My son has always been a horrible sleeper, but we had finally figured out a good routine by the time he was 1. When he turned 2, we went on vacation and he stopped breastfeeding (part of our nightly routine), and when we got home he would no longer sleep in his crib. We converted it to a toddler bed and slowly got him used to that. Took a few months, but he now accepts it and sleeps in it, except it takes at least an hour to get him to go to bed. He keeps getting up. We used to sit outside of his door (slowly moved from beside his bed to out there), but we are tired of it. He would still get up, and I can sit there for 30 minutes, leave, and a few minutes later he will come get me. Now we just go to our room and read or watch tv quietly, and then escort him back to his room over and over. We can't close his door (he freaks out, very violently), and we tried a baby gate in the doorway but that didn't work. He isn't scared to be in there alone anymore, we've tried music, I think he just doesn't want to go to bed. One other thing, my husband and I switch off every other night on this, I have thought about just one person doing it for a while, but it is horrible to do two nights in a row, I wouldn't want to do it longer. Any tips on what to do?
Thank you for all of the advice. For several nights now I have repeatedly put him back to bed, and although it does take from 5 to 10 times of escorting back, he does seem to get it. Last night he was even running back to his bed and getting in before I walked up to him. Every night he does finally give up and stay in bed and go to sleep, so hopefully it will take less time as we continue this. Although it still takes a while, it takes less time than before, and less frustration on my part, which is what I really wanted.
All I can think is that you just need to keep taking him back to his bed--over and over--til it "clicks" for him. Don't engage him, talk to him, etc. Just keep taking him back to bed.
I did the "sitting there" thing for awhile and I hated it!
Can you let him read a book while he is in bed? My son just turned 4 and he will get up after I put him to bed and play a bit or read before he goes to sleep. I used to fight him on it and that was no fun for anyone so I told him if he wants to play quietly or read after I leave the room he can but he has to be quiet and clean up whatever he used. I have been doing this with him for about 2 years now and it works for us. He is only up for about 20 minutes until he puts himself to bed. Its like he needs his own time to wind down. But I do close the door so I think that helps out some.
He is old enough to sooth himself to sleep. Be consistant and stick to your guns and keep putting him to bed if he gets up. I concur with Denise. If you give in you give him power and then he'll continue to manipulate. Obviously if he is ill, something scared him or a thunderstorm etc...that would be different.
Just keep taking him back to bed. Make sure you are not talking to him or giving him any attention of any kind--good or bad attention. He will get it eventually, but you have to be consistent and let him know that bedtime is not negotiable. Also, start bedtime an hour earlier if it takes this long for him to actually fall asleep. I think one person doing it might be a good idea, the most important thing is to give him no reaction or attention--he will get bored with this. Right now he probably feeds off your response, even if it is frustration. Even negative attention, is attention to a child.
Oh, and why didn't the gate work? If you have a good gate, it should keep him in. I would use a gate til he falls asleep and then take it down. I don't feel right about gating or closing a door to a bedroom during the night, as it seems like it would be a fire hazard. I wouldn't want to trap him in the room. Just make sure his room is babyproofed--if he throws a fit because the gate is up, then so be it. He might fall asleep on the floor for awhile, but that is fine. Don't move him to the bed or anything once asleep. He will get that his bed is more comfortable then throwing a tantrum on the floor.
Have you tried Calms Forte for Kids? It is a homeopathic remedy that naturally takes the edge off and helps kids relax enough to fall asleep. It is non addictive and very effective in helping my kids relax enough to calm their bodies and minds. We are Not Cry It Out Parents, nor sleep-punishers. He's two and he wants to be near the ones he loves. This is a moment where you are making a parenting style choice. How you approach this in part really sets the tone for your parenting the next stage of his life. Have you tried warm milk before bed, a lovey, a night light, soft music, a shirt of yours to be with him in his bed... there are lots of natural and nurturing ways to parent bedtime.
Here's a link about Calms Forte For Kids:
http://www.hylands.com/products/calms4kids.php
Remember this is a moment, a chapter, it will pass too soon.
Good Luck.
Why would he stop getting out of bed if there are absolutely no consequences if he doesn't? He is old enough now to do what he is told and if he doesn't, he needs a consequence. And the whole freaking out if you close the door thing is two year old speak for getting his way. For goodness sake, stop letting the two year old run the show. Talk with your husband and figure out a punishment you are comfortable with and that you think would be effective. A spanking, taking away a stuffed animal he likes to sleep with, loosing privileges the next day if he does not go to bed as asked the night before...the point is, you are the parents, he is the child so figure it out. Everything you have tried is a reward...try a consequence and see if he doesn't change his behavior.
Just what you are doing. Keep quietly taking him back to his room and tucking him back in. Eventually he will stay there. Does he have a stuffed animal/bed buddy with him. At that age DS would lay in his bed some nights talking to his buddy for a good 30-60 minutes before falling asleep. And some nights he was out in 15 seconds. I would not put up a gate - you want him to know that if there is 'an emergency' (sick, nightmare etc) that he can come to you. It won't be forever. It will just seem like it.
Here's a marvelously comprehensive website discussing family issues, with an overview of just about everything possible to do with sleep: http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sleep.htm
I've also heard that children who do not receive enough natural daylight or excercise during the day may have a reduced ability to sleep. Television late in the day also can contribute to this. The light from the screen is in the blue "daylight" end of the spectrum, and it interferes with the body's ability to self-regulate and produce melatonin, a natural brain hormone that induces sleepiness at night.
Hang in there. Some people, children and adult alike, just don't sleep easily or well, and your efforts may need to be continued for awhile yet. It's not their fault (I've never been a good sleeper, no matter what I do.) My grandson had a similar pattern, and at around 2-plus, his folks introduced a little jar with just a few marbles/pebbles in it. He'd get to choose a favorite breakfast item if he still had some increasing number of marbles in it when he woke up (starting with just one).
So every time he got out of bed, he was handed the jar and had to take a marble out of it. He could visibly watch his chances of bacon, pancakes or french toast diminish every time he popped out of bed, and he quickly began to see this as something that was within his control. His goals were easy to start (important for a young child) and increased every few days. After maybe two weeks, the getting up pattern was broken. He would still be given special breakfasts and much appreciation for his new ability to control his own behavior.
Another thing that might help is to find out whether anxieties about the dark, shadows, or physical separation from you are contributing. He might do well with a nightlight – perhaps let him choose a nice one (avoid light in the blue-green ranges, which can interfere with sleep).
Good luck, I think you're doing the right approach in general, and it may simply be a matter of time before your son realizes he will stay in bed and come up with his own strategies for dealing with the dark, restlessness, longing for parents, etc.
