Anger Advice

It sounds like there is more than she is telling you. It may be that she has an underlying issue that is causing her a huge amount of stress in her life and she is not dealing with it well on her own. She has a more personal issue that she is not sharing that is causing her to take her frustration out in yelling. Stress takes a toll on you and especially if you have young children it doubles with out warning. She needs to work out her underlying issue and ask for help. Perhaps scheduled "mommy time" might help her to unwind a little too. She is taking the first step in asking you for help, so do what you can to help even if that is just listen when she needs to talk.
Good Luck

Meditation, Yoga, music/dancing,walking any kind of excersise helps me. Most of all I have to have my alone time.

Seriously, she NEEDS to talk to her doctor. If it's a big enough problem that she confided in you, then she needs to step out of denial and see her doc. It's really unfair of her to dump this on you with the caveat: no doc.
Hope she does! Good luck!

Can anyone take the 4 year old for a couple days, Give mom and him a break?

First of all I'd tell her to not be embarassed!! Not sure how many kids she has and if she works or stays home, but I bet all of us moms can remember times where we were overwhelmed and stressed and may have taken it out on our families. She needs to sit and try to sort out what may be stressing her out. Does she get anytime out to herself or just with her husband? Is she overwhelmed by the kids and house and is she getting any help? There could be so many factors at play here and she needs to figure out what could be at the root of all of this, then try to work on it.
You can let her know that you are here for her and that she can talk to you when she needs to, AND that she's not alone. MANY MANY of us have been there. I've been going through this myself, and I am seeing my Dr. about it who is very supportive. She needs to realize that happy mom, means happy home. And she should never be embarassed to ask for help and to do what she needs to be healthy and happy. Best of luck to her!

There is a book by Julie Barnhill called "She's Gonna Blow" which has great advice and exercises on how to cope with anger. I have the same problem and was recently put on TWO medications to help with my anger/depression - which is what it sounds like she has. As much as she doesn't want to see a doctor, it sounds like she really really needs to.

ok, it sounds like she wants a miracle. If she has an imbalance somewhere (chemically) she needs help to deal with that (meds). She needs to talk with someone.

Things to try in the mean time; Is daddy in the picture? She needs to find a hobby that is Mommy time every day to calm down. Drawing, Scrapbooking, writing, reading what ever.

If no daddy, she can ask friends for playdates to have 1 hour to herself to unwind. But if nap time, and 1 hour is not enough to loosen up a little, then there is more going on and she needs a DOCTOR.

If she feels bad for her behavior then she does not really believe it is bad if she is not willing to do anything to stop it.

we all get overwhelmed yes; however, we all can work thru it with time.

I had similar anger outbursts when my girls were small. I am now a grandmother and a therapist. The best thing I did was see a counselor to get to the source of the anger. I did have PMS and hormone treatment helped, but then the anger came anytime, not just premenstrually. In counseling I learned what was pushing the anger, both the overwhelm of my life at the time and the old negative self talk that I used on myself since childhood. I learned about the feelings of sadness, fear, and regret that were pushing the anger into action. Medication is not necessary. Having someone to talk to who can guide you back to your true self is life changing for you and your children. An old book by John Gray, "What You Feel You Can Heal," is simple and great for understanding our feelings. Feel free to congtact me if you want. ____@____.com

I was going through the same thing for a long time. I started tracking it and found out it is related to my period. My PMS has gotten extremely worse over the years. I know how horrible she feels and it's no way to live. A couple things that worked for me, running. I became a runner about 2 yrs ago, not because of that, just something I wanted to do. It made me feel so much better mentally. Recently it was getting pretty bad though and I went on a low-dose anti-depressant. For a long time I didn't want to do that, because I just didn't think it was something that "I" needed. Turns out it is great! I feel so much better and am not angry all the time and the anxiety is mostly gone too! She can try vitamins. I tried that, never worked for me. Everything I could find on Google searches I tried, but the anti-depressant works the best. Sarafem is the name of it. Worth a try!

I can't imagine why she wouldn't want to see a doctor. It could be a hormonal issue. I know since I've gotten older, I get extremely moody and angry the week before my period. I'm completely not myself. If medication is the answer then why not? Talk to her about going to her doctor and being open to whatever will help.

I don't want to minimize how she feels but since you know her well do you think she is depressed or is she just feeling the pressure and guilt that can come with being a mom?

