a joy, especially at age 6, full of wonder and excitement. Learning should be fun - yes, it's hard work at times, but usually it should be fun! A D for the day?! Ugh, what a negative impression she must be getting of school and if you are also "working with her at home" she is learning that school means work and homework, not learning and exploring new things and new ideas.

She has 12 more years to sit at a school desk... I'd be very careful about how she is encouraged to view school and learning. I don't mean to suggest that a 6 yr old shouldn't be expected to try her best or that she should be only playing, not learning.

Last year, I sent my daughter to a very "academic" pre-school and could see how it wasn't fun or joyful. I changed to a completely different school with a much more play-based program. I now have a child who at 4 1/2 is reading on a 2nd grade level simply because she LOVES to read. We never "worked" with her at home, we just read a lot and try to make learning fun. Now my son will probably not be an early reader like she is - he's just a different kid, but my main goal is to foster a love for learning.

I try to relax and back off and let them learn at their own pace. It's hard to do sometimes - we want our kids to know facts, know math, etc... I try to remember that kids are learning SO many things at school besides measurable academics. A child who loves to learn will fare much better than a smart child who is pushed or forced to learn. Just my two cents! :)

I don't know that I would have disciplined her. I think just asking her why she didn't finish them & her saying she didn't know was okay for her age. Instead of punishing, I might just say "You really need to try to do your work, did you not know the answers?" If she says no, I would try to work with her some until she no longer seems interested. Then do it again another day. Try to make it fun! You know your daughter, if it's just defiance or if she is just truly feeling overwhelmed. I have a 6 year old who is pretty good in school. I can usually tell when he is having difficulty or just playing games to get out of work, by talking to him using specifics about what the problem might be.

As a teacher, I think it is important to encourage all children to try their best at whatever they do. Sometimes at this age it is difficult for kids to put into words why they did or didn't do something, or maybe she's just too embarassed to tell you. Maybe she was tired or just having an off day. I know I have those sometimes. I think you did the right thing. It is important for her to know your expectations regarding her school performance. If parents expect their kids to perform well in school and are involved, those kids do so much better. Kudos to you! Keep giving her lots of positive reinforcement for the work she does, and let her know that you are there for her to support her and help her succeed. That's what she really needs to hear. Also, keep your eyes open for anything else that might be going on. Good luck!

Is your daughter in Kindergarten or 1st grade? If she is in 1st grade, then one of the benchmarks to pass 1st grade is to be able to do 30 addition facts for sums through 18 in 3 minutes and 30 subtraction facts through minuends of 9 or less in 5 minutes. My daughter is 6 1/2 and in 1st grade. Her teacher gives these tests quite often to help the kids perform well during a timed test. Maybe you should talk to her teacher to see if she is struggling in any other areas. If she isn't then you just may need to set aside some time at home to practice these with her so she is up to speed at school.

I think the schools are pushing the kids harder also. My daughter is in 2nd grade (public school) and just turned 8 yrs old. She has 10 pages of math, 24 pg book to read and 20 spelling words, plus speech homework (tues/thurs) to do a night. Usually during break they give her books to read. We got math books from the store to work w/her during time off (breaks), not exactly what you may want to do after working all day, but it does help. F/T mom, wife, and work outside the home along w/husband. Good luck.

Is this a pattern of behavior, or is it something new?

My daughter is 8, and in the second grade. She did not pass first grade the first time. She did fine the second time. Now, though her class behavior is fine, she is struggling again. We, her parents, met with the second grade teacher as we knew via a report card something was going on again, and she was struggling with the home work packet this year. We've also noticed that she has the material "in her head" but it fails to come down through her arm onto her paper if it has anything to do with reading or spelling. Mentally, she is a math whiz and great at science. Her teacher told us she reads on the level of someone entering first grade. Her teacher says she loves school. I've a cousin with dyslexia and my husband's aunt has it. Something does seem to be happening, perhaps a learning block or learning disability. I suspect she might be slightly dyslexic as there are different levels of that.

We've begun to investigate this with her doctor and the school. She might be wired a little differently in her learning style. It might be something for you to consider doing.

~D.

yes, children who are pushed too early to read and solve math problems have a tendency to get burnt out later and just sort of check out and become less than interested in learning. We can help them along by not pushing them too soon. I'm a little surprised her teacher doesn't know this.

My best answer is to look at it realistically. No, you are not asking too much of her. She is in a classroom that is geared for her age group. I would assume that the other students completed their test. If she does not know the answers, that is one thing, but she has to at least try. It is never OK to give-up. Just give her encouragement and let her know it's OK if she doesn't know, but she still needs to try.

