Am I a Bad Mom? - Perris,CA

I too get angsty about having a tidy house.

But it's all relative... look at it this way, if you are all out of the house at the park, no one is in there messing it up!

Get out there :) and pick up a pizza or some takeout on the way home. I know what you mean about making dinners every night, I feel a great obligation as well to present home-cooked, nutritious meals. And I enjoy the planning and cooking... but the clean-up, ugh! Every now and then, just grab a pizza. You'll feel so great when you throw the box out and that's all you have to do to clean up.

And those laid-back pizza nights will be great memories for the girls. It's ok to go off the routine once in awhile.

You are not a bad mom! I am a sahm for the most part and my kids don't see the park every day! I agree with the others-don't worry so much about keeping the house so clean. Tidy yes-clutter and filth drive me insane-but leave the deep cleaning for another time. Maybe hire a cleaning service to come in for the things that take a lot of time to do. Groupon and other sites like it often offer deals from cleaning services to help defray the cost.
HTH,
A.

Go to the park! The cleaning of the house can wait a day or so. Order pizza for dinner and just go crazy with the girls!

I look back and I'm glad I didn't keep a perfect house. But my kids were having fun and I wanted to be a part of the fun as well. We had a really big yard so the kids could play on the swings, the castle, little tykes car, the dog. Climb trees. It was great!

They are in college now and I have become a workaholic! Sigh!

Try to find a way to let the dust bunnies play for a while so you can play with your kids. :)

Oh, not a bad mom but you have to consider, when you look back in 20 years are you going to think about how clean your house is or how you wished you could have played with your kids?

You are not alone.
you are NOT a bad mom!

Hire someone to come in and clean the house. That will take a load off of you.
Tell your husband he needs to step up and start doing more within the family. I understand he works - I UNDERSTAND - but he is a husband and a father and this is something HE CHOSE - so he MUST participate in.

Make a menu for your meals in advance. This way - you will be able to plan better and not feel rushed.

You MUST make time for yourself. This means that your husband means to step up. Running off to the office everyday so he doesn't have to deal with family - that would NOT fly in my book.

Make a list of things you need to do every day.
Have the kids set their clothes out the night before.
If you make lunches for school and work - have your 11 year old help you and make as much as you can the night before.

There is more - but I think I will catch a bashing for my comments on your husband.

Hire a cleaning company.
Tell your husband to step up and get involved.
make lists.
make menus.
use Peapod or some other delivery company to deliver your groceries (you can use coupons) and you can shop on line and have them deliver to you. Saves you time and energy.

Forget the house....go to the park!!!

It's a choice. Clean house or park. God knows on days I go the park (definitely not every day) the house does not always get all the way cleaned: I don't care. Sometimes my kids need fresh air and exercise more than I need to clean. Although, in winter, we almost never go, and they don't die..The other day we had a random warm day- dropped everything and took the kids to the park for two hours. Nothing seemed more important with all the recent cold.

What's with the extreme pressure to keep a clean home? From your husband? Or yourself? No one (kids) will look back and be more grateful the house was always immaculate than if they look back at fun memories. SO make sure they're having fun for that amount of time, even if it's not at the park.

Ask yourself if you can compromise by swapping 30 minutes at the park once in a blue moon for a little less cleaning time. The 11 year old is old enough to help clean, and my 5 year old can now clean the kid's bedroom and toy room for me.

I think you can make this work if you feel it's important.

Take them to play on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.

Release the urge to have a spotless house or a perfect dinner. Children don't need that every single day. One quote I recently read was, “To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”
~Author Unknown~

And also, no you are not a bad mom, you are doing what you can. Set a weekly date night with your girls to just relax and go out... time with their family is more important than a perfect household. And you may find other fun things to do than just the park.

I agree that you will NEVER look back and be glad you kept your house clean despite work and 4 kids. You will look back and like most of us wonder how the kids grew up SO quickly! They will be out of the house and you will have lots of time to clean. It doesn't have to be the park, pick what you enjoy doing with them? crafts? games?