I know I have gone through spells that can last a month or two that i feel I am also angry with my children and screaming at them. Then I beat myself up because I feel so guilty and I feel like I am the worlds worst mom.

What helped me was a moms group that I joined that meets monthly. We have speakers who talk about all the issues we can have as moms. It is held at a local church, we have coffee, a speaker and time to discuss things with other moms. It is nice because the speakers are authors, doctors, etc. Does your area offer anything like that?

As far as a book goes there is an authtor by the name of Julie Barnhill (who was our speaker a few weeks ago) who is wonderful. The book "Motherhood: The Guilt that Keeps on Giving" is one of many that I can recommend.

Good luck to you and your friend.

Is she taking time for herself, even a walk without the responsibilities of doing anything other than taking a walk. What in the past few years has she given up that used to bring her heart to a happier place, she needs to try to do those things again. She should not drink as this will add to depression values. Has she gained weight, if so she may have a thyroid issue and if it is off it can affect mood. Is she in financial difficulty, she may have to do a budget sit down and get things back in control. Has there been a job loss or income decrease as this will add stress. Also why doesn't she go to her doctor, not for depression meds but for an annual exam, have her request things like a general health draw including testing for thyroid, blood sugar. Include blood pressure check. All of these can cause mood problems. She also needs to make sure that she has a few friends that she can blow off steam with, even if it is talking while kids are playing on playground equipment, sometimes you just need to chat and let go of stuff that had been hitting you. She may need to learn how to do self time outs and remove herself from the situation, go to her room and sit and read a couple pages of a book or do a few yoga poses, then she can address the situation in a calmer method. Good luck to you and your friend.

Sounds like she is dealing with depression. It's not only feeling sad all the time. A very common symptom of depresison is anger about everything, or in situations where most people wouldn't be angry. Urge her to see her MD right away - they can start her on a SSRI type drug that will bring her serotonin levels to a more normal place. It helps people deal with these emotional extremes - which is typical of depression.

She needs to run - not walk - to the doctor and tell him/her about this. She should do this for her child if not for herself. People have all these preconcieved ideas that antidepressents are for weak people, or "someone else" - but they are a miracl drug on the same level of insulin, antibitoics, etc. My MIL suffered from depression all of my husband's life - she did not know how to deal with her extreme emotions and myhusbnd suffered for it and it only now, at age 43 beginning to really recognize and deal with the effects.

Give her facts about depression such as: depression affects millions of people, it's usually NOT permanent, medication can often jump-start a person's body into producing serotonin & the body takes over, depression is not just sadness, it includes extreme emotions, disproportionate responses, inability to enjoy things that you used to enjoy, changes in sleep (needing much more or much less) changes in eating/weight, etc.

If she really loves her child she will do what her child needs her to do. If she was a diabetic, or if she had strep throat or cancer, wouldn't she take medicine and do what she needed to do to get better?

Finally - wholistic approaches: fish oil, exercise and prayer.

If she is feeling angry or sad all the time, and doesn't know how to be normal anymore, then she needs to get psychological help. Talk therapy and/or cognitive behavior therapy can give her new means of expressing her feelings less destructive and get to the bottom of why she feels this way.
Parenting classes might not be amiss, too--after all, no one gave a manual for this little (or big) kids.

Also, please reassure her that everyone yells at their kids (not that that is an excuse, but that she is not alone).

Exercise can help, as can tai chi; I like it better than yoga or meditation, but those also work for some people as well (depends on the person I think), or, if she is devote in a particular religion, pray and prayerful mediation can help.

But I really think, based on the words you used, that exercise and mediation/prayer/tai chi/yoga are not going to be enough, and that psychological therapy would really really help her.

I recommend yoga. A few years ago I was in a similar situation - I felt like I was always yelling and snapping at my daughter and husband. Since I started practicing yoga I feel much calmer.
Good luck!

You said her oldest is 4, which means she has younger kids, so my guess would be some type of hormonal/post partum depression. She needs professional help. Have her find one that is more on the natural side that will start with trying to balance her hormones. Accupuncture would probably help. There is a great one in Libertyville who specializes in women's issues as well. If you are not close to Libertyville, try to find one where you live.
Good luck.

Tell her to count to 10 before responding.
Read a self help book regarding Anger Management if she doesn't want to see a doctor.
Call her medical plan for a support group.
Then finally if none of these work......she should see a doctor. Explain to her she might be able to be prescribed some light medication that will help her contain her anger so it doesn't get out of control in regards to her children.