You might want to ask if the curriculum is developmentally appropriate. It sounds a bit much to me to expect all six years olds to add up numbers. You say "simple" but the concepts that have to be developed to really "do" math rather than rote memorization are not so simple...they are complex. Was there any easygoing review before this pop quiz/test?
I and others have noticed that Kindergarten has become the "new first grade" even in public schools and I wonder what wisdom there is in this. Not all developed nations push this hard this soon. And they still get kids that graduate sooner with fewer learning handicaps. (See controversy over developmental versus academic emphasis in Kindergarten and pre school)
Your daughter may not be able or comfortable with expressing her emotions or analyzing the reasons for her actions. I am not sure asking her why she gave up or refused to try will get anywhere fast.
You mentioned disciplining her. I do not know what that entailed, but if she had given up because she felt at that moment the task was impossible, she was then punished for not writing "something." Maybe she would really rather know the answer is correct or something she feels she understands rather than just putting something on the paper.
Unfortunately this sounds like a recipe for making a child who does not value quality work or their own comfort or understanding of a subject. It helps make the "Just turn in however many pages of writing the teacher wants and you'll pass" attitude. Meet the requirement but with a broken spirit.
I would rather have a child challenged at their own pace rather than a pre-set class or grade level expectation, which is why I am considering home schooling. I am understanding it produces results even superior to private schooling.

I am wondering what sort of discipline you feel is appropriate for not being interested in school? Making a subject fun helps it be interesting. Showing uses for the subject in everyday life help it to have relevance. But punishing for lack of performance is unlikely to have a positive result. And getting a "D" for the day when she is in kindergarten or first grade is plain ridiculous. At that age school needs to be fun and games for the most part and a good teacher can incorporate learning into that format. Christian-based academics are less often a good influence on kids than traditional non-religious education - leading to a lot more rebellion. Christians require people to believe things just because they have been told to - usually offering no evidence or support as to why. The natural reaction to this is to question things. When that sort of attitude toward teaching floods from bible class to math or science class (when Christian academics even include real science) kids are not going to be able to relate them to reality. The bible should not be taken literally - nor should it be believed simply because someone has said you should. People need to come to Christ in their own way for it to be truly an experience for their souls - otherwise it's just play acting. Forcing or pushing religion on anyone is - in my opinion - a sin. And from what I can tell, Christian schools do exactly that. Find a good public, or private, or charter, non-religious, school that uses positive reinforcement and real life as tools for teaching. Teach her to live in this world, not just to prepare her soul for the next one.

I was a teacher for 13 years and I have two children of my own. The comment you made about the school "pushing her to try hard" concerns me. If a child is "pushed" unwillingly, then they will rebel. The goal in the primary grades is academics, but it is also to instill a love for learning. If children are puched beyond their capabilities, then they will begin to dislike school. I suggest sitting in on the class and observing the way the teacher motivates them. She should be using positive reinforcement, not forcing children to stay in at recess and finish an assignment and it should be work that is grade level friendly. If it is a private school, the teachers don't have to be credentialed to teach there. There is a reason why we teachers go to college and get a degree to teach where we learn how to motivate students and how to teach. If you see some things that you question in the classroom, talk to the teacher about your concerns and they can make adjustments in the classroom.

I think the D for the day is ridiculous, personally. It is just kindergarten! She should be encouraged to always try her best. Punishment seems excessive. That's just my opinion. Consider that this was a one time thing, after a Christmas break.
If it were a weekly occurance, than I might be more concerned.

It sounds to me if there is something else going on. Maybe she doesn't really understand her work. Maybe she doesn't like her teacher (we all remember that certain teacher). My 5 yr old says "I don't know" when she is afraid to tell me the REAL reason. My daughter is in Montessori (which is a totally different concept of teaching), but I have found the more I push my daughter to learn or do anything, the more she doesn't want to do it. It seems they turn into teenagers so early ; ) But I think telling or even conveying the message to a 6 yr old that they got a "D" is starting them early on low self-esteem. If it were me, I would ease off disciplining her for it, but talk to her about school. Maybe find some games you can play that help her with certain subjects she may be having difficulty with. Flash cards while she's in the bath tub?! "Learning is Fun" is a whole store on that type of stuff. GOOD LUCK!

The whole "D for the day thing" sounds a bit harsh. I have a 7 year old and being tested on a concept after a 3 day weekend with no review does not sound right. I would give her some room and see if there's something that might be bothering her or if she's having a hard time learning the concept. Pushing kids at this age academically can backfire in a hurry ( I learned this with my oldest daughter) I would hold off on discipline at this point and see what else may be going on with her. Good luck!

You are absolutely NOT asking too much of your daughter. Age has nothing to do with it - she's in school so she must not only obey her teacher, but participate in the work assigned to her. She may not "pick and choose" what she wants to work on. You did the right thing disciplining her and make sure she knows that she is to NEVER do that again. I work in a jr. high school where many parents don't hold their kids accountable for their homework, so they often "choose" what they want to work on and ignore the rest, and they don't care that they are failing. Don't let your daughter end up this way by allowing her to be the decision-maker when it comes to school work. All school work gets done all the time, period.