Almost 7 Year Old Hitting Is with Constant Tamtrums HELP!

I know this may sound crazy, but have tried experimenting with diet? I work in the special needs field and you wouldn't believe the changes we see in kids when they get off artificial colors and flavors, preservatiaves, etc. and get onto a whole foods diet. Kids can react in total rages to things like Red Dye no. 5, sodium benzoate, etc. or even to gluten and casein if they are sensitive to those. It it totally worth giving an elimination diet a try.

Hi D., I think you're doing the right thing taking her off Paxil. Through personal experience with that medication, I can assure you that it's probaby contributing to her aggressive attitude. I tried it once and everyone, including myself, noticed a huge personality change (and I've never been an aggressive person at all!). I found that for me medications only masked what the real problem was and that learning coping skills was what I really needed. The help that your daughter needs may be different from mine, medication may be necessary for her, but I would recommend trying a therapy and nutrition options first and still definitely getting off the Paxil (and I think it may take a week or so for it to completly leave her system). I pray that you'll find the answers that you need.

My daughter was doing that at age 4. My daughter has bipolar disorder, anxiety attacks contantly, recently found out she has nonverbal learning disability, and borderline MR. My daughter has choked her friends before meds, thrown severe tempertantrums,etc. Sounds like you might need to discuss a mood stablizer for her. Let me know what happens and hope this was helpful.

Hi D.,
Something that can help is to keep a journal. What the child ate, how much sleep, and what triggered the emotional outburst and what the child did. Sometimes there are obvious connections to food but after keeping the journal for a few weeks show it to your child's doctor and ask for a referral to a good neuropsychiatrist if you haven't already. I would ask for a complete neuropsych work up and show your journal to the neuropsychiatrist. If you've already gone that route and there isn't any concrete diagnosis then I'd try a counselor that will teach you and the child coping strategies.
Good luck, I know how hard this can be!
S.

Hi D.,
I can feel your fustration.
I have a similar situation with a 5 year old ...who is quite aggressive and will fight back when being discipline. I have had a difficult time adjusting my attitude and responses to her constant crying and screaming. I believe mine is a serious case of jealousy (she has two siblings) and seeking attention, but with a very rude attitude. Her behaviour angers me so much.

Does your daughter behaves the same at school or with other care givers? Can you and your husband make any adjustment to how you respond to her tantrums? Try not to let her realize that her behaviour affects you. She will feed on that and it will just get worst. You may have already done this, but have a heart to heart talk with her. Its amazing how they see thing from their prospective and the messages they draw from our interactions with them.
Please separate you 3 year old and try to avoid her seeing this sort of behaviour and any disciplinary action you administer.

Again you are likely doing this already ...Focus on her behaviour so she understand that is what you disapprove of, not her,and do not use labels or talk about her in her presence. And from my book of error, try not to have both parents responding to the negative behaviour at the same time. She will feel attacked or question your love.
Try a kind of constant switching of the role of good cop /bad cop. But with the same message. (I'm learning this myself as both my husband and I are strict disciplinarian - it does work with some kids)

Try to highlight the positives, her good qualities and focus on than. Its easy to give more attention to the bad behaviour .. but like with anything in life, what you focus on/feed you'll get more of. And again please . . . no labels and do not tell her or have her feel anything is wrong with her.

Did she always have similar behaiour issues ?.... even before her sister was born? If no, I'd suggest that you reconsider and do away with responding with meds.

D.. all the best... I'll keep you in my prayers.
I feel your pain.
A..

Hi D.,

Although I do not like to suggest things that could be wrong with someones child. Your circumstances sound almost exact to a very good friend of mine. Almost to a T. Her son however has been placed in the Autistic Spectrum. Although not severe just a different type, the autism spectrum is wide. Her son is extremely smart and loving. Although he too hits uncontrollably, throws tantrums and doesn't know how to respond to discipline and he is a screamer. He also does not understand the reprocutions (not sure I spelled that right)of his actions. He tends not to feel pain like other children either. My friend has the patience of Saint and I don't know how she does it. I can put you in contact with her if you would like just to talk and compare. No pressure. She is very knowledgable on the subject and an advocate. Her son is 4 and she also has a set of 2 yr old twins.
I wish you luck and hope you find a simpler solution.