Accupuncture & herbal supplements along with some counseling...

Do you know if she has an iud in? I had a Mirena put in and the way you describe how she feels is exactly how I felt with it. I didn't related the two until about two years after I had it inserted. But once I figured it out and had it removed it was like I was wearing sunglasses and then they were removed. The world suddenly seemed a much brighter place.

If she doenst have one then my guess is it is hormonal. I know she doesn't want to see a doctor, but would she see a nutritionist? There's an excellent one in Orland Park and she can run several test to see if you are lacking in nutrients, enzymes, etc... Her name is Barbara Griffin. It typically takes about 2 months to get in to see her.

Good luck!

depression manifests as anger in MANY people.... tell her to get on some happy pills, her kids, husband and she will thank you when they start working! It's brain chemistry that makes us happy or not, some of us are just missing the right chemical balances.

Tell her if she was anemic she would take iron, if she was diabetic she would take insulin, if she had kidney disease she would take medicine to take care of that, if she had an infection she would take antibiotics - this is no different.

Maybe talking to a therapist could help her. He/she can help her understand that she is not alone in feeling this way and the way she feels does not make her a bad mother or person. The fact that she realizes she is having trouble & needs some help is actually a good sign and she should feel good about that! I know our society looks down on people who can't "do it all" but there really is nothing wrong with asking for help & she has no need to feel ashamed. Even just seeing a therapist a few times may make her feel better. She may not need medication and, even if she does, it will probably only be temporary. Anything she can do for herself that makes her feel calm and/or happy will be helpful too. I know how hard that is when you have young children but I really do think it is true that you have to take care of yourself if you are going to be able to take care of your family. There is no need for her to feel guilty for taking time for herself or taking care of herself because in the long run, that actually will help her family. Please let her know that she is not alone. She is very lucky to have a friend like you & I hope she finds some relief soon. I haven't read the other responses but I'm assuming they will be positive so maybe let her read those too. Sometimes just hearing that you aren't the only one can make you feel better.

She needs to see her doctor. Is she by any chance on the pill? Sometimes the pill can cause some huge depression, anger, reactions. She could also be in clinical dperession, it often manifests with saddness and or anger. There are tons of books out there but she needs to start with her doctor and get into counseling.
She already took the first and hardest step -- she sought help.

I just finished a wonderful book called The Healing Code. If she's open to it, might be great for her.

Good advice from other posts, and the best is: If she is sad and angry so much of the time, she needs professional help, which you can't give her.

You can help by talking to her (in a calm place, when she has time to really talk, and AWAY from her family, house, kids) about why she is so against seeing a doctor. Does she think it makes her look weak? Is she scared of what the doctor will find? Does she have a spouse who will see it as weak or shirking her "job" as a parent? Did she possibly have a bad experience with a doctor, maybe even a psychiatrist, at some earlier time? Did her own parents have anti-doctor, "just get through it" attitudes she absorbed when growing up? Is it an issue of just money? (You can get help paying for drugs through certain programs -- a friend on lots of psych. meds. did it and it was a blessing to her.) Gently help her probe WHY she is so against getting professional help and even offer to drive her to an appointment to see someone.

Do you know her husband well, if he's in the picture? How aware is he of her issues? Has she told him these feelings or just you? Would he be supportive of her getting help?

This is about much more than just yelling at the kids-- please show her that. If she's also generally just angry, and generally sad, not related every time directly to the kids' specific actions -- she needs to find out what is happening. You are a good friend to help her. Don't let her hide behind "I refuse meds, I refuse doctors" but show her you support her and will get her where she needs to be for help.

If her oldest is 4, she may be having an ongoing bout of postpartum depression, or simply a hormone (or even chemical) imbalance. She would need to go to the doctor to have her hormone levels tested, and her thyroids etc. as well. Especially if she feels angry all the time, it may be just hormones. Don't know how old she is but i have recently learned that women from 30s to menopausal age can have pre-menopause (not to be confused with perimenopause) which can cause these problems as well. always had considerable pms myself, but in the past few years was feeling something like "rage" in certain circumstances. I am now taking a progesterone cream during half the month and it's made such a huge difference - I feel like a different person!! The book I read was "What your doctor may not tell you about premenopause" - in addition to talking about progesterone cream, it also talks about dietary and other changes that can help. Good luck!