17 Month Old Daughter Who Is Starting to Have Anger Issues

Hi K.
Have you taken her for a check up lately? I would do that. 17 months seems late to me to not be walking or balancing.
As far the hitting and biting, you need to make a point that it is not okay. Don't be afraid to give her a swat on her behind to make your point. If she gets mad at that, repeat until you've made it clear it's not going to be tolerated. Do this without angry face or words. This is an act of love on your part because you're helping her learn what is and isn't good behavior. Defining and being consistent with good boundaries when they're very young will save you years of heartache.
God bless
S.

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my daughter was 18 months before she really walked on her own. dont listen to any one who tells you that your daughter is not normal or that she should be doing something that she is not. she is beautiful and perfect and will develop in her own time. as far as the hitting and biting, it is very common at this age. they get so frustrated because they have so much to tell you, and a limited vocabulary. when your daughter is upset, she can not say "mom, it makes me mad that you want me to eat that, it is not what i want." so she hits instead. let her know that it is not ok to do so, and move her on to another activity. she will outgrow this as her vocabulary lets her express herself more. hang in there, and remember that your daughter is perfect the way she is.

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I would say her hitting, slapping, biting is probably pretty developmentally appropriate. That's probably around when my daughter started hitting the terrible 2s. I did discipline her though. How else will she know that the behavior isn't acceptable? I started out just telling her in a stern voice not to do that, and we moved on to one minute time outs.

As far as walking, I looked it up just now, and it said that some perfectly normal kids don't walk until 16 or 17 months. If it goes past 17 months, then maybe you should just make her an appointment with her pediatrician just to make sure they think it's OK. I bet she'll start walking any day now.

See what your doctor says about her not walking, but our oldest was a really late walker too......and now we can't keep up with him:)
About hitting and stuff, our 15 months old just started doing the same thing, he was walking since he was 9 months so I am not sure if it's connected.We just tell him to be gental, that hands for hugs and not hitting......it will pass.....time outs at the age????Did not work with our first one.

Have you talked to your doc about her not walking?? She may have some developmental problems that need to be addressed. I had a friend whose daughter did not walk until she was 14 months old and then when she did walk she walked on her tip toes, long story short she had some muscles in her feet that didn't develope properly and she had to have surgery to correct the issue. As far as the hitting my doc has told me to be my daughter in time out for a minute her age. Sometimes it takes a hour to get her to stay for 2 mins, but she eventually gets it.

Does she talk? If her balance is really bad and she's hitting and slapping when frustrated, she may have an inner ear problem that's keeping her off balance and keeping her from learning to talk, so she's frustrated at not being able to communicate. It's unlikely, but possibly you might check it out. If she's talking, she's probably just a late walker.

ALWAYS use a consequence for hitting or biting. A good one for a child that size is to remove her from Mommy or Daddy and from whatever she wanted, so putting her in the crib for a short time is good. You can also back away from her or put her down and say NO in a very firm voice, then say Hitting (or biting) hurts, I'll play with you (or pick you up, or whatever) when you aren't hurting me. Never, never let her have what she wants when she hits or bites.

If she isn't walking in a couple of months, check with her doctor just to be sure nothing is going on, but it doesn't seem like anything to worry about yet.

I would be a little concerned about the walking thing. Have you talked to your pediatrician about it? These things can be corrected with in-home therapy from places like First Steps. I would check into that. I think she may be frustrated, but sometimes around 17mos kids just start the biting, etc. You will ahve to experiment with discipline to find what is most effective for her. My sister and her husband do a quick flick at the mouth of my nephew when he bites...he's 20 months. It doesn't hurt him, but he gets the message. Whatever you do, DON"T BITE BACK. That only teaches them to keep biting. Still at this age, removing them from teh situation is teh best thing. Pick a "naughty" step or chair and have them sit for one minute. Hope that helps.

I would check with your doctor to rule out any medical issues (maybe she has an inner ear issue, there might be exercises you can do to encourage balance in her mucsles - right now it sounds like the inner thigh might be tight and the outer stretched- swimming is a great way to let the body move with more equality). Next, I absolutely love the books The Happiest Baby on the Block and the next one, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I found them to be very helpful in dealing with my own response to my children, and in turn helping them deal with their emotions. ( : Good luck!

Most definitely repremand her when she shows this hostility. If you don't nip this in the bud now it will only get worse. As far as walking she will do it when she is ready. Try getting her a "GOOD QUALITY" high-top shoe or see a podiadtrist recommended by someone you trust.

Hello K.,

My daughter is having anger problems as well. She is 19 months and she will hit anything that comes close to her when she is mad. I have to stay calm (which can be hard) and come down to her and explain to her that hitting is not alouded. Now believe me when I say it to time. She still hits on a occasion but now when she does she stops and starts to rub what she hit and then she starts to say mommy and blowing me kisses. Just remember what ever disciple you choose to use to be consistent and you can not get mad. My daughter saw me hitting her hand when she did bad things and that is where she picked it up from. I hope all goes well and be strong. And do acknowledge her feeling but remind her that the way she is express it is in correct.