I would definitely get an neuropsych evaluation. I know other responders have mentioned "the Spectrum" and ADD/ADHD, but it may not be the case.

My 7.5 year old son has ADHD/ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) but I knew something was wrong since he was about 3. If you haven't felt in your gut for a while that something was wrong, it may not be.

A friend recommended a good book, which may be helpful - "The Explosive Child".

Is your daughter having difficulty at school? If so, you should request an evaluation there too.

Best wishes!
C.

D., my daughter is 9 and we've been fighting this since first grade, too. My daughter is very sweet yet she has major difficulty dealing with change, and she is a constant worrier. I'm sure that her vivid imagination doesn't help her deal with the worries. She started going to play therapy during the beginning of first grade and we found that it was sort of helpful, but her behavior was worse right after her sessions. We had her evaluated by her school in second grade (they did an excellent, very thorough job) and she has some processing issues and has ADHD. Now that she has become involved in swimming lessons year round and has something to be proud of and her school time seems to go smoother now that she has some help in her class, things have started to get smoother. I'm not sure medication would help - it can do funny things to growing kids and I think you're wise to get her off of it as soon as possible. I'm not quite sure where you live, but here's the info on the therapist our daughter went to: Elaine Lagasse, ###-###-####. I wish you luck an I will keep you and your family in our prayers - I know what a difficult time this can be. Hang in there - this will pass, somehow, some way!:)

Dear D.
Now I can assume it has been bad because you had to take her to the doctor, and I am in no way saying medication is ALWAYS bad...BUT speaking for myself, my son was quite similarly mis-behaved when he started kindegarten and then 1st grade, then 2nd grade, and started to be better but not perfect in the 3rd. Now in the 4th, he seems to have adjusted. The beginning of each year was much anxiety- real anxiety..that carried over to home, quick melt-downs, and came and went throughout the years. I myself had the same problem - chasing the car down the road in Londonderry NH when my mother dropped me off at 1st grade, hiding under the bed so I wouldn't have to go to school, crying, having heart palpitations in 4th grade when I didn't know my math answer. SO..suffice it to say I know where my son gets it. I never took meds and would honestly NEVER give my child meds for that reason unless it was so bad he was in the ER with fainting or chest pain..those drugs have as many side effects and ill-effects as their benefits. I am not a Doctor- but I have a BS in nursing and have always been wary of medicating kids. When I was a hyperactive-anxious kid, mo mother told me they wanted to put me on HALDOL! Imagine. I was treated with matter of fact discipline, love, reassurance, and patience and try to do the same for my son. It's sometimes exhausting, but I have to say at 4th grade..so far not one incident or crying meltdown in a week. Like me, he may be finally putting his coping-skills in order. My heartfelt advice is to lay off drugs and the cycle of their side-effects and waiting the 2 weeks trying one new one after amother and find ways to modify the bahavior and teach coping skills. Maybe a book from Barnes and Noble?

Anyways this was my experience and whenever someone has their child put on what I see given to my patients 10 times their age, I have to worry. Good luck and I wish you the best.

Dear D.,
I really feel for you. what a painful, stressful situation. you are clearly a great mom, committed to sticking by your daughter through it all. I'm a mom and I'm also a therapist with experience working with kids with mood disorders and with the various approaches to treatment (meds, talk therapy, etc.) and how effective they are. research shows that family psychotherapy is more effective than medication alone. I strongly suggest that you get your family into therapy, where you can talk together openly about problems and find solutions with the help of a supportive expert, so that you can all support your daughter and each other better. the safe expression of feelings, facilitation of enhanced communication and connection within relationships, and the skills and behavioral solutions that can be developed, are often more effective than meds and certainly more effective than meds alone. there are strategies for families to deal with these kinds of things, to help their child more, and to reduce stress, that an expert can really help with, so a family doesn't have to struggle to figure it out by themselves. without family therapy I would be surprised if medication would treat her adequately, and family therapy has shown to be the best treatment model in these kinds of cases. it may take a few tries to find the right therapist, one you really feel good with, but it's worth it! good luck!
best,
E.

