Advice on Toddler Tantrums and Behavior

H.,
I am a first time mommy too, and this is a good question. My twin nieces are 2 1/2 and are similar. I think you are right on track thinking he is taking the world in. I read somewhere that children tend to get independent at this age. My mom said I stopped nursing at 17 months and she felt the same saddness you describe.
I am curious about this too, I am sure I will be in your shoes very shortly.
Hang in there, you are his mommy and no one else can fill your shoes.
I hope some veteran moms can help you with some real advice.

My girls are 24 months. They began the tantrums a few months ago. They have easted quite a bit since. We started to put them in their room if a tantrum started. Wed set them in there and close the door. After about 5 minutes, they would be all better. We can say now that they will have to go to their room and they snap out of it. Also, we bend down to their level and talk quietly, and tell them that they must stop screaming and crying and we wont do what they want until they can talk calmly. It takes a while for them to understand but we now have an easier time. Good Luck

My easy-going, mild-mannered baby started tantrums around the same age as yours ... and they are still going strong at just-turned-three. Toddlers have trantrums for many reasons: sometimes it is that they have so many strong feelings and do not yet have the skills to manage them; but tantrums can also be used as a power play. When my son was your child's age, often talking to him about the problem and his feelings around it were enough. He learned to voice "I'm upset" or "I'm sad", and then I would help him explore these feelings and let him know the boundaries around these issues. Please don't cave into any demand around a tantrum ... that only teaches the toddler that he/she gets his way, and boy will you ever have non-ending tantrums then! We also have a place outside that we go to for tantrums, and he is not allowed back in the house until he calms down (like the previous person who suggested sending to the room).
As an aside: I have seen that the needier the family member is for our toddler's hugs, kisses and words of affection, the more likely he is to withhold them. It becomes another tool in the bid for power. If you can, try to make your understandable need for his outward affection less obvious. You know he loves you ... he proves it to you everyday!

Hi H.,
My girls are 5.5 and almost 3, so I've been through my fair share of major tantrums. What you've seen so far has been the calm before the storm (sorry =). Kids get SO much more talented at throwing tantrums after they turn 2. It's very normal - they feel the need to be more and more independent, but their verbal and physical skills don't yet match up to what their brain is telling them to do. So they get frustrated and throw a tantrum.

Tantrums are the child's way of expressing frustration - not even about what has JUST happened, but maybe a combination of many things.

With both of my daughters, what worked for me was to very calmly lead them (or carry them if they are in writhing-on-the-ground mode) into their room and tell them, "You can come out when you're done." Usually if they do not have an audience, the tantrum will play itself out faster. I've found that by focusing on or reacting to the tantrum, it makes the tantrum worse. Your child already feels out of control, and what they need is for you to be calm and in control of the situation. By giving them a safe place to have the tantrum (their room), and giving them permission to feel the way they do (although out of your immediate earshot), they will feel secure, yet still a little independent.

Take heart, as they approach 3 the tantrums decline quite a bit! =)

Hang in there and good luck.