R.

I would first talk with you pediatrician.

I'm no psychologist but I wonder if she is communicating well? I know some kids act out when they get frusterated because they can't tell you want they want.

WE taught my son sign and haven't had a tantrum yet. He can clearly tell us what he wants. It might be something to look into.

One I would have her checked to see if there is a reason she isnt walking yet.It just might be she isnt ready..well she is and could be getting frustrated like you said but her mind isnt.If there is no reason for her not to be walking then keep helping her walk around..keep trying.As for the biting,hitting and slapping.Yes discipline her.Get that stopped now before it becomes worse.If you dont you will have a very spoiled little girl that expect to get everything her way no matter what...good luck..
S. B

My son would go through phases of slapping, hitting, and biting. We've always done time out. The rule of thumb is that your child gets one minute of time out for each year old they are (i.e. 1 years old = 1 minute). This always worked good for us.

I also found that my son would start the aggressive behavior when there was a lot of change going on. For example, when ever he started a new room at daycare, we'd always end up for aggressive behavior for a couple of weeks until he adjusted.

As for the walking, if it is a concern, I would contact your doctor. Sometimes some kids just need more time than others, but a call to the doctor can be very reassuring.

if she isn't waling by her 18 month check up ask the ped about it. but if she's pulling up and cruising, then she might just a slow to start walker...a lot of babies who are big, walk later. as far as the hitting/biting, etc...it's normal. when she does it, hold hands down and tell her firmly "no! we don't hit(or bite). that's not nice." then put her in time out on the couch, in a chair, in her crib, where ever you chose. it should last between 1 -2 minutes since she's a year and a 1/2. it'll take a little patience and consistancy, but she'll get the picture. it's a show of emotion/frustration in kids that age becuse they don't have the right vrebal skills yet. it doesn't actually mean she'll be agressive or a bully when she gets bigger. my daughter went through the same thing at about the same age, but we got though it and she's back to sweet normal self again.

If your daughter cannot even balance on her own at this point then yes, I would bring this up to your pedi. Before children walk they are able to balance themselves standing up. My daughter was a late walker as well-it took her until almost 16 months, but pediatricians usually start to take note at 18 months. She might be fine, and just a late bloomer, but by 18 months it is something you would want to check out just to make sure there are no other underlying conditions, you know?

Around that age is when my daughter was hitting too. I would take her hands and hold them in mine, make sure she was looking at me and say "No, we don't hit. Its not nice." In my *mom means business kiddo* voice ;). If its in response to frustration tell her its ok to be mad-you understand why she's mad even, but that she cant hit you/bite you for it. Its not going to catch on over night, but with consistency it should.

And to mention something that someone else did-how is her speech? If she's having trouble communicating, have you tried toddler/infant sign language? Toddlers love to immitate, so its not to late to try it. That gives small toddlers who cant communicate verbally the chance to, and can relieve some frustration for them.

As long as the dr doesn't seem to think there is a problem, I wouldn't worry about her not walking yet. Every child is different and grows at their own pace. Your next one will probably walk at 6 months. Strange how that happenes! The feet turning out is normal when they first begin to stand. They will change as her muscles get stronger. Just make sure your dr thinks she is fine with everything at her 18 month check up.

I have a 20 months old. They all hit and slap and bite. Just part of growing up. I just constantly say, "no don't do that. It hurts mommy." They learn by repetition. It gets old, but they do grow out it. Just be patient.

My grandbaby is 15 months old and not walking yet; however, until I (as an overbearing grandmother! lol) told my daughter-in-law to get her out of her planpen......she stayed in it a LOT during the day (OR in her highchair) so she never got a chance to learn walking. She is trying to walk now but has not mastered it by any means. Her doctor says not to worry about it. I'm telling you this just in case your baby stays in a playpen a lot, too. She also has started slapping and hitting things when she does not get her way. We just ignore it and it's getting a little better. (She used to bang her head against the back of the highchair but stopped when it did "not get our attention.")

Good luck with your daughter. She will be fine, I'm sure. (By-the-way, my daughter started walking at 9 months and my son was 15 months when he started. They are grown now and walk all the time with no problems. LOL)

I worked in the toddler room for a long time and i can tell you they are an angry little group of people lol. However in working in there I learned that they seemed to get most upset when they couldnt express what they wanted often b/c they cant talk well yet. so that is very common just help her to express what shes feeling say things like i know you are upset i took that away. help her find words to show whats wrong. as for the walking i didnt walk until i was 17 months old either. however with you saying she doesnt have balance i would worry about an inner ear problem. and the walking on the sides of here feet i would get checked out. good luck let us know how it goes!

K.,

First issue is the balance. Try seeing if you can get to an ENT. My son was not walking until he was 21 m/o, but did not get ear tubes until he was 20 m/o. The problem was with two different ear pressures causing a very dizzy son, unable to stand, walk, or be a normal almost 2 y/o.