Do you play with the kids? Do you help with homework? I see you feed them a home cooked meal everynight. You bathe them and make sure they have a clean home and are healthy, correct? On top of this, you work to provide the other necessities in life? No guilt necessary. Make the park a Saturday or Sunday afternoon picnic a treat....once every month or every other month is fine!
I have a swingset in the backyard for nice days and a trampoline in the playroom (surrounded by a net) to let my 3 yr old let off a bit of energy. As long as they have some sort of activity they are fine.
I would say it was a problem if you put them in front of the TV while you did what you wanted but you sound like a great mom :-)

You are not a bad mom, but this sounds so final, as if you've decided that is what you will continue to do, not go. It obviously bothers you that you don't go, so just make time for it! Even if only once a month. It will shake that feeling in the back of your mind that you have about not going, and the kids will enjoy it.

I've got four girls, too: 8, 7, 4 and 3. It is CRAZY exhausting. BUT... you gotta have some play time. YOU will enjoy it, too! Playgrounds and parks can be loads of fun for parents, too. Let loose (coming from a VERY high-strung, strict, stretched, perfectionist-type, stressed out 99% of the time mom of high drama girls)!!! I gotta take my own advice as well!!!

The house does not need to be perfect. Nobody is judging you, and no one gets a trophy at the end, or has it noted on their tombstone, for having the cleanest house. The pressure you are feeling you are putting on yourself. What happens on the weekends? Do you feel there is no time then, or that's when you are doing more cleaning? What about simply having a cleaning service or cleaning person come in once a week or every 2 weeks to get the bulk of the work done? There's also no reason why your 11 year old cannot be expected to do 1 or 2 small tasks to help out once a week as well.

My philosophy is that a home should be clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. The dishes and dust bunnies can wait. Your kids won't be small forever.

Whenever I used to find myself getting into a "I'm too overloaded" rut when my daughter was little, I took some time to reassess the situation, and to remember why I wanted a child in the first place. NOT so that I could clean house, run errands, cook and slave endlessly, but so that I COULD enjoy experiencing the world again with a clear-eyed, innocent child. Boy, did that fix me up. My house wasn't always neat, meals were sometimes rushed, errands put off for another day. But I had such a blast raising my little girl!

I'm sure it has to be 4x harder with 4 children, but you had them with some clear dreams in mind, yes? Those dreams count more than almost anything – don't lose 'em!

Let the house be a little messier
Or move into a smaller one
Or work less hours and thus pay for less childcare
Or get your husband to cut his hours back
Make less appointments
Consolidate your errands

Take your kids to the park...
Before you know it they'll be growing up and not interested in going...

I have sacrificed money and live in a small (1340 sf) home with our 3 kids, so I can do things with them.
Hubby and I clean on the weekends together. During the week I just do the basic chores. I also care for my 3 kids (ages 9 months, 4 yo and 5 yo). My hubby works less hours usually. He is generally home by 6:30 at night.

That's my 2 cents.

Enjoy your kids and get a cleaning service! If you can't afford one, put the kids to work with some chores, hit the high spots and quit worrying about it. Remember the quote, "No one on her death bed ever wished she had spent more time cleaning house."

Dear Leila,

NO, you are definitely not a bad mom! You are a loving, caring, very busy mom with 4 children! I think you've described what a lot of us, myself included, feel frequently.

I know you've received many great responses and hope you will follow the very helpful suggestions the other moms have made. I just want to share one more thing with you and for all of the other moms who feel this way sometimes. It's a poem I read in Babytalk magazine about 7 years ago. I thought of the last lines frequently when I'd be rocking or nursing my baby while thinking of all of the things I needed to be doing around the house. It helped me to push those thoughts out and just enjoy being with my baby.

I found the poem again on the internet, and I'll share here:

Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

My baby will be 7 at the end of this month. There are days when I would just love to go back and have some of those early days again. I love every stage of parenting. Yet, when I see how fast 7 years have flown by, it's mind-boggling, and I wish I could slow things down just a little. I use this to remind myself to slow down and cherish each day.

Find a comfort zone you can live with where you can relax your standards just a bit (this coming from another genuine OCD gal). It does take some practice and a willingness to tolerate the discomfort that goes along with letting go of your usual routine and standards, but it can be done! Then, get out and enjoy your beautiful children!

Best wishes to you and your family!

J. F.

you are not a bad mom. you are an over-worked mom who needs to realize if the house doesn't get clean tomorrow you have every day to rectify that. you also need to realize kids don't care how clean is the house. they care about having fun, being around parents etc. if you both work full time do you think you can afford to set a 100 a month to have your house cleaned at least once a month. take them out. make it a routine.

How sad. You must make time for yourself. So many things we put on our "priority" list, really are not priorities. Like do you really have to dust so often? I mean, who cares if there is a layer of dust??? Why is your husband coming home so late? He should be there to help, especially since you too work full time. And your 11 yo is old enough to put dishes away from the dishwasher, wipe down counters/tables, throw in a load of laundry, etc. See if you can assign a few things that only your husband can do. For example, my husband does ALL the laundry. I haven't touched it in 4 years! And until our son took over trash duty, hubby took it out daily and too the cans down and back for pickup. So be honest with him and try to get some help from him and let several things go. Good luck!!!

Consider that you are teaching lifetime habits that your kids. So, which is more important--that they get outside and into nature (and exercise) or that they have a clean house? :)

Your 11yo and 5yo are very capable of helping with chores. And the 2yo can learn simple stuff, like starting to put away toys. And in return, they get to go outside and laugh and play with each other & see Mom smile & laugh with them. :) Win-win-win! :)

Hi Leila. I work full-time, and I have three very energetic boys (3, 5 & 6). I can't afford a cleaning service, but one of the best things I ever did was to buy a Roomba. Get a Roomba, and a Scooba, a dishwasher, and a dryer. There's half your work done. Relax a little about it too.

I also felt that I was not perhaps spending that quality time with the boys, as our lives are so busy. I set aside one afternoon/evening after work each week when I pick up the boys, and we all go to the pool together. We play and splash and swim together. It is wonderful quality time. Then we have showers at the pool - no need to do it at home, put on jammies, and get takeaway, or have very simple meals at home. There's usually no dinnertime mess to clean up, the showers are done.

How about you set aside some time like this for you and your girls?

Sigh... Really?

There are kids who don't get enough to eat, their parents beat them, there are homeless kids, etc. And you feel extremely sad because you don't take them to the park?

Leila, are you suffering from depression? You say you feel extreme pressure to keep your house clean. Have you talked to the doctor about that? That could be OCD.

If you did get the girls to the park, would that take care of everything? Or would you find something else to feel sad about?

I really think that there is something wrong that you are feeling like a bad mom. Talk to your doctor about this. Get some help. Compared to what some children go through with their parents, you live a distant dream from them. You should appreciate that about your situation AND about yourself.

Dawn

You are not a bad mom.

But...your kids will only be little once--- start by committing to take them to the park 1x or 2x a week. (take them after school or mid-day) It will make a HUGE difference in their lives and attitudes towards you. Best of luck to you!

M

I do not think you need to feel guilty about this. Not every child needs to go to the park. We are so spoiled in America and think we need the fairytale childhood for our kids. It doesn't exist. Do you have swings or climbing things/slide in your backyard? If not, maybe you can invest in that. It will fit your lifestyle better than going to a park. We live in the country. We seldom go to the park. We do other things that have meaning to us. It sounds like you have a full plate. And, you take care of very important tasks on a daily basis. If you have free time on the weekends and you feel that going to the park is important, then by all means go. But, do not be guilted into activities because somehow you think they are required to be a good mom. We don't do organized sports. We think that they would steal more important things from our family than they would provide. We aren't opposed to them for others, but for us, we think they are not a wise choice for our time. Society would make one think that they are required and that our children are missing out of a key event of childhood. It hasn't been our experience that they provide anything of lasting value that would necessitate the sacrifice of other things. Enjoy your routine and your daughters. Be the mom you are called to be, based on the needs of your husband and family, not based on some made up ideal. And lose the guilt. It is a drain you don't need. Blessings!

When you leave this world do you want to be remembered for having a clean house or spendng time with your kids?

You are not crazy - YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honey, we don't all have to love the park. I run a daycare and I do go to the park. But I don't go as often as the kids would like it. I fit in the outdoor stuff as often as I can stand it. I add in some playing in the tunnels at play places. I even bought a moonwalk that fits in my living room when I pull all the furniture back. I have taught the kids to walk on the treadmill, we pull the furniture back and dance, and we have a giddyup which is a mechanical horse to ride.

