Advice on Handling Separation

There are lots of variables: How long is this separation to last? Where will he be living? Where will the visitations take place? Will he be dating/Will you?

Your boys are so young... the 2 1/2 may notice and act out or not even notice at all. You need to set some parameters for yourself, the biggest factor here is Mommy's well being and state of mind.

Wow... My heart breaks for you. I am very sorry. Your request was short so I don't know how you're truly handling all of this. Your husband may need a little time to adjust to the little ones and his resonsibilites as a man/husband/provider for the family. Being a Christian and not wanting to see families divorce/separate, I would definitely encourage you both to seek counseling, together and separately, if willing. Having two young ones is a lot to handle and add to the mix when you were married for 4-5 years without children. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and have a 10 month old, it's been quite an adjustment (wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's an adjustment). Does he want a divorce, is he seeing someone else? Is he no longer in love? Or does he simply need a break, a moment to step back and see what he needs to do. He may be hearing stories from other men/people that are "living it up" and maybe he feels trapped because he has so many responsibilities. Don't give up so easily. If you don't have a church, maybe you can contact a local church for counseling or a family agency for a counselor in your area. As for the boys, I don't know...I wouldn't share too much with them too soon as you don't know where things will end up. I think you and your husband need to have some time to talk and think about what is going to happen. I pray that when he steps back and/or moves out he realizes what he's throwing away. Do you have family or friends that you could leave your boys with and take a night to talk, go to a hotel and get away from the house (reality) to talk about what's truly going on? I wish you the best of luck in this situation.

My husband and I went through the same thing at 7 years. Our kids were a little older though. It's going to be hard and confusing for them but just be honest and remember their ages you only have to tell them what a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old can understand. Good Luck!

I wish you all the best getting through this hard time. My husband and I hit a rough patch at the same point in our marriage and my boys were about the same ages. Counseling did help my husband and I work through our issues. I would recommend fielding questions from the boys as they ask them and then tell the truth. You may cause more anxiety if you try to explain things before they ask the questions. Be honest, and don't be afraid to say you don't know.

Let Him GO. You do not need a man who isn't strong enough to handle this "mid" life crisis. For God's sake you have two YOUNG children, and he is going to up and leave! I would change the locks, and file for divorce, WHO the hell does he think he is? He needs space? WTF? and you don't? You are a good mom! and you need a man who will be there FOR YOU ALL in the long run, & HE ISN'T IT. I am sorry if I sound harsh, BUT it angers me that a man just walks out on his family. Because he can. This a sign by the way, he is seeing someone else. He will say isn't, BUT he is. Another reason to kick him to the curb. Please take care, and be strong, you don't need him, nor do your sons need to be brought up in that type of environment where the man can just walk away from his responsiblities. They deserve better than that!

I hope my rant helps. Stay Strong.

K.

I would definitely bring up going into counseling. Even if he is not open to reconciliation, at least you both need to know h/t continue good communications and how you can make this not so painful for your kids. If it's just a selfish stage, then, hopefully, he will come around through the counseling. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. So, I would approach it from the standpoint: Let's do what is best for the kids and get all of us into counseling and learn h/t deal with this the best way possible. I really hope that he will come around and I'm glad you are extending lots of grace to him. If you believe in God, please start praying for him. There is a great book called: "The power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omartian. And she has another book called (something like): "Praying through the deeper issues of marriage". They are both excellent books and would make a difference in all four of your lives. Don't give up. My prayers are with your family.

I work for an organization called Marriage Works! Ohio and we offer relationship education and support to couples. We are not a counseling service, but we may be able to help. Please call ###-###-#### and ask if you can speak to a social worker or our licensed Marriage and Family therapist. At this time, most of our services are free. I hope you find the support you need through this difficult time.
N.

Hello K. W.:

I am a family law attorney. I think that you and your husband should try a family counselor to see if you can reconcile and help him work through his "selfish stage."
I have helped couples with temporary or permanent separation agreements They usually involve an agreement as to what schedule the children will follow to see both parents and the amount of child support that will be needed for the parent who has them most of the time. Parents also put in agreements how expenses will be paid. If you need the name of a family counselor or
other suggestions, my office number is ###-###-#### or my cellphone is ###-###-####.

S. M. Sexton
Attorney and Counselor at Law
8440 Station Street
Mentor, Ohio 44060

When my exhusband and I split we didn't have any kids. But we were very actively involved in the lives of my sister's 3 kids. We spent time with them almost every day, took them one at a time on weekends for one on one quality time, and stuff like that. It was harder on them than I thought it would be when we split. They cried and were very upset. So my sister and I sat them down and had a long talk with them. I explained to them that just because their uncle and I couldn't be together anymore didn't mean that either of us would ever stop loving them. They had unfortunately been present for a couple of arguements although I tried hard to make sure they didn't see them if I could help it. My ex is bipolar and would switch moods with no warnings. So they knew that we didn't get along sometimes. I explained that we both still love them very much and that he is still their uncle. They were sad but this helped. He has since moved out of state but still stays in touch with them when he is able to. Not as often as he or they would like but at least they still get to talk to him. When he comes home, he always goes out to their house to spend time with them. The dissolution has been final almost 2 years now. They are doing great, have accepted my boyfriend (though they don't call him uncle or anything like that) and love our baby very much. Time heals all wounds. Talk to your son, the 9 month old I don't think you have to worry too much. Just make sure that they know that Daddy loves them NO MATTER WHAT!!!!! Since you and your husband are friendly, have him sit down with you for this conversation. Make sure that your son knows it's ok to talk about how he's feeling about this. Though don't expect a whole lot at his age. My parents' split when I was 2. I don't remember much other than that they both seemed happier once they didn't live together. Kids are resiliant. Just be supportive. Good luck. Feel free to email me personally if you want, if you think there's anything I can add to help. It will get better.

I think that your Husband should talk to them, He's the one leaving, he should be the one that explains why, If he is a Man he should be able to talk to his own kids. You are going to have enough other things to deal with after he leaves.