Second issue if the control issues. When you try to show you are the parent and in charge it seems your daughter is trying to put you down below her. She wants to control you and is trying what she can to establish her dominance in the family. To combat this, continue to discipline consistently, but ensure you are rewarding consistently as well. All she wants is a special place in the family and will do whatever she can to gain control of the family. Let her in to the fun part while explaining the not so fun parts are still part of being a family. I recommend reading Parenting is Heart Work, you will not regret it, I assure you!

Hi K.,

It's such a big time of development that your daughter is going through. Kids this age are just getting going with their communication skills, and they haven't learned how to express their frustration in a way that helps. One thing that they did at my sons' daycare was to say "Use your words" everytime a child communicated in a way that was a problem (yelling, tantrum, hitting, etc). "Use your words" became my own mantra until my kids got through this phase.

Another thing that you could say, which they use in many schools, is "Hands are for helping, not hurting." If she hits you, tell her, "No, that hurts mommy. Hands are for helping, not hurting." When she's older you can try to get her to parrot that back to you if she hits. Eventually it will sink in. I agree with the other ladies that you should give her a consequence everytime. If you have a pack and play you could put her in for time out, that would be perfect. Just don't have a thing to do with her at all when she's in time out. And make her say "I'm sorry" for hitting after time out is done.

Because you are noticing a lack of balance in your daughter, I would really recommend that you have her seen by both your pediatrican to rule out a medical problem, and an Occcupational Therapist. If they say you have nothing to worry about, great. If there is something they can do to help your daughter with her development, even better. Lack of balance can cause some nasty falls, and heading that off is a smart idea. Maybe something as simple as getting her special shoes is all she needs. If there is a problem that needs to be addressed, now is better than later.

Good luck! All my best, D.

My son went through the same thing. We did time outs, one minute for however old they are so in your case it would be one minute......the trick is though if she gets up the minute starts over, its hard the first couple times but it works. and have you had her ears checked? I know your ears have something to do with your balance, does she have a lot of ear infetions, anyways i would tell your doctor you want her ears checked out and dont listen if he says that she will walk when she is ready, all doctors seem to have this wait it out method instead of checking for these problems b4 they get worse

I have a 19 month old little boy and he didn't start walking til he was 14 months old. At that point he was labeled a "late bloomer". If your daughter hasn't started walking yet at 17 months, I would definately ask your doctor. Girls are supposed to develop faster than boys anyway. About the anger issues, my son did the same thing. He would hit, bite, headbutt, just whatever he could think of. I would just ignore him when he did those things. I noticed that he would do it for attention, whether it was positive or negative. As long as I didn't react, he became uninterested and found other ways to deal. I also suggest, directing her attention toward something else when you take things away from her. Give her something else to play with. That works too. Good luck!!

Hi K.,

I don't know what the other mom's have posted, but if I were in your situation I would definately be concerned. A 17 month old should be walking by now. My son was having balance issues and it turned out to be an ear infection and we ended up having to have ear tubes put in. BUT, after all this was done he was a different child. Now I'm not saying that your daughter has an ear infection, I'm just saying I would be concerned and contact her pediatrician to see what he/she says. As far as the dicipline goes, you can't really dicipline a young toddler. I use the distraction method and it works perfectly. I tell him hitting is NOT nice and hurts. They will get it eventually, you just have to be persistant and not over react about anything. Hope this helps.

~H.

My grandson did the same thing at that age. Be4 she can make contact, take her hand and say NO. What she is doing is finding out what buttons of urs to push and how hard. When grandson kept on, a slight taste of a bar of soap ( when biting) stopped him. He was told it was soap so that when he bit again he was asked" do u want the soap?" This mite sound awful mean, but he doesnt bite anymore. He is 19 months old now.

Hi K.!
As far as anger issues-she's perfectly normal. It's called "terrible two's". Yep, she's right on target-it starts about 17, 18 months-and may continue till she's about 2 1/2. Be firm, stand your ground, win every battle. I know it's shocking to think and realize that your sweet little girl could be so mean to you and others, but it's a course of nature. One to be addressed now, it doesn't get any easier as she grows. As far as biting, sometimes the only way to stop it is to bite back. This may sound cruel, but your baby girl is just learning that if she does this, it gets a reaction. She is just developing her emotions (such as empathy). So, by biting back she will understand very quickly--Ouch! that hurts!-and stop it.
Just because you have said that her feet turn outward, I would encourage you to take her to a pediatric podiatrist. Sometimes, a child's hips are out of whack and they need to be corrected. I was born with one hip this way, and had to wear corrective shoes as a young child. I'm fine now, and I'm sure they have all kinds of different methods of correction now.
God Bless!

Please talk to your pediatrician about this. Her anger may be cause by frustration. Be consistent on redirecting aggressive behavior. Saying "No" and holding her hands. When she comes down you can give her a hug and tell her you love her (that helped my 2 year old).

Good luck,
S.