Any Other Parents Going Through Behavior Issues

Unfortunately, YES, I have gone through this behavior with my third child (a boy. Anger began between the ages 3-6. They say girls and terrible two's are tougher but I beg to differ. By age 6, I even considered bootcamp. For me the changes were not easy (I/we)had to change). After a discussion with the Dr., I and all caregivers had to be tough with him. No meant NO! No matter what his actions were (biting, hitting, kicking, screaming, even spitting) we kept at it. It was so hard to teach him that to get good he needed to behave good. He at one time lost all toys, games, and favorite items. We didn't expect perfection, just some control. He knew who to manipulate and it took about 2mo.,(approx)with much control over Dad since we did not agree on all dicipline areas. With Dad in agreement on "house rules" at that time, our son had to work on good behavior to earn back favorite items, TV or outings. He slipped and even with running away threats, many times during those weeks (even years) he lost all items again. It has taken a lot of strict will power and consistency. Still today at age 16, he has consequences for his actions and will make unsavory choices at times. With a Dad and Mom no longer together it has been harder. He has figured a way around things, but over the years has become more calm, less agressive, and has learned to reason more. He's come a long way and so have we. We never were strict parents so this was tough especially with 2 easy going girls. Stick with it. Good luck. Don't give up!!

N.,
I totally sympathize with you. I am a mom of 3 boys 7months,4yrs and now 6. My oldest never acted up (for the most part) until age 5. He also started Kindergarten then. I believe some of his behavior stemmed from that shift of lifestyle. In Kindergarten he now could make choices and as my girlfriend explained to me (she is a Junior high teacher by trade and mom of 3children also) they really test their boundaries also to make sure they still have them. They NEED rules and to know that part of their life hasn't changed. He also struggled and still somewhat does with controling his emotions. He has lost Privilages, things he loves (Legos, computer, playdates cancelled, beach day cancelled loss of bedtime toy and even T.V.) I have returned toys to stores or mostly donated them to charity. I recently heard a Dr. I work with speak about his partner a child psychologist explain rewards programs for helping children be more "aware" of their behavior... ie... he would start out the day with so many pretend coins ( in a jar on counter) and for every bad behavior 1 is removed. However in order for him to say watch T.V. he would need to still have a certain amount in the jar. Same would go for maybe a "special snack" or playdate or computer. You could have a chart on wall as visual to show him how many coins he needs to be allowed to do these activities. You can do the same idea with rewards instead.. just use the coins in reverse. He would need to earn them with good behavior. It sounded good to me and I have put that one in my back pocket for now but glad to have it as option. I truely wish you the best of Luck!.... Stay strong and stay the coarse!.... He will ALWAYS LOVE YOU no matter how "ugly" the situation gets. Honestly I've seen some of my son's best maturity come out after I've stuck to my guns and it calms down and we talk it out. It's hard but the reward is priceless on so many levels!

I have a 5-year old daughter and we have gone through a period in which she loses control of her emotions as your son has started to do. Most of the time she is really good, so when she gets so angry and loses control, it's a shock to me - and I think it's a little scary for her too. We have had to revoke privileges due to such tantrums, and we've explained to her, once she has cooled down, that the reason she lost the privilege is because she lost control of her anger and did things that she regrets, that is, things that she wishes she didn't do, things that she knows are wrong. We also have tried to acknowledge her anger and explain why things can't go her way. What has worked best is to pay attention to the things that set her off and, if I see she is starting to reach the boiling point, I will say to her, "Don't do or say anything you will regret." Then I enumerate the more constructive ways she can deal with her anger, which usually is for her to go to her room and get herself under control by reading or laying on her bed. I think this approach has worked for us. Good luck with your little guy!

We're going through the same issues with our 3 year-old. He is constantly hitting his 11 month-old brother, us, and other children at school. My husband and I are at our wits end. Nothing works with him. I guess I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. We're looking for suggestions too.