The first thing I would do would to be to take a look at her diet. Could food allergies be contributing to these behaviors? Is she eating alot of processed foods? Does she eat alot of wheat, soy or dairy? Have you had her evaluated for ADHD/ADD? I know that it seems that all kids these days are being labeled with this BUT if you look at some of the alternative ways of dealing with it you might find some helpful answers. There is quite a bit of information concerning diet and ADD and it wouldn't hurt to try some of those things.

I would also start reading everything I could get my hands on regarding children and anxiety. There have got to be alternative ways of dealing with that besides putting her on meds. She's so young....

Hi D.,

I must admit I really don't know much about pediatric psych, but I've heard people can have bad reactions to the SSRI's (serotonin reuptake inhibitors) I've also heard that individuals with a predispostion to bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) can get a "manic" reaction if put on a SSRI instead of a mood stabilizer. You could question your psychiatrist about this. I'm sorry to hear your daughter is suffering so much may God bless your family.

J. L.

My heart goes out to you. I am a SAHM of 3, they're ages 4, almost 2, and almost 2 months old, but before my kids I worked as a play therapist with children. It's wonderful that you've taken her to see a psychiatrist, but in my opinion treating her with Meds at this point is simply a bandaid. Her symptoms suggest there is a much deeper issue going on. I suggest taking her to a qualified play therapist to see if they can help uncover the real issue that's causing her anxieties and behaviors, because it's clear something's going on that she's either unwilling or unable to verbalize. Once the true problem is discovered perhaps meds could then help, but through therapy she'll probably be able to conquer her fears and not need meds at all. But I can't stress to you enough how important it is to get to the bottom of this for all of your sakes. Good luck, all my best to you and I look forward to hearing how you're all doing.

D.-
I have read some of the responses. I think you are doing everything you should be. A psychiatrist is good, maybe try a different medication? Keep looking for answers with your pediatrician and psychiatrist. There definitly seems to be something else going on here. Talk more with the teachers in school and see how that behavior is. Also, watch the diet, certain foods can trigger behaviors, I know it sounds silly, but it is true. Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers tonight.
E.

I just wanted to send you a hug. It sounds like you are going through hell!

Also to second the note from Melinda and others about diet. My son used to act like a different child. We pinpointed that it was after eating fruit snacks. We did some research and found that red dye number 5 had been documented to cause behavioral problems. We eat a nearly 100% organic diet now and have never again had a problem.

Best of luck to you D.. I will keep you in my prayers.

It almost sounds like my 7 year old son. He was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 years ago. He was having constant tantrums that were lasting what seemed like forever and saying awful things too. He also is a very sweet boy but he just couldn't control his emotions. It was very stressful for the family. We had just had a new baby when the behavior started, but then it didn't subside like it should have. We tried everything from reward systems to 1-2-3 magic (which seemed to work a little bit) but nothing seemed to solve the problemm. That was when his Dr. suggested that he may have bipolar. We sarted him on meds and that was when he finally started to be able to get a hold on his emotions. It took a while to get the mix right but when we did, there was a major difference in his behavior. I hope this helped. Good luck!

A.

I may be completely off base, but I'm going to throw this out for what it may be worth. Take a good hard look at diet. I've made drastic changes in mine over the last few years (due to allergies), so when I have something that most people normally eat that is out of the norm for me, I really notice.

The last time I accidentally had something with red# 40 in it, I literally was not the same person for 2 days. I experienced an amazing amount of anger for no reason other than this food reaction. Start by eliminating all food dyes for a couple of weeks and see what happens. Once you start looking, you'll be amazed how many things it's really in! To put things in perspective, artificial colors come from petroleum and coal tar. Why would you eat it?! If you knew where artificial flavors came from, you probably wouldn't be consuming those either.....