Hi,
I have recently invited my sister and her 19 month old son to come and stay with us. At least until she gets back on her feet. My problem is I had no idea how agressive her 19 month old is. He well run up and scracth and bite my two year olds face. He throws these huge fits and screams if you try to redirect him. He has my poor son full of bruises,scrathes and bite marks. I have now made it so that they can't be in the same room unless I am sitting there. What can she do to make him learn that it is not ok to be so mean. My son is not mean or agressive and I don't want him to learn any of those mean actions. Just would like know if anyone has any advise as to what she could do?
This toddler has to be aggressively told not to do that (grab him, and yell don't do that in every instance). It will take time but it has to be done. He will grow out of it. Most of us have experienced a biting child. It has to be nipped in the bud. Hopefully your sister is leading and supporting you in your efforts.
I had a nephew like that. He was 2 years older than my daugher and for a couple of years, we shared the same home. It wasn't easy.
If your sister is open, I think it would be wise to discuss how the 2 of you can be consistent on discipline, positive reinforcement, etc. And, both act on it.
There are going to be times where she is in the room and you are not, and vice versa. So, you need permission from her to discipline him just as she would. And, in a calm manner of course. Being aggressive will only feed his aggression.
Unfortunately, I didn't have that communication w/my SIL or BIL and neither did my husband. So, I didn't feel I had permission to discipline my nephew and the 1st time I did, they were upset at me. Then, they wouldn't consistently discipline him. So, there was no consistency and he started to understand when he could get away with things and when he wouldn't. (kids are smart).
Good luck!
S.
Has he been raised in an abusive home? or does it seem more typical toddler behavior? What does your sister do?
In my opinion, if sister wasn't helping and really trying to fix this, they'd be gone! Do you think there is something going on emotionally with him?
I know two year olds can have temper tantrums, but he his out of control. I raised 3 sons. One of them was more aggressive than the others and would tried to bite when he didn't get his way, but consistency in discipline is the key. Have your sister (with you if she is to continue to stay in your house) decide on what should be done for an offense...time sitting in a small chair facing a wall (which of course would have to be monitored)...might be a suggestion. Any adult who sees behaviors should be able to put him in the chair and it should be done immediately telling him that hitting, bitting, scratching or whatever he is doing that is wrong is NOT acceptable. Set a timer and at the end of the timer ask him if he is ready to play nicely. If he says yes, let him go back to playing, but monitor closely to make sure he understands. It will be very time consuming and trying at first, but it should work. The adults have to be on the same "street" with this though and trust each other and the children should not be left along without one adult right there.
If this doesn't work I think you sister needs to discuss his problem with a professional. I would not let the child stay in the house if it continues and/or she doesn't work with you on the problem. You marriage and your younger son will suffer.
H.