I really get BORED in the park.

Kids are funny though. They are okay with short trips. I live a block and a half from the park. I tell the kids sometimes that we will do 2 times down the slide and then we are going home. They are OKAY with that. 2 times turns into 4-5 each and we'll eat a snack at the picknic tables.

Other times I take the kids to the park and make them RUN. If I make them run for about 10 minutes, they are ready to go home LOL.

Do what you can and stop feeling guilty about it. You are not a bad mom.

Ditto what Leah M. said! We did the same thing she and her family did, and I tell you, you and your whole family will be a lot happier and healthier. It sounds like you and hubby may be working long grueling hours for all the wrong reasons. What good are the jobs if you're not home to enjoy the fruits of that labor with your children? It won't be long (another 7 years) and the 11 year old will be flying the coop. Sounds like a long time, but if you realize the 11-year-old has been on the planet longer than 5-years, you realize how fast that time flies. I guarantee you will miss those precious years with your kids and hubby.

The same goes for hubby. I'm sure he'd prefer being able to come home at a normal hour and get to spend time enjoying his home with fully alert and opened eyes instead of just a brief glimpse of the garage, living room, then bedroom before he collapses in bed only to wake and do it all over again. Not much fun having a 2500 sq foot that is dirty because it's collecting dust because no one is there except to have somewhere to sleep and eat at night.

This is not to say you are a bad mom or hubby is a bad dad. You both sound great. I just think somewhere along the line you both added way too many (and probably unnecessary) burdens to your life and now you're starting to lose out on the things that really matter.

Don't worry about not feeling like going to the park. Realistically, sounds like there is no way you or your husband could do it if you wanted to. But I do think you both should re-evaluate what is important to you.

A smaller house, less stressful jobs, even if it means a pay-cut and simple living may not sound appealing. But believe me, when you get the house cleaned in 10 mintues without breaking a sweat, the bills are easier to manage, everyone gets better sleep and quality time together, you'll feel like a millionaire. Better than that, you'll feel human and centered. Trust me.

You are not a bad mom I am in the same boat with work and cleaning and pregnancy and just all around feeling all of it is on me. Maybe if you take one day out of the month to say you know what the house can wait, it might bring you and your kids a little more "up". I had to do it with my almost four year old who always wants to go to the park. I felt so guilty always being busy. Now its OUR play date. I know there is so much to do and with work its only harder. Your kids will always know you care and you are trying your hardest. But like I said sometimes the house can wait for one day.

First of all you are not bad mom!!, you just have to much to at once. As a stay at home dad of 5 (16,14,11,7,5) i know what your going through. But i can tell you right no thatif you keep up going at this pace you will end up like me with a bad case of stress. My kids have one chore to do everyday and they can do a second one to earn to play the xbox or DS games. As far as house work not everything has be done everyday, do what really needs to be done( sweep,dishes,wipe down kitchen). Break the house work down to 2 or 3 things a night, you can do major house cleaning on your day off. Just remember that the kids come before the house, cause without the kids you wouldn't need a big house. In my life being a man my kids come before anything and my wife next. I found out that you got to make time for the kids, you want your kids to grow up and say wow my parents did a lot for me and always made time for me. They will remember, the house will not nor will it ever hug you, kiss you, or thank you for being so good to it!! Hope this helps and thats it wasn't to much.

Roger

Do they get any park time while you are at work?? or is the question about doing fun stuff with you. I would take a walk in my neighborhood if it was safe, That is quicker for me than the park, or go out in the back yard with them. If they want you, then make it easier on yourself and do it close to home. 15 mins is a good start.

If you're a bad mom, I guess that makes me one too. I have one child instead of 4 (kudos to you, its a wonder you have anxiety), I also work full time, my husband works double that (the joys of a new business) and a messy/dirty house drives me crazy. From personal experience I can tell you this helps a lot: I hired someone to clean my house every other week. I know you already have had responses to this effect, but I can tell you from experience it is a life quality saver! It saves my marriage (no more nagging the husband) and gives me some time to play with my little guy. This is what I think now - every time I have played with my son, would I trade that to clean? Nope! I know saying it is easier than doing, but just dive in and do it! You won't regret it and it is well worth the money.

Everyday I ask my self: Do I need to do this or does this just need to be done. The answer to the question what kind of time do I want to spend with my kids? The answer is always quality time. The answer to the question who should be having quality time with my kids is always me.

My daily questions include: Does this need me specifically? Can this be delegated? Can this wait? Does this need my opinion, my skills? Would it matter if it didn't happen now or if it was done by someone else? How can I make the Have To List easier. There are lots of ways to simplify. Get prepared meals from Trader Joes and prepare meals quickly. Cook big once a week and reheat for dinner. Make dinner with the kids so you are double dipping: quality time and getting the meal made. Hire someone to come once every week or two weeks to really clean. There is a cost to being employed, everything from wear-and-tear on the car, a higher tax bracket and keeping a wardrobe up-to-date and dry cleaned, hiring the help you need because you can't do it all, that's impossible. The question you have to ask yourself is: Is the expense of quality time with the kids worth the cost?

Do you send out your taxes or do it yourself? Do you press all your dress shirts or send them out? Do you garden and mow your yard? Do you grow all your own vegetables so you can supply your own food? Do you make your own clothing? Do you tune up your car? Do you change the oil in the car? These are things many folks will decide the time - money equation it is worth the money to let someone else deal with it. In our home, we choose to let our hard earned money buy us toilet scrubbing and deep cleaning by someone else, buying us time and the sanity with our family.

Choosing how you spend your money, helps determine the results of that money. Try thinking of time and energy in the same way you think of money, you have to budget it and prioritize how you spend it.

On days I can't break for a few hours, we play board games or do home science experiments (check out Kid Concoctions). It doesn't always need to be going to the park, rather finding a sacred place in time to make cherished memories.

Today is a Gift, that's why it is called The Present. Don't squander this precious gift you have been given.

Are your children watched in your home while you are at work? Because I have found the more I work, there is less opportunity for it to get dirty (even with my pets). Freeze some dinners, have hubby help out sometimes and don't sweat it.

Kid will remember that you took them to the park/zoo/circus, not that the house was sparkling clean. But honestly, mom, it sounds like you need to make some time for YOU. A Friday evening sitter while you go to book club or out to a wine tasting with friends, since hubby gets home late, is really okay once or twice a month :)

If worrying about whether you're a bad mom or not because you don't take your kids to the PARK is your worst worry... I envy you.

You shouldn't feel guilty abt. not taking them to the park. It sounds like you have a full plate and "yes" drained". Perhaps you could take them on a wknd. or even have someone you know around the age of 16, pay them to take them out for perhaps a half or 1hr. This gives yourself time for "me time". It need not be done everyday, perhaps once/ twice a wk. and again the weather. I am sure you also spend time with them while in the home. As well just for one day leave the house whether the beds are made or not (the work will still be there the next day) and just go on a whim. Its' hard taking 4 children out, dressing/undressing etc. that in itself can be draining for you. Just remember though that housework is non ending and a little fairy isnt' going to come in while your gone. When my children were younger (now grown) I used to just make time and leave something undone. Your home need not be picture perfect especially with 4 children. I worked full time driving City Bus, I would end my shift, my son played hockey which he had a ride to get there. However he always wanted mom/dad come and see him play. At the end of my shift I was baked. I would end up at the arena, still in uniform and sat and watched my son play his game for approx. 1hr. It gave him satisfaction knowing a family member was there applauding him on. Now as I am older, I am happy to say that "yes" I took the time and left housework or whatever and made my childrens' day. As you get older you sometimes' sit back and think abt. the younger years', asking yourself "was I there for them"? not just at home but on their turf playing baseball, hockey etc. and I have to say for the most of the time. Sometimes' we have to sit and think as we grow older, what if I hadn't done this/that? Children love the fact that their parents' watch them excel in whatever they love doing whether things dont' go right or not. As well children remember even though they are younger at the time just what amt. of time you did spend with them. We all love to have clean homes and be proud of what we have, remember though as years go by you will still be doing your normal housework but your children will be grown. I am by no means trying to make you feel bad, many parents' really dont' have time to do what they would like to with their children and you are definetly not alone there are so many. In the end though you dont' want to have to say as you grow older what if I had of done this/that? Would you feel really upset with yourself or would you be happy with what you already do with your children. Again this doesn't mean going to the park, if you are spending quality time with them in other areas' then you have full-filled them. They will always love you regardless, this seems to be the question that you are really putting out there. Your children will always love you and respect everything that you or your husband have done with them, gave to them. It is all a part of parenting. If you only had one child it would probably be so much easier however you dont'. As long as you are spending quality time with your children, these are the times' that they are going to remember. They aren't going to remember not going to the park. Remember, you are a wonderful mother, you are really doing everything on your own (I've been there) when my husband was gone all wk. It isn't easy at all. Someone may say to you "what" you dont' go to the park? Dont' get upset, you yourself know just how much time have been spent with your children, your home, work etc. Its' like being a Robot! Its' schedule,schedule,schedule. Those who do the asking are those who have either other family members' to lean on or a husband who has 8-4 jobs and they have that extra hand(s). You on the other hand do not. Your children will appreciate and love you always unconditionally, remember that. As I said you have your plate full and could probably use an extra plate. Guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are only one person and it pretty much sounds like your on your own other than maybe wknds. Dont' sit and judge yourself or dont' let others' judge you either, if you do it will make yourself feel worse with no need to feel that way. Anyone who says anything to you abt. the park or anything else dont' walk in your shoes' "YOU DO" You are a wonderful parent, an excellent mom and you should feel proud of yourself with all that you accomplish in a day. I wish you well and I have to hand it to you!!
Remember your love for your children and their love for you is unconditional and that will not change. Put a smile on your face, look in the mirror and tell yourself "I am a good parent" whenever you feel guilty for no reason to. Wear that ribbon, you deserve it!! By the way, your not crazy, its' the rest of the world, lol!!

its hard being a mom..we get overlooked for all that we do.

having a clean house is very important. could you take the kids to the park one day a week..just on thursdays. good luck. its sounds like a lot of us moms you have a lot on your plate. you are not a bad mom. just a mom with too much to do and not enough hours

You are not a bad mom at all! You are a hero for taking on all of the responsiblities you have, (4 girls and them all being so young!) I am a busy mom of one girl and find it difficult to do everything!!!!

Girl don't feel guilty.. I am a stay at home mom with only 2 kids, no yard, and a much smaller house and I don't take my kids to the park either. My reasons are much more selfish. I dont like the park:) you have to do what's right for you and your family. Just don't feel guilty:)

Seriously, stop worrting about the housework. Houseworf WILL ALWAYS BE THERE!!! ALWAYS!!! But your girls are growing up, and they grow up FAST! Soon they won't even want to go to the park with their mom, will be indepent, college, marriage, kids of their own. Don't let their childhood pass you buy becasue of cleaning!! :)

I'm in the same boat except I can't even keep the house clean! It's making me so upset

Offer your 11 year old a $1 to "babysit" at the park. Bring a magazine to read. For that hour they will not be destroying your house which will give you a break in the long run. I couldn't make time for it before but then got to the point that I realized I was just yelling and cleaning up back to back messes and I had to get the kids out of the house to save my sanity. I work from home which I say jokingly since I don't get much done from working in ten second intervals. We take Lunchables so the kids get a fun lunch and I have little prep or clean up. Plus the fresh air calms the savage beasts (all of us) and then they are tired enough to nap or play quietly without me feeling guilty for not entertaining them. Also, Once A Month Mom Cooking (www.OAMM.com) helps us a lot to save cooking/cleaning time. You are NOT a bad mom!!! Clearly you care a lot and work yourself to death. You may have to give up the clean house idea. I've changed my standards quite a bit and only do major cleaning and laundry one day a week. That's my day to enjoy a clean house and have company and I have to let the rest go.

Hon- no matter what we do, we can make ourselves feel guilty. On the way home from school today my son asked if we could do homework at the park. It was a great idea and less stressful than usual! Give yourself the gift to go. I often ask myself what I want my kids to remember- wonderful engaged time with us or...in your case, a clean home. It can wait, babies won't. Schedule an hour every 2 weeks or 1 week. You'll all begin looking forward